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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 01-28-2007, 09:59 AM
cyberernest Offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 18
Default The Pokemon King I

Notice:To understand what's happening here please read pokemon kutor region.


Main Characters

Kira~He wears a black shirt and a dark blue coat over it.his long pants is also dark blue.He is eager to learn about his true past and has a black colored poketch.

Dash ketchum~He wears long blue pants,a white T-shirt and a blue jacket over it. He carries a sling bag and wears a cap both with a pokeball design on it.He has a blue Poketch

Ben Tennyson(~He wears a brown colored long pants,a White T-shirt and carries a bag that can carry many items. He has a red poketch.

Monica~She wears a cool hat a comfortable black shirt and a colourful skirt.She has a purple poketch.

Chapter 1~Creation of Mewthree

Is the clone process ready professor? yes....Begin!

**********

Hey guys! shouted Dash. It's time to go!!! Okay...replied Monica and Ben. hehe..It's the twerps! said Jessie, With the pokemon we loaned from team evolution and team Aura we'll win them for sure! Persian! thats right! Guys...you guys are so slow walk faster! Shouted Dash. Suddenly a gigantic piece of concrete slab flew towards Dash and the gang. Ahhh!!! everyone shouted. Weavile! use Aura Claw! wea-vile!!! It's claw broke the slab into pieces.what's that! asked Ben in surprise when they saw what looked like a star flying around the sky.That is Mewthree. The gang turned behind to see who was it. I'm Kira a trainer. cool! said Ben in amazement.Mew..mew..three??? asked Dash. Yes.the cloning team decided to create something that can defeat Mewtwo...but overpowered it.well...could we stay at your apartment for a few days? asked Monica. Sure!

**********

Winterpeace city avenue 4...wow...what a nice house! exclaimed Ben. At night...*yawn* Good Night everyone! said Dash.Gar...Gardevoir??? you're Alive??? Kira...rest well the kids you invited will help you find your true past.your connection between psychic pokemon. Morning...guys let's go! shouted Kira. The gang couldn't believe who was it at the doorstep...

To Be Continued...
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  #2  
Old 01-28-2007, 03:30 PM
Kaze's Avatar
Kaze Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,596
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Default Re: The Pokemon King I

I'll review this because I'm in a reviewing mood. Okay, it's more like suggesting something quickly.

Spelling, grammar, quotation marks, description!

Although you provide descriptions of the trainers beforehand, it would be best to lengthen your story if you added them into it. The worst thing about it right now is quotation marks and spacing. When someone speaks, it should be surrounded by "quotations". And, when another person speaks, it's a whole new line. For instance:

Quote:
Hey guys! shouted Dash. It's time to go!!! Okay...replied Monica and Ben. hehe..It's the twerps! said Jessie
This should be like this. Notice the difference; it's a lot more readable.

Quote:
"Hey guys!" shouted Dash. "It's time to go!!!"

"Okay..." replied Monica and Ben.

"Hehe..It's the twerps!" said Jessie.
Now, from there out I couldn't understand who was speaking. Also, you need to describe more about what's happening...after you check your story in Microsoft Word for errors. For instance, why and where are they going? It doesn't explain it.

Most importantly, you need to use the quotations and use another line when someone new speaks. This may work if you're writing it as a script, but not an all-out story. First impressions are very important, and if it's more readable, more people will be willing to read it. ^_^
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Last edited by Kaze; 01-28-2007 at 03:32 PM.
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  #3  
Old 01-31-2007, 06:50 AM
cyberernest Offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 18
Default Re: The Pokemon King I

Thanks for the tips Kaze Megami. Sneak peak

"Lucario!?" Shouted Dash

"Yes...I sense strong aura in here!" replied Lucario
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  #4  
Old 02-02-2007, 07:17 AM
cyberernest Offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 18
Default Re: The Pokemon King I

I Will Pause here until Pokemon Kutor Region is finished
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