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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 04-14-2010, 03:42 PM
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Default The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Before you read anymore into the story, I must make a spoiler warning. This story contains a not yet released pokemon from Generation V. However, its out there on the internet, Bulbapedia and anybody whos a half-hearted pokemon fan must have found out about it already. Not much is said about it, so theres not much to spoil as theres only two pokemon shown from Generation V and its literally just what they look like and they're names. HOWEVER if you wish not to know, fine. Up to you. Take this warning.





Now then, hello! I'm pretty new too these forums, but not new to RP or Fan Fiction writing. I've been a long time pokemon fan played every single game from Red to Platinum. Addicted to it I am. Now I've always wanted to write a pokemon fanfic but never acctually got round to doing it as such. Well now I've got time, and I'm giving it a damn good shot now and to be perfectly honest I can't wait to get this story going. The story's main antagonist is as said above a non-released pokemon so everything that I'm writing about it is all Theory! It could be the nicest, happiest most friendly pokemon in the world but the way I percive the picture, I'm portraying it as a villain. For those of you who don't know what I'm on about, the pokemon and its pre-evoloution areee ...


Zorua


And its evolved form

Zoroark

So, now you know what pokemon I'm on about, I'm gonna put this little bit in so nobody steals my fan-fic.

Fan-Fiction Name: The Shifting Darkness
Sites Posted On: Here ONLY (Altrius)
Other sites I may post it on: None at the moment, will update if I post it anywhere else.


Finally, a few things I may do differently in the story.

- I'm not the best writer in the world, but I try hard to fix spelling mistakes and grammer. If you spot any of these, would appriciate pointing it out. I ain't perfect :)
- I will use some levels of gore, nothing major like decapitating heads, simple cuts etc. Swear words will be limited to 'Arse' 'Hell' ( Hells a swearword?!?) 'Damn' 'Bloody'. And as far as I'm concered,
pokemon + man and women happytime? Lets leave that for the adult sites shall we.
- No, my pokemon isn't stupid and can't only remember four moves.
- And just cause it can happen and it makes things a lot easier, the pokemon can talk in my story :)

Now that thats all out of the way, I shall leave you with your juices (Hopefully) Raring for more with the little prologue I have written up, which you will find in the next two posts.

Thank you, and enjoy.


Now I've got a few chapters up, I'll post a nice contents list for you all, aren't I good to you :)

Prologue
Chapter 1: A Morning Surprise: [Part 1] [Part 2]
Chapter 2: The Lightning American: [Part 1] [Part 2]
Chapter 3: Maddie Harper: [Part 1] [Part 2]
Chapter 4: Secrets Best Forgotten: [Part 1] [Part 2]

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Last edited by Altrius; 05-24-2010 at 05:49 PM.
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Old 04-14-2010, 03:43 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Reserved for Character profiles :)
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Old 04-14-2010, 03:44 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Prologue

Hoenn, a land unchanged for a years, people and pokemon living together in a harmonious state. Team Magma and Team Aqua have disbanded, they’re leaders realising that they’re goals are misguided and they were fools. As a result, both Maxie and Archie have been sent to prison for they’re crimes, and the rest of the teams have split up to search for an honest way to live in this world. Grouden and Kyogre have been sent back to they’re slumber, Rayquaza watches from his perk in the sky and the red and blue orbs are back where they belong. All is well in the land of Hoenn, but something is coming, something that threatens to tear the world apart once more; something that has never been seen before. And there’s only one person who can stop this catastrophe happening …


~~~#~~~


The dark shape flitted left and right across the mountain top. Never stopping, never relenting and never faltering from its journey. This creature had travelled a long way from a land so distant to Hoenn, few if any in the land had heard of its existence. Why this creature now travelled to Hoenn was unknown, but it travelled with a determined focus and its purpose was obviously vitally important to it. Wherever it was travelling, it was travelling at break-neck speeds.

The creature shifted, its head turning sideways then it ground to a ear-splitting halt, its claws digging into the terrain of the mountain as it tore great chunks out to slow itself down. Using its front claws to steady itself, it looked around for the sign of disturbance that had made it stop so suddenly, eyes wary and ears pricked.

A tumble of rocks to its left and another shape flew out of blue at a significant speed towards the creature, but not fast enough as the dark creature swiftly grabbed, tackled and threw the attacker into the ground beneath it with incredible strength, pinning it with its left knee. Now that it was still, the moonlight shined down upon the Absol below the creature, which groaned in pain from the attack.

The creature looked down at the Absol, and smirked “Well, well, well. What have I caught myself here? You’re a pokemon aren’t you little one? What’s your name?” It asked, raising its right arm ready to strike.

Coughing and gasping the Absol looked up at the beast “I’m an Absol. But what … Are you?” it spluttered, trying to squirm free.

“Absol, eh? I’ve heard talk of you pokemon. You’re the disaster bringers, or so the legends say. You can sense any change that happens in the world, am I right?” The creature grinned manically “Then you must have sensed … Little … Old …. Me.”

Absol stopped squirming and watched in horror as the creature started charging what seemed like a sphere of dark energy, like a shadow ball attack, but a dark version. “But … What are … you?” He asked once more, ready for his death.

Smiling one last time, the creature replied, “I’m the thing that goes ‘bump’ in the night, Absol. My name …” The creature leant in closer “Is Zoroark!” It whispered, before it placed the dark sphere straight into the Absol’s heart and launched the attack, causing a massive explosion of dark energy all around, the only sound cutting through was maniacal laughter.


~~~#~~~
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Last edited by Altrius; 04-14-2010 at 05:08 PM. Reason: Typos pointed out by Elecii :>
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Old 04-14-2010, 04:53 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Quote:
Smiling once last time, the creature replied “I’m the thing that goes ‘bump’ in the night, Absol. My name …”


'Once' should be 'one'. There should be a comma after replied.
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Old 04-15-2010, 06:54 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]



First part of the chapter up. Will have the next part of Chapter 1 soon :)



Chapter 1: A Morning Surprise

Lilycove City
Ryan’s House
7:39am


The morning came with the air of disorderly, the smell of things to come as it blew across Lilycove City, one of the largest in Hoenn. It was early still and yet people were still up and about bustling about at the crack of dawn. For some, it was a early morning shopping spree and for others, a nice walk down the beach with they’re pokemon fitted the bill nicely. For Chad Leones however, it was a morning of lying in bed doing absolutely nothing. And that’s the way he liked it.

Sitting on his bed covered up in his duvet he felt as warm as anything. I’m as comfy as a dumpling in a stew pot he thought to himself happily as he reached for the T.V remote. His ruffled brown hair always covered his green eyes, so he had to push it out of the way to see the remote. Yawning loudly as he turned the T.V on it flicked to the news channel and something caught his eye. Now, Chad normally would never watch the news; that was for adults he would say. But the flashing ‘Breaking news’ banner caught his eye, this looks interesting, wonder what’s happened. Turning the T.V up louder he watched as the news reader transferred over to the correspondent.

“Thank you James. That’s right I’m here on top of the Granite Cave near Dewford Town, where there has apparently been an explosion of some kind! Reports came in at the early hours of the morning that a large explosion had been heard up here and that several people’s homes in Dewford have been damaged from the flying rocks that have flown so far. Now, experts aren’t sure as to what caused the destruction but what we do know is that an Absol has been found dead on top of the cave in the middle of the crater.” The reporter exclaimed indicating behind him so the camera could see the group of people on top of the cave examining.

“As to why this Absol is here we are unsure, but as the legends say; When an Absol appears, disaster is followed closely and it is seemingly fitting in this scenario. However what we can tell is the Absol is definitely not the reason for the explosion as it is seems to have been attacked. What from we do not know, however the big question we are all asking is this. What power could have killed a pokemon as strong and revered as an Absol? Who knows, back to you James.”
The reported said seriously, looking around for the last time.

Jaw agape in his room, Chad could not believe what he had just seen on the T.V. That was no human conflict. That was definitely a pokemon battle. What else could have killed a pokemon such as an Absol! Fiddling with his bedcovers he was still thinking about it as he got up to get showered and ready for the day, his morning of lazing around wasn’t happening now, he wanted to know more about the incident.
Walking downstairs he was greeted by his mother, “Morning Chad my darling! What can I get you for breakfast?” She cooed.

“Mummm, don’t call me darling. I’m seventeen!” He replied trying to act annoyed but he loved the attention really “Pancakes please?”

“Of course my sugar plum, chocolate sauce?” She quizzed.

“You’re the best mom.” Chad replied, smiling as he sat at the table. Reaching for his pokeball, he pressed the button and out came a Zangoose. “Morning Jack, good sleep?” He asked the pokemon, as it stretched and yawned loudly.

“Good enough, until you woke me up.” Jack chuckled, then walked over to Mom. “Pancakes? Oh they’re the best!” He cheered, before bounding back to the table and taking a seat.

Smiling to himself, Chad then looked over to his mother, “Hey Mom. Did you see the news this morning? That Absol, weird stuff eh?” He asked.

His mom stopped cooking for a moment, and then carried on “Yes. Very strange indeed.” She answered distantly.

Raising an eyebrow in curiosity he looked at his mother “You okay mom?

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” She answered hastily, turning round to smile at him to reassure him “Honestly, I’m fine.”

Looking quizzically at his mother, Chad wasn’t totally convinced. She’s lying, I know. But what about, what reason has she got to lie? Unless she knows something, maybe just maybe. Chad was snapped out of his thoughts to Jack tapping his arm gently.

“Hey Chad, what happened on the news today?”
Jack asked, looking concerned. Sighing Chad quickly explained the story, about the explosion the Absol being found dead in the crater and the scale of the attack. When he had finished, Jack looked deadly worried, as if he had just heard some terrible news.

“Jack? Jack what’s wrong?” Chad pressed.

Unsure of what to say Jack chose his words carefully. “I-I’m not sure. Just seems … Really odd that an Absol … Should be killed like that you know? They’re damn powerful pokemon … I would struggle against one. Just seems … Odd.” He said slowly, turning now to eat his pancakes that Chads mum had placed in front of him.

Chad looked down at his own plate and began munching on the pancakes silently; however he was secretly deep in thought. What are mom and Jack hiding from me? Mom knows something but she won’t tell me, and Jack looks positively terrified as if the world going to end! What on earth is going on?

As they finished chomping on they’re meal, Chads father walked in looking as bright-eyed and bushy tailed as he always did. “Morning all!” He bellowed loudly as he sat down at the table to grab some pancakes. He was a beast of a man, standing a good six foot four inches tall and built like a tank at that. He had short black fuzzy hair with a matching beard and always had a broad smile on his face. Dressed in a blue denim jeans with a denim sleeveless coat and a white tank top he finished the look off with some sturdy looking hiking boots.

“Morning dad.” Mumbled Chad; stabbing at his pancakes.

“Morning Mr Leones.” Said Jack smiling as he licked his claws clean

“Morning my love, good walk?” Mom asked, giving him an affectionate squeeze on the shoulders as she hugged him from behind.

“The best as always. Say did any of you watch the news this morning? Hear about that Absol business? Its strange isn’t it I tell you.” He asked, looking down at his pancakes thinking quietly. “Makes you wonder what could have killed it. Last I heard, Absol were pretty powerful pokemon.” He mused, cutting some pancake up and munching on some.

Jack looked up. “They are very powerful pokemon. I wouldn’t like to fight one in battle lets put it that way.” He said pointedly, leaning back in his chair as he inspected his claws.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, as the whole family tried to figure out what could have killed the Absol, what entity was strong enough to decimate it. It was Mum who broke the silence by changing the subject quickly “Anyways. Lets all clear up shall we? Dishes don’t wash themselves you know!” She chuckled, grabbing the plates and taking them over to the sink.

“Ah! I’ll give you a hand dearest.” Dad said, lumbering up to the kitchen side and whipping out a hand towel, ready to dry the dishes.

Jack looked up at Chad. “Fancy a walk? My legs are cramping up.” He asked.

Chad nodded in reply, “Sounds like a plan to me. Back in a bit mom, dad.” He called out as they both left the house.

“Don’t be too long, you need to tidy your room!” She called back as Jack and Chad raced down the steps onto the beachfront.

~#~
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Last edited by Altrius; 04-30-2010 at 04:58 PM.
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Old 04-15-2010, 07:05 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Great, I really enjoy reading this.
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Old 04-30-2010, 05:15 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]



Chapter 1 Cont:


The cove was dark and wet – nothing particularly unusual about it then, and stalactites hung from the roof, salty water dripping from them slowly. It was a beautiful little cove, and there was enough room to maroon a boat here as the natural rock face created a path round the little alcove of water. The boys followed the usual path around the water that swished around inside and headed to the back, which in turn led to small and cramped hole. The hole could only just take the two boys but it led into another, larger, cave which was what they considered their ‘den’.

“Chad stop.” Jack commanded suddenly, looking inside the hole.

“What is it Jack?” Chad answered hesitantly, bending down to try and look too.

Jack merely looked back and put a claw to his lips then moved back to let Chad look inside. “Quiet, don’t make a sound.” He whispered.

Chad crouched down and looked inside, and what he saw made his heart pound an extra beat. Inside, nestled at the back in they’re makeshift camp beds, lay a battered and beaten Phanpy that was sleeping deeply. The poor thing looked as if it had been in a fierce battle as there were claw marks and bruises all over its body. It breathed heavily and twitched occasionally and Chad seemed unsure what to do as he watched the tiny pokemon.

Retreating out for a second he looked to Jack questioningly “Jack! What’s a Phanpy doing all the way out here?”

“Search me.” Came the reply.

Tsking in annoyance Chad looked back to the Phanpy. “We can’t just leave it here; it needs to go to a pokemon centre. It’s been battered terribly,”

Looking back inside Jack observed the pokemon carefully. “Yea, but we’ve got to wake it up first, and we don’t know how it will react.”

“Well you talk to it then, you’re a pokemon after all Jack.”

“Still, what if it’s hostile?”

Shaking his head in disbelief Chad sighed “Jack, you’re a trained Zangoose. I think one injured Phanpy won’t be a problem.”

Jack pondered for a second “True.” He answered with a smile. “Wait here.” He said as he clambered into the hole. Chad watched carefully as Jack crouched next to the Phanpy and prodded it gently. The Phanpy grunted and shifted slightly but otherwise remained in its slumber. Jack poked again, harder this time, but with the same outcome. Looking up to Chad he shrugged his shoulders and whispered “Now what?”

Slapping his forehead in frustration Chad whispered loudly back “Poke it harder!”

Tutting Jack poked the Phanpy very hard this time and it awoke with a start, letting out a little trumpet of shock as it opened its bleary eyes. Looking up at the Zangoose and the human in the corner a look of fear materialized on its face. Whimpering softly it stuttered “P-Please. I didn’t mean … too. I …”

Jack silenced it with a look. “Quit crying we are here to help you.”

“Y-You are?”

Chad leaned forwards an affectionate smile on his face “Yea. You’ve been in a particularly nasty fight. What happened lil’ fella?” He said kindly.

Gulping as the memory surfaced the Phanpy spoke shakily “I-I was with my herd, but then all of a sudden something dark, something evil struck the lead Donphan at a speed out eyes couldn’t follow. He dropped in seconds, and the other Donphan moved to protect us Phanpy, forming a ring.” The Phanpy coughed then carried on. “But even they could do nothing. This pokemon was so powerful it took them all out in seconds. The next thing I knew, I was being battered continuously by this, monster. It kept asking me something I couldn’t make out, and then I blacked out and woke up here.” He finished, sitting down on his hind legs down.

Chad and Jack blinked, looking at each other trying to make a mental connection. Then Chad looked back “You sure you can’t remember what it was trying to ask you?”

The Phanpy shook its head “Only ‘Where is …’ That’s all I remember. Whatever pokemon it was, I’ve never seen one move that fast. But it’s searching for something.”

Jack pondered for a second. “Donphan are formidable pokemon. If what you say is true then do you reckon this beast is what killed the Absol Chad?” He asked.

The Phanpy’s eyes widened “An Absol was killed? When? How?”

Chad nodded. “We don’t know, but it was on top of the granite cave last night.”

Phanpy gasped “But our herd was attacked last night. It’s got to be the same pokemon! But … What is it? I didn’t even get a glance at it, it was that fast."

Chad shrugged. “Either way, that’s not for us to work out. I’m just an insignificant small boy, it’s not my problem. However, we need to get you to the pokemon centre in Lilycove, get you healed up.”

Phanpy hesitated for a second, then nodded “I can’t walk very well though, I might slow you down.”

Jack smirked. “Not a problem.” He said as he picked the Phanpy up gently and positioned him comfortably in his arms. “Let’s get out of here Chad.” He said, crouching out of the cave.

“Yea, last ones a rotten egg!” He yelled, breaking into a run with Jack following, chuckling himself.

~#~


Panting heavily, Chad finally caught up with the Zangoose which was waiting for him at the centre. “You’re … Holding a Phanpy whilst … Running. And you … STILL beat me here! What the hell Jack?” He said smiling.

“That just means I’m fitter than you Chad. Come on, let’s get Phanpy here inside.”
He said, walking to the automatic doors.

Coughing meekly Phanpy looked at Chad “How come your Zangoose is called Jack?”

Chad looked a little taken aback. “Uh, nickname I guess. I don’t know just nicer to have names for pokemon.” He said, shrugging slightly.

Phanpy smiled meekly “Can-Can I have a name?”

Chad blinked “You’re not my pokemon though.”

Phanpy coughed in embarrassment, its red cheeks going even darker. “…Can I-I be your pokemon?” It asked in an even meeker voice.

Chad seemed even more taken aback. “Um, yea well. Sure, if you want? Think about it when your inside.” He said kindly, smiling as Phanpy returned the smile.

As they approached the counter Jack placed the tiny pokemon on the side “We found little Phanpy here out in the bay, he’s been beat up pretty bad. Any chance you can sort him out for us?” The Zangoose asked, smiling at the nurse Joy, one of the many identical cousins from the HUGE Joy family.

”Of course we can! Such a cute little pokemon, who would want hurt it so badly.”
She said sweetly, playing with its floppy ears. “I’ll have him healed right away.” Plopping him on a tray Phanpy trumpeted happily as he was taken out the back.

Chad smiled “Strange little fella that one. Cute though.”

“Hmm.” Came the reply.

“What’s up?” Chad asked, looking at Jack who was now slumped on his folded arms.

“Just thinking about this pokemon that’s on the loose, and how it’s so damn powerful. It can kill an Absol; take out a herd of Donphan. What next?” He said, sighing.

“Hey, don’t worry about it okay? It’s not going to hurt us, so we have no need to be afraid. Whatever it’s searching for … Well that’s not our problem.” Chad said reassuringly.

Jack grunted, smiling. “Glad you can be so calm.”

Chad followed suite and put his head on his arms “Yea well, we’ve got to be haven’t we.” He said, sinking into thought as they waited for Phanpy to heal up.

~#~


The ding-dong that echoed through the centre indicated that Phanpy had been healed. A clattering of trays could be heard, and through the double doors came a metal trolley, Phanpy sitting comfortably on top looking as fit and healthy as any other Phanpy and he trumpeted happily once again “I’m all cured!” He said loudly.

Chad smiled and got up to take the little elephant pokemon off the trolley. As he held him in his arms the Phanpy nuzzled his face with his trunk “Thank you.” He said simply.

The nurse Joy held out a pokeball for Chad. “You said you wanted him to be your trainer. We’ll here’s a spare pokeball … if your interested.”

Chad took the ball and looked at it, then at Phanpy “What about it little man? You thinking what I’m thinking.” He said.

In response Phanpy simply pressed the button with his nose and opened the ball, as it sucked him inside. Smiling Chad bought the pokemon back out “Guess that’s a yes. Jack name?”

Jack folded his arms, tilting his head as he looked at the pokemon. “Phil, Phil the Phanpy.” He offered.

Chad looked down at the Phanpy “Well, what do you reckon little fella?”

Phanpy smiled and tooted “Sounds good to me.” He answered.

“Guess that settles it then. Welcome aboard Phil!”
Chad said, smiling.

Phil tooted once more and jumped up at his pokeball and opened it, which burst into a red light and returned the pokemon back inside. Chad looked to Jack and nodded. “Let’s head back home.”

“Not so quickly boy.” A male voice spoke behind them.

Chad turned round to see the person and his eyes widened in shock at the man before him. The man was tall, about six feet four and powerfully built, with rippling muscles and a strong face. A short military haircut and sunglasses covering his face he folded his bare arms over his white tank-top. Black fingerless gloves covered his hands and he wore combat trousers with hob-nailed boots. It was clear he was a soldier, or ex-soldier of sorts, but his accent was American.

“Well, well. A baby kid with baby pokemon? How cute. How do you fancy a battle kid? I’ll go easy on ya’ Phanpy to break him in.”
He jeered, grinning madly.

Chad felt anger flush his face “My pokemon are not babies! Let’s go mister, we’ll show you! Come on Jack!” Chad said, storming outside, with Jack following suite.

The tall American smirked then followed after the pair, thinking as he did. Got some gusto he has typical for his age. I'll break him into shape though, show him a thing or two about battling. He hasn't seen nothing yet, but so headstrong! Reminds me of me in my youth. The Amercain let out a loud laugh at this thought, then ceased when he had caught up with Chad, who had a look of real annoyance on his face - as if somebody had just spat in it. Well, to be fair I did spit on his pride, but its how you get the babies fired up! Grnning madly the American stood opposite Chad on the beach.

“You only got two pokemon kid, so I’ll use two too.” The American said.

“Sounds good to me, Jack, you're up first!”
Chad ordered, and Jack strode forwards onto the field, claws flexing.

“Come on out Magnemite!”
The American roared, throwing his pokeball which released a small pokemon that looked like a magnet, almost. One single eye was in the centre of a small steel ball, with a screw in its head. Two magnets either side and for some unknow reason it seemed to be floating in mid air.

“Go Jack! Hit him hard with a slash attack!” Chad yelled, as Jack leapt into the fray.

“Magnemite, tackle him now!”


The two pokemon collided fiercely, Jack’s attack landing first but to little avail because of the Magnemite’s defence. It did little to slow the charging Magnemite as it slammed into Jack’s stomach, winding him and knocking him back. “Jack, grab him and use counter!” Chad commanded. Jack grunted grimly as he took hold of the Magnemite, taking the tackle attack fullon and then swung it round, launching it back at the American. It slammed into the ground hard and appeared dazed.

“Now Jack, finish it with a slam attack!” Chad roared once more as Jack leapt up high, fists both together to smash into the Magnemite.

“Magnemite, Supersonic.” The American ordered, and Magnemite sent out high frequency waves that confused Jack, causing his attack to miss and him to hit the sand hard. “Now, fry it with a Thundershock!” He yelled, in which Magnemite charged its magnets and let fly a powerful electric discharge, electrocuting Jack and sending him hurtling backwards.

“Jack!”
Chad yelled, as he ran to his injured pokemons side. Jack grunted in pain but pushed himself back up, panting heavily. “You sure you want to carry on?” and a simple nod was all Chad needed. Nodding in return Chad ordered the next attack “Jack lets end this with a mega punch.”

“Magnemite let him have another Thundershock.”
The American ordered, as the Magnemite charged its magnets, readying another attack. However Jack was too fast this time, and sent the pokemon into the sand with a decisive and powerful punch, knocking the Magnemite clean out, which the American returned instantly.

“Alright we did it Jack!” Chad cheered as Jack the Zangoose smiled wearily.

“Not bad kid. Don’t get cocky though. Time to shut it down go Electivire!” The American roared, throwing a pokemon and releasing the powerful electric pokemon. Electivire was a completely different story to the Magnemite. Powerfully built it stood as tall as Surge himself but built much wider. It's thick arms and legs showed it wasn't pyshically weak, and two black tails with red orbs on the ends flickered around, sparking as they did. It towered over Jack, and he looked up, mouth agape. “Thunder Punch, Shut it down.” Was all the American said as the Electivire charged its powerful fist and smashed Jack straight in the chest, launching him back and knocking him out.

“Jack! Damn it, return!” Chad called, holding out the pokeball. Looking down at the other one he bit his lip. Is Phil ready for a battle yet? Almost in an answer to his question, the pokeball sprung open and Phil leapt out, landing in front of the Electivire, trumpeting in a fierce way.

“Go easy on the baby pokemon Electivire. Don’t hurt it too much.”
The American jeered, as his pokemon laughed with him.

Phil growled and trumpeted once more as Chad yelled “Phil! Um, use … Take down!” The tiny Phanpy head-butted the Elevtivres chest to no avail, as it merely bounced off, unharmed. Grinning madly the Electivire sent Phil flying with an electrified kick, hurting the usually immune to electric ground pokemon.

“Chad gasped and ran forwards. “Phil! Oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t make you battle. You’re still so weak after all an- OW!” He roared, as Phil slapped him in the face with his trunk. “Whaddya’ do that for?”

“I’m not weak! I can do this!” Phil said angrily and turned back to face the Electivire.

“You can back out now and I won’t think any less of you kid, if you want.”
The American offered, grinning. When neither moved he spoke once again. “Well I guess you got guts. Stupid as hell, but you got guts. Shut it down Electivire. Thunderbolt.” He ordered, his smile disappearing and his arms folded once again.

Chad had to act quickly to stop the deadly attack. “Phil! Create a Sandstorm!” He ordered, which Phil obeyed instantly. Blowing out of his nose as hard as he could he spun around on the spot and created a small, but efficient sandstorm which blew up in Electivires face, annoying the hell out of him and slowing his attack. “Use the Sandstorm as cover, Head butt attack!” Chad yelled and Phil leapt forwards, smashing his hard head into Electivire and knocking it backwards.

“Enough. Electivire, Thunder Punch again. Knock it out.” The American said sternly, and the Electivire slammed his bolt charged fist straight into Phil, knocking the pokemon senseless. Phil lay in defeat and the sandstorm subsided.

“Phil! No!”
Chad yelled, running over to pick the pokemon up. Holding him in his arms he looked down sadly "Phil! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put you into battle so early. You've only just recovered and .. and." Chads voice began to break slightly, holding his battered and bruised pokemon to his chest, as hot tears of sorrow and anger started to cloud his vision.

“I did good?”
Phil asked feebly, waving his trunk about weakly. He could barely move his body but seemed more worried about chad. I hope I haven't let him down ... I tried as hard as I could.

“You were brilliant.” Chad said smiling down then wiping his eyes, annoyed now at Surge. Why did he fight me whe he knew I was so weak? Thats just bullying! He looked back to the American and scowled. “You knew you were way stronger than me. Why even try and fight me?”

The American chuckled. “I’m surprised you haven’t even worked out who I am kid! I’m American, I wear sunglasses, blonde hair, I’m an ex-soldier and I use electric pokemon. Put it together kid!”

Chad muttered to himself, working it all out in his head “But that means … Your.”

“Lt. Surge the one and only; Pleased ta’ meetcha’ kiddo.”
Lt. Surge said, taking off his sunglasses and hooking them on his tank top, grinning.



OOC: Okay, who guessed it was Surge? Heh :) Sorry about taking FOREVER to do this, been really really REALLY busy last two weeks. Should hopefully have more common updates for you now tho :)
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Old 05-04-2010, 05:56 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]



OOC: Okay, sorry about the wait. Chapter two is up, and its a bit of a long one. Now in my last chapter one of my friends noticed I wasn't describing enough. So I've gone for more description which I think I've managed to achieve. Still, any feedback is more than welcome :) Enjoy!

Chapter 2: The Lightning American


Chad just simply sat there agape staring at the man before him. This was Lt. Surge, gym leader and pokemon trainer extraordinaire revered across Kanto, Johto, Hoenn even Sinnoh for his electrical pokemon mastery. Yet he was standing in front of Chad after thrashing him laughing like a teenager, he didn’t even feel so bad at being beaten now that he knew what chance he stood against his opponent. His daze was disturbed ,however, when Lt. Surge bent down and pulled Chad up with one powerful arm in an unexpected sudden and very urgent movement.

“What’s your name kid?” Surge asked abruptly, his eyes looking behind Chad for a second.

Chad paused for a second, as if he’d forgotten his own name “Chad. Chad Leone. Just another pokemon trainer.” He blurted out, seeming to lose control of his tongue for a moment.

Surge laughed again. “Chad eh? Nice to meet you kiddo.” He said as he bent down to look at Chad’s Phanpy. “Let me have a look at the little man, Phil did you call him?” He held his huge hands out.

Chad hesitated then placed Phil into Lt. Surge’s hands gently. “Careful he’s still small you know, I only caught him not long ago. And he was pretty beat up then, and, and …” He said quickly, losing his tongue and jabbering again.

“Calm it kid, it's okay.” Surge said, pulling a super potion out of his pocket and holding the spray in front of Phil. “This is gonna sting a bit Phil, just bear with it little man.” He said, holding Phil steady.

Phil tooted feebly again. “Okay.” He simply said then winced slightly as Surge sprayed the super potion over the worst of his injuries. Passing him over to Chad again he smiled lightly.

“There, he’ll be as good as new in no time. Anyways we should …” Surge started, then stopping abruptly as he looked over Chad’s shoulder, as if he had seen something he wasn’t sure about, a look of confusion on his face. Chad began to turn but Surge stopped him and pulled him in front of him, not looking back once. ”Chad. Let’s go for a walk. Come on.” Surge said quickly with urgency in his voice.

Chad stumbled along in front of Surge not entirely sure where he was going. “Um, Lt. Surge. Where are we going exactly?” He said, looking up at the massive man.

“Just round the city kid, where lots of people are.”
Surge replied vaguely. Now Surge’s laughter had gone, his face was serious and he kept looking round at the roofs of buildings, as if watching for something he couldn’t see.

Chad followed his gaze for a second or two then turned back to Surge. “We're being followed aren’t we Surge?” Chad asked, noticing the Americans look of alertness, and slight fear on his face.

Surge’s voice lowered as he answered. “Aye, Chad. And it’s not a human, although I wish it was. There’s a pokemon up there, and it’s not one I’m familiar with.” Surge looked round again but this time saw nothing.

Phil the Phanpy tooted merrily at Chad while he looked up. “Chad, what’s going on?” Phil asked, waving his little blue trunk around.

Chad shushed him quickly. “Quiet little man, were being followed, can’t draw attention to our self.”

Phil caught the hint and hushed quickly and for the next few minutes as they headed out of the city, none of the trio said a word, save for the occasional tooting from Phil. When they reached the route out of the city, Surge breathed a sigh of relief. “That was lucky, I thought whatever it was would have come after us in the city, and I really didn’t want that happening with all those people around. Still, were open here we should hea-“

“Surge … look behind … you.” Chad cut in, raising a shaking finger.

Surge blinked, and then turned on the spot to see a dark figure leap at him howling, landing on him within a second. The massive human was strong, a result of working out everyday, but his strength was nothing compared to the pokemon as it threw him aside into the nearby bushes the way a human would a doll. A grunt emerged from him as he struggled to get to his feet but by then the pokemon was on Chad.

Chad’s eyes widened in fear as the unknown pokemon walked towards him. It was a fearsome beast, a thin body but with powerful looking arms and legs, all ending in a claws. Its fur was pure black in colour, except for a massive mane and hair of fiery red. Blue piercing eyes and a chilling grin was all Chad needed to know that this pokemon was evil in more ways than one.

The creature drew closer and Chad tripped as he walked backwards, falling on his backside with Phil slipping out of his arms and landing next to him. Now the creature was over Chad, its leering smirk looking all the more chilling. “Whereee is ittt? WHERE IS IT?” It hissed at him grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. “Where have you hid ittt?” It spat once more. Chad was now inches away from its face, and he was frozen with fear, unknowing what to do.

The pokemon hissed and raised its claws, ready to strike Chad down when two pairs of arms grabbed both the pokemons arms. Surge had recovered and with Electivire had snuck up behind the pokemon, grabbing it and pulling it backwards off Chad. It howled in surprised, but recovered from its shock quickly and shook Surge and Electivire off, its strength once again evident.

Turning on Surge now it leapt at him, intending to finish him in one blow and it would have if not for Electivire, which struck the pokemon with a will timed Thunder punch, sending it flying several feet. As the pokemon got to its feet, the cheek Electivire had hit had a nasty scorch mark, and the pokemon looked peeved now. Crouching low it leapt at Electivire at a speed even he couldn’t judge and knocked him flying, smashing him into a wall. The pokemon grinned and turned back to Chad, however sirens were wailing throughout the city – somebody had obviously reported the attack and now police were swarming everywhere, heading towards Chad and Surge. They would be here in literally seconds.

The pokemon growled once more and jumped on Chad, its face centimetres away from his. “I know you know whereee it isss, you willl telll me, some other time.” It hissed again then put its paw against his chest and howled loudly, almost like a wolf, while Chad screamed in pain with it, his flesh feeling like it was melting and being torn into a different shape as the agony seared through his body. Then it stopped as the beast withdrew its paw, and growling it took one last look at the people around before leaping into the bush, back into the darkness once more.

As the police and ambulance services came dashing round the corner, Chad had a few seconds to notice Surge moving very slightly before his head hit the concrete. As he faded into unconsciousness, he spotted a man leaning over him, gasping at his chest and calling for backup on a radio.


~#~



The first thing that went through Surges head as he came round was Bleedin eck!. Pain was racking his body, he felt like bones had been smashed and his skin had melted, yet he knew he was completely fine. Whatever the pokemon was, it had a power to flare the pain receptors in the body to unimaginable extremes; causing even the simplest touch and the smallest throw from it to explode the body in incredible agony. Evidently it had taken Surge out from that throw, and even though he had managed to fight the pain the first time to counter-attack and pull it off Chad, the second time he was down for the count. Laying there in his hospital bed, he hoped Chad was okay.

The room was silent apart from the sound of the beeping machines and the steady plip of the drip he was connected too. He had his own room in intensive care due to his status in the world, and because of the uniqueness of the attack. Whatever the pokemon was, both Surge and the police and pokemon researches had agreed; it was an unknown species, one neither had seen before. That made Surge wonder just how many pokemon there were out there; was it an endless amount? And were they all as evil and monstrous as the pokemon that had attacked them? Surge didn’t know, it was far too much thinking for him as he was usually the 'attack first, ask questions later’ type.

His thoughts were disturbed when the door opened and a familiar and much welcome face entered, his Electivire. A smile breaking out on his face Surge welcomed his pokemon once more. “Electivire buddy, come here.” He said, holding his hand out, his pain seeming to dissipate at the sight of his old friend.

Electivire smiled and walked over, grasping Surges hand as he always did “Its good to see your okay master. I feared for your safety.” He said solemnly, the cool front he usually used gone, and a rare moment of emotion seemed to cross the pair’s faces.

“Don’t be such a sop, I’m fine Electivire buddy.” Surge laughed, the moment gone and his old laughing self back with Electivire joining in.

“Tell you what though master, that pokemon sure packs a hell of a punch!” Electivire said, wincing at the memory of the attack.

Surge laughed even harder. “You’re telling me! Did you see how far that thing threw me! I was like a rag doll in its hands. It was excellent! Such a powerful pokemon, you reckon that’s what killed that Absol?” Surge said, pondering for a moment.

“Got to be, what else could have done it?” Electivire said, grinning. “I’d love to face it on even grounds, with no element of surprise. That would be a good fight.” He said, closing his eyes and thinking of the thought.

“You are kidding me? You’d get your ass kicked!” Surge positively exploded with laughter, punching the pokemon on the shoulder which snapped out of its dream and laughed with him. Their laughter could be heard all the way down the corridor, and it continued for a long time after.


~#~



The mountains near Lilycove City had always been rumoured to have a secret cave inside them, but nobody had ever come close to finding them. Rune maniacs had spent a good portion of they’re lives trying to find it, but with no avail they had all descended into desperation and spent the last of they’re days combing it once more, as it was all they had left of they’re lives. One particular one called Max was sleeping in his tent that night. A fat and unfit man Max had lived a life of luxury and was now paying the price in later life, the result of smoking, drinking whiskey every night and eating whatever he liked had turned him into a fat, wrinkled aged and blotchy red-skinned fifty-five year old. The last thirty odd years of his life had been spent in near isolation at these ruins as nobody ever came to visit them, and if he spotted another person he would send them packing by scaring the life out of them. As a result he had become a popular scare-dare with kids, whoever could get closest to him before he went mad won. Such actions had also had an effect on his mind – he was now a paranoid schizophrenic who was even afraid of human contact.

It was a quiet evening on this night however, and Max had his whisky bottles out again. The empty ones lay on his bags, clinking every now and again when he shifted his weight in the tent. Once again it was raining, which seemed to be a common trait around this mountain, and Max had retreated inside his tent to keep warm and dry. The glass of whiskey shook in his hand while he lit up yet another cigarette and his breathing was as ragged as usual. His eyes were darting around from under thick grey eyebrows and his ears seemed to twitch at the slightest sound.

Then came a bang from outside and Max practically leapt to his feet yelping as he did. He grabbed his machete and pokeball that were lying inches away from him and emerged out of the tent roaring a challenge at the unseen person “You trashy little kids! Get outta here before I teach you all a lesson in pain!” His moustache and beard were twitching in rage and his red face seemed to go an even darker shade; if that was even possible.

His challenge was answered swiftly by a sinister voice. “But can you kill what you can’t seeee?” It whispered softly, the wind carrying it around Max so he had no idea where it was coming from. “First I’m here …. Then I’m over here.” The voice called, confusing him and sending Max’s paranoia levels through the roof.

“COWARD! DRAPION, I NEED YOU!” He roared, throwing the pokeball and releasing his pokemon. A Drapion emerged, roaring the same challenge as it raised itself to its full height. An imposing beast in itself, it scuttled along on four powerful legs, and its purple and black segmented body was as hard as rocks, with its long reaching arms ending in claws. It looked around for the challenger but saw nothing.

“I can’t see it master! It must be invisible!” The Drapion called, turning back to Max.

“Keep looking damn you! It could be anywhere, don’t turn your back on it for a second!” Max roared back, spinning on the spot and holding his machete like a cross in front of him.

Drapion spun back round, to see a black figure leap towards him at breakneck speed, a dark figure with claws and red and black fur was all he saw before he pulled his arms to defend against the attack. The force of the hit pushed Drapion back about thirty feet as he dug his claws into the ground, carving huge grooves into the floor as it slowed to a stop. Blood dripped from the Drapion’s arms as he panted. Lowering his arms slightly he looked at the beast. “What pokemon are you? I’ve never seen your type before.” He asked.

The Zoroark grinned manically and leapt back, hovering in mid air with some kind of ability. “They call my species, Zoroark.” He said simply, then charged what seemed like a dark hyper beam and launched it at the Drapion, who being so slow had no time too move. His defence failing him, the Drapion was launched backwards into the mountain side and slid to the floor eyes unfocused and his body limp - the dark beam having extinguished his life.

Max roared in fear and grief for the loss of his last friend and fell to his knees, dropping the machete and empty pokeball. Gaping open-mouthed at the Zoroark he watched as it sped towards him then, with a high speed spinning kick, it collided with Max’s head, snapping his neck. Max was dead before his limp body even hit the floor.

Zoroark landed on the ground, and growled at the two bodies, then with a wave of its hand sent a dark bolt at the tent, causing it to explode in fire that was impervious to the rain. Looking towards the mountainside, Zoroark walked slowly towards the runes that had been inscribed there. Smirking at the fruitless attempts of humans to try and crack the code Zoroark placed his claws below the runes on the wall, and watched as he ebbed dark energy into it, which pulsed across the wall face. A clicking sound told him he had been successful and he pulled his claws back to watch the face of the wall with runes on open up, large enough to fit even an Onix. Inside was complete darkness; however Zoroark smiled to itself as it walked through into the darkness, the wall sealing back up. One step closer.
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  #9  
Old 05-04-2010, 06:02 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]



Chapter 2: Cont.


~#~


Chad woke with a start, waking from the dreamless slumber with which he had been in for several hours, in fact all day. It was now dark outside, and yet it had only been morning when the attack had happened. Trying to fathom just how long he had been asleep, Chad jumped slightly when he saw the collection of people around him. Mum, Dad, Jack sat around his hospital bed, and Phil sat on his legs, tooting happily when Chad woke.

“Mum, Dad? What’re you doing here?” Chad said slowly, still trying to get to grips with himself – his head was rushing and he felt dizzy.

It must have shown on his face because his dad caught him quickly and steadied him, then leaned him back down against the pillow. Speaking quietly he looked genuinely worried “We heard about the attack, so obviously we’re going to be beside you when you wake up.” He put his elbows on the side of the bed and rested his chin upon them.

Chad became dimly aware his mum was holding his hands, and he squeezed her hand affectionately as he smiled at her “Mum I’m sorry for making you worry.” He apologized.

She shushed him in an instant. “You’ve nothing to apologize for hun. You were attacked by a dangerous pokemon, it’s just lucky that Lt. Surge was there. Goodness knows what would have happened if he hadn’t.” She started but stopped, wincing at the thought. “All that matters is that you’re safe.” She said, patting his hand.

Chad smiled then leaned back. “I remember it asking me something.” He said quietly, and everybody in the room listened in. “It kept saying ‘Where is it, where is it?’ It thinks I’ve stolen something from it, but I really don’t know what it’s on about. And then it did something to my chest, but I don’t know what” He started, trying to look down to see what the creature had done.

His dad stopped him. “About that son; the pokemon left its mark on you, we don’t fully understand the theory or magic behind it, but you’ve been marked by it son. It’s sure to come after you again.” He said solemnly, and then let Chad look down, to what he saw struck him with utmost horror.

Right above where his heart would be his flesh was seared and red, as if it had been burnt with a terrible fire. But that was the least of it, as right in the middle was a black sign, as black as night itself, like a tattoo seared into his flesh. It represented what could only be explained as a half moon with a spike through it the middle of it. Around the sides of the moon there were what looked like letters of the alphabet around it. But these letters were warped beyond anything Chad had every seen, some unknown language that only slightly related to their alphabet. Seven letters that spelt out one single word if read top to bottom left to right.

Z-O-R-O-A-R-K

These letters could only mean one thing; that this was the name of the mystery pokemon. Chad couldn’t believe what he was seeing, but before he could take it in Jack leaned forwards towards him, taking his hand in his paws.

“Chad, no matter what happens, I will protect you. This pokemon thinks it can make a mockery of us by marking you, striking fear into our hearts. I give you my word it isn’t like that; it just angers all of us even more. This ‘Zoroark’ is running amok, causing havoc where it sees fit. It can’t go on.” Jack said reassuringly.

“The Zangoose is right lad.” A voice came from the door. There stood Lt. Surge, looking as right as rain once again, a grin on his face. Just behind him was his Electivire, arms folding nodding at Chad and Jack. Surge spotted Chad’s parents and strode forwards.

“We haven’t been introduced! You must be Chad’s mum and dad. I’m Lt. Surge, pleasure.” He said, shaking Chad’s mum and dads hands.

“Darren Leone’s and this is my wife Mary. I can’t thank you enough Lt. Surge, if you hadn’t been there-“ Darren started.

Surge cut in abruptly “Don’t thank me Darren, I’m just relieved I was there. Anyway, we’ve got bigger fish to fry.” Surge said, looking pointedly at Chad.

“What do you mean? How does this include Chad?”
Mary asked defensively, taking a tighter grip on her son’s hand.

“That’s what I mean.” Surge said, pointing at the tattoo on Chad’s chest. “Your son’s been marked, and that’s unusual. This is a pokemon we’ve never dealt with before, and it’s one of great power. We need to be extraordinarily careful with this, because it’s guaranteed that this Zoroark is going to come after Chad again, and this time it could be worse. If he’s at home with you, you wouldn’t stand a chance before it ripped you too shreds.” He said, folding his arms and sighing.

Darren spoke up. “What are you suggesting Surge? If Zoroark is going to come after Chad, then where is he safe?”

Surge simply looked blank “Nowhere.”

Mary gasped, putting her hands over her mouth to cover a sob. Darren merely breathed deeply. “So … What do you suggest?” He said.

Surge scratched his head. “That’s the thing; I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been racking my brains since I heard about the tattoo business, but I can only see one option. And your not going to like it one bit.” Surge stated, his laughter now gone to emphasize the seriousness of the situation.

Darren nodded, urging him on. “Go on, tell us.”

Surge sighed, once more and walked round to the window too look out at the city below. Heavy rain patted the windows, and people hustled along from building to building under umbrellas, creating a kaleidoscope of colours. Tapping his head against the window he turned back to the group.

“Chad’s got to stay on the move, at least until we can either catch or defeat this pokemon. Whatever it’s looking for, it’s ready to kill for and that means it’s desperate for it. What we need to figure out why it wants Chad, but we can’t sit around, it will definitely come back.” Surge said simply.

Now it was Darren’s turn to gasp. “But Chad can’t go travelling about on his own! What if it finds him in the middle of the woods? He’ll be killed!” He said, his voice rising slightly.

Surge smiled. “And, that’s why I’ve called a meeting of all the Gym leaders in Hoenn. They will all be at Lilycove in the next few days. I’ve explained the situation to the police, and government bodies and they agree. Chad needs the top protection he can get.”

Chad now blurted in. “What have the Gym leaders of Hoenn got to do with it though?”

Surge’s smile grew wider. “Not just Hoenn, all the leaders of Kanto, Jhoto, Hoenn and Sinnoh. Why, they’ll be your personal bodyguards of course as you travel across the four regions!” He exclaimed, unfolding his arms and clapping his hands together.
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Old 05-04-2010, 06:37 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

I've got a load of mistakes I picked up from part one. I haven't looked through part 2 yet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Altrius View Post
Kanto, Jhoto, Hoenn even Sinnoh for his electrical pokemon mastery.
It's Johto.
laughing like a teenage, he didn’t
You need an r on the end of teenage.
his opponent, His daze
You need to change the comma into a full stop.
disturbed however, when
You need a comma before however.
“Chad. Chad Leone’s. Just another pokemon trainer.”
I don't think you need the apostrophe and s there.
id
Not sure why that was there but it was randomly placed between two paragraphs.
Surge laughed again “Chad eh? Nice to meet you kiddo.”
You need a full stop after again.
“Calm it kid its okay.” Surge said
You need a comma after kid and you 'its' should be 'it's' because it means it is.
Phil tooted feebly again “Okay.” He simply
Full stop after again.
Aye Chad. And it’s not a human, although I wish it was. There’s a pokemon up there, and it’s not one I’m familiar with.”
There should be a comma after aye.
Chad shushed him quickly “Quiet little man, were being followed, can’t draw attention to our self.”
Full stop after quickly.
“Surge … Look behind … You.” Chad cut in
You don't need capital letters there.
backwards, off Chad.
You don't really need a comma there.
steady drip of the drip he
You used drip twice, you might want to change the first drip to something different.
the ‘Attack first, ask questions later’ type.
No capital is needed there.
once more “Electivire buddy, come here.”
Full stop after more.
always did “Its good too see your okay master. I feared for your safety.”
Full stop after did.
even harder “You’re telling me! Did you see how far that thing threw me! I was like a rag doll in its hands. It was excellent! Such a powerful pokemon, you reckon that’s what killed that Absol?”
Full stop after harder.
unseen person “You trashy little kids! Get outta here before I teach you all a lesson in pain!”
Full stop after person.
sinister voice “But can you kill what you can’t seeee.
You need a full stop after voice and you need a question mark after see instead of a full stop.
The Zoroark grinned manically and leapt back, hovering in mid air with some kind of ability “They call my species, Zoroark.”
Ability needs a full stop after it.
Comments are indented.
~*~Elecii~*~
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  #11  
Old 05-04-2010, 06:53 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Thankies Elecii, I'll go review them now :) Still failing at spotting grammer I am heh.
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Old 05-08-2010, 10:31 AM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Chapter 3: Maddie Harper


It had been several hours since Surges grand idea, and the more Chad thought about it, the more he liked the idea. It would be dangerous, that much he understood, but to travel the four regions of the world! This was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and despite the danger, Lt. Surge was organising the best protection that Chad could get which he could imagine would be nothing short of outstanding.

Chad looked around at his now empty room, which only an hour ago had been buzzing full of police, government officials and scientists. Even the fabled Professor Oak had come along to listen in first hand on the conversation! Mind you, Chad had felt like a bit of a test subject however, with people taking lots of pictures of his chest, blood samples, blood tests and the like. Still, if it helps out then who am I to complain? Letting out a big sigh, Chad turned to the table next to him, which held his two pokemon that had, reluctantly, went back inside at the request of the doctors. Reaching out for one Chad opened the ball and released Phil, the pokemon appearing on his chest tooting happily.

Master Chad! I’m so glad your okay; I heard all the noise outside. There were a lot of people there!” Phil said, patting Chad’s face affectionately with his nose.

“Yea, there was, far too many for just a little kid like me.” Chad said glumly patting Phil’s head.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Phil asked, tilting his head sideways.

“Just not used to having all these people around me, it’s a bit weird that’s all.” Chad said, shrugging his shoulders. “Anyways, did you hear about the plan Phil? It sounds like were going on an adventure!” He said, smiling at Phil.

Much to his dismay, Phil looked a bit downcast “But, Phil is a bit too little to go travelling. I won’t be able to do much. I’m too weak.” He said, hanging his head sadly.

Chad chuckled loudly, causing Phil to jump “Oh don’t be such an idiot! You’ll be fine Phil, you just need practice.”

Phil smiled “I want to be strong! Like the Donphan in my herd. They could send any intruding pokemon flying with a single Rollout attack! We always felt safe with them around.”

“Then I’ll help you out there, although, if you evolve you can’t sit on my legs anymore, you’d break them.” He said, laughing as he did.

Smiling Phil patted Chad’s face again and curled up into a little ball the same way a cat would and starting snoozing quietly.

Leaning back in his hospital bed, Chad closed his eyes and smiled to himself as he thought of the world and pokemon he was going to see. All those different kinds and all those trainers out there! I can’t wait, Chad thought as he seemed to drift off to sleep again, his thoughts and ideas becoming dreams.



~#~



Surge was sitting in a little café round the corner from the hospital, his head buzzing with thoughts. Sipping his tea he looked out of the window towards the bay, watching the waves lazily lap the seafront in the morning light. It was early in the morning, and the twenty-four hour café was empty besides him and the lady working there, a pretty young redhead that kept trying to catch Surge’s eye. But Surge hadn’t even noticed her attempts so absorbed in his thoughts he didn’t even realise she was sitting in the chair opposite him with two mugs of tea in front of her. Blinking he looked up at her, and noticed the fact she was actually very pretty. She looked about nineteen, with curly red shoulder length hair, entrancing green eyes and a cute nose that was dotted with freckles. The outfit she was wearing was perfect for her body, as it showed off every curve she had.

Smiling she pushed the cup towards Surge and took a sip out of her own “You look like you need that sunshine.”

Surge smiled and nodded “Yea. Been a long day; very long.” He said taking a sip of the tea, which was brewed to perfection.

“Tell me about it, you looked shattered.”
She said, leaning back in her chair.

”Shouldn’t you be up behind that counter?”
Surge said, smirking.

“Well, if you find me any customers then just let me know.” She said, fiddling with her hair as she did.

Surge smiled and winked “Must be a boring job eh?”

“You’re telling me! I bloody hate it you know. So many better things I could be doing with my time, such as travelling, cooking … not working in some greasy café.” She said with a slight tone of annoyance in the last of her words.

Surge pondered for a second, sipping his tea. “What’s your name sugar?”

”Maddie, Maddie Harper. Yours?” She said, smiling once again.

Surge smiled once again, “If I told you that, I’d have to kill you miss.” He said jokingly, taking another sip of his tea.

Maddie laughed then looked Surge up and down “So, judging by your look you’re a soldier of some sort. Wait, no you’re an ex-soldier! And you’re American, so …” She said, thinking hard, biting her fingernails. “What pokemon do you use?”

“Electric. My nicknames The Lightning American; for more reasons than one.”
Surge said, winking once again as he took a sip.

Suddenly it seemed to dawn on Maddie as she opened her mouth in a wide ‘O’ “Your, Lt. Surge!” She blurted out, leaning forwards across the table.

Chuckling softly Surge put his tea down “Yea. You got me.” He said, scratching the back of his neck.

Maddie seemed at a loss for words. Looking at Surge as if he had two heads she finally managed “What are you doing in Lilycove of all places? I heard your from Kanto.”

Surge shrugged. “Just felt like a trip away, Lilycove sounded such a wonderful place, who could say no?” Picking his mug up again he drained the rest of his tea. “I’m just travelling, checking out the trainers in this area and training myself.”

Maddie suddenly sighed at the word ‘travelling’, and leaned back; looking more than a bit annoyed and she looked out the window towards the bay, in which the early morning sunrise was just beginning to peek over the horizon. “You’re so lucky. I wish I could go travelling around the world. But I’ve only got two pokemon, and they’re not very strong. I haven’t got the money either.” She said glumly.

Surge blinked: she’s got pokemon then? Leaning forwards he asked “What pokemon you got Maddie?”

Maddie sighed and pulled two pokeballs from both her pockets and from them appeared a Teddiursa and Lotad. The two pokemon blinked at Surge who was a newcomer in they’re eyes then leapt up onto his lap and started cuddling him. Chuckling loudly Surge sat the Lotad down on the table while he looked at the Teddiursa now sat on his lap. “Maddie, these pokemon are cute.”

“Yea, but we are just weak together. I’ve only ever been in three pokemon battles and we’ve lost them all. It’s probably just me, I suck at pokemon battles.” She said, looking at her pokemon and patting Lotad gently. “They’re great company though might you. And Teddiursa has won me a few beauty competitions, Lotad would, but people don’t like him at competitions.” She said, patting Lotad on the head gently.

The Teddiursa took its paw out of its mouth and looked at Surge, before saying “Who are you mister?”

Surge chuckled. “My names Lt Surge, what’s yours?” He replied, ruffling the pokemons hair.

“I don’t have one.” It replied, and then stuck its paw back into its mouth and sucking contently, sitting back down with a thud.

Maddie made a grim face. “They never wanted names, I don’t really know why.” She said as Lotad, rubbed itself against her hand making grunting noises of happiness.

Surge leaned back in his chair thinking to himself about the young girl before him. Am I allowed to make that decision? Would she be useful on the journey? Her pokemon are weak yes, but they’re evolved forms are powerhouses themselves. Ursaring are one of the most ferocious pokemon I know, and Ludicolo’s are incredibly hard to defeat due to their defensive abilities being through the roof. Surge rubbed his chin gently as he studied her, then asked “Maddie, how old are you?”

Maddie faked a gasp “How rude Mr Surge!” She said, giggling then answered “Nineteen, why?”

Surge smirked, far too young for me then. Bloody hell, why do I have to be so old? She’s gorgeous; they sure didn’t make them like that in my day hah! Two years older than Chad; and probably more much mature than him, but what about family. “You got any family around here? Anyone that will miss you?” Surge asked again.

She shook her head. “Nope, mum and dad have moved to Twinleaf Town and I’ve no siblings. It’s just me up here. What’s with the questions Surge?” She said, looking at him curiously.

Surge bit his lip. “You say you want to go travelling, see the sights of Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh?”

Maddie nodded, “More than anything. Lilycove is all I’ve ever seen in my life, I’ve never been anywhere else because I was born in Lilycove.” She said a spark of hope in her eyes.

Surge leaned forwards and lowered his voice. “I’m not just travelling anymore, we’ll I was until yesterday. You’ve seen the news aye? With that Absol?

Maddie nodded “Watched it in here yesterday morning when it was first broadcast.”

Surge continued “Thing is, it WAS a pokemon that killed the Absol, and I’ve been attacked by it. They haven’t released the information to the press yet as to what happened about me being attacked, because they don’t want to stir a panic. I and a friend called Chad were attacked by this pokemon about 8:15am yesterday.” Surge paused for a second, to have Maddie urge him on. “It’s not a pokemon we’ve seen before, and it’s of incredible strength. It’s near the city right now, and we’ve no idea what it is.” Surge said, sighing and resting his elbows and forearms on the table, looking down at his hands.

Maddie bit her lip. “Why are you telling me this Lt Surge?” She asked tentatively.

Surge looked into her eyes, “Because, I’ve got to send Chad off to travel the world. And he’s been marked by that pokemon. It calls itself a Zoroark and for some reason its after him, we have no idea why but it is. I’ve organised him protection but somehow I don’t think one person will be enough.” Surge said, hesitating.

“Go on.” She urged, trying to read his expression.

Surge smiled suddenly. “Two young lads, they’re going to be pretty useless without somebody to make food and the like for them.”

Maddie gasped. “You’re not being serious are you? But I just work in a café! And I’m not very strong either, I can’t battle or anything and, and … “She babbled.

Surge chuckled. “Stop talking rubbish. You’ve got two great pokemon here, and they’re evolved forms are near on unstoppable. With training they’ll be powerful. Anyway, this is your chance to go travelling! Or can you not handle a little bit of danger?” Surge said, winking.

“I can take danger!” Maddie retorted, then she bit her lip “Why me though?”

Surge shrugged. “You seem a nice enough girl, mature enough too. You’ll be able to keep a hold on those boys.”

Maddie smiled, then for some reason unknown to him, slipped her hands into Surges; her well tapered fingers resting on his huge palm. “And … where are you going to be during all this?” She asked, looking sideways at Surge.

Surge raised his eyebrows, and then took a gentle grip on hers. “I’ll be around from time to time.” He said evasively.

Maddie nodded, then let go of his hands and leaned back, patting her Lotad. “Can I have some time to think about it?” She said, watching the sun again, which was sitting halfway up across the horizon.

Surge nodded and pulled a notepad out of his pocket, on which he scrawled down a mobile number. “Here’s my number Maddie. You’ve got until tomorrow morning to decide. If you do want to come, call me.” He said, ripping the paper off and leaving it on the table, He then stuck the notepad back in his pocket and gently lifted Teddiursa off his lap and put it on the floor – the poor thing had fallen asleep during the conversation. Pushing himself away from the table he stood up and stretched, yawning loudly as he did. He looked down at Maddie one more time, she really is gorgeous. And it’s pretty evident she likes me. But I’m too damn old for her. Bah.

“Well Maddie. See you tomorrow morning, if you’re still up for it.” He said, winking slyly as he walked out the shop into the early morning sunlight.


~#~


All kinds of thoughts were rushing through Maddie’s head as she sat there, mulling over what Surge had said. It almost seemed unreal, and if not for the pain she felt when she pinched herself, she would have thought she had dreamt it all. Still, the evidence of pain proved that she was wide awake, and the offer had existed. She looked down at Lotad and Teddiursa sleeping peacefully and drank the rest of her tea. Lt Surge was just in my café, not only that but he was flirting with me. Damn he’s so much better looking than I thought he would be! She thought, smiling to herself. And now he’s offering me a once in a lifetime trip – to go travelling around the world! How can I say no to that?

It was a long time until Maddie got up to clear the table of the mugs and even then she didn’t stop thinking about the offer.


OOC: Part one completed for anybody whos acctually reading this :) Maddie's going to be an interesting one for me to play out, but should be fun. You'll find out the other escort soon enough :)

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Last edited by Altrius; 05-14-2010 at 06:40 PM.
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Old 05-12-2010, 10:02 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Just to let anybody who might be reading this know, I should have the rest of chapter 3 up tomorrow night :)
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:54 AM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Allllll righty! I finally caught up! ^^

Here's just some things I found:


Chapter One:


Quote:
“Not so quickly, lad.”
Quick tip from an American: American veterans never say lad. xD Might want to change that to boy. ^^

Quote:
Chad felt anger flush his face “My pokemon are not baby pokemon!
Just a quick suggestion: it's usually a good idea not to try to repeat words in the same sentance. It'll sound just as good to say My Pokemon are not babies! ^^

Quote:
The tall American smirked then followed after the pair. Five minutes later, they were both down on the beach front, thirty feet apart and both ready for battle.
I think something that you could work on if you'd like is character's thoughts. I was wondering as they traveled down to the beach what was going through Chad's head. I know, he was probably fuming, but it'd be interesting to see in what way he was.

Quote:
“Sounds good to me, Jack, your up first!” Chad ordered, and Jack strode forwards onto the field, claws flexing.
What he says should be in two sentances, and "your" should be "you're" since it's "you are"; "Sounds good to me. Jack, you're up first!"

Quote:
“Come on out Magnemite!” The American roared, throwing his pokeball which released the small magnet pokemon.
Here, if you wanted, you could expand on what the Magnemite looks like. Yeah, we're all Pokemon Fans and probably know what they look like, but still, we like our authors to paint a picture in our heads, especially in witty ways. :3

Quote:
The two pokemon collided fiercely, Jack’s attack landing first but to little avail because of the Magnemite’s defence. It did little to slow the charging Magnemite as it slammed into Jack’s stomach, winding him and knocking him back. “Jack, grab him and use counter!” Chad roared. Jack took hold of the Magnemite and swung it round, launching it back at the American. It slammed into the ground hard and appeared dazed. “Now Jack, finish it with a slam attack!” Chad roared once more as Jack leapt up high, fists both together to smash into the Magnemite.
Remember, evertime someone new speaks, you gotta make a new paragraph. ^^ I'm still kinda wondering what's going through Chad's head. He roared, but why did he roar? Is he getting frustrated? Hmm...

Also, in the battles, it might be nice to add some of the Pokemon's reactions. I'm terrible at writing battles, but usually I try do do my best to make sure the battling Pokemon don't act like machines. Write in there their reactions, especially Phil's when he comes into play. What happens when he just bounces off the Electivire's chest without doing anything? Oh, gosh, he's such a cute little guy. <3

Quote:
“Phil! No!” Chad yelled, running over to pick the pokemon up. Holding him in his arms he looked down.

“I did good?” Phil asked feebly, waving his trunk about.

“You were brilliant.” Chad said smiling down. Then he looked back to the American and scowled. “You knew you were way stronger than me. Why even try and fight me?”
Oh, this could be such a tear-tugger! You could describe the state that Phil’s in, all battle-worn and sore, then you could describe the dozens of regretful thoughts that are running through Chad’s head, which are quickly channeling into rage towards Lt. Surge. How dare he! Why did he take Chad on knowing that his Pokemon were inexperienced! What’s up with this stupid American! (Ah, well, maybe not that last one xD) LoL, yep, I found out who it was right when you described him. Wonder what he’s doing in Hoenn?

Chapter Two
Quote:
Yet here was standing in front of Chad after thrashing him laughing like a teenager, he didn’t even feel so bad at being beaten now that he knew what chance he stood against his opponent.
I think you meant to put “he” after here at the beginning of the sentence. And after “teenager”, it should be a new sentence. I kinda noticed that you tend to do some run-ons now and then. Remember, when you introduce a new subject, you either got to connect it with a conjunction or make a new sentence.
Quote:
He said as he bent down to look at Chad’s Phanpy. “Let me have a look at the little man, Phil did you call him?” He said, holding his huge hands out.
Hmm, you wrote “he said” twice there. I usually try not to use the same words close together like that unless I totally need to. In fact, you probably don’t have to put that last part in there. Or, you could put it something like “he held his huge hands out”
And… Americans don’t say kid that much, do they? xD
Through these next parts, I would suggest that you don’t put a sentence after every speech. You don’t need to say, “he said” all the time. As long as it’s in the same paragraph, we understand that he’s still the one speaking. Just leap on ahead and describe their motions. ^^

Quote:
“Were being followed, aren’t we Surge?” Chad asked
“We’re”, as in “We are”; the “were” you used there is a verb. And in following paragraphs, you make that same typo. Oh, and a comma between followed and aren’t. :3 BTW, I love how tense it suddenly got. What’s going on, I wonder?
And I think you might want to change some of the “tooting” to trumpeting, for the sake of variation. Helps with diction. ^^

Quote:
Red piercing eyes and a chilling grin was all Chad needed to know that this pokemon was evil in more ways than one.
Zoroark’s eyes are blue, actually. Anyway, you did waaaay good descriptions here. I got a pretty good idea of this creature. That last sentence gave me chills.

Quote:
he pokemon growled once more and jumped on Chad, its face centimetres away from his. “I know you know whereee it isss, you willl telll me, some other time.” It hissed again then put its paw against his chest and howled loudly, almost like a wolf, while Chad screamed in pain with it, his flesh feeling like it was melting and being torn into a different shape as the agony seared through his body. Then it stopped as the beast withdrew its paw, and growling it took one last look at the people around before leaping into the bush, back into the darkness once more.
Oh, that was delicious description! Gives us chills, yah? >:3

Quote:
“Its good too see your okay, master. I feared for your safety.” He said solemnly
That’s the wrong “too” in there; just delete an “o”. Also, throughout these paragraphs, you forget to use possessives. Remember to put an apostrophe in all the Surges. ^^

Chapter 3
Quote:
Chad chuckled loudly, causing Phil to jump “Oh don’t be such an idiot! You’ll be fine Phil, you just need practise.
I don’t know if this is different between our countries, but isn’t it suppose to be practice?

And I think that’s just about it. ^^
Wow, neat ideas you got here. Especially the mark. I wonder what it is that the Zoroark wants? And what it is it thinks Chad has? =o Looks like they've got a huge journey ahead of them, and Maddy does seem to be an interesting type. I'm curious to see what the other companion will be. ^^
Anyway, can't wait to see where this goes! :D
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Old 05-14-2010, 06:17 PM
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Default Re: The Shifting Darkness ~ [PG-13]

Thanks for the feedback Charmander009 :) Muchly appriciated.

I've still got a loooongg way to work on my grammer so I do appriciate any checks people point out :) Really I do, cause i've made a lot of slip ups heh :) So *hugs* for Charmander :)

As for the story-wise? Well you'll just have to wait and see. I'm still playing around with a lot of ideas as its early days, but I've got a pretty good hold on whats happening.

As you said about descriptions. I'll go back and re-edit the first few chapters at some point. Metal Sonic pointed out I wasn't being descriptive enough, but hopefully made up for it a bit in the following chapters.

Anyways, Chapter 3 is taking forever - Its just not working *Urgh* But I'll keep trying :)
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