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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.

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Old 01-30-2011, 09:59 PM
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Default Pokemon:Power of the Five (Somewhat PG 13 later on)

Ok, because this is my first fan fiction, I was hoping you could at least try not to kill me if I have a few errors. Yes, it is Pokémon-related, but it is mainly humans with powers like a Pokémon’s, like one girl has the ability to transform into wolves and mythical creatures, related to how a Ditto can turn into other Pokémon. There are, sadly, not many Pokémon in this for a plotted reason. This is PG 13 for swearing and possibly short violence scenes that Pokémon normally does not have (Yeah, like Pokémon hasn’t had guns before…).

Power of the Five

Info: There are only a few Pokémon here and two legends among humans. I will not capitalize Pokémon at times, but that is only if I am not writing that part within Microsoft Word 2010. I use the American English spelling of words, such as color instead of colour. It is also true that I mat capitalize elements such as fire and water because I have element characters named by what element they control.
The Pokemon will come in by at least Chapter two.
I'm sorry if this angers you somehow, but this is my story. Please do not try to change that, I have reasons for not adding things, for not having something. As I said before, I am not one of the people who have done this a lot, I may not need insparation, and I may be different from other Fan fiction makers. It's what makes this story different, and if anyone tries to change this I will rethink continuing this.

Places I might post this: Pokemon Elite 2000 Forum (Known as Tokyokit), Pokemon Elemental Forum (Also known as Tokyokit), and Pokemon Park 101 (Known as TokyoKit)

“This” would be talking, apparently, normally by humans. Bold/italics letters and words have a strong or quite questionable aspect to them.
<This> would be telepathy by humans. This is the same as above otherwise.
This is normal thoughts, flashbacks, or foreign text.
<This> is telepathy by Pokémon. All of them can do this because none of them ever annoy people and keep saying “Cleffa, Cleffa!” or whatever.
“This” would be thoughts and flashbacks that Pokémon have.

Prologue-Secrets of a Nobody (In this post at the bottom)
Chapter one-Start of a New Life-Coming really soon!
Chapter two-Coming soon!

Characters: Main(For now).
Tramai (Pronounced Trah-May) Sukimana
A twelve-year-old girl originally from The Internet.
She is quite fragile, thus she breaks out crying over small things at times. She can be calm, not freaking out much, yet she can still freak out over medium things. She almost never overreacts to anything. Nothing fazes or scares her whatsoever. She cares mainly for her friends and family.
In the past, Tramai was willing to kill herself. Her father had been on the second biggest ship incident, the Amar Fire. It was placed second mainly because more people got to lifeboats, and it didn’t sink like Titanic had, or so she thought. Her mother was quite rude to her, keeping her mainly as a slave. She never got to play with her older sister, Magan until Magan soon secretly killed her own mother. Because of this, Tramai was taken care of by her older sister and her friend, Nai. Sadly, Nai was soon murdered by an unknown man. Magan and Tramai traveled to the Pokémon world and to Hoenn, but the man followed. They soon made it to Kanto before the man came and cornered the two. Magan had risked her life to save Tramai, and Tramai soon ran off, sobbing. She had lost her family, it was impossible for her to have another brother, sister, or parent; simply impossible.

Juuso (Pronounced Jew-so) Sukiman
A fifteen-year-old boy from Hawaii.
He was born on Earth, with little possibility of being tracked. He soon grew up with his parents on The Internet, but when his mother was expecting a new baby, he left to go back to earth. He lived in the woods for many years and was soon attacked by a gang of native Hawaiians. He didn’t leave, and fought off the natives. Years went by and he managed to keep himself alive, yet he wasn’t done yet. Not dome at all. He traveled to the Pokémon World and went to Johto, but oddly a strange man found him. Again, he fought the man away, but had to flee at the last moment…

Storm (Thunder) DarkHeart.
She is the most powerful being known, yet she normally keeps her powers hidden from mortals. She is princess of the elements, and serves as a friend to both Juuso and Tramai. She is oddly calm yet can be rude at the same time. If you make her really mad, she may unleash her powers. She always says sorry, and always wants second chances. She knows how to fix relationships and friendships that have been broken.
Her history is unknown to all, even to herself.

Prologue-Secrets of Nobody.
Tramai POV.
I'm alive! -coughnotcough-

Last edited by MoonKit; 02-01-2011 at 04:06 PM.
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Old 02-01-2011, 04:29 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon:Power of the Five (Somewhat PG 13 later on)

Chapter one-Start of a New Life

I woke up right when the sun came up. I looked at my watch and saw the time for once; it was 4:00 AM, gives or takes a minute. I got up, rolling my sleeping bag up and grabbing my backpack, and walked towards the mall. I had stopped only when I heard a rustling in the bushes.

“Hello, is anyone there?” I called, adjusting the position of my crown. A girl with her long, black hair in a ninja-style ponytail walked out. Her dress had a dragon on it, a Chinese one no doubt.

“Hello there, Tramai. I am Storm, if you have forgotten. I need you to come with me, if you please,” Storm said. She snapped her fingers, and the world became a blur. It wasn’t that I had become blind, no; it was something else, something worse. “Welcome to Alenteri,” Storm welcomed, smiling.

“What? Where is this Alenteri, and why are all the Pokémon gone!?” I looked around and gasped. Not a Pokémon was in sight, let alone a trainer. Many people were in their homes, not daring to venture out of them.

“It’s a long story, but to make it short, a dark creature called Aritor has come. This is actually you’re world in another dimension, believe it or not. You were in the normal dimension; this dimension was created by Giratina with the help of Dialga and Palkia. Time and space runs the same here as it does back there, but nothing is the same. If one dimension is in peril, the other will be in peril soon. If both are calm, a war would start between them, and we would probably win. You will find out why later,” The girl explained.

“So, I belong here or something? I don’t exactly get this.” I looked down at my feet. Nothing was wrong, but something was different. I had a red glow around my left hand, and a blue glow around my right one. My shoes had also changed from black to blue.

“Oh, I see you have changed a bit. Don’t fret, you will get used to it. If you don’t…well…then good luck with that,” Storm said. It was like she had said the last part in a whisper instead of normal talking.

A wave of red energy went over me, and all went black for about two seconds.
I'm alive! -coughnotcough-
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Old 02-01-2011, 05:13 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon:Power of the Five (Somewhat PG 13 later on)

[] = correct spelling
{} = change/remove/add

“Leave me alone you fricking [weirdos]!” I spat, running faster and faster as time went by.
Hmm. Interesting prologue. The problem with this that you’re ‘telling’. Not ‘showing’. As some random person said; show, not tell.

You don’t have good flow. You’re walking in the streets, and suddenly there’s a moon that looks like cheese. Your hair is glowing. So what if people don’t stay awake at this time?

Go slowly.

I walked in the dark, cold streets. It was damp, my shoes are soggy and there was a soft breeze that chills me to the bone. I was bathed in the moonlight, my hair glowing from its light. It was late. If it weren’t for the moonlight, it’d be pitch black. All in darkness. There was hardly any people awake.
Bit by bit, feed the story. But don’t comment on every single thing either. I was trying to copy your paragraph in any way possible. But if I wanted, I could summarise it in about four sentences.

I walked across the road{.}{O}nce I got to Lavender Town {I} headed towards the Radio Tower.
This place has been quite attractive since the Pokémon left, but my question is, where are the Pokémon? I thought to myself. Two men walked across a street to the opposite of mine, parallel of the street I had crossed.
Suddenly you change from past to present. There’s a type of writing, where you’re talking about the past but you’re using present tense words. I can’t really explain, sorry. I’m not sure why you changed from past to present, but you should be careful.

Once again, in the second sentence, you change what’s happening. First you’re thinking about pokemon and then there’s two men coming down the street. You could either do what I suggested above or start a new paragraph.

I started to sing Dodi Li, but soon stopped because of a sudden unpredicted wind followed by a horn. Sighing, I got up and growled, “Who the frick are you, peasant?”
You don’t actually mention looking or acknowledging the thing’s presence. So to me, you would be talking to air. It doesn’t matter that the ‘peasant’ replies, it could have been a man peeling some potatoes far away. You have to be careful there.

When she’s running, you’re not explaining the feelings. You’re just saying that she’s running. It would be more heart-stopping if you talked about what the character was feeling. Describing how they felt. Their heart beating against their chest.

The last two scenes aren’t needed. Prologues tend to have one scene only, or they are from a third, non-MC POV. You could have ended the prologue with a cliffhanger.

Also make sure that you have to imagine that you haven’t told us about the character profiles; as if I was just reading it on its own. 

Well, this was very good for a rookie. There are some rough bits, some bits that you tend to realize over time. :D Good luck with it!

I only did the prologue because I couldn’t be bothered doing the first chapter :P
lol whut
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