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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 01-16-2011, 06:59 PM
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Default .:Enslaved:. [PG/13]




.:Enslaved:.




Entry #0: Plucked

Pokeballs. They are petty inventions. One moment, you are minding your own business. The next, you’ve got a snotty ten year old shining the metal ball in your face as if he’d just one a million dollars. Then he challenges you with his army of brainwashed Pokemon, just so you can compete in a silly sport for money and fame. It’s ridiculous, really.

And that’s exactly what happened to me today.

Food. That’s always the one thing that is on a wild creature’s mind. Food meant survival. Usually I’d feast on the eggs of a Pidove, but it was winter and such a Pokemon was scarce. It looked like I’d be hunting for the Shikijika babies again. I smelt one out. The smell was incredibly herbal. Shikijika wasn’t exactly my favourite meat. Regardless, I had to eat. Not doing so would ruin my abilities. All part of life’s job description, I suppose.

It was just eating the berries off of a tree. It’s brown coat had a glossy sheen. It must have been healthy. This was good. A healthy creature meant healthy meat. I began to run on all fours, something faintly weird for my species. As I began to approach the Shikijika, a shrill cry came from behind me.

“Holy Arceus! Hitomoshi, is that a Kojofu?”

The Shikijika fled. It was startled by the human, clearly, but so was I. I turned my light yellow stoat-like body towards the human. He was young; he couldn’t have been more than fourteen or fifteen years of age. Beside him was a Pokemon that resembled a candle. A thick layer of wax covered its right eye, and it had a bright purple flame burning atop of its rounded head.

I wanted to run. Really, I did. But I couldn’t resist the urge. All wild Pokemon experienced it. We wanted to flee, but something stopped us. It was the urge to fight. Most wild Pokemon would have entered their battling pose. I, however, did not. I sat down on the floor, crossed my legs and emptied my mind. My Calm Mind.

“Get her, Hitomoshi! Use Flame Burst!”

Her? Who the hell did he think I was? Just because I have magenta fur on my limbs does not make me a female. I sighed. I stood up, and as I did so the Ghost type candle Pokemon came floating towards me. When it was close enough it released a scorching hot flame missile from its mouth. I let it slam into me. The heat did char a patch of my fur, but I didn’t care. I could recover off damage later, not that there was much due to my Calm Mind boost. I began my assault. I used my springy legs to race towards the Hitomoshi, bouncing on the final step, and thrusting my palm towards it.

“Force Palm!” I screeched, as I made contact. Except I didn’t. My entire body fell through the being, as if it wasn’t there, and I fell flat on my face on the cold, snow covered floor. I picked myself off the ground, shaking off the frozen water crystals.

“That’s good! Now use Will-O-Wisp!” The young boy pointed directly at me, as if I was some prize he was selecting off a carnival stall. Hitomoshi fired a ominous ball of blue energy. It floated towards me. I tried to move, but I was still recovering from my earlier fall. The ball pounded into my coat, and I could feel the effects of the burn seeping through my skin. If my physical attacks were useless, my special attacks should do the trick. I charged up golden energy in my paws, then released this energy. It formed into star shaped bullets, and it seemed that my Swift attack was going to hit. But it didn’t. Just as before, they merely sliced through it like a paper aeroplane slicing through the air. It didn’t affect it. That’s when it hit me.

“My moveset. DoubleSlap, Swift, Calm Mind, Force Palm. That Hitomoshi is a ghost type.”

“One more Flame Burst, buddy!”

It was immune to all my attacks.

My body then felt the full force of the next Flame Burst. It sent me flying through the air, and into the white snow. The snow was surprisingly relaxing, although that was probably due to the heat of the Hitomoshi’s attacks. The human approached me. He was holding something in his green-gloved hand. My eyes widened.

“A Pokeball.”

He came closer. I leapt to my feet, snarling at him. But it was no use. I had no energy to run or fight, and this human would likely make a trip to the Pokemon Center after he caught me. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe a life enslaved by a stupid adolescent wouldn’t be so bad. No Kojofu. Of course not. He tossed the ball towards me. I laughed mentally at my own sarcasm. The ball opened with a sharp ping, and then a white beam sucked me inside. It felt like my innards were being ripped apart by an angry Ononokusu. And then the pain stopped. I felt my body rocking. I guessed it was the Pokeball rocking to attempt capture.

“Wait! Capture?!” I shrieked. But nobody could help me. “Let me out! Let me out you fiend! Arceusdammit, let me out!”

I Force Palmed the inside of the ball with all of my remaining strength. But the prison didn't open. I heard the noise. I heard the soft ring that came with the capture of a Pokemon, sealing my fate. I sobbed. Plucked from my home at the Dragon Spiral Tower.

Last edited by Etymology; 01-16-2011 at 07:04 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-21-2011, 10:26 PM
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Default Re: .:Enslaved:. [PG/13]

Sorry I didn't comment on this earlier! I meant to a couple of days ago, but for some reason I didn't. Dx

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJello View Post
Pokeballs.
Should be two words. o: (Even check the games.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJello View Post
“Holy Arceus! Hitomoshi, is that a Kojofu?”
In case you didn't know, hitomoshi's English name is Litwick, and kojofu's is mienfoo. Shikijika's names are deerling. xD Clicky for all the names.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJello View Post
He was young; he couldn’t have been more than fourteen or fifteen years of age.
Previously he mentioned that the boy was ten. o:

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJello View Post
Just because I have magenta fur on my limbs does not make me a female.
This sentence is a little clumsy, and missing a word or two. Maybe try:

"Just because I have magenta fur on my limbs, it does not make me female."

Or, it could be:

"The fact that I have magenta fur on my limbs does not make me female.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJello View Post
“My moveset. DoubleSlap, Swift, Calm Mind, Force Palm. That Hitomoshi is a ghost type.”
I reckon the moveset (including "My moveset") should be said as 'narration', and the rest should be actual speech. o: But that's just me. xD Also, isn't force palm a fighting type move? I thought it was only normal type moves that don't have an effect on ghost types. o:

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJello View Post
No Kojofu. Of course not.
I'm kind of confused at this part... Is this him disagreeing with himself? Also, does that mean... *swallows hard* that his name...is 'Kojofu'? -.- If so, you need a comma after 'No', because he's addressing someone. In this case, himself. See, I first thought it was saying 'No kojofu', as in, "No kojofu would ever do that" or something, except after it cut off after 'Kojofu', I was confused. xD Until I realised it was his name...

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJello View Post
“Let me out! Let me out you fiend! Arceusdammit, let me out!”
Since he's addressing someone by saying 'you fiend', you need a comma before it.

Well! It's kind of exciting to read about Unova pokemon. o: I haven't written about one yet. :x But yeah. I guess it doesn't matter if you use the Japanese names, but I gave you the option, just in case you don't.

So, it was extremely short, but I think that was your intention. For now, I mean. :3 Apart from that, you could really hear the annoyance in the kojofu's voice, which is good, and shows how he really didn't want to be caught. Understandably; I imagine it would be hard to be picked up by a trainer you've never met before, only to serve under their rule and be forced to do pretty much anything. Well, I guess you could easily refuse. xD But still. I wonder how this is going to go. o:

I thought it was interesting, but at the same time a little typical, that you said all pokemon have an urge to stay there and not flee. I mean, that completely depends on the pokemon, and if you ask me, you're sticking to the game's rules. xD Which I don't tend to do, I guess. It's also the reason he was caught, which sucks for him. D:

I'm interesting to see where this goes. c: I'll stay tuned in!

~GS.
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  #3  
Old 01-22-2011, 07:42 AM
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Default Re: .:Enslaved:. [PG/13]

Do not feel bad about all the criticism! Graceful_Suicune is cool and all, but she is a grammar nazi! Don't worry, if she is the Gestapo, I am the CIA, I thought it was brilliant!

Just kidding Gracefulzzzz!
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Old 01-22-2011, 11:25 AM
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Default Re: .:Enslaved:. [PG/13]

Quote:
Originally Posted by TitaniumAnimations View Post
Do not feel bad about all the criticism! Graceful_Suicune is cool and all, but she is a grammar nazi! Don't worry, if she is the Gestapo, I am the CIA, I thought it was brilliant!

Just kidding Gracefulzzzz!
xDDDDD You're right though! But seriously, I point every error I see. o: It's those little details that make an author better. x)

~GS.
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  #5  
Old 01-22-2011, 01:03 PM
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Default Re: .:Enslaved:. [PG/13]

Thanks for all the crit, Xanthe! I'll be sure to fix all that soon.

And yeah, his name is 'Kojofu'. I'm just going to have him call himself by his species name. :o

As for the English names, I'm waiting for the official announcement.

I'll try to have the next chapter up by next week or so.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:10 PM
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Default Re: .:Enslaved:. [PG/13]

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJello View Post
Thanks for all the crit, Xanthe! I'll be sure to fix all that soon.

And yeah, his name is 'Kojofu'. I'm just going to have him call himself by his species name. :o

As for the English names, I'm waiting for the official announcement.

I'll try to have the next chapter up by next week or so.
No worries. ^v^ Okay, sounds good. ^^

Ahh, okay. o: Why's that? Any special reason? o:

Makes sense. xD It's just that every name so far has been correct and officially announced, so I trust that list. o: As much as I don't want to. Dx

Cool! Don't rush it. :3 (Also, make sure you thank Titanium for commenting too. xD)

~GS.
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