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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #16  
Old 12-12-2010, 03:48 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami]

Typical second-chapter struggles. I always get this. x_x; Nowhere near as long as I wanted it to be, I think I moved too fast... but... hey, y'know. The third chapter I am seriously looking forward to writing, as I'll be introducing a character who I know I'll like a lot, and there's so much more content, meaning I'll have more to write about. This isn't a very fleshy chapter, so I just wanted it done with. I'll probably go back and edit once I've gotten in the flow.
/rambling over

Oh! From now on, every chapter will have a song (probably instrumental, like this one) that inspired me during the writing progress, as well as an image. :D


II
*awaiting art*
Nevermore (Instrumental)

I’m not aware of how long I sat there. It was long enough for my fur to collect an insulator-layer of sand, on the side where my body met the wind. It wasn’t exactly cold at night, but I witnessed a couple of them and I was uncomfortable throughout them both, and the fact that I wasn’t yet hungry made me a little nervous. I wasn’t tired, either, or dehydrated. I convinced myself gradually that it was just an after effect, but knowing this made me dread the moment when all my weariness, hunger and desire for water would suddenly come to me all at once.

Had there been others like me? Had they woken, too, in eerie rooms with a humanoid voice with nothing surrounding them but cables and the loudest silence they’d ever heard? Did they panic? Did they feel deadened, like me? Could they remember anything? Did they know why they were here?
And thinking of these things made me remember, with a rush of stinging in my eyes, the smell of forests and the feel of a carpet of pine needles beneath my feet. I remembered freshness that would enervate my body, make me stand taller, my pelt gleaming beneath the sun that didn’t burn. I remembered the feeling of someone standing beside me with a presence of immeasurable safety. The feel of someone’s hand on my head, making one of my ears bend to the side, and the sound of laughter. How proud I felt.

Me.

There were still no signs of life. Eventually the whooshing of the wind started to irk me and I pulled my knees up close to my chest, pushing myself to my feet with a clawed paw. My legs and back were stiff as a tree trunk- my reprisal for sitting as long as I did. Shoulders hunched, I began to walk again, aimless, lifeless.

As I paced, my thoughts did also. Things were returning to me, gradually... things like names, a few blurred faces. I knew that there had been somebody who had been close to me, someone like family. I couldn’t remember their face; I could just feel it swimming just out of reach. It was blurred, faint, in the darkness.

I’d just have to wait.
Keep pacing, keep pacing.

All around me were scattered pieces of paper, obviously holding human information that would give me clues as to where I was- but I couldn’t read them. It was just a jumble of symbols that wavered slightly beneath my desperate gaze. Knowing that answers were fluttering beneath my feet, spiralling past my body, whirling above my head... it made me angry.

I could feel anger.

The red hot feeling, bubbling at first, started to boil as I tried to grasp the sounds in my head that were trying to form my name. I had a name, I knew I had a name, and as I paced and kicked and growled and slashed, it taunted me with its cruel indifference. I felt I deserved to know it, after all of this. I wanted a piece of myself; I WANTED something for my own. I just had nothing. It’d all been taken from me, and I didn’t know why.
...

“Luh..”

The tension left my body as I stopped, my gaze resting on the floor. I could feel it. My identity was tiptoeing its way inside me, so delicately, with liquid eyes that burned with encouragement, and as the sounds rose up my throat, it was the most beautiful...

“Lorcan.”

The most beautiful thing.

Skf. Skf. Skf.

My head turned so rapidly that my neck cracked, and my stomach jolted with sickening shock. As my amber gaze fell upon the creature that was exploring a few yards from me, though, I let my guard lower slightly. It was small, purple and whiskered, and it ferreted amongst the debris like it didn’t have a care in the world. I eyed its curled tail and large front tooth, and wondered how, with ears that size, it hadn’t heard me utter my name.

Skf. Skf. Skf.

I wanted it to notice me, but I didn’t want to be dumb enough to approach it. It could be a trap of some sort, I mused, still staring as its small nose nudged at a brick. The rose-coloured eyes blinked rapidly as a stone tumbled off of it with a small clatter onto the tiles.

Totally oblivious.

I stepped forward once and with almost-painful speed, the Rattata’s body and neck stiffened, and it looked over at me with eyes huge in shock. I remained still, the thick fur on my shoulders bristling a little, and waited for it to run. It didn’t. Instead it just stared back at me, and we stood, yards apart, our eyes locked in a stare-down with sand whistling between us. Automatically, my body was tensing into a fighting stance, and I could feel a tingling in my palms that made my claws twitch. It was still staring at me, and I could tell by its expression that it was deliberately whether or not to say something. It took several more seconds for it to.

“What’s your name?”

The voice confirmed it was a girl. That’s what I had thought, and the innocence in her tone made me relax slightly, though I wasn't yet convinced that something more threatening wasn't about to leap out. Her tail quivered as I raised an arm to scratch the back of my neck, my voice coming out deep and fluid.

“Lorcan.”

“I’m Tanie,” she replied nervously, her whiskers twitching quickly and her paws shuffling anxiously. “Um, are you with the others?”

The others? It was like a fire had been lit in my belly. My eyes opened wider and I stepped several paces closer without even realising it, my ears standing straight and high. She regarded me with wariness.

“There’s more?” I asked hoarsely, imagining other Zangooses, other creatures like me- ones that had been stripped of themselves and left here to do nothing but rot. The Rattata was nodding, and the flames in my stomach spread to my whole body, infecting me with a wild hope. My electrified silence pressed her on.

“I woke up in a room and I could hear voices,” she began, her head tilted a little as she watched my reaction. “There were Pokémon there... and they were talking about how to get out. I tried to call them, but...” she quivered a little. “My voice wouldn’t work. And then everything kept going dark, and when I could speak, they were gone and there was a big open square in the ceiling.”

My mind was racing, my body unable to remain still. There had been others, who had escaped from a room just like I had. I must’ve missed them by... maybe minutes? Before the fury and sadness could take hold, I dragged my attention back to the purple Pokémon.

“When was this?”

Tanie’s eyes dropped a little as she thought about it, and then she looked at me anxiously.

“I think it was two or three days ago. I couldn’t move for a long time, I was too tired.” She paused. “... Lorcan..?”

My tail curled around me as I hit the floor with a thud, my paws pressed to my eyes and head tilted to my knees. My heart beat with hard throbs against my chest as I tried to hold in the emotion that was trying to spill out. I didn’t hear her approach, but Tanie was suddenly next to me, her small paws on my arm and her nose tilted up to my cheek.

“Lorcan?” she said again, and I realised through the haze of sickening sadness that she probably wanted someone just as much as I did. She had been even closer to them than I had been, unable to call out, unable to move...
I raised my head, stars swirling in front of my eyes, and looked at her. She looked troubled, yet trusting. She had come to me startlingly quickly. If she had decided I was no threat, then I had to repay that. Pulling strength and muster from the tips of every strand of fur, I gave her a half smile, and stood up again. She sat up on her haunches and watched me as I dusted down my fur and turned my gaze again to the desert.

So, they were out there. If only I had left straight away... but I couldn’t think about that. I’d drive myself crazy, and I needed to keep whatever true parts of myself I had. I had my name. I had my emotions. I’d have to guard them, as well as I possibly could.

“Do you think they’ve gone that way?” Tanie was gazing the same direction I was. I heaved a silent sigh, scratching my arm slowly. The horizon looked dead, but beyond that... there could be life. Instead of answering her, I just began to walk, focusing on the feel of the transition between tiles and sand and keeping my gaze fixed on that endless line. The scampering of little paws behind me told me that she was following, and part of me felt glad.

I wouldn’t be alone anymore.

~*~

It was an evening that hummed with fireflies. The sun was huge and still persistently peering over the horizon, casting its long orange gaze over the earth and infusing everything with warmth. A boy sat, his long shorts and t-shirt dyed by the fiery orb, his brown hair ruffled and tanned skin sprinkled with freckles that spoke of long summer nights, lazy days by the river. His faded backpack was open, lying on its back, and his favourite things were scattered in the grass- the largest of which was a Pokémon of white-and-orange, arms behind its head, eyes closed under the pink sky. It was thinking about the day they’d had together. It was the first time they had relaxed in so long. There hadn’t been any battles, and it was grateful, but if there had been reason to fight, it would’ve done so without a moment’s thought. It would’ve done whatever he said.

They were best friends, after all.

“Lorcan... do you think there’s an afterlife?”

The boy’s voice was cheerful, relaxed, and had the tone that a child has when it has had a life of nothing but adoration. His eyes of warm chocolate rested on the Pokémon as his slim, brown fingers played with the grass. The Zangoose’s amber eyes opened and they glowed orange in the light. Not speaking, it turned its head in the grass and looked at its trainer. The boy’s face was graced with a smile.

“I like to think that this will all be over soon, and we can go on living like we do,” he said, and his words seemed to harmonise with the crickets all around them. “But I know you’re in danger, and I like to think that whatever happens...” He leant back on his hands and threw out his legs, raising his face to the watercolour sky. “We’ll be together again someday.”

“...”

The Zangoose kept his eyes on his trainer for a few long seconds, before looking back up to the dotted stars. They both stayed that way, their bodies contained in the same moment by the feel of the grass, the trailing lights of the fireflies, the blurred glow of the sun, and they cherished it. The scent of pine...

“Yeah? You’ll always be by my side, Lorcan. I won’t let it happen to you. Not again.”

Not again.

Not...

The sand was colder now. I’d barely been registering where I’d been staggering. The occasional squeak told me that Tanie was keeping up, but she was slipping in the grains as the desert grew deeper. She was falling behind. I didn’t slow down or relent, too busy trying to haul my memories back inside my mind where they belonged. My heart was beating so fast that I thought I may throw up. I knew his face, now. My trainer, my best friend, the one I had spent those summer days with. There was no hum of fireflies here, no caressing glow, no scent of pine and adventure. It was dark, and it was cold, and the spark in my heart had died as suddenly as it had sprung. A dud firework.

His name...

“Lorcan,” whimpered the Rattata behind me as she floundered in the deep sand. “C-Can you slow down? Are you okay?”

I lurched to a stop, the sand swallowing my legs up to my knees. My arms and shoulders were held so tensely that they were starting to moan in protest. It was a few more seconds before I realised the speed of which my chest was rising and falling. I heard Tanie mewl a little as she tried to pull herself out of the depths, her legs trapped, grains stuck to her whiskers and ears. We had been walking for hours, and yet she had only just asked me to stop. I looked at her, and she looked back with nothing but anxiety.

Anxiety for me.

“...”

Sand slipped in disturbed ripples as I made my way to her, my fur shaking off clumps. She looked up at me with scared eyes as I reached her helpless form, and I had the urge to lift her out of the sand- but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to, because I knew that if I did, I’d put someone else’s problems on my shoulders as well as my own- and I’d have done it by choice. I didn’t want responsibility. Not yet.
I turned my back, and offered her my tail. She scrabbled onto it, hauling herself out of the sand, climbing up the fur on my back and finally flopping with her head besides mine. Her tiny heart was beating twice as fast as my own. How long had I been charging on without a second thought?

“C’mon,” I muttered, starting to walk again, now pushing my legs through the silver sand. My eyes were stinging, but not from the grains.



...

“Don’t... don’t you... LORCAN! NO! NOOO!”

...

“DON’T TAKE HIM! DON’T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME, STOP IT-”

...

“LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME! LORCAN!!”

...

“I WON’T LET- I PROMISED HIM, I PROMISED- NO... no... no...”

...

“Take... take me instead...”

...

“I... Lorcan... I’m sorry...”




~*~

Tanie had a curiosity for life that I found fascinating. After I admitted defeat and eventually stopped for the rest of the night, she still roamed about the sand, poking everything that seemed unusual. The only blemishes on the landscape seemed to be small stones and bits of rock, yet her eyes were bright with inquisition, and she occasionally brought me ‘interesting’ things to look at with an eager expression on her face. I didn’t respond to her particularly well, though my mood lifted as the sun rose. The screams of my best friend hadn’t served for a good night.

I sighed. I regarded him as my best friend, yet I knew nothing of him except the sound of his voice and the way he had smiled at me. Everything was lost, and I wasn’t sure how to regain it. As my eyes followed the distant shape of the Rattata, I wondered if I should ask her if she could remember where she came from. Didn’t Rattata often live in large groups, or families? Or at least in forests abundant with life and other creatures. I only knew of one person I’d had. What did she feel, knowing she could have been part of a huge family?

With vague interest, I watched as Tanie eventually meandered her way back to me. As she drew near, however, I could tell that something was different. She wasn’t carrying a stone. The fur prickled on the back of my neck as I caught sight of her expression, and the length of rope she was carrying. Her eyes were round with fear.

“Lorcan,” she whispered as the rough rope left her mouth and hit the sand. All thoughts of asking her about her family forgotten, I pulled it near to me and examined it. It had obviously been bitten and clawed at, and the ends were severely frayed. My eyebrows knitting slightly, I looked up at her.

“Was it buried?” I asked, but she was trembling.

“No, it was on the top of the sand. Lorcan, there was blood-”

I stood, and without a word, Tanie picked up the rope again, turned, and started to go back to the spot where she had found it. I followed her, squinting slightly as the light started to return to the desert. Several yards onwards, the sun’s rays fell upon crimson sand. The colours gleamed prominently beneath my silent gaze as I stood surrounded by spots of blood.

“Tanie... where was the rope...?”

She looked up at me, and then dropped it beside my foot. I tried violently to suppress a shiver as the screams of my trainer started to echo in my ears again.

“DON’T TAKE HIM! DON’T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME, STOP IT-”

I shook my head.

“... We should move.”



“Take... take me instead...”
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  #17  
Old 12-16-2010, 09:03 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami]

Double post, I know, but just to say that art has been added to the first Chapter!
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  #18  
Old 12-18-2010, 05:51 AM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami]

Whoopsie, I read this a few days ago and forgot to leave a comment. D:


Pretty neat stuff here. I haven't read either of those stories by Kaze or played any of the Colosseum games, so I hope there aren't any plot devices that go right over my head. xD

I enjoyed the grim mood you set through the eyes of Lorcan. His attitude about his lost self is intriguing and realistic. You're also great with details. You choose powerful, appropriate words, without creating a bunch of descriptive clutter.

First bit with the three starter evos was a smidgeon confusing, though. :x Too many knew characters and dialogue at once, makes it a little hard to follow. Color coded thing helped a bit, but shouldn't be necessary. I suggest slowing down the scene and introducing the characters a little more thoroughly first, but maybe that's just me. Just some constructive crit, you write how you wanna!

It was still a great segment, crisp start, and the figurative starting sequence of these characters pretty much waking up to life and starting an adventure was very well done.

Love Tanie too. :3

I am already interested and looking forward to more. :]

Also, P.S. Oops

Quote:
It was still staring at me, and I could tell by its expression that it was deliberately whether or not to say something.
Probably supposed to be ‘deliberating’.

THIS IS A VERY BIG DEAL AND I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED. TSK TSK. ;P
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  #19  
Old 12-20-2010, 02:45 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami]

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmBreon View Post
Whoopsie, I read this a few days ago and forgot to leave a comment. D:

Pretty neat stuff here. I haven't read either of those stories by Kaze or played any of the Colosseum games, so I hope there aren't any plot devices that go right over my head. xD
xD That's fine, I always do that with EVERYTHING. I even forget to reply to PMs and VMs...

Aaaaaah, the Gamecube games are AMAZIN'. O___O GO PLAY THEM. DO IT. NAO.
There shouldn't be, really. It's all pretty straight-forward when it gets right down to eet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmBreon View Post
I enjoyed the grim mood you set through the eyes of Lorcan. His attitude about his lost self is intriguing and realistic. You're also great with details. You choose powerful, appropriate words, without creating a bunch of descriptive clutter.
Really? Thank you! :'D It took ages for me to start writing as him because I kept thinking, he wouldn't be all like 'who am I' etc etc because he'd just be totally out of it. He wouldn't really even know what was happening or what life was, I guess. That's how I looked at it...



Quote:
Originally Posted by EmBreon View Post
First bit with the three starter evos was a smidgeon confusing, though. :x Too many knew characters and dialogue at once, makes it a little hard to follow. Color coded thing helped a bit, but shouldn't be necessary. I suggest slowing down the scene and introducing the characters a little more thoroughly first, but maybe that's just me. Just some constructive crit, you write how you wanna!
Aaah, I always do that. </3 I introduce loads of people at once and move way too fast. I'm not sure why, really. Hopefully I'll grow out of that during this.
Colour-coded dialogue isn't really there to help out, it's there because... I'd feel weird if it wasn't. xD I always do RP posts that way and I've coloured speech since '07, when all my roleplay buddies did it. Our threads were just a mass of screaming and colour, really. xDDD

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmBreon View Post
It was still a great segment, crisp start, and the figurative starting sequence of these characters pretty much waking up to life and starting an adventure was very well done.

Love Tanie too. :3

I am already interested and looking forward to more. :]
Thank you very much! n_n I'm glad you like it.

And you do, huh? Well, goooood. ;P

Tankiu again! =3

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmBreon View Post
Also, P.S. Oops



Probably supposed to be ‘deliberating’.

THIS IS A VERY BIG DEAL AND I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED. TSK TSK. ;P
OH GOD KILL ME NOW *noose*

*... edits*
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  #20  
Old 12-21-2010, 11:08 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami]

Oh, I didn't know you had a new chapter up! :O Silly me x)

ANYWAY, great addition! I love the description you used in this chapter; the first part where you're describing the sand in his fur... I could picture it perfectly! And I think Tanie is a little cutie <3 I hope they catch up for the others.

But man, Lorcan seems to have a terrible pass... I wonder what happened to his trainer D: SOMETHING TERRIBLE I"M SURE! *hopes he's not dead* I wanna know mooooooooore~! :>
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Old 12-28-2010, 05:09 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charmander009 View Post
Oh, I didn't know you had a new chapter up! :O Silly me x)

ANYWAY, great addition! I love the description you used in this chapter; the first part where you're describing the sand in his fur... I could picture it perfectly! And I think Tanie is a little cutie <3 I hope they catch up for the others.

But man, Lorcan seems to have a terrible pass... I wonder what happened to his trainer D: SOMETHING TERRIBLE I"M SURE! *hopes he's not dead* I wanna know mooooooooore~! :>
Yeah, maybe I should put in the title whenever I get one up. xD

Thank you! Ooh, I'm glad. n_n I really like it in stories when you get a crystal-clear image of something that isn't really that important. It just engages the reader more I think, so I try my best to make that happen in my writing. O=
I'm glad you like Tanie, that's my intention. :'D

Yeah, his poor trainer... you'll find out eventually. ^^

Now that Christmas is over, I can WRITEWRITEWRITE and introduce who will probably be my favourite character. xD It'll be interesting as it'll change from first-to-third person. Stay tuuuned~
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Old 01-01-2011, 10:43 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami]

III

The mountain stood to the north. ‘Mountain’ here is a term to be taken loosely, as the structure of it was indeed very loose. It spilled out sideways in a mass of craggy ledges and arched around the dry deserts of the entire region, holding them in a stern, cold embrace. It felt evil.
It overlooked everything, and saw everything. It had harboured many things in its seemingly-endless lifetime, most of them dark and tabooed, and lately it had been no different. The problem was that it was so vast in its entirety that two separate bodies of work could be doing extremely noisy and dangerous things in the various caves and hollows that the ominous thing had, and neither would be any the wiser to the other’s existence. It sat with a chilly indifference. It sat as a guardian for those inside its walls.

The weather up here was different, and that was the first thing she noticed. This massive accumulation of rock and granite seemed to be some sort of defence against the sun itself, and instead of the golden warmth the desert held, it was covered in a sort of stormy light that complimented the winds that howled faintly in her pointed ears. It was cold, unlike the sand she’d left eagerly behind as she’d started to half-walk, half-climb up the rocky surface. This enthusiasm quickly left her, however. The skies were different, and they worried her. Nevertheless, she kept going. Anything had to be better than the lab she’d left behind. Thinking about it, she realised the only reason she was climbing was because of all of the malignant things she’d seen down below- the place she’d awoken in, the destruction up above, and then that huge building she’d passed... the building that was in a worse state of disrepair even than that lab. It was nestled quite close to the mountain and half of it was blown away. Her amber eyes had lowered and her clawed feet had sped up, stumbling in the sand.

Despite having started out on a very gentle slope, her breaths were starting to get louder in her ears, and her legs were beginning to hurt as she climbed and climbed and climbed. It took more and more effort with each step, and she could feel her muscles burn along with her throat. Her hooked silver claws, glinting in the evil light, helped her along as she dragged herself up the mountain face, but they were aching before she even reached quarter of the way up. As her slender arms began to give out, she gripped a wide ledge and hauled herself, shaking, onto it. Heart thudding against the cold floor, she decided to wait until her breath returned to her lungs, and lay there with the storm in her ears.

“Huff... huff... huff...”

Her pulse ticked in her eyelids. She was so tired she felt she could lay there and die- but then what would become of the things she had learned? Indeed, in her weary trek across the desert, she had found that her memories had returned to her quite easily, being as she’d been nothing but a shell when she had awoken in that eerie, glowing room. Let’s see...

She opened her eyes. Everything was blurry, dark and moved ceaselessly. What could she remember? Well, she thought, she could remember her name. Her name was Fein. She remembered a female Sneasel- her mother, probably- saying it to her, and smiling. She remembered saying it herself, in a voice that was free and innocent and full of warm life. Fein. Like rain. She’d always liked the rain. Liked the way it made her dark pelt even darker, and how it fringed her vision when it got stuck to the fur around her eyes. It used to make her giggle. Maybe that’s why she felt better on a storm-held mountain than a desert. Maybe that’s why she’d walked towards it, brain throbbing and heart beating with every step.

She moved her arms, and they hurt. She gazed lifelessly at her funny slanted view, looking at the now-diagonal edge of the ledge and the sprawling desert so far below, in the distance.
She could remember... being taken to the lab. She could remember the smell of fear and other Pokémon, trapped in those small boxes. She could remember how, for days, all she’d seen was darkness, and all she’d heard was the muffled whimpers of the creatures around her, and all she’d felt was the jolt of the disgusting human vehicles they’d been transported in. Their captors had shown their faces eventually by taking the lids off of the boxes, their ugly faces looming over them, and then, blinking in the sudden, painful light with empty bellies and raw throats, they’d found themselves tipped into more cages, boxes, prisons. These ones had bars.

She remembered how they’d felt clenched in her fists.

“Hn..”

Her legs felt numb... and the claws on her feet felt frayed and sore. Probably from scrabbling against the rock on her way up, she thought idly, as her feather-like tail grazed across her upper back. With enormous effort, she rolled onto her back and gazed upwards at the purple sky. It looked so angry. Maybe it WAS angry. Angry at everything that had happened beneath its starry gaze. Huh...

Shadow Pokémon Project

Memo #12

All Shadow Pokémon from Batch 19 to be exported to clients.


She remembered how she could read human.

Shadow Pokémon Project

Memo #17

All Shadow Pokémon from Batch 24 to be kept for CIPHER ADMINS ONLY.
SALAMENCE DRAPION PINSIR MANECTRIC ALAKAZAM GRANBULL


She remembered who had taken them there, and what had been planned. Cipher. Those humans in the white armour and helmets with dark visors had swarmed that laboratory. They, the Pokémon, were going to have their ‘hearts closed’. But... as she’d screwed the paper up in her fist and tosses it back onto the sandy tiles, she’d thought... she’d thought...

She wasn’t Shadow.
She wasn’t a Shadow Pokémon.

So... that was the thought that kept her occupied that night. Cipher had, at least, fallen.

And she was alive.

*

The morning dawned, cold and bright. Her limbs stiff from being curled-up for hours, Fein awoke with foggy vision and an aching body, and a stomach that growled its complaint. All around her was silence, and her hunger made the only noises for miles as she managed to get to her feet. The breeze in her fur felt good, and though it hurt when she stretched, the pain eventually melted into a warm feeling that made her sigh as she relaxed. She still wasn’t entirely sure what to do, though the more she thought about it, the more obvious her choices became. She could either go back down to the dry desert to walk and walk and walk, or she could keep climbing. Take it slowly this time. She had several hours of daylight in which to pace herself. Hm.

Click... click click click...

Fein’s pointed crimson ear twitched and she turned slightly towards the sound, amber eyes flashing. Following the small stone that had fallen down the cliff face onto her ledge was a trail of dirt, and then several more pebbles that made a soft scattering noise in the quiet. She peered upwards, staring at the jagged monument that stabbed the sky, one eye squinting slightly as she searched for the source of movement.

Nothing. Hm.

THUD.

A sharp pain in her skull told her that a rock had just crashed into her cranium. Fein let out a yelp of pain and rubbed her head rapidly, teeth gritted, as she gave the mountain an extra-ferocious glare of death- but then stopped, narrowed eyes widening again. Either the stupid oversized pile of stone was laughing at her, or... she could hear muffled voices. That is, she guessed they were voices... it’d been so long since she’d heard one...

Her ear gave another twitch as she looked left and then right, and then suddenly, as if deciding on the spot, she walked determinedly at the mountain and gripped the rough wall with her hooked claws. The gathering of strength was visible in her face before she pulled herself up, scraped her feet against the stone for a hold, paused, and then started to climb.

*

Several feet above Fein was a cave that used to be known to the humans in the cities of Orre as the ‘Cave Pokéspot’. Apparently it was the only place in the whole of land that wild Pokémon appeared, and that was when they were lured there by food left by hopeful trainers. However, wild Pokémon hadn’t been to the Pokéspots for a long time. Not since the humans left. The desert was the only place to find them now.

Though that isn’t to say it wasn’t occupied. Down the dark tunnel was a large stone clearing, adorned with stalagmites and stalactites and lit always by fireflies, and inside, at the moment, was a Pokémon. The flickering flame on the end of its tail gave the cavern an earthy, volcanic glow, and threw its orange fur into sharp relief. Arched around its dark eyes was an azure mask- the oddest colour on the monkey-like creature, though there was an odder colour around it. Glowing from its very skin was a purple haze, very faint, but still noticeable, and it gave the entire Monferno a slightly dark colouring. It twitched. At the moment it wasn’t making a sound; it was merely stretched out on the floor and listening to the drops of water that echoed somewhere in the distance. Feldas was alone, and he was savouring the precious silence.

As he laid there, eyes closed, he went over things. It had been a few weeks now since most of the organisation had left the Cave. It was too small for the amount of Pokémon that were getting involved in the plan. He believed Pyrite had been their destination, what with their desire to speed up the Shadow processes and their growing numbers of captured fools, but it had been such a long time since he’d heard anything... and being stuck here with those two...

Ugh.

Before everybody had left, he’d been told to stay here and keep the Cave as a base. Apparently, extra prisoners were to be brought here for storage whenever they were captured in the desert- but Feldas had seen nothing. No movement. Nobody in the desert. Nothing.

He was perhaps starting to go a little mad with boredom.

*

“I told yeh we’d see nothin’.”

“Shut up, Gorigan.”

Pebbles and dirt were scattered over the edge of the mountain path as two Pokémon made their slow way up it. A lumbering tortoise-like creature, with green skin and a golden shell sprouting shrubs, made a sulky grunting noise as he hauled himself along on legs like tree stumps. As he glared at the back of his companion, the violet aura around his body seemed to grow brighter.

“Well, I did tell yeh, and yeh di’n’t listen to me, and we ended up wastin’ our time again-”

“I told you to shut up, Gorigan,” the other Pokémon hissed, stopping in its path for a few seconds to compose itself. As it started again, the dull blue flippers hanging by its body seemed to tense, and like the Grotle behind it, its aura started to glow brighter as its anger flared.

“Well I ain’t listenin’ to yeh, Jomas.” The Grotle’s voice was starting to rise, and pent-up annoyance began to show through his face. “Feldas was left in charge o’ this, an’ I’ll listen to Feldas and I ain’t listenin’ to yeh anymore, so yeh can shut yer beak, yeh stupid penguin!”

There was another scattering of pebbles as Jomas turned violently on the spot. The Prinplup’s aura flashed malevolently as he eyed Gorigan with rising disdain. “You chose to come with me and not stay with Feldas,” he snapped, his eyes gleaming like two chips of ice. “You also were curious, you stupid beast, you also wanted to see if anyone had come near the mountain or desert!”

“But nobody has, have they?” Gorigan roared, and he rose back on his hind legs, and he fell again with a thud that made the ledge tremble. Something down below shouted, but neither heard. “Everyone’s forgotten abou’ us, an’ we’ve been left here for dead!”

“I don’t blame them for leaving you,Jomas snarled quietly, taking a few threatening steps towards Gorigan with eyes dark with fury. “If I didn’t know you were probably stupid enough to topple off of this godforsaken mountain, I’d take the trouble to throw you off myself-“

“ARE YOU STARTIN’ SOMETHIN’, JOMAS?”

“You ridiculous great tortoise, you started this yourself.”

“DON’ YOU TURN AWAY FROM M-”

The blue penguin, his body half-turned away from Gorigan, stopped as the tortoise did. Both were suddenly alert, stiff not from anger but from surprise. Scratching noises and the sound of heavy breathing could be heard a few metres below their feet.

“Hush,” Jomas hissed the instant Gorigan opened his mouth. Disgruntled, the Grotle stepped away from the ledge as the Prinplup approached it. Heart beating beneath his feathers, he peered over the edge, to see a Sneasel with a look of pure desperation on her face, hanging by her claws.

*

Every muscle in Fein’s body had screamed in protest, but she hadn’t slowed down or stopped, even when it became obvious that Pokémon were above her. Without any regards for her safety she continued to haul herself up, panting, her heart giving a horrific twist when the mountain seemed to shake suddenly against her small body. She’d shouted, but she wasn’t sure if she’d been heard.

She was only positive that they knew she was there when she came face-to-face with a Prinplup with a purple glow.

“Ah,” was all she could manage, before her aching arms were seized and she was lifted with surprising strength and thrown like a ragdoll onto the mountain path. She skidded slightly in the dirt and lay there, gasping for breath, before sitting up and pulling herself to her feet. In front of her was a penguin with a face full of incredulity, and a dumbstruck, slightly slack-jawed Grotle. Her eyes darted between both of them, the breeze running through her fur, her arms slowly rising into a fighting stance.

“Don’t think of attacking,” the Prinplup said softly, his eyes glued to hers. Fein thought this was a rather hypocritical statement, as she could tell by the way his body was positioned that he was ready to lunge at a moment’s notice. “There are three of us, and one of you.”

Three? A brisk look up and down the path told Fein all she needed to know.

“Two,” she said, her voice steady. “Apparently you can’t count.”

“Three,” the Prinplup went on smoothly. “Now, you either tell us where you came from, or we throw you off the edge. I can tell you aren’t an Aura Pokémon.”

“Aura Pokémon?” Fein repeated, before her eyes widened a little in recognition. Aura... Shadow. Memories began to flood into her brain and she had to concentrate hard as the Prinplup began to speak again.

“What’s your name?”

“Name?” Fein repeated, her eyes out of focus and eyebrows arched downwards. Cipher... Shadow... Aura... Hearts...

“Yes, your name,” the Prinplup snarled impatiently. “Surely you aren’t that thick, girl?”

“You’re Shadow Pokémon.”

Apparently this wasn’t the answer that was expected. The Grotle began to growl low in his throat, and both of the strangers stepped closer. Fein growled back slightly in reply, unsure.

“So what if we’re Shadow Pokémon?” The penguin’s expression was turning seriously nasty, Fein realised, and her heart sank as she felt her back hit rock. She swallowed.

“My name is Fein.” She sounded braver than expected, her voice strong and level. “What are your names?”

“You don’ need to know,” the Grotle began with a threatening look, but the Prinplup silenced him. He stared at her, this Sneasel with defiant eyes. She looked worn, and he could see confusion there, somewhere. However, he couldn’t allow letting his guard down.

“My name is Jomas. He’s Gorigan.” A gesture of a flipper. “Where do you come from?”

Apparently co-operating made things easier. “I don’t know,” she replied, choosing her words carefully from amongst the crowd of things inside her mind. “I woke up in the lab, in the desert.”

“You were in storage.” Jomas nodded, and then looked at her expectantly, as if waiting for her to continue. Fein stared at him.

“How do you know?”

“Because we all were,” he replied impatiently, beginning to pace a little. “We all came from the laboratory, that’s where Cipher operated at one point in its career.”

“All?” Fein’s heart began to beat faster. She wasn’t the only one! Well, she had sorta known that, but... to hear it from someone else’s beak...

Gorigan was staring between them, utterly incomprehensive. Jomas finally drew to a halt and faced her, his brain working rapidly. “You are clueless.” It was said more to himself than to her. Fein’s eyes narrowed slightly, but she didn’t speak. “You know of what was to happen to you?”

“They were to turn me Shadow,” Fein snarled at him, anger rising out of nowhere.

“Yes. If you wish we can complete the cycle for you.”

What?

Horror of some, sickening form began to bubble in her stomach as Fein gazed at the two Pokémon in front of her. They looked strong, she realised, stronger than they should, and the violet auras surrounding them made their eyes demonically unnatural. She wasn’t dealing with normal Pokémon, she was dealing with creatures who had had their hearts closed. Fighting machines. That’s what they had been made to be... her eyes lowered to the floor...

“You are... a dual type, are you not?”

Her heart was thumping wildly. These Pokémon wanted to be Shadow, wanted her to be Shadow... she was nodding without even realising... sneers passed Jomas and Gorigan’s faces at her answer...

“We can fix that for you. Shadow is the ultimate type. We can make your blood pure... not a filthy mutant mix.”

She looked up at them again. Jomas was smirking, Gorigan looking dumbly triumphant. She barely realised she was trembling.

“We are Team Darkspace. Follow us.”

Well, there you go. :3 I was going to continue this chapter and have her meet Feldas, but I decided that was quite enough introductions. :P Also I liked the idea of ending on that sentence. xDD
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  #23  
Old 01-03-2011, 06:16 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami] - Chapter 3!

Hi! I'm back again.
So this sucks. It's unbalanced, all over the place, and half the time I just can't tell what the heck is going on. Since when do Pokemon talk like people, If I don't read some "Pi-Pika-chuu~~!" I'm gonna be upset!

Nah, just kidding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tombi
The mountain stood to the north. ‘Mountain’ here is a term to be taken loosely, as the structure of it was indeed very CHEESE. It spilled out sideways in a mass of craggy CHEESE and arched around the CHEESE deserts of the CHEESE region, holding them in a CHEESE, CHEESE CHEESE. It felt CHEESY.
So I thought I'd hit you with some nostalgic MSN conversation quotes.

Anyways, yeah, I friggin' need a nap after reading all that, because reading makes me sleepy, which is why I haven't written anything to do with Vorgu. ANYWAYS, Caitlin, I'll refrain from grammatical corrections, as I'm American and a good deal of it would cause me to throw in nationalism like "REALIZE IS SPELLED WITH A Z! NOT AN S! YOU BRIT-TWIT!" and it'd end badly. So yeah, I'll just be the complimentary type.

K, so I really like where you're going with this. Like, I really liked the shift from point of views in the 3rd chapter. It all flowed well, it was well put together, and described well. You're incredibly detailed in your descriptions of the characters, as well as their surroundings, and I literally got a cold chill with that Prinplup. He's a creepy dude.

So you're doin' it rite. I'm out of this thing. I may start my story.. xD
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  #24  
Old 01-03-2011, 06:25 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami] - Chapter 3!

Quote:
Originally Posted by XaiakuX View Post
Hi! I'm back again.
So this sucks. It's unbalanced, all over the place, and half the time I just can't tell what the heck is going on. Since when do Pokemon talk like people, If I don't read some "Pi-Pika-chuu~~!" I'm gonna be upset!

Nah, just kidding.

So I thought I'd hit you with some nostalgic MSN conversation quotes.

Anyways, yeah, I friggin' need a nap after reading all that, because reading makes me sleepy, which is why I haven't written anything to do with Vorgu. ANYWAYS, Caitlin, I'll refrain from grammatical corrections, as I'm American and a good deal of it would cause me to throw in nationalism like "REALIZE IS SPELLED WITH A Z! NOT AN S! YOU BRIT-TWIT!" and it'd end badly. So yeah, I'll just be the complimentary type.

K, so I really like where you're going with this. Like, I really liked the shift from point of views in the 3rd chapter. It all flowed well, it was well put together, and described well. You're incredibly detailed in your descriptions of the characters, as well as their surroundings, and I literally got a cold chill with that Prinplup. He's a creepy dude.

So you're doin' it rite. I'm out of this thing. I may start my story.. xD
OH HOW COULD YOU T________T

Oh. Good. ♥

HAHAHA YES. Oh. I wanted to use that similie so bad BUT IT SOUNDED SO DUMB. XD

Well, to be HONEST, English is from ENGLAND. SO WE'RE RIGHT. *prods*

You like Jomas, huh? Yeah, he's like one of my typical ******* characters. xD I love writing those. I'm glad you like it!
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:31 AM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami] - Chapter 3!

Okay, I've been reading a lot of fanfictions lately and trying to review more on this site, so I decided to start reading this one.

I really, really love it so far. I haven't played the games, so some things are a bit confusing to me, but I know enough about shadow pokemon that it's not that bad. I especially liked the parts of the story from Lorcan's point of view. It's so interesting and makes me wonder a lot about him and the story.

I also think it's neat that you're dedicating this to a friend who wrote stories but never finished them. It's always made me sad to see stories I love never get finished, especially when they end on cliffhangers. T________T

I think my favorite character so far is Tanie, but I'll talk more about that later.

(In Chapter 2)
Quote:
It was still staring at me, and I could tell by its expression that it was deliberately whether or not to say something.
Wrong word. XD

(Chapter 3)
Quote:
Arched around its dark eyes was an azure mask- the oddest colour on the monkey-like creature, though there was an odder colour around it. Glowing from its very skin was a purple haze, very faint, but still noticeable, and it gave the entire Monferno a slightly dark colouring.
This seemed odd (haha), because it said the oddest color on the pokemon was the blue, yet afterward said the purple glow around it was odder. The wording was kind of confusing.

(Also Chapter 3)
Quote:
Horror of some, sickening form began to bubble in her stomach
Unnecessary comma!


Anyway, I'm going to talk about the story as a whole since I started reading this kind of late, after you posted three chapters. I loved the music you posted with the second chapter, and I was disappointed there was no music for the third. The second chapter's music really went with the mood of the chapter, especially the part at the beginning when Lorcan met Tanie.

The part in the first chapter with all the pokemon leaving was a bit confusing, but I really liked how one of the characters was a good (or at least I think so XD) beedril, and not an evil or mean one. Yay non-stereotypes!

I find it strange how they don't seem to feel hunger or thirst, or at least not yet. I wonder why that is, and when they'll start to get weak as they travel.

I really like the description in all the chapters, especially the scenes from Lorcan's point of view. I thought it was very well done and I could picture everything perfectly.

I really love Tanie. She seems so curious and bright and her past is interesting, especially how she was left behind because she couldn't get the other pokemon's attention. I like how willing she is to befriend Lorcan. :3

That blood on the ground...I wonder what it's from. I was thinking it could be Lorcan's trainer, but I don't know how long ago whatever happened to him happened, so I don't know.

Fein and Feldas are also interesting characters, and I like how there are all these pokemon who have woken up and left at different times and now are wandering out in the desert. I'm really curious as to where the plot is going to go and I'm interested to see more of what happened to the characters. I'll definitely keep reading this!
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  #26  
Old 01-04-2011, 12:29 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami] - Chapter 3!

Oooh, new chapter!

I was listening to a movie soundtrack while reading, and it went really well... It was like this piano piece, but it had like an orchestra behind it, and listening to it while reading sent like chills up my spine. (Maybe slight exaggeration, but you get the idea.) If you're curious on what it is, the movie's called Marbles with Thoreau... Honestly, though, it's kind of just a test for the full thing, and the only reason I know about it and have the soundtrack is because my dad played in it....


But enough about music and more about this.

AAAUGH, DON'T TRUST THAT GUY, FEIN. HE'S SPOOKY.

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna call Tomas from now on. 'Spooky dude'. Because I can. xD

But really, good chapter! ...I... I never know how to critique... xD
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Old 01-04-2011, 06:51 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami] - Chapter 3!

EEEEEEEEEEE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Okay, I've been reading a lot of fanfictions lately and trying to review more on this site, so I decided to start reading this one.

I really, really love it so far. I haven't played the games, so some things are a bit confusing to me, but I know enough about shadow pokemon that it's not that bad. I especially liked the parts of the story from Lorcan's point of view. It's so interesting and makes me wonder a lot about him and the story.
Huzzah! I love readers. ♥ Thank you for choosing to read it!

Ooooh, really?! <3 Yay! Yeah, I think that as I'm so familiar with the games I'm not really explaining EVERYTHING xD But I hope it's not too confusing.
Well, most of the story will be from Lorcan's view, so I'm glad you like it! Whoo!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I also think it's neat that you're dedicating this to a friend who wrote stories but never finished them. It's always made me sad to see stories I love never get finished, especially when they end on cliffhangers. T________T
Thank you. n_n I know, Shadow Sky was left at THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME. One main character went crazy and attacked the other main character, really, and the chapter was left WITH THROAT-SQUEEZING AND HISSED THREATS

AND THAT'S IT
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
(In Chapter 2)

Wrong word. XD

(Chapter 3)

This seemed odd (haha), because it said the oddest color on the pokemon was the blue, yet afterward said the purple glow around it was odder. The wording was kind of confusing.

(Also Chapter 3)

Unnecessary comma!
Aaaah, thank you! I see what you mean about the wording. *changes*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Anyway, I'm going to talk about the story as a whole since I started reading this kind of late, after you posted three chapters. I loved the music you posted with the second chapter, and I was disappointed there was no music for the third. The second chapter's music really went with the mood of the chapter, especially the part at the beginning when Lorcan met Tanie.
Oooh, I'm glad you did. He's my favourite Youtube composer. xD I'm planning on posting music regularly but for chapter three, I was in a strange mood where music put me off. I needed silence for it, which is odd, which is why it lacks music. There'll be some with the next chapter!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
The part in the first chapter with all the pokemon leaving was a bit confusing, but I really liked how one of the characters was a good (or at least I think so XD) beedril, and not an evil or mean one. Yay non-stereotypes!
I'm terrible for confusing bits. xD I apologise.
Yeah, I've never really stereotyped, Pokemon aren't meant to be that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I find it strange how they don't seem to feel hunger or thirst, or at least not yet. I wonder why that is, and when they'll start to get weak as they travel.
Aaah, but we'll get onto that. ;3 I was wondering if someone would notice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I really like the description in all the chapters, especially the scenes from Lorcan's point of view. I thought it was very well done and I could picture everything perfectly.
Thank you so much n_n Description has always been something I've tried hard at, I think... I just love to be able to picture things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I really love Tanie. She seems so curious and bright and her past is interesting, especially how she was left behind because she couldn't get the other pokemon's attention. I like how willing she is to befriend Lorcan. :3
I'm so glad! xD No seriously, I really am glad everyone loves her...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
That blood on the ground...I wonder what it's from. I was thinking it could be Lorcan's trainer, but I don't know how long ago whatever happened to him happened, so I don't know.
Oooh, all will be revealed soon, my friend! n_n (I wrote 'fried' at first xDDD My fried...)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Fein and Feldas are also interesting characters, and I like how there are all these pokemon who have woken up and left at different times and now are wandering out in the desert. I'm really curious as to where the plot is going to go and I'm interested to see more of what happened to the characters. I'll definitely keep reading this!
I like Fein and Feldas too! xD I'm really happy you like it, Scy. Thanks for commenting, it means so much~ :'D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doodlebop View Post
Oooh, new chapter!
Indeed, new chapter! xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doodlebop View Post
I was listening to a movie soundtrack while reading, and it went really well... It was like this piano piece, but it had like an orchestra behind it, and listening to it while reading sent like chills up my spine. (Maybe slight exaggeration, but you get the idea.) If you're curious on what it is, the movie's called Marbles with Thoreau... Honestly, though, it's kind of just a test for the full thing, and the only reason I know about it and have the soundtrack is because my dad played in it....
Oooh, I'll definitely check it out! Thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doodlebop View Post
AAAUGH, DON'T TRUST THAT GUY, FEIN. HE'S SPOOKY.

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna call Tomas from now on. 'Spooky dude'. Because I can. xD

But really, good chapter! ...I... I never know how to critique... xD
xDD Is that an attempt to shout up the mountain? Dun' think she can hear it, it's pretty high up... ;__;

xD Spooky Dude. I dunno if he'd appreciate that...

Jomas: >___>

It's fine, critiques aren't necessary, just lovely comments! Thank you!
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  #28  
Old 01-05-2011, 06:06 AM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami] - Chapter 3!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tombi View Post
[INDENT][INDENT]EEEEEEEEEEE



Huzzah! I love readers. ♥ Thank you for choosing to read it!

Ooooh, really?! <3 Yay! Yeah, I think that as I'm so familiar with the games I'm not really explaining EVERYTHING xD But I hope it's not too confusing.
Well, most of the story will be from Lorcan's view, so I'm glad you like it! Whoo!
You're welcome!

Well, it hasn't been confusing for me so far, so that's good. xD

Quote:
Thank you. n_n I know, Shadow Sky was left at THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME. One main character went crazy and attacked the other main character, really, and the chapter was left WITH THROAT-SQUEEZING AND HISSED THREATS

AND THAT'S IT
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH
DX I hate that! That happened with one of my favorite stories (on another site) and I'll never be able to see what happened or if one of the characters survived...

Quote:
Oooh, I'm glad you did. He's my favourite Youtube composer. xD I'm planning on posting music regularly but for chapter three, I was in a strange mood where music put me off. I needed silence for it, which is odd, which is why it lacks music. There'll be some with the next chapter!
Oh, okay. Well, I really liked the idea of putting music there. ^^


Quote:
I'm terrible for confusing bits. xD I apologise.
Yeah, I've never really stereotyped, Pokemon aren't meant to be that way.
I agree. I find it really annoying when all the good guys in a story are cute pokemon and all the bad ones are scary-looking ones or dark types. DX


Quote:
Aaah, but we'll get onto that. ;3 I was wondering if someone would notice.
Yeah, I knew there was a reason, I'm just wondering what it is. XD

Quote:
Thank you so much n_n Description has always been something I've tried hard at, I think... I just love to be able to picture things.
So do I! Only...I'm not very good at writing it. xD

Quote:
I'm so glad! xD No seriously, I really am glad everyone loves her...
You should be! She's an awesome character!

Quote:
Oooh, all will be revealed soon, my friend! n_n (I wrote 'fried' at first xDDD My fried...)

I like Fein and Feldas too! xD I'm really happy you like it, Scy. Thanks for commenting, it means so much~ :'D
XDDDD (My fried?)

You're welcome (again), and I'll be sure to read and comment on the other chapters when you put them up!
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  #29  
Old 01-07-2011, 03:11 AM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami] - Chapter 3!

Sorry 'bout the late reply, but things are a bit hectic with school starting up again ^^' BUT I did read this a while back and thought it a great addition!!! Shadow Pokemon, FTW! Well, even though they're kinda bad, and a little unnatural, but STILL THEY WIN!!!

I thought it interesting how you portrayed them; I never really thought that they could think/feel/act rationally, but here they're not quite as beastly as that--and I like that, seeing them from this new perspective. BUT THEY ARE EBIL!!! Or, at least, they seem so. At the moment. Maybe they're not? :o I CAN"T WAIT TO FIND OUT! ^o^

I hope the Sneasel doesn't get changed, though. I really like her :( She's strong-willed, determined... golly, what will they do to her?
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Old 01-07-2011, 04:45 PM
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Default Re: >>Shadow End<< [Dedicated to Kaze Megami] - Chapter 3!

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Originally Posted by Charmander009 View Post
Sorry 'bout the late reply, but things are a bit hectic with school starting up again ^^' BUT I did read this a while back and thought it a great addition!!! Shadow Pokemon, FTW! Well, even though they're kinda bad, and a little unnatural, but STILL THEY WIN!!!
No problem, I know what that's like. ^^;
Thank you! :'D

A LITTLE unnatural? You call havin' your heart closed and a purple aura a LITTLE unnatural, missy?! xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charmander009 View Post
I thought it interesting how you portrayed them; I never really thought that they could think/feel/act rationally, but here they're not quite as beastly as that--and I like that, seeing them from this new perspective. BUT THEY ARE EBIL!!! Or, at least, they seem so. At the moment. Maybe they're not? :o I CAN"T WAIT TO FIND OUT! ^o^
Thank you. n_n Well, in the games, Shadow Pokemon were made to obey the humans, as fighting machines. As there's no humans here, that idea wouldn't work as well, even though as you can see from the last chapter, they believe Cipher's aims at least a little. Whenever I played the GC games, I always thought what it'd be like if it was in the anime... like how the normal Pokemon would react to the Shadow in the team. I just thought there'd be some animosity there, and the Shadow Pokemon would be all distasteful, thinking themselves made to be superior. LIKE MEWTWO. xD I tried to incorporate that :O

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charmander009 View Post
I hope the Sneasel doesn't get changed, though. I really like her :( She's strong-willed, determined... golly, what will they do to her?
I really like her, too. n_n *cuddles Fein*
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