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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 08-11-2011, 03:27 PM
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Default _|-Learning the Truth-|_

Learning the Truth

Note to Reader: I'll change the title later. Since it doesn't count as part of the grade and isn't talked about, doesn't matter right now ;) It is also SWC so I'll enter it later




“Well, what are you going to do now?” A small brown haired boy with large glasses asked me. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. I had just walked out of the Opelucid Gym and already I was swarmed with reporters and other Trainers asking what I was going to do next. Hell, I wasn’t even sure of that yet.

“Are you going to challenge the Unova Pokémon league?” A woman with short blue hair asked, putting in the microphone as close as she could. I had managed to take down eight gym leaders in under three weeks. Most people were amazed at this and calling me the ‘next champion’ of Unova. I wasn’t sure I would go that far, but I knew I was going to try. Right now I just wanted all these people to go away. I was never one to like being surrounded by people like the celebrities were. I did not know how they could put up with this. I guessed they didn’t like any privacy. Many stations were asking me to come on their show, but I haven’t responded to any of them. Right now my main goal was just to keep training.

“Can you tell us where you’re going next?” Another reporter asked. I knew if I told them they’d only follow me, so once more I just kept my mouth shut. Plus, I wasn’t quite sure where I’d be headed next anyways. I could feel a cold familiar chill go through my body as I stepped back into the gym. The gym was quite plain unlike other gyms. All the walls were a pale white color. He had up a couple of portraits of many Dragon Pokemon and one fossil near the end, but as for other decor, that was it. I guess it didn't matter much to me since I came here to battle. If I cared for that stuff, I would go to the Opelucid Museum.

“Golett?” A small bluish green robot called out. His two yellow eyes stared into mine as he waited for my instructions. The yellow swirl in the middle of his body began glowing white. The way it was pulsating always seemed to calm me down. I sometimes found myself staring at it for a long time.

“Yeah buddy, we got to get out of here.” I said agreeing with him.

“You can go out through the back; there isn’t anyone out that way.” A large man with a white beard said. “You did well in our battle. I hope to one day have another battle as great as that one was. Sincere Trainer, keep growing stronger!” That was something he always said to people who battled him.

“Thank you Drayden, this battle did show me what I need to work on,” I said, bowing to him. “I do hope we can battle again soon.”

“You never cease to amaze me, you’re definitely something new.” Drayden said. Then he walked out the front of the gym.

“Drayden, do you have any comments on the battle you had today?” I could hear a reporter asking. Judging by the squeaky sound of her voice I knew it was the short blue haired lady.

“All I will say is that Cameron is one extraordinary trainer.” He said, “This battle was like nothing I’ve had in a long while. More kids his age should strive to be like him.” I just grinned and ran towards the back exit. I pulled out my dark green jacket and threw it on. I covered my dark slate grey hair with my jacket and walked out. Golett went invisible, but I could still feel his presence right next to me.

“Golett, I think we should head over to Route 11 before we head to Route 10 and the Victory Road.” I said as we walked down Opelucid City. Many of the cities inhabitants were Dragon type Pokémon owners. The only Dragon Pokémon I owned was Hydreigon. I hadn’t seen too many of those throughout the region, especially in this area where I thought I’d at least see one. I just shrugged it off, the reason why wasn’t important. We were already five miles out of the city, traveling slow wasn’t an option for us, especially with people always stopping us for questions and such. However, if they wanted help with something, then of course I wouldn’t turn my back on them. When it came to helping people, my body tended to react before my brain and I sometimes took on more than I could handle.

Right now, all I could see was a bunch of trees swaying with the cool, crisp northern wind. It was always nice here this time of year, especially for training. The trees were more or less eight feet apart from each other so it made perfect training field to maneuver in. There weren't many clouds in the sky for the sun to hide behind. It it wasn't for that nice breeze, it would be a pretty hot day. The only thing that surprised me was the grass. It, unlike the green trees, was a bit brownish. I wasn't too sure why that was, but it just didn't fit.

“Gooolettt!” Golett cried as he made himself visible and distracting me from my train of though. He was pointing at some lady who was being attacked by a large brown, buffalo Pokémon with two large horns coming out of his afro hair. Its red eyes glared angrily at her for some reason. It lowered its head and scraped its feet on the ground as it saw me approach. It reared up on its back legs and it took a stance.

“Are you okay?” I asked the lady. I felt stupid asking questions like that, but I asked anyways.

“I-I’m fine,” she stammered. “Just a couple of scratches. Nothing too serious.”

“What happened?” I asked, moving between her and the Bouffalant. It wasn’t every day that a wild Pokémon attacks people out of the blue or without warning, especially this close to the city.

“I don’t know. It just attacked me.” She responded. I wasn’t sure whether to believe her or not, but I just nodded.

“Well, I’ll take care of this then.” I assured. “Golett, use Iron Defense. Use that to stand your ground and wrestle him a bit.” Golett nodded and moved forward. As he did, his body became outlined in light blue aura and the rest of his body gave off a metallic color that slowly powered up his defense. Bouffalant lunged forward with its head lowered to the ground. It took a hard swing at Golett with its horns, but the blue Automaton Pokemon caught them in his hands and slowly stopped the Bouffalant from his charge.

“Gooo-LETT!” Golett cried out as he swung his fist into Bouffalant’s stomach. The Bash Buffalo Pokémon placed a hoove on its stomach and the other on the ground. It had one eye closed, but glared at us with the other eye. He wasn't done yet. The large buffalo scraped his left foot on the ground, unearthing some of the brown grass and making a small dust cloud underneath him. Bouffalat charged at Golett again. We just seemed to anger him more. Bouffalant's head quickly turned purple. That was his Pursuit attack that he used. Golett didn't go down or even flinch at the attack, but I could tell it hurt him, he just didn't like to show it. I shook my head and took this opportunity to capture it. I reached into my blue backpack and pulled out a red and white sphere. I quickly tossed the ball at the Normal Pokémon, but to my surprise, the ball just hit its head and rolled off.


“This big guy has a Trainer.” I said, sounding a bit shocked. Before I could say anything else, the Bouffalant eye’s changed back to their normal yellow color and he appeared to be sad, then it took off into the forest. I looked back at the lady. She had long brunette hair that was a bit messy at the moment because of her scuffle with the Bouffalant. Her dark red blouse had a couple of tears and dirt marks, but everything else looked good. She was wearing black running shoes, which I found quite odd given the fact that it didn’t match her outfit at all. I ignored it though because it wasn’t any of my business.

“We’ll help you into town.” I quickly said after realizing I hadn’t said anything in a while and had been staring. She let out a small smile and nodded. I noticed she had a limp so I offered to help her by putting my arm around her. She accidently pinched my neck as she placed her arm around my neck, but I pretended not to notice. We slowly made our way back to the town. It took awhile but we finally encountered someone along the way with a vehicle and he helped us into town. I dropped her off at the Pokémon Center. I left Golett and three of my other Pokémon there as well to get fully healed up. Then I walked to a nearby hotel. I was surprisingly unnoticed, and I wanted it to stay that way for now.

I walked into the hotel and was immediately impressed with the atmosphere of the area. It was well lit with several hundreds of lights ranging from light blue to to a golden yellow. It was a waste of electricity in my opinion, but elegant looking nonetheless. In the center of the lobby was a crystal chandelier of a Chandelure, wasn’t too original, but it fit with the surrounding area. The walls were silky dark green drapes with gold lining on the edges.

“Welcome to Hotel Candlelight, can I help you Sir?” The receptionist behind the desk said. He had on the typical hotel uniform. The uniform consisted of a green button-up shirt with yellow outlining and green pants that were a little darker than the shirt. Their green hats were oddly shaped looking similar to a fedora but without the rimming and a bit slanted. His gold name plate had the words Fredrik inscribed into it.

“Uhh, yeah Fredrik, I’d like to check in.” I said, opening up my backpack to grab some money.

“Do you have a reservation?” He asked.

“I do not,” I stated, shaking my head.

“We’ll then Sir, I’ll check what-” He stopped mid-sentence, staring into my face.

“Is there a problem?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t make a scene. I looked around and didn’t see anyone looking over towards us. There were three small families and two couples in the lobby; it didn’t appear to be that busy here as I thought. Perhaps it was because most check-ins didn’t take place until three o’ clock.

“Aren’t you Cameron?” Fredrik asked, looking a bit shocked.

“No, I’m not.” I grumbled, there was no point in hiding it since he already knew.

“Oh my god, can I have your autograph?” He asked. I was a bit shocked that he asked, but I figured if it would keep him quite then I’d do it. I quickly signed some book he had and waited for my room.

“Thanks, I’ll score some major points with my girlfriend tonight.” He said. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I tried not to show it, but you could see the confusion on my face. I didn’t see how it would ‘get him any’, if it did, she’d surely be thinking about me instead of him. Yeah, I suppose that did sound a bit conceited.

“So, can I check in?” I asked, trying not to sound too impatient.

“Oh, yes Sir. Right away!” He said, pulling out a small rectangular card and handing it to me. “It’s on the house.” I quickly thanked him and headed up to my room. My room was pretty nice. It had a large glass window, which I would probably keep closed. The queen size mattress looked extremely comfotable, not to mention fancy with the golden bed drapes. The dark green walls looked nice, but I felt blue would look better since Chandelure was their mascot. The small Litwick candle by my bedside was already lit. It was giving off a vanilla smell that was quite relaxing for some reason. I was a bit exhausted from today and it was barely half over. I wasn’t even supposed to be in Opelucid anymore, yet here I was. I flipped on the television and hoped something good was on.

“We couldn’t get any words out of the Trainer himself, but Drayden had a few things to say.” The blue haired lady from early said. Then it went over to the front entrance of Opelucid Gym from earlier, repeating what the gym leader had said earlier.

“All I will say is that Cameron is one extraordinary trainer.” He said, “This battle was like nothing I’ve had in a long while. More kids his age should strive to be like him.” Then it flashed back to the blue haired reporter.

“We know Cameron sped through eight of the many gyms Unova has to offer. He did so in a short period time, seventeen days to be exact, with his family line though, that’s hardly a surprise.” I quickly raised the volume to hear what exactly they knew. I didn’t even know much of my family line, though that was because I didn’t care to look. However, since she was talking about it I decided to pay attention.

“Cameron comes from a long line of legendary Trainers, many which include Axel Ryker, Emit Ryker, Elisa Ryker, and of course, Cameron Ryker Sr. Not much is known on the whereabouts of these or the remaining members of the family.” I shut the television off, I wasn’t too interested anymore. I already knew that stuff and a little more. I had no idea where my ‘family’ was or why they left me, but it didn’t matter anymore, I had my own life. That involved what I called my real mother and father, even though they weren’t biological, they were there since the beginning unlike my ‘mother and father’.

I was about to fall asleep when I heard a soft knock on the door. I wasn’t sure if it was anything until the knock got a bit louder. I went over towards the door and looked through the peek whole. I didn’t see anyone there so I opened the door. I looked down the hallway, but it was surprisingly empty. I just shrugged and close the door. When I turned around a man in a dark blue three piece suit was standing in front of me. I jumped back, almost letting out a scream. He was a large, well built man around his early thirties. He was about five nine and at least one hundred and two hundred to two hundred and twenty pounds.

“Who are you and what do you want?” I asked curiously. “And how the hell did you get in here?” I only had Krookodile with me, and I was sure that’d be enough to take down this guy and whatever he was packing.

“Relax, I’m Agent Tyler from the E.P.I.C. division,” He began to explain.

“Epic division?” I repeated. “What kind of a crap lie is that? I’ve never even heard of that.”

“And chances are you never would have,” He stated, “E.P.I.C stands for Extraordinary Partners in Combat. We’re a special task force that deals with bigger threats such as terrorist or secret groups that pose a threat to society. We help maintain peace.” Something about what he was saying seemed off.

“Okay, so what do you want with me?” I asked. So far I didn’t believe a word he was saying.

“We’re here to offer you a position.” He said. “We’ve been monitoring your recent activity and are quite impressed. Before you decide, you should at least come to one of our training bases to see what we do. If you agree, that is where you will be spending a lot of your time.”

“Where is it located?” I asked suspiciously.

“I cannot disclose that information yet.” He quickly said.

“I-I have to go pick up my Pokémon.” I said, stammering a bit which caught me by surprise. I didn’t want to go with him, but I did want to see if this was all legit or not. I reached into my pocket, but I couldn’t feel Krookodile’s Pokéball. It just disappeared.

“Don’t worry about them; they’re already waiting for you at the base.” He said as he pulled out a Pokéball and tossed it in front of him. A bright light flashed before me and a tall, humanoid, fox resembling Pokémon stood before me. It was a light brown color with darker brown plates around his chest, knee, and wrist areas. In his hands he wielded two spoons that were slowly bending back and forth.

“Alakazam!” It said. I had never seen a Pokémon like it, but I had heard of it. It was an incredibly powerful Psychic Pokémon from what I read. I just nodded, waiting for him to teleport us away. They had my Pokémon, so I felt as if I didn’t have a choice. I saw a white flash and then a cold chill went down my body and I felt my body getting lighter and lighter.

I couldn’t see a thing, but I could feel my body being pulled by some force. I felt incredibly light, like a feather being blown on a windy day. I knew I had arrived when I could feel the full one hundred and thirty-five pounds back on my body, but I still couldn’t see anything.

Suddenly, everything went black and I couldn’t move my arms or legs. I could feel the restraints on both of my arms and legs and something over my mouth. I didn’t struggle since I knew it would be pointless. I could hear voices in the background, but I couldn’t recognize any of them except for one that sounded vaguely familiar. I just couldn’t put a face to it. I knew it was feminine, but that was about it.

“How did you get him without any witnesses? He didn’t fight back?” A more masculine voice said.

“It was simple.” The feminine voice said. “A tracker on his shirt led me to the hotel he was staying at. Then Buck went in and tricked him to come. He left his Pokémon at the Pokémon Center across the street; we have those on the second floor. Piece of cake.”

“It’s good that you got to him before the real E.P.I.C. team did.” The male voice said. “We’ve got three of their elites now; you’d think they would have a better grip on their robots.”

I was so confused. I had no idea where I was, no idea who they were, and no idea what they were talking about. One thing I did know for sure was that I was busting out of here. They might think they have all my Pokémon, but Golett would never go with anyone but me. I could feel him emerging from my body. I knew he had been with me this entire time, he entered my body in his ghost form moments before Alakazam teleported us away. I could always tell when he was entering my body. I could feel a cold chill when he did. It wasn’t a bad chill like the ones you get when something scary happens. In fact, it made me feel safe. Golett quickly and quietly unstrapped me and took the blind fold off.

“GRAB HIM!” The man called out. I was about to look over to him, but the person with the feminine voice caught my attention. It was the same lady from earlier, the one that I had helped to the Pokémon Center. I didn’t know why I couldn’t recognize her earlier. I was too distracted by her beauty to notice anything.

“You betch! Your leg looks fine,” I yelled out. I wanted to go over there and break it for real.

“You were so gullible. It was too easy.” She laughed mockingly. “That was my Bouffalant! He is quite the actor isn’t he?”

“Don’t try and run, this whole building is on lock down. There is no where you can escape to.” The man stated confidently.

“Ha, dumbasss,” I grinned and raised my left hand. Golett, back in my body, was about to phase me through the floor.

“I wouldn’t leave if I were you,” He grinned. “What about your Pokémon and friends?”
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Last edited by Bumblebee16; 08-13-2011 at 03:22 AM.
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Old 08-11-2011, 03:27 PM
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Default Re: _|-Learning the Truth-|_

“What the hell do you want with me?” I yelled out angrily. I had forgotten that they had taken my Pokémon as well. I was going to have a word with the Joy at that Pokémon Center when I got out of here. “Tell me where they are.”

“I will, after I get what I want.” He said.

“This bullshitting liar, he won’t do crap after he gets what he wants.” I said to Golett. Since he was in my body, he could also read my thoughts. “I’ll give myself up and then I want you find our friends, and then come back to me.”

“Ready to give up?” He said, continuing to grin.

“Yes.” I mumbled. I felt so helpless.

“Great! Guards? Take him to the cell with the others.” He said, snapping his fingers. Within seconds, two guards in complete black outfits came into the room. They weren’t packing any weapons, but I wasn’t going to try taking them out because I still had to find my other Pokémon. Before I could do anything, I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head and then everything went black.

-

When I came too, I was in a cell. It looked just like one in a criminal facility. It had a nasty looking toilet and the mattress was certainly uncomfortable. There were no windows at all, which made the small grey room look even more horrible that what it already was.

“It’s about time you wake up.” A voice said from the cell next to me on my left side. I could tell it was a male voice, and he sounded about my age, but that was all I could get from his voice.

“Yeah, we thought they disabled you or something.” A female voice said from the cell on my right. She also appeared to the same age.

“Disabled, what the hell are you talking about, and where am I?” I asked impatiently.

“You really don’t know? Weird, wonder why.” The girl said.

“Well, are you going to tell me?” I asked.

“Well. Basically this corporation has been tracking us for some time now. ” The male said. “They want to use us to start a war. If they get us, and somehow find the ability to control us, then they will be pretty much unstoppable.”

“What do you mean your kind?” I asked. I had no idea what he was talking about.

“Our kind, you’re part of us,” He began. “We’re a group of super advanced robots. We were designed for war purposes. We can adapt to our surroundings, use our Pokémon’s power, and pretty much win any battle thrown at us.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I said, clearly confused. Being in here must have made him crazy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if I were a robot I would know. I’ve had enough of this, I’m leaving.”

“That’s the thing. We were made so that people couldn’t tell us apart.” The girl said. “All of our body parts are made to look real, but they aren’t. When was the last time you got hurt? Or how about the last time you lost a battle?”

“I don’t lose often because I train,” I argued. “If you guys are supposed to be this advanced robot things, how did you get trapped here?”

“Yeah, they shouldn’t have been able to capture us, but somehow they have this device that stops our systems. Next thing we knew, we were lying down on the table blindfolded. We didn’t have any power in us to break free. They separated us from our Pokémon. Now we just have to wait and hope E.P.I.C. finds us.”

“E.P.I.C.? What is that?” I asked. I wondered if it was the same thing that the guy earlier mentioned. It had to be, but I just wanted to check with them.

“Extraordinary Partners In Combat. They are a team that works to take down all evil organizations such as this one. They work extremely well with Pokémon and like us, can hardly be beaten in battle. They are the ones that created us. They will find us.” He said.

“Yeah, well I’m not waiting for your fantasy team to come rescue you.” I said as I felt Golett enter my body.

“Located them.” Golett replied through telepathy.

“Okay, see you later crazies.” I said as my body went though the bars.

“How did you get him past them?” He said, a bit surprised. “They know all your Pokémon, there is no way they would have left you in there if they knew all your Pokémon weren’t accounted for.”

“Because they have his Pokeball, and he was in there, but he came out moments before we arrived here.” I said.

“Well, see? You are using his power to go through the bars. People can’t just use their Ghost type Pokémon to go through stuff.” He said.

“Yeah they can. If you want me to get you out then shut the flip up already. I do not believe anything you say.”

“I would prove it to you here, but right now we need to get out of here as quietly and quickly as possible. Bring your Golett over here.” I nodded towards the small Automaton Pokémon. We both walked over towards the guy. When I saw him, I saw that I was right. He was a kid about my age. He had dark brownish hair and a blue jumpsuit.

Golett extended his arm so the guy could grab it. He quickly grabbed his arm and went through the metal bars. I walked over to the girl, who had the same outfit on, but with blonde hair and Golett did the same thing.

“I’m Crystal!” She said, happy that she was out.

“I’m Rex, and I know where they are keeping the Pokémon,” He said as he began to move.

“So does Golett, I had him look for them while I was unconscious.” I stated. Golett led the way. We went about two hundred and fifty feet before Golett began pointing at the ground. “It looks like they’re keeping the Pokémon on the floor directly below us.”

“Okay Golett, blast through the floor.” Rex said impatiently.

“What the hell! We’re not giving our location away yet,” I argued.

“All we need to do is reach our Pokémon, then, with their power combined with ours, we can blast our way out.” Crystal said.

“Yeah, we can magnify their power tenfold at least if we wanted too.” Rex added.

“No, if we bust through the floor, guards will certainly surround us instantly. How will we get out?” I asked.

“Damnit, I don’t have time for this.” Rex growled. He grabbed Golett’s arm roughly.

“Let him go, damnit.” I yelled out. I was about to punch him square in the face as hard as I could when I saw his arm turn blue, exactly like Golett’s arm. He raised it and smashed it on the ground. I heard small cracks and then the floor gave in, pulling us under. Surprisingly, I didn’t get hurt when I slammed into the ground, or even when Golett’s incredibly hard body fell on me. If what they were saying was true, how did I get knocked out earlier? I didn’t have time to think on that too much. Our Pokémon were sitting in a small incubator-like machine. Golett quickly broke the glass and I grabbed my Pokéballs. Rex and Crystal did the same.

Rex tossed a dark red Pokéball in front of him. A large Volcarona emerged from the sphere. Her four small feet stretched out, as did her six leaf-like orange colored wings. I had always admired those Pokémon. Crystal did the same, releasing a beautiful sea serpent. Her cream colored body sparkled like diamonds. Her long, thin red eyebrows were sagging besides the thicker, red-colored hair-like fins that were coming down from the sides of her head. Her blue and pink scaled tail swiveled back and forth as she moved around Crystal.

Within seconds of grabbing the balls, a loud alarm went off. Rex and Crystal immediately placed a hand on each of their Pokémon and a blue and red pulse shot out of the Pokémon and flowed into their hands.

Two guards came into the room. Rex raised his hand and a stream of flames shot out and engulfed the two guards, killing them instantly.

“We’ve got to go now.” He called out, raising his left hand and facing it towards the wall. He placed his right hand on Volcarona’s body. I could see a red wave of energy flow from the giant moth into his body. I guess he was just trying to prove to me that what he was saying was true. I didn’t see any other reason for him to do it; he could just have his Pokémon do that. He blasted a hole into the wall and motioned for us to follow him through.

I did believe what he was saying now. I believed everything except for the part about me. If he was a robot, and I was just like him, why the hell wouldn’t I know about it? Certainly a robot couldn’t have a brain or real organs. Thinking about it, I did remember feeling a small pinch when that lady tricked me into helping her. I just didn’t remember whether or not it hurt. I couldn’t even remember when the last time I got hurt was. If he was right, then why couldn’t I remember anything, and why couldn’t I use any of my other Pokémon’s moves? Yeah, I could go through things, but only when Golett was touching me. I couldn’t remember one time when I went through anything without Golett’s help.

“So,” The lady with the Bouffalant said, distracting me from my thoughts. “You managed to escape your cell. Shame, you’ll just be going back.” She tossed a black Pokéball in front of her. A small black cloud came out, then the large buffalo from earlier appeared. His eyes were red again, which meant she was in full control of him. “Okay Bouffalant, use Headbutt.”

Golett quickly moved in front of me to stop the attack. I placed my left hand on Golett’s shoulder. I waited to see if any pulses would flow into my body the way it did with Crystal and Rex, but nothing. Bouffalant, however, still went straight through us and crashed into the wall. His horn got stuck on the blue wall, but he just yanked it off, as well as a piece of the wall.

“Use Hidden Power, then hit it with Giga Impact.” She called out. Bouffalant quickly formed several dark colored orbs around his body. He fired them one after the other, each pelting Golett. Bouffalant then charged at the blue robot. The buffalo’s body began to glow a white and orange. It was like basketball, except orange and white. The beast slammed into Golett hard, sending him flying back a few feet. I was quite shocked. Giga Impact was a Normal type move, which usually had affect on Ghost type Pokémon like Golett. I wasn’t sure what went wrong, or how that happened, but I knew it was going to happen again. I saw Bouffalant recharging. I was going to have Golett attack while the Afro Pokémon was disabled, but Golett was still pulling himself together from the last attack. It probably took him by surprise too. The Automaton Pokémon rose to his feet, preparing himself for the next attack.

“Use Leer now, then finish it with Head Charge.” The buffalo had recharged more quickly than I had expected. Bouffalant began charging towards Golett again, this time his red eyes glowed menacingly and Golett. The small blue robot froze in fear. The Bash Buffalo’s afro began glowing red as he closed in on the Ghost/Ground type Pokémon. I couldn’t let Golett get hurt anymore. I reached down to snap him back, but when I touched him, a brown pulse went through his body and into mine. My entire arm turned blue and hard like Goletts’. I raised my arm and slammed it hard on the buffalo’s glowing head. That sent it flying back towards the lady. I heard a sickening crack followed by a loud scream. Bouffalant had landed on her leg and broke it. It was ironic because the last time I fought this Bouffalant she was faking her leg being hurt.

“Karma is a ***** isn’t it?” I said laughing. I felt sort of bad, but I sure as hell wasn’t helping her again. I walked over towards the Normal and placed my hand on his head. It felt incredibly fluffy, like a pillow. Bouffalant groaned and opened his eyes and I saw that they were once again yellow. He slowly got up back on his four feet.

“Hey, I can get you out of this shithole if you come with me.” I offered. I was just going to release him back to his home which was somewhere near Route 10. He looked at me for a few seconds then nodded. I remembered we first encountered Bouffalant around Route 10, that lady must have captured him unwillingly from his home somehow. “Let’s get out of here quickly!” I said, wondering why no other guards were coming in.

“Cameron, hurry up,” Rex shouted from the hall. I ran into the hallway and saw several guards already knocked out, but several more coming our way. I looked over towards Bouffalant and Golett who were following close behind me, and then I shifted my eyes over towards Rex and Crystal.

“How are we getting out of here?” I asked. I wasn’t quite sure we could blast our way out of here. I didn’t know how many guards they had in this place. It couldn’t be many since I couldn’t see any more coming our way.

“I’ve already contacted E.P.I.C., they are locking in to our coordinates.” Rex informed.

“What the hell, why couldn’t you do that earlier?” I yelled out.

“I didn’t, my Pokémon did. Obviously I had to get to them first.” He said. “Mindbender, my Gardevoir sent out the signal. She could teleport us out on normal circumstances, but they did something to her. She could only teleport us one at a time, which would take too long. Besides, it will be better if we stuck together than if we teleported one by one.”

“Elisa and Cameron are eager to see you when we reach base.” Crystal said. “I bet you’re happy to see your parents after so long.”

“They are there?” I asked.

“They pretty much run it, there is a lot you don’t know about yourself. Or what exactly happened to you.” Rex said.

“You know, I have some training I need to do.” I said, turning towards Bouffalant, holding a Pokéball close to him. “Do you want to come with me? At least until we reach Route 10?” I asked. The Bash Buffalo didn’t pause for a second. With his left horn, he pressed the center of the Pokéballs. A red light sucked him in and sealed shut without any trouble. I turned and placed my right hand on Golett’s shoulder. “I’ll take a rain check. Hypno, take us out of here.” From my pocket, a bright light flashed and a large yellow and white Pokémon emerged. He wielded a small pendulum that swayed back and forth. I didn’t wait for Rex and Crystal to say anything. Hypno flashed twice, and in an instant we were gone.

When everything cleared up, we were back in my hotel room. Part of me wanted to believe it was all a dream, but with Bouffalant’s Pokéball in my pocket, I knew it wasn’t. I knew E.P.I.C. and the other corporation would try finding me. If I wanted to continue training and going on to beat the Elite Four, I was going to have to train somewhere that they couldn’t find me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see my so called real family. Now that I knew they were alive, I wasn’t sure how I felt.

Once I got to Route 10, I released Bouffalant from the Pokéball I had him in. I waited to see if he wanted to either come with me, or go back home. On the same note, I had to see whether I would pay E.P.I.C. a visit or not.
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Last edited by Bumblebee16; 08-13-2011 at 03:14 AM.
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Old 08-11-2011, 03:29 PM
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Default Re: _|-Learning the Truth-|_

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ready for Grading:

Pokemon Attempted: Bouffalant

30k to 50k Character Range

Character Count (Without Spaces): 30,514+

Character Count (With Spaces): 24,746+

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Old 08-11-2011, 03:31 PM
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Default Re: _|-Learning the Truth-|_

heyhey.
claimed. [;
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Old 08-13-2011, 05:17 PM
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Default Re: _|-Learning the Truth-|_

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buoyysel View Post
heyhey.
claimed. [;
Okay, I guess I'll post this since you redacted it from the SWC.

Bumblebee - Learning the Truth.
Introduction: I didn't have much trouble deciphering what your introduction exactly was, which is a plus in itself. It basically introduced our main character (Cameron) and what he had done in the Unova region thus far - beaten eight gyms and gained himself a reputation, so on and so forth. However, it wasn't much to pull the reader into the story, I think. There's not a hook, per se, so the story doesn't grab the reader's attention at first - usually a better way is to maybe use some kind of mysterious first sentence instead of a question that throws us straight into the middle of a story - we feel like we've missed something if this kind of thing is written, so perhaps a different method of an introduction is in order for the story. I'm not entirely sure.

What else was missing from your story is a hint at the conflict of the story - we don't get a feel that your story's going to have any tension, maybe it's just about a tale of how someone rose to fame or something similar. We don't feel that the story is going to have much conflict apart from the unanswered question of what Cameron'll do next. We also have missing a certain location - we know from a bit later in that we're in Unova, but only because Drayden is mentioned. We might not know that Drayden is a Gym Leader of Unova, so you should say if they're in a certain place. Also, if we've established that we're in Unova, where exactly in Unova are we? We see that Opelucid City is where they are, but only because you've mentioned Cameron and his Golett walking down the street later on in the story. An introduction introduces a lot of things, and with missing crucial parts we feel that we've been thrown into a story taking part in nowhere.

Also, little things like grammatical errors and your presentation of the story can influence if a reader wants to read it or not - if you proofread, then you have some chance that grammatical errors won't pop up - or, at any rate, there will only be unnoticeable ones - and then the reader will find a story much more appealing. The same goes for your font - I think that perhaps when writing a story, you should leave it to the default font of the forums so that it can be read much more clearly and so people won't get frustrated about how small or how unclear it looks. Sometimes little things like that can hurt peoples' brains. }:

Plot: Lemme summarise this quickly - sorry for doing it: Cameron is a famous person who doesn't like to be bothered, and one day is sought out by an organisation called E.P.I.C. who wants to recruit him. Oh, wait, they're not really the true E.P.I.C. but actually a group of super-advanced robots who want world domination! Hey, something semi-original, which is nice. The story moved a bit too fast for my taste, though. It would have been moved a bit slower had you done something like split up the various parts of the story with asterisks, as having all of your story together can make it seem jumbled up sometimes, and also can give it a rushed quality which the story has in several places throughout.

However, I did find your characters to be a redeeming quality of the story - Cameron, Golett and the super-advanced robots were all given great personalities which helped to further the story on, and they didn't seem like dull mannequins who were just performing a series of actions to form a tale. Also, there were many plot twists along the way - Cameron had no family; he was supposed to know what the E.P.I.C. imposters were talking about, hinting at a whole subplot; there are a few more, but mentioning them won't help you get the point. Plot twists are great in your story, so use them to your advantage and to drive the plot onwards. Additionally, I found that you made some great interpretations regarding the Pokémon world - Golett had a whole new range of special abilities revealed through your story. He could step inside Cameron's body to grant him his powers, he could turn invisible and much more.

I found the story a good read all in all, most things considered, but there were a few weird things, like the random introductions to new characters a lot of the time. I personally felt that the story was a bit disjointed, but you did have various redeeming qualities in the story, such as subplots and certain twists which made for more interesting reading.

Grammar/spelling: Just to start this off, I'd like to say that Golett is the 'Automaton' Pokémon, not the 'Automation' Pokémon. That's just me being nitpicky, though.

Grammar is a thing you seem to have a few problems with, so we'll go through it to see if you can fix these. Firstly, usage of commas - you don't use them in the right places, or rather, enough of the places that they should be used. You have some dependent clauses standing on their own without a comma to join them to another dependent clause or an independent clause. A dependent clause is an incomplete thought - a sentence or phrase that can't stand on its own so it's necessary to use a comma to join it to another incomplete thought (dependent) or a complete thought (independent). We'll use some examples from your story to help.

Quote:
I said, sounding a bit shocked.
A comma is necessary here due to the fact that 'sounding a bit shocked' cannot be left in a sentence on its own seeing that 'sounding' is a present participle of a verb and shouldn't be starting a sentence or being in a sentence on its own unless there is something to join it to, thus it is never supposed to be on its own.
There's a few other examples like that, so maybe you should try reading through the story again to see if you can spot where the commas should go - a general rule of thumb is that if a sentence sounds better with a short pause somewhere in it, then a comma should go where you think that pause was. By the way, whenever there are two independent clauses in one sentence, you should either use a colon if the last independent clause is describing or modifying a previous one, a conjunction word such as 'and' or 'because' if one is caused by the other, or a semi-colon if the two are closely related. Anyhoo, moving on, we have a small issue with the hyphenation of some things. 'Brown-haired', 'well-built' - things like those should have hyphens. Watch out for those in the future.

There's also like a more stylistic error, but all the same should be brought to your attention.

Quote:
You never cease to amaze me
Many stations have been trying
I found quite odd given the fact that
looking similar to
We help maintain peace
I cannot disclose
All of these are known as 'complex expressions' (see italics) and maybe should be avoided if you think they should. Replacing complex expressions with simpler words help readers get a better grasp of what you're trying to put across.

Also, dialogue - we'll just quickly go over it. We have two different kinds of dialogue. One, when the character is described as speaking, and the other is when the character is doing something after the speech is written but it is not explicitly speaking. We use a comma before closing speech for the first, but a full stop when closing speech for the second. You use a full stop for all of these, which isn't exactly an acceptable thing unless the sentence is ending with the dialogue.

Also, if '!' or '?' are used at the end of a dialogue, the pronoun of the person/thing who is speaking is not capitalised unless it is a proper noun.

Detail/description: I haven't got many qualms here - you have a good grasp of description, except that I'd like to ask for a better description of surroundings - the smells they bring, how it sounds but more importantly how they look. We get next to no description for a lot of the surroundings that make up your story. We only get the description of things like the Pokémon and people who are featured, although I'd like to ask you to flesh those parts of your story out more as well - how did their voices sound? Did they have any particular odour to them? Did they look like __? Questions like these being answered in a descriptive way can bring your characters to life further.

I don't exactly have much to say on how to improve the description other than what I have said.

Battle: There wasn't really much of a battle featured in your story at all - the one that did, I just have to say, didn't last long. There was a bit of an unresolved issue in that the Bouffalant that had attacked did not do any real damage - if she was really attacked by a large Pokémon, she would probably have been hospitalised, not ruffled up just a bit. Also, I find it a bit hard to believe that the battle was so one-sided. The Golett simply stood in front of the Bouffalant, punched him and then that was that. It didn't really make for a good battle, but I suppose that can't really be changed and it might actually have a legitimate explanation in that if the Golett has been a part of Cameron's team and helped him defeat all those Gym Leaders, then perhaps he could overpower a Bouffalant easily, although I don't really know.

Length: Mreh.

Outcome: I'm sorry to do this, but I'm going to have to say that Bouffalant is not captured for the time being. I'd like you to fix up your grammar, especially the usage of commas and dialogue. I also want you to add in description about the surroundings - I don't mind so much about the characters, as they're described to an acceptable degree. However, I would like to say that your plot is great, especially the twists and characters included in the story, as well as your grasp of description regarding characters. Keep up the good work in those areas, but fix the ones that I've said. [;
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Old 08-13-2011, 05:19 PM
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Default Re: _|-Learning the Truth-|_

Regrade:

This is gonna be short. You fixed most of what I asked you to do, but I guess I can excuse the grammar seeing as you've fixed half of it - I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt this time along because I feel nice today. I still feel that your grammar is super borderline, so I was on two minds. But shrug... Bouffalant captured.
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Old 08-19-2011, 02:48 PM
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Don't really see how the grammar is 'super borderline' since you only pointed out like two or three things, but okay. I already explained all the stuff you missed in the grade so thanks for grading ;)
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