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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 04-03-2011, 06:31 AM
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Default The Dewott That Could

I got the idea of using Pokemon as the main characters after reading a wonderful webcomic called Random Doom. I also based the setting, a Ranch in the Trainer's hometown, on this series. The end is also based on this little comic: Rare Candy Treatment.

When I first started to write this, I had predicted at my Target Pokemon would be Hard at max. So if any of the details seem forced, or if something doesn't quite flow very well, then that's why. I had to go through and add lots of stuff because my plot was weak... So yeah.

This will be a series of stories. Originally, I was going to focus on Pokemon like my Espeon and Furret. But then I completely fell in love with Gen V, so it's going to focus on my Gen V Pokemon.
Another important fact is that if the Pokemon is mentioned in this story and all ones following it, that Pokemon is in my SoulSilver and/or Black games. Pokemon like my Espeon, Furret and Infernape are my Level 100 Pokemon.


Title;; The Dewott That Could
Target;; Drilbur
Ideal Range;; 30,000 to 40,000 characters
Actual Characters (without spaces);; 30,153
Actual Characters (with spaces);; 36568
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  #2  
Old 04-03-2011, 06:43 AM
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Default Re: The Dewott That Could


The gentle crackle of the fire wouldn’t have woken the sleeping beauty if the door hadn’t opened with a slam, rattling the strong but worn walls of the ranch. A burst of arctic air tickled the pastel violet feline’s nose and a sneeze erupted from her slender muzzle.

“Bless you, Essie!” a voice that was oh so familiar to the Espeon called brightly. With a kick, the large wooden door slammed shut again.

With a grin on her delicate face, Esmeralda the Espeon stood up and stretched before walking across the wooden floor to meet her Trainer again. She stopped in her tracks when she saw her Trainer’s newest Pokémon.

He was unfamiliar to her, a species she had never seen before. Only a few inches taller than her, this foreign stranger was mostly blue with thick calves adorned with two razor sharp shells. This Pokémon was keeping close to their Trainer, a girl in her mid twenties named Lexi Woods.

“Essie, Essie! Come over here and meet River,” Lexi said with a bright smile on her face. Warily, Esmeralda obliged. River looked at her with a rather smug expression, as if an Espeon was nothing compared to him.

Hello, Essie, the blue faced, whiskered Pokémon said in an unusual a
accent that the violet cat couldn’t place.

It’s Esmeralda, the Espeon replied sharply. And same to you.

Lexi looked simply delighted after her two Pokémon nodded their heads at each other and turned their attention to her. The brown-haired Pokémon Trainer even clapped her hands together. “Professor Juniper gave me him in Nuvema Town. I think you would like her, Essie. She’s very nice,” Lexi started, rapidly firing off a description of her journey in Unova. “River is a Dewott. He evolved from an Oshawott on our way over here. He was so much cuter as an Oshawott, but he is way stronger now, aren’t you, River?”

River nodded as he jumped up onto the table and started to rummage through Lexi’s backpack.

“Oh right! I can’t believe I almost forgot. Essie? Could you go find Elias and ... Micky. If Flames isn’t too far away, could you bring him too? I need them here. Oh! Take River too, okay? After all, this is his home now too! Introduce him to some Pokémon and whatnot, ‘kay sweetie?” Lexi rambled easily, her words slurring together as her speech gained speed. Esmeralda had to strain her large ears just to keep up.

Lexi, of Alexandria Eloise Woods, rambled quite often, so the Espeon was used to being confused and overwhelmed easily. But Esmeralda loved her Trainer like few Pokémon could love a human. The young adult was quirky (as easily observed from the amount of ribbons on her blue summer dress, the hiking boots and the silly crown on top of her head), confident (it takes more than just skill and friendship to beat four champion leagues) and imaginative.

The Pokémon Trainer, born in Celadon City, was a kind Trainer. All of her Pokémon adored her, even the ones that sat around in the Pokémon Ranch and rarely batted. She made each one feel loved, even when she was away.

Currently traveling through Unova, Lexi was a talented and learned Pokémon Trainer, having journeyed through Kanto, Hoenn, Johto and Sinnoh in the past eight years. Her childish behavior has thrown most off, though, and people have been quite surprised when she battles with expertise and skill, trusting her Pokémon through and through.

The sleek Eeveelution nodded her head to her Trainer once her commands had been given and turned to River the Dewott. Come on, she said shortly before giving a wave of her forked tail and trotted out of the ranchhouse through a doggie door in a snow-covered garden.

River followed her, as soon as they were out of sight of their trainer, grumbled angrily. “Why do I have to follow you?” he mumbled, slightly under his breath as he didn’t expect to be heard by Esmeralda’s large and sensitive ears.

The Sun Pokémon turned on a dime, her pupil-less eyes glowing scarlet. “You must follow me because Lexi knows that you need to get familiar with the ranch.”

River snorted. “Why on earth would I need to do that? Lexi will be taking me through Unova. We will be defeating the Pokémon League there,” he replied sharply. “I have no need whatsoever to ‘get familiar’ with this ranch.”

Her tail lashing violently, Esmeralda let out a snarl. “All of Lexi’s old champions come here. I, for one, helped her beat the Silver League in the Johto Region.”

“So? I’m her starter Pokémon!”

“Same with Micky, Flames, Barrett and Elias. Whenever Lexi goes to a new region, she picks a new starter Pokémon and doesn’t take any of her other Pokémon with her. You aren’t that special.”

River raised his chin indignantly. “I bet I could beat any of them,” he snapped.

“Well too bad, because Lexi wants to talk to three of them and Barrett has never been too fond of fighting. Besides, you’d have to get permission from Elias to have a play fight.” Esmeralda turned her back on the Dewott once again and continued to walk done a stone path to enter the wonderfully large and white garden that she so fondly called her home.

Almost immediately Esmeralda spotted the powerful and tall Infernape that the Pokémon of the ranch called one of their two leaders. Elias smiled when he saw Esmeralda and lumbered over to the Sun Pokémon from his favorite spot – under a Payapa Tree.

“Good afternoon, Ess,” he said calmly, giving a monkey-like grin to his friend and teammate. “I was just about to head inside. This snow is really testing my flames.”

The fire ape then peered at River, curiosity etched on his face. “And who are you? Lexi’s newest starter?”

River nodded, taking a large breath as he puffed out his chest to make himself look taller. “Name’s River,” he said, “from Unova.”

“I’m Elias, from the Sinnoh region. Head of Lexi’s Pokémon Ranch,” he said with a slight nod of his red, white and brown head.

“Oh, Elias,” Esmeralda said, stepping lightly in front of River, who looked as though he wanted to attack Elias to prove his strength. “Lexi wants you inside. You and Micky.”

“Micky is by the pond; I can get her for you, if you want,” Elias offered before River managed to speak up.

“Could I have a battle with you?” The Dewott’s eyes shone with the need to prove himself to the much larger and experienced Pokémon.

“Weren’t you listening? Lexi wants me. But you can certainly battle the other head. Esmeralda will take you to him,” the Infernape said with a smile and a wink at the Espeon. “Good luck, River.”

The otter-like Pokémon grinned at Elias before the Flame Pokémon disappeared around a bend and behind snow-draped trees.

“Take me to the other leader!” River growled, turning back to the sleek-furred Espeon.

“Alright, alright,” Esmeralda said with a sigh, sweeping the light layer of snow on the ground with her tail as she turned around. “He tends to hang out in Lexi’s Battle Hut.”

“She has a Battle Hut?” River said in awe, looking back at the ranch.

“Her boyfriend, William, made it. He’s a builder and an engineer. I think he’s also traveling in Unova. Or maybe he went back to the Kanto region to visit his parents… Who knows, with that guy,” Esmeralda mused, walking at a steady pace along a path that lead to the Battle Hut.

With a silent Dewott following her, Esmeralda walked pasted her other teammates and friends. A Furret and Linoone were playing the snow, completely carefree. When the Espeon passed them, the Furret waved his tail frantically.

“Hi Essie!” he called with a bright grin on his face and a warm light in his teal eyes. The Linoone wasn’t as cheerful, but she did give a kind smile.

“Good afternoon, Eddy!” Esmeralda replied with a smile. “Hello, Mango.” Her voice mollified as she addressed the Linoone, for the Rushing Pokémon had never been comfortable around other Pokémon.

The two tan and brown Pokémon went back to playing in the snow, though Mango kept her sky colored eyes on the violet feline as the pair continued to head for the Battle Hut.



The Battle Hut is a rather magnificent building, especially since it was built by Lexi’s boyfriend, Will. The building itself was very large; big enough to hold not only hold most of Lexi’s Pokémon, but to hold Will’s as well. It sported a battle arena that could be easily rearranged by the Pokémon to sport different terrains and a nursery where Lexi and Will kept the Eggs of their Pokémon along with the babies of their groups.

Will’s house was connected to the back through a hallway and frequently visited the arena to practice his battling. His younger sister, Caitlin, lived with him and trained her Pokémon in the Battle Hut as well.

As Pokémon go, River was the most fascinated with the round-ceilinged building out of every outsider that ever set foot in there. Heads turned at the smell, sound and sight of the newcomer.

A gray-whiskered Raichu lumbered over to the Dewott, his brown and yellow face showing confusion.

“Who might you be?” he asked.

Esmeralda responded with a sweep of her graceful tail over her paws and a slight strain across the Raichu’s shoulder. “Holden, this is River, Lexi’s newest starter Pokémon,” she meowed. “Elias has given him permission to challenge the other leader.”

Holden the Raichu’s eyes narrowed suspiciously for a moment before his frown turned into a mischievous grin. “Are you sure about that, son? I have to warn you, both of our leaders are extremely tough.”

“I can handle it,” River replied stoutly.

The Espeon gave a stifled giggle before she looked up again, her pupilless eyes brightening when a petite umber colored furball raced across the hardwood floor. “Lukey!”

“Momma!” the Eevee called back, looking positively delighted. The Evolution Pokémon Tackled his mother, sending the beautiful Espeon crashing into the wall behind her.

“You have been training, haven’t you?” Esmeralda huffed when she got up, her son wagging his bushy tail at her.

“Yep, yep! Dad’s been helping me with my Tackle attack!” he barked happily.

She licked the dirt of her shoulder with a smile before returning to her son. “I can tell. Where is your father, anyways?”

“Helping Helios improve his Fire Fang attack.”

River looked at the Eevee suspiciously. “This is your… son?”

“Yes. Lucas, this is River, Lexi’s newest Pokémon. River, this is my son, Lucas,” she said with pride in her voice.

“Uh, nice to meet you,” River replied hesitantly with a slight nod of his head. “So, when can I battle this famed other leader?”

With the attention being diverted to the actual storyline, Lucas sat behind his mother, purring like a Persian in the sunlight.

Holden stepped forward from his previous spot, where he had admired the scene with amusement. “Are you looking to challenge yourself, River?” he asked, his lightning shaped tail acting as a cane as he leaned against it. The old Pokémon had been Lexi’s first catch in the Kanto region, and now acts as an Elder amongst the Ranch.

“I think he’s looking to prove himself,” Esmeralda said softly.

The Raichu grinned before he started to waddle over to the large battle arena in the center of the Battle Hut. “Then you don’t get to know anything about your opponent until you are about to face him on the battle field. Get out there, little guy.”

Holden took a tremendous leap up to a small platform attached to a pillar. Pokémon of all shapes and sizes looked up, their eyes on the abnormally small Raichu.

“A battle is about to begin—“ Holden was cut off by loud murmurs from Lexi’s Pokémon, the loudest being that of a beautiful and aged Houndoom.

“Is someone challenging Elias?” she barked in an oddly soothing voice.

“Not exactly, Noire. Our Trainer’s newest Pokémon, River the Dewott, would like to challenge one of the leaders of this Ranch,” the Raichu explained. “And since Elias is busy, he will be battling our other leader.”

The Houndoom narrowed her eyes and rested her chin on her paws, giving a smoky sigh.

“Alright, River!” Holden bellowed. “Step onto your place in the arena!”

The Dewott took no seconds for doubt and raced right up onto the stage. His beady eyes blazed with anticipation as he scanned over the gathering crowd, waiting for his opponent.

“And now, my love,” the Raichu began, “please step onto your place on the stage.”

Esmeralda dipped her head courteously and stepped on the risen stage.

With his eyes wide and his mouth hanging, River gaped at the Espeon. “What? But… you can’t be that strong!”

There was a roar of laughter from the audience. Many of them have had practice battles against the violet feline, and very few of them won.

Holden laughed as well before shooting a thin bolt of lightning at a light in the center of the Battle Hut. The battle began.

Esmeralda’s fur coat changed from violet to bright blue, filling the arena with its glow. The feline dodged the first set of attacks by the Dewott using the Future Sight, though its power still lingered on Esmeralda’s fur. River’s Fury Cutter hit air instead.

But River was quick thinking, and spun around to fire a Pulse of cold Water at Esmeralda. She flew backwards, hitting one of the many boulders that covered the battlefield. River pumped his paw into the air before grabbing one the shells that was attached to his legs and threw it at the Espeon.

A Psychic attack easily stopped the beige shell from hitting its target by reversing River’s intended boomerang motion so that it hit the Dewott square in the face.

The sound of the audience’s laughter filled the Battle Hut and brought a blush to River’s face, especially when he saw that a certain Teddiursa was gazing at him with a smile on her brown cheeks.

Esmeralda took this as an opportunity to prepare for her own Hidden Power, a powerful attack that looks like a sphere with bolts of lightning clashing on the inside. The sphere got bigger and bigger in the seconds it took for the Dewott to collect himself and face his opponent.

The Hidden Power bolted at River, who took the Electric attack with a smile on his face.

The attack stirred up a cloud of dust, which a Pidgeot in the crowd quickly blew away with her powerful wings.

But River was not there.

Instead, a smashed rock sat in his place and the skinny blue otter was running – full speed – at Esmeralda with his shells growing beetle-green. She didn’t even have the time to prepare a Substitute like River had.

With stilled silence, the crowd looked on. Never had any of them seen such cleverness used against the beautiful Esmeralda.

She hadn’t given up yet, though. Not even after the bladed shells, embedded with River’s Fury Cutter, sliced her pale fur and matted it with deep crimson blood. Instead, a wall of Light Screen was set up around her, protecting her from her opponent as she used the sun’s rays to heal. Luck was on River’s side, however, as the dusty clouds from the fight were obscuring most of the sunlight from view.

There were some perks to being Esmeralda, though. For most Pokémon, breaking through a Light Screen or Reflect is relatively easy. Yet River did not know the power that the Espeon had, a power that only one other Pokémon on the Ranch possessed, and he was long gone.

Esmeralda’s Light Screen was combined and molded with a powerful Protect, leaving Esmeralda safe inside her fortress. This left River at a huge disadvantage, because he was trying to break the force field around the Psychic type using his Fury Cutter shells. Each one bounced right back at him, much to his dismay and the crowd’s amusement.

The crows fell silent, though, when the Dewott’s sleek blue fur began to glow the color of the sky. Esmeralda’s Protect/Light Screen combo was fading, so she was able to watch her predicted attack do its intended damage.

Pain prickled through River’s body like needles, shining the color of the morning sky. Many Pokémon in the audiences shuddered, as they, too, had been on the receiving end of Esmeralda’s Future Sight attack.

The Dewott didn’t handle the pain well, and was gasping for breath and relief as he squirmed on the dusty floor.
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  #3  
Old 04-03-2011, 06:50 AM
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Default Re: The Dewott That Could


Holden raised a large pink and yellow flag and the glow on River’s fur subsided. The crowd cheered and a few Pokémon, such as a dark-toned Flareon and a bright yellow Ampharos, ran up to congratulate their friend.

When River had the strength to stand up again, he saw the weathered Raichu looking down at him with a grin, along with a few other Pokémon. “You fought well for someone so young. Few have ever beaten our dear Essie, you know.”

With his eyes trembling and on the verge of tears, River looked away. “I lost to her. She’s such a tiny and weak looking Pokémon!”

“Never judge your opponent on looks, or even personality or age. You put up quite a fight, River. With a little more training, you just might be able to win against her,” Holden replied kindly.

“Who else has beaten her?” River grumbled, looking away from the rest of the Pokémon.

“Just three Pokémon have beaten her, and one tie. Ace beat her pretty easily, though he’s been dead for a while now,” Holden paused, making a cross with his umber paw and lightly brushing it against a magnet cross that he wore around his neck, “may he rest in peace. His daughter, Spirit, put up a good fight against her too, but she didn’t manage to win.

“Adonis defeated her in a fair fight. But a lot of people think he only managed that because her Psychic attacks don’t affect him at all. Last was myself, to tell the truth. Though I doubt I’d stand a chance nowadays,” he chuckled.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m too old to fight such a spirited young Pokémon,” Holden pointed out. “I am the first Pokémon that Lexi ever caught, and her third Pokémon ever; after Ace and Flames. We’ve been together for thirteen years.”

It astounded River and made him wonder how old Esmeralda was and how long she and Lexi have been together. The fact comforted him; he was still young and had time to evolve – both physically and mentally – and to train. But he didn’t have to much time to brood over the thought as the Teddiursa that had caught his attention before strode over to them, flanked by a red and tan dog-like Pokémon and a blue and yellow Pokémon with flames on his back.

“Holly, hello, dear,” Holden said, smiling at the young Pokémon. He briefly acknowledged the other two, but the Raichu didn’t quite have the same warmth in his voice. But at least River learned all of their names; Holly, Bryce and Chase, respectively.

“Hi, Holden,” Holly replied with her honey-sweet voice. “I brought some MooMoo Milk for you, River. It will make you feel better.”

Blinking, the Dewott was startled as the Teddiursa held out a jar of creamy milk with an innocent expression on her face. “Um, t-thanks.”

As Holly’s expression brightened, the ones of her fire-type comrades darkened. “That looks like it hurts…” she said softly, peering at a cut on River’s arm. “Would you like me to grab some bandaids?”

At a loss for words, River was grateful when the Raichu spoke for him. “I think that would be a great idea, dear. And I’m sure River will be very happy,” he said as he shot the Dewott a wise grin. The blue fur of River turned scarlet with a blush. With a smile and a slight skip to her walk, Holly the Teddiursa left, her two body guards following her.

“Who is she?” River asked, his eyes glued to her fluffy brown fur as he guzzled the milk. It’s healing powers were evident, as River felt its warmth spread throughout his body and overpower the pain.

“Holly,” the Raichu replied. “She’s such a sweetie. Real popular with the younger guys, though. Her grandfather has been with Lexi’s family for a long time, same with her father. She would be such a powerful Pokémon if she ever wanted to evolve…”

River blinked. “Wait. She doesn’t want to evolve? Why on earth would she not want to evolve?”

“She likes the way she is, that’s all,” Holden explained. “She never was much of a battler, and has always preferred to sing for her friends.”

“She sings? I bet she likes the Pokémon Musicals,” River mused, daydreaming of the magnificent building he has only ever seen on TV. The lights, the sound, the wonder; it was all quite foreign to him, but it fascinated him.

Holden looked at River with a rather blank stare. “Pokémon Musicals? I’ve never seen one of those,” he said suspiciously.

“Wait, you haven’t? They are super popular in Unova…” River replied. “Maybe Lexi could take her to one… I’m sure she’d like that.”

“Who, Holly?” Esmeralda’s voice startled the wounded Dewott, making him jump. “Why are you talking about Holly?”

“Nothing that would interest you, Essie,” Holden said with a dismissive wave of his paw.

The pupiless eyes of the Espeon narrowed, but she shrugged nonetheless. “That was an excellent battle, River. With more practice, you very well might be the next Ranch Champion.”

With shining eyes, River managed a slight nod of his head before he could work up the nerve to say something to the sleek Sun Pokémon. “I-I will definitely train harder, for next time,” he stammered.

Esmeralda grinned. “I will be looking forward to our next battle, then,” she mewed soothingly. “I think I’ll leave you two alone.” And with that, the Espeon slipped back into the crowds of Pokémon, many of which congratulated her yet again as they peered apprehensively at the Dewott.

Holden rested a hand on River’s back. “I think she’s rather stunned at your power,” he said softly, shrugging. “Oh, lookie. Helios is coming over here. He’ll look after you,” the Raichu said cheerfully, wobbling off into the crowd on his tail-cane.

Suddenly, River felt incredibly alone. As he was in such an unfamiliar place, surrounded by Pokémon he has never seen before, species that were alien to him. Two of the three Pokémon that had bothered to talk to him were now gone, off doing something much more important than watching over a weak starter Pokémon. To make matters worse, the black dog-like creature that was now walking towards him looked absolutely furious.

“You. Floatzel-wannabe,” he barked, the bone on his head glistening in the light. “What were you doing talking to Holly?”

Anger flared in the Dewott, shining in his dark eyes. “Why do you care so much?” he snapped.

The black canine snarled, his lips pulling up to reveal pointed teeth. “Because she’s Holly, you *******. Talk to her again and you’ll be feeling sparks on your slimy fur for the rest of your life,” he threatened. To prove his point, electricity zapped across his fangs.

This hardly scared Dewott, though it was mostly due to the fact that Lexi fed him lots of Wacan Berries, making Electric attacks weaker than normal. This effect didn’t extend to Specially based attacks, as the power from the berries were stored in his sleek otter-fur.

“I can talk to her as much as I like, thank you very much. Besides, she talked to me first. What are you going to do, make her stop talking to me?” River challenged, puffing up his chest and standing tall.

“Make who stop talking to you?” the honey-sweet voice of Holly asked from behind River, making both male Pokémon jump, their fur on end.

“N-no one, Holly. Nothing you need to concern yourself with,” the Fire-dog said as he shuffled his paws uneasily.

The Teddiursa blinked her big brown eyes. “Oh, alright… Have you introduced yourself to River yet, Helios? You tend to be rather rude when first meeting someone…” she said quietly as she set a pink first aid kit on the ground.

Helios blushed, scarlet heat over black fur. “Oh. Right. Well, I’m Helios, Houndour. My father is Elias, my mother is Noire. I don’t have any siblings. What about you?”

“River the Dewott. Born and raised in a Breeding Center off of Route 13 in Unova. My mother is Lady Bella and my father is Wotter. Both are Samurott,” River stated simply. He was much calmer after thinking of the meadow he grew up in, playing in the cascading and crystal clear water with his brothers, sisters and cousins. Sure, he had been raised on a farm where the owners sold them to the Professors to give out as starter Pokémon, but he remembered his home fondly.

But his calmness soon faded when he felt a stare on his back. Glancing, he saw a large Flying-type with her eyes focused on him intently. She flew away once she realized that she had been spotted.

“Well, I’m Holly. My father is Jay, my mother Gemma and my grandfather’s name was Julius. I was born here and raised by Lexi and, for a time, Helene,” the little brown bear stated, using her sharp claws to cut a piece of bandages from the roll.

“Helene?” The name sounded unfamiliar to River; he couldn’t remember if it was the name of one of the many Pokémon he met today.

Holly giggled. “You haven’t heard of Helene? She’s a really famous Coordinator. Her and Lexi are really good friends, so Helene tends to train some of Lexi’s Pokémon for Contests, then shows them around Kanto and sometimes even Johto,” she explained as she lifted River’s arm to wrap the bandage. A very pale blush crossed the Teddiursa’s cheecks, but it vanished quickly. Not quickly enough, though, for Helios caught sight of it and his nostrils flared.

“Hey, once you heal up, I think we should have a battle,” the Houndour barked. River blinked. Holly looked furious.

“Helios! Esmeralda did quite a number on him, you know; he needs time to rest. Besides, are you sure you want to battle him? He fared well against Esmeralda, despite not being fully evolved. And he has a type advantage over you,” Holly pointed out reasonably, though it was evident that she was angry at her friend for even suggesting it.

A Pokémon that River hadn’t noticed before, a blue and yellow-bellied mammalian Pokémon, spoke up. “Michael always says that types don’t win a battle. It’s the skill of the Pokémon and nothing else,” she stated matter-of-factly. The red and tan canine beside her nodded.

“They help, but it’s the accuracy that the moves are executed that really wins the battle,” he said.

Helios grinned. “See? Bryce and Chase agree with me,” he replied confidently. “And it will be more fair if he’s a bit weak, if you are really worried about him beating me because I’m weak to water moves.”

Holly shook her head, playing with her thumbs/claws idly as she looked at the dirt ground. “I don’t know, Helios. I guess it’s up to River to decide.”

However, River was saved from accepting the challenge (or declining, though I’m sure you, as the reader, know him well enough by now that you know he would never decline a battle). The large blue foot of Elias had suddenly joined their conversation.

Helios bowed his head politely, as though he was scared of his father. “Hey, Dad,” he said quietly.

“Hello, Helios,” Elias said carefully before turning to River. “I heard you had an excellent battle against Esmeralda. She reckons you’ll be quite the battler after you gain some more experience.”

“Oh, um, thanks,” River said, feeling Helios’ hate-filled glare on the back of his neck.

“Esmeralda thought it would be best to have you look after one of these Eggs,” Elias said, setting a basket on the ground. In the wicker container laid an average sized black egg with navy blue zigzag stripes.

Shaking his head, River disagreed. “Lexi wanted to give that to a Pokémon named Margot, I think,” he said, remembering his Trainer talking about the Eggs she had received from Professor Juniper. “To hatch faster or something.”

“Margot’s Ability cuts the time it takes for the Eggs to hatch, but Esmeralda thinks that keeping this Egg with you would be good for you. Character building, she called it.” Elias’s eyes shone mischievously as he spoke. “Perhaps Holly and Helios would like to help you, though I suggest that you don’t let go of that Egg.”

He nodded. “Well, sure. I can look after it,” he said with a glance at Holly. She blushed.

“Y-yes, I can certainly help with the Egg… if that’s okay with you, River. I wonder what kind of Pokémon is in it…” Holly replied, looking hopefully at the Dewott. She didn’t notice Helios’s defiant stare or his trembling body.

Elias didn’t notice either, even though the Houndour was his own son. “Good, good,” he said kindly. He turned to leave before glancing back at River. “Ah, almost forgot. Lexi will be going out tonight with Will and I think he’s taking her to Cerulean Cape. They won’t be back for a couple of days.”

River’s heart sunk. “Wait, is she leaving me her?” he asked in distress.

“Esmeralda and I testified to your liking it here. And Lexi decided to take Molly and Hector with her, instead of you and that oddball bird from Unova,” the Infernape said with a shrug.

“Daisy? Is she here?” The Pidove was Lexi’s first catch in Unova and though she was a hyper little thing and wasn’t much of a fighter, River did like her a lot.

“Oh yes. Spirit is showing her around,” Elias replied. “I should get going. I need to deliver these to Margot.” He lifted a second wicker basket up, revealing three other Pokémon Eggs, ranging from brown and white to umber and dark blue. With his powerful legs and a few quick goodbyes (mostly from Elias, Holly and River), the Flame Pokémon bounded off towards the exit.

“River, we should get a blanket for that Egg. It can get pretty cold in here at night during these winter months, and it’s frozen outside,” Holly said, turning to Helios. “Could you…”

She trailed off, as the Dark Pokémon had vanished along with his two lackeys, leaving nothing but the tiled floor.

Holly blinked. “Oh, well… Here, we should go back into the house. I bet there are some blankets there we can use…”

“What about over there?” River pointed to an overly bright door that had the word NURSERY printed in black bubble letters. “Surely they’ll have some blankets.”

“Margot doesn’t like others taking her blankets, and Lexi has this one blanket that is really soft,” Holly explained rapidly. She reached out and took River’s free hand. “Come on!”

River had a difficult time trying to carry a heavy basket and hold the bear’s hand at the same time, but he managed. Holly was speedy for such a small Pokémon and pulled River throughout the Battle Hut to the large doors that the Dewott had previously walked through.

From the inside, the doors looked like they would lead to another world, as their golden wood gleamed in the light. The world they led to seemed unearthly enough, too. The white snow was falling peacefully to make the land sparkle with an unnatural brightness.

The entirety of the Ranch was covered with the virgin snow, having blanketed every bush, tree and blade of grass in sight. The Dewott stood, watching the thick splotches fall, in awe of the beauty and simplicity.

Well, he was before Holly pulled him into the cold and the magnificent doors slammed shut with a loud thud.

“The Egg will get cold if you just stand there, River,” she scolded, waving at a purple and red Pokémon with a strange yellow clump of grass on her head. The Pokémon blew a kiss into the air before returning to her post on the top of Battle Hut’s scintillating gate.

River looked down at the Egg to find flecks of snow covering it. Panic ran through the Dewott’s spine. “Oh. Well, let’s get going?” His voice was barely a whisper and was quite uncertain. He didn’t know exactly where he was going and he could already hear his Trainer reprimanding him in the most disappointed of ways.

Of course, River had only been with Lexi for a few weeks – barely a month – and didn’t know that Lexi was an all-forgiving Trainer.

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  #4  
Old 04-03-2011, 06:51 AM
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Default Re: The Dewott That Could

Anyways. The horror had seeped into his voice, though Holly didn’t notice. She just hurried down the snow-covered stone path, firmly grasping River’s hand in her own paw. Despite the circumstances, he noted that she smelled like fresh honey.

The path seemed to stretch on forever, since neither one of them talked. Soon River recognized the Payapa Tree that he had seen earlier, this time with two red duck like creatures taking shelter from the cold under it.

Holly stopped, grinning a clean white smile at the two Pokémon. “Theodore! Nathan! You two alright?” she asked. In a hushed voice, she added “these are Margot’s twins, Theodore and Nathan the Magby. Aren’t they cute?”

Not knowing how to reply to that, he just nodded. “Hi guys,” he said, introducing himself as River the Dewott.

The twin Magby looked at him with incredulous looks on their billed faces. “Hi Holly,” they said in unison before pointedly turning their backs to the pair.

With a sigh, Holly explained as she and River continued down the path, now at a slower pace. “Those two don’t like most of the Pokémon around here. In fact, their only friends are Helios and his gang.”

“Gang?”

“Yeah, basically the other teens on the ranch. He is Elias’s son, so he’s got the whole popular thing. Bryce and Nina practically worship him – those two are Barrett’s kids. Igor, Dennis and Chase do whatever he wants and Abigail… well, she tends to be in her far-off world most of the time, so I don’t think she really knows that Helios exists.

“Noire, that pretty Houndoom that was at your battle, she’s Helios’s mother. Helios’s sister is Hecate, one of Helene’s Contest Pokémon. She’s nice enough, a bit on the tough side, but that’s not surprising, all things considered,” Holly said calmly, giving a little shrug. “Our Ranch leader is super nice, but he and Noire went through a pretty messy divorce…”

“Is that why he hardly looks at Helios?” River asked. Holly nodded gravely.
“Yeah, they have a really unusual relationship…” Holly whispered. “I feel sorry for Helios…”

River frowned. He wasn’t quite sure he liked that; Holly feeling sorry for the bad-tempered and rude Houndour. But, he decided to act sympathetic for Holly’s sake. “Yeah, I get that…”

Holly’s eyes shined up at him, glimmering. “Not many people do,” she replied in a hushed voice.

And I can see why…, River thought with a sigh. He’s a downright pain in a Bouffalant rear.

Even though their pace had slowed down a significant amount, the pair had already reached the four doggie doors that lead into the ranchhouse. Coming out of one of the larger, human-sized doors.

Holly seemed to cringe, though it was certainly not out of fear. “Hello Samantha,” she said slowly, pronouncing each syllable distinctly.

The white, pink and blue Pokémon blinked at her with blank eyes, its hands creating what seemed like a box around itself. “Hol…. Holly,” it said carefully, raising its voice like it wasn’t quite sure who it was. Its voice was distinctively feminine, but for some reason River wasn’t quite ready to label the Pokémon as a female.

“That’s right! I’m Holly, and this is my new friend, River,” she explained, pointed at the Dewott with her little brown paw. In a low whispered, she explained. “Samantha here was caught in Kanto… she never got a chance to experience her childhood, so she’s a bit…”

The Pokémon seemed to explode. With a burst of Psychic energy, it started to scream; “THE EGG! THE AUTHOR WANTS ME TO TAKE THAT EGG. GIVE IT TO ME!”

Holly and River tumbled backwards from the force of Samantha’s screams and her power. The Barrier Pokémon charged at Holly and River with a determined and insane look on her scrunched up face.

The Teddiursa held her position well, throwing a Protective screen up against the Psyshock. The Protect attack shimmered violet against the force of the attack, but held strong. Samantha the Mrs. Mime collapsed on the floor.
When River saw her face again, she was sobbing, still screaming that some ‘author’ wanted her to have the Egg. She pushed herself to her feet and raised her five-fingered hands.

Holly had let her Protect wear down, as the poor creature wasn’t used to battling, and therefore not used to exerting so much energy for an attack such as Protect. Sadly, she chose the wrong time to leave herself, River and the Egg open for a counterattack.

It wasn’t exactly a counterattack, though. More like a well-played strategy on Samantha’s part. Yet another explosion of Psychic energy crashed into River and the otter-like Pokémon tumbled into the snow. The basket with the Egg flew out of his hand, though not from the fall.

Samantha used her Psychic skills to lift the gray-brown and blue Egg, holding it afloat in the chilly air. River had been knocked out from the attack, mostly because he was already weak from his fight with Esmeralda.

Holly was left standing there in the snow, her new friend unable to help her save the Egg from the mentally unstable Mrs. Mime.

Her battling skills were weak and Holly didn’t know many offensive moves, but she knew she had to try. Samantha didn’t know what she was doing and inside that Egg was a life that her Trainer wanted to keep. A new friend for both her and the others in the ranch.

So Holly prepared her move Covet, knowing full well that the Barrier Pokémon would be fully able to completely block her pitiful attempt at battling.
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Old 04-03-2011, 06:53 AM
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Default Re: The Dewott That Could

Ready for grading!
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Old 04-07-2011, 04:22 AM
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Default Re: The Dewott That Could

Since I've already started grading, might as well put this as claimed.
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Specs Unown
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This is an ingenious moveset spread across the ages, constructed piece by piece with painstaking care in the arching caverns and ancient machinery of the most devious and cunning hive mind in the history of anything. This moveset brings Unown's fullest potential into the light. His most powerful move, Hidden Power, rips through Magikarp, Hoppip, and Feebas with its unimaginable power, 2HKOing and OHKOing Magikarp and Hoppip with Hidden Power Ice, respectively. A neutral Hidden Power gives Feebas the ol' one-two-hit KO. When facing such opponents, Unown is unbeatable.
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  #7  
Old 05-07-2011, 11:18 PM
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Default Re: The Dewott That Could

Introduction: This introduction is not one of my favorites, and that's because it's a bit boring. Introductions should usually be exciting, to lure a reader into the story a bit more.

I'd say this comes from the fact that it is full of description. Description in the beginning sort of slows down everything, as we're still trying to figure out what's there, not what those things are like just yet. A bit later though is a very good time, since we know now everything, making us a bit curious as to what everything is like. However, a little description is necessary to piece everything together, since if the introduction doesn't have much flow, that's way more worse, making what you did not that bad.

It also seems a bit weird. How did the fire wake up the Espeon? It sort of seems like the lack of fire did it, but I feel like I am missing something. As such, a little description would be needed there to clarify, since I was a bit lost there.

Now, at this point, the story starts rolling along, so let's go the plot now.

Plot: This plot is actually a bit interesting. It's about what happens before a journey to a new region, which soon starts to become a plot about an egg, which makes me think a lot about the egg project at schools, besides the fact that this egg is to actually hatch.

Some things in it, though, don't seem to make sense. One of them is how did Lexie get a ranch, and who works on it when she's away? That would seem some place you could have put some explanation into to add more characters.

Another place is right here:
Quote:
“Oh yes. Spirit is showing her around,” Elias replied. “I should get going. I need to deliver these to Margot.” He lifted a second wicker basket up, revealing three other Pokémon Eggs, ranging from brown and white to umber and dark blue. With his powerful legs and a few quick goodbyes (mostly from Elias, Holly and River), the Flame Pokémon bounded off towards the exit.
The main thing I have a bit trouble with is who is leaving. Apparently it is Elias, but he's the one of the people who saids goodbye, so is he saying goodbye to himself, or the people he is going away from? This is another place where you could get some extra characters if you need some.

All in all though, I sort of like this plot, regardless of the confusions I get from it. Pretty good job here.

Dialogue: You did pretty good here.

Description: Besides the beginning, you did a pretty good job for this description. Just remember never to put too much description, or less than what's needed.

Grammar/Spelling: You did well here.

Characterization: River is one of Lexie's newest starters, from the Unova region. He is starting to learn of Pokémon from Lexie's previous adventures, and started to raise an egg. He was born in Unova, from 2 Samurott, and was apparently given to Lexie for here journey in his region of birth.

We know more about River, but I feel this is enough to show that you did a good job characterizing him. The other characters got almost as much, if not as much, characterization of River, so you did a good job here.

Length: You hit the average amount of characters for catching Drilbur, but there were spaces where you could have put some more clarification, and those places are marked in the plot section. In other words, you did good for length needed for the ranking, but not as good in length needed for the story.

Conclusion: I feel like this story was ended at a very awkward position. It just talked about covet, and didn't really have a proper ending. We're left a lot in the dark, and that's not a very good way to end it. We're left craving more, way more than what we should crave, a situation exactly the opposite of the introduction.

Personal feelings: This story both starting and ending awkwardly led to a lot of unneeded confusion.

Outcome: Drilbur, sorry to say, is not captured. Fix up the areas of confusion, the introduction, and the conclusion, and you'll be pretty good. Just VM, PM, or IM me when you request a regrade.
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Specs Unown
Hidden Power
This is an ingenious moveset spread across the ages, constructed piece by piece with painstaking care in the arching caverns and ancient machinery of the most devious and cunning hive mind in the history of anything. This moveset brings Unown's fullest potential into the light. His most powerful move, Hidden Power, rips through Magikarp, Hoppip, and Feebas with its unimaginable power, 2HKOing and OHKOing Magikarp and Hoppip with Hidden Power Ice, respectively. A neutral Hidden Power gives Feebas the ol' one-two-hit KO. When facing such opponents, Unown is unbeatable.

Last edited by Turtwig's A-B-Cs; 05-09-2011 at 01:15 AM.
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