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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 10-09-2010, 06:23 PM
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Default Wittle Wurmple Ready for grading.

Words- 755
Characters Required- 3000-5000
Characters (No Spaces)- 3,450
Characters (With Spaces)-4,323
Attempt to Capture: wurmple


“WURRRRRRRMMMMPPPPLLLLEEE!” Lauren shrieked as she searched the field in front of her house for her friend, Wurmple. Lauren was only 4 years old, not having a care in the world, she stood only 2’ feet 6 inches and her best friend was a wild Wurmple that lived in front of her house. Every day she would come outside to play with the Wurmple. Lauren had a big imagination; she always pretended she was a Pokémon trainer and was traveling the world to become the best Pokémon Coordinator. Other times she would pretend to be a princess having to protect the castle with her Wurmple from the swarms of Zigzagoon attacking the castle. Lauren would usually imagine herself older, her uncombed brown pigtails now turning into straight brown hair, her little pink dresses changing to a shirt and some shorts, and her white and pink light up shoes turning into sandals, but her Wurmple would always stay the same.

Lauren searched around her entire front yard for her Wurmple; she searched through every bush, past every tree, and around every corner of her yard, but couldn’t find her little Wurmple. Lauren was too young to leave her yard so she couldn’t go search for Wurmple anywhere else. After continuous searching, she still couldn’t find her little Wurmple.


“Lauren, time to come inside. It’s getting a little late hunny,” Lauren's mom shouted. Lauren's mom was only 25 years old and looked a lot like what Lauren pictured herself looking like when she was older.

“Momma,” Lauren asked, “Do you think Wurmple will come back?” Lauren finished as she looked up at her mom with her big, blue, watery eyes.


“I don’t know baby, how about you go to sleep and we’ll see in the morning.” Lauren's mom told her as she put Lauren to bed..

~

Lauren quickly awoke the next morning, anxious to find Wurmple. Her mom was already awake with breakfast on the table. Lauren was put in her chair with help from her mom and quickly scarfed down as much food as she could until she was full. After eating, Lauren ran outside and searched for Wurmple again. But Wurmple wasn’t in her yard. Lauren stood on her tippy toes looking past her yard too see if she could see Wurmple anywhere.


“Wurm, WURMPLE!” Lauren heard from her ears. “Momma! COME QUICK!” Lauren yelled. “It's Wurmple, I hear him!” Lauren's mom ran outside. “You found your Wurmple?” Lauren's mom asked. Lauren shook her head no, but pointed outward toward the route by their house.


When they arrived at the route, Lauren saw her Wurmple. It was in the shape as every other Wurmple, but instead of being the normal reddish-orange, it was a purplish-pink color and instead of a tan-like body it had lighter body. Lauren knew it was hers because she had never seen another Wurmple like it near her house.

In front of the Wurmple was a male trainer about the age of ten, his hair was short and blonde, he was kinda chubby, but wasn’t completely fat. Wurmple looked a little weak. Lauren ran quickly to her Wurmple as the boy trainer in front of it pulled out a pokeball as if he was going to battle it.


“Nooooooooooo, you can’t catch my Wurmple!” Lauren screamed as tears began to fall down her face. “It’s my best friend,” Lauren continued. “Please don’t take him away from me,” she finished as the trainer walked over to her.

“So this is your Wurmple, huh?” The Trainer wondered as he patted her on the back. “Well what do you say if I catch it for you so you can have it forever?” he asked. Laurens face lit up with excitement as she shook her head up and down in excitement.

“All right, let’s go Gulpin!” The trainer shouted as his pokeball released a green booger-looking Pokémon with some sort of yellow feather on its head and an extremely puckered face. “Gulpin, use a Sludge Bomb!” The trainer called out as Gulpin shot out some purple gunk from its mouth. Wurmple shot out a string shot out of its mouth. Wurmple had tried to break the sludge but had failed, Gulpin’s sludge bomb had hit it directly and Wurmple was hurt badly.


“Here, go ahead and catch it,” The boy told Lauren as he handed her an empty Pokeball. Lauren ran up to the Wurmple and touched the Wurmple with the pokeball. Wurmple was quickly sucked into the ball and the ball began to shake.

Last edited by JokesterJesse; 10-09-2010 at 09:24 PM.
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  #2  
Old 10-10-2010, 12:13 AM
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Default Re: Wittle Wurmple Ready for grading.

Introduction
The introduction to your story was done nicely, however it was a tad vague. What was the inside of the room like, what was the house like? Try and paint a picture for the reader, as the introduction is what brings the reader into your story. Other than that, the introduction was a nice opening to your story.


Plot
Girl has wild Wurmple, its her best friend. Girl can’t find Wurmple one day, finds it the next, says its her friend, trainer weakens the Pokemon for girl. Pretty bland if you ask me, but then again it is for a Wurmple, and the plot is somewhat original. To improve on your plot, try and think up some potential original ideas, or take a look at other stories, but don’t steal from them, merely use them to inspire you upon your own plots.

Grammar
Overly, your grammar is alright, but there are mistakes with punctuation within a sentence, writing style, vocabulary use and a few others. Apart from that, your grammar was fine, and I must say nice job on a good story, with appealing grammar. To improve on your grammar, use a Word Checker like Microsoft Words, Microsoft Works Word Processor, or things like that.

Detail
The detail is quite lacking in your story, and I would of preferred to see more detail placed upon your story, but then again, it is of course for a Wurmple, and they don’t essentially require detail. However, for more harder Pokemon, you will definitely want good usage of detail within your stories. To improve on detail, try and be imaginative. Imagine your story as a piece of paper in front of you, and the computer your paint brush, your mind your paint. Let your imagination roam free as you describe the colours of the surroundings and the emotions on the characters face.


Battle
The battle was immensely short in my opinion, and quite frankly battles need drama, suspense, excitement, which your battle lacked. However, I have to take into account that it is for a Wurmple, so I’ll let you off, though for further stories you will want to make battles longer. To improve on your battles go into detail about the attacks, were they pathetic attacks that the Pokemon brushed off with ease, or a powerful surge of energy which sent the Pokemon flying? Detail is key to the battles.


Length
Satisfactory. Need I say more?


Spoiler:
Outcome
Though there were obviously problems with your story, I must take into account that this is for a Wurmple, and detailing isn’t really that important for such a low target, however, in the future, detail, grammar and introduction are key points. As well as Plot. Plot is the most important part of the story in my view, alongside detail, as the plot displays the story, and the detail brings the story to life. Now, I must say Wurmple Capture. Nice job.
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