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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 08-15-2006, 01:42 PM
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Default Prologue to the War

Leigh Reynolds – A Prologue to the War RP

As the title suggests, this story is, in many ways, a prologue to the events of the War. However, it doesn’t cover everything. I’d probably miss stuff out, get stuff wrong.. Just basically make a pillock of myself. So, instead, this story is a prologue to Finch’s War RP story, in full compliance with his character background in the RP itself. If anyone has any questions about the character (I’m sure some might) then this is where to get them answered.

That said, there’ll be language and violence in this. I know absolutely nothing of ratings and certifications so I’ll just slap a PG-13 on the front and delve right in. Don’t read this if you’re offended by either of the two, though. I’m keeping it to a minimum, but there are some cases where it’s necessary for descriptive purposes.

Thanks to everyone in the War RP for inspiration, especially rust, Team Aqua, and Neo.

Chapter ONE: Rebel without a Cause

While he lay amongst the rubble and debris which was once Kumquat Island, Finch's mind was racing. He was having the same dream that had been recurring for so long. Neo was trying to take him away from Kaede when she needed him most. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear to see her in this state again, as he had done every night since meeting her. If he joined Neo, he wouldn't be able to save her, the one person he had ever met that he'd truly cared about. The gigantic white wings swept down above him and cradled him, almost suffocating him. He was completely powerless and helpless. He'd lost control. He wanted it back.

"RELEASE ME!" he began to scream, as he always had done. "Release me.. Neo.. I won't let you do this.. RELEASE ME!"

And then, his subconscious screaming crept into the conscious, Neo still standing by his side.

"I WILL NEVER HELP THE ONE WHO WOULD TAKE AWAY MY CONTROL!" he screamed. "I WON'T GIVE IN TO THE ONE WHO WOULD STRIP ME OF MY POWER!"

His eyes snapped open, and they were glowing red.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

His screams were now more like monstrous roars. Strange that a Lugia could speak in human tongues.. but Finch was completely oblivious. He didn't care who or what he was anymore, the only thing that mattered was Neo. He had to die.

"RELEASE ME!"

And with that, the most incredible but equally horrible thing happened. A massive bolt of purple lightning crashed down upon Finch's body. On contact, it turned a dark shade of navy, and his crests and spines turned white. But then the lightning didn't stop.

The other voice that had spoken began to call out. "Neo.. Help me! It hurts! What's happening?"

But before anything could be done, Finch's body grew in size, to at least double what it was previously. His tail split at the end into a y-shaped fork, his spines became elongated and serrated, and he became altogether a grotesque and hideous demon. When he was about the same size as Neo, the bolt ceased, and he stood upright.

"Well," said Finch, giggling maniacally. "This is interesting.. I guess there's no take without a little give, right?"

Shadowblasting the rest of his TE grenades to create an enormous purple cloud, he flew as fast as he could in the direction of Ramdyne.

* * * * *

Things weren’t always this way. Before the PHT attacks, the War, and even Team Aqua itself, Leigh Reynolds was an ordinary 16-year-old boy living in an ordinary town in Johto (Azalea, to be precise). His family was a decent middle-class one, which consisted of himself, his parents, and his brother Geoff. He had everything he needed there. His Pokemon, Nidorino and Ralts, were two of his best friends. They were second only to his big brother, who he loved to spend time with in Ilex forest catching and training wild Pokemon. He didn’t care that Geoff was the one making most of the captures. He was just grateful for the time they spent together. Not a day went by when he thought things might not be the same forever. However, when reality struck, it did so with the sheer brutality he would come to know for the rest of his life.

”Leigh!” shouted Geoff, panting and bursting through the front door. “Leigh! Check out what I got! A Lotad!”

Leigh was lying in a slump on the sofa watching TV. He’d had a pretty rough day at school. It was results day, and he’d just got his grades. However, they weren’t what he was hoping for at all. Far from that, they were abysmal. He knew that he was perfectly capable of getting what he wanted, but he really didn’t care about school. To him, it just got in the way of Pokemon. He swept his fingers through his long, jet-black hair and looked up at his brother.

Geoff stood at 6’1 tall and had the same dark hair that Leigh did. However, his was much shorter, coming to his ears as opposed to his shoulders. They were a tall family, really. Leigh himself was 6’ and still growing. Geoff’s arm, scratched by thorns from previous adventures in the forest, was outstretched towards Leigh. He was clutching a great ball.

”A Lotad?” said Leigh. “Where’d you get that?”

”Traded it,” replied Geoff, brushing dust from his battle-worn, ripped jeans.

Leigh looked puzzled. “Who had a Lotad?”

Geoff grinned. “I don’t know, some girl that was checking me out. I told her I’d go out with her if she traded it to me. She got a grade-A, waste of space Caterpie.”

”That’s..” began Leigh. “Well, that sucks. We both know you’re not going out with her.”

”What’s your point?” Geoff scoffed. “I’m not going back to Cherrygrove any time soon, so it doesn’t matter one bit.”

”Whatever.”

As much as he looked up to Geoff, Leigh couldn’t help but think he was an idiot sometimes. After all, if there were girls checking him out then he wouldn’t be robbing them of their Pokemon. He’d be too busy return the favour. When it came down to it, Geoff was a world class manipulator, and he was proud of it.

”How’d you do then?” asked Geoff.

Leigh was so busy thinking about girls and Pokemon that he’d almost forgotten what they were talking about. When it hit him, though, he frowned and folded his arms. “Don’t be stupid. I didn’t get in, obviously.”

Geoff snorted. “So when I go back next year, you get to stay at home and catch bugs? Not fair.”

”Geoff, shut up.”

The boy was beginning to lose patience.

”What’s mom going to say? Dad, too?”

”Yes, what are we going to say?”

Their father had just come through the door.

He’s home early.. thought Leigh. What a great day for it..

Geoff sprinted upstairs to his room, skipping as many steps as he could with each stride. Their father was a pretty reasonable guy, but nobody wants to be around when you do manage to upset him. Since both of Leigh’s parents knew exactly how capable he was as a student, this wasn’t going to be pleasant. However, he knew he had to tell him outright that he’d failed. Lying about it would just make it worse.

”Well,” said Leigh, beginning to shake with fear. “I, er… got my results today.”

Dad’s face remained blank, as though he didn’t know what to expect. “And?” he said. “What did you get?”

Leigh hauled himself up from the sofa and dragged his feet over to where his dad was standing. He wasn’t looking forward to this one bit.

”Here,” he said, handing the letter to his father.

The blank expression on the man’s face began to scrunch up into a grimace. Standing at the same height as Leigh but with about twice as much bulk behind him, this was someone you wouldn’t want to mess with. Even when he was in a good mood he was intimidating, but now he was just plain frightening. Like the boys, he had the same straight black hair, but with lashings of silver. His was cut quite close to his head. He was quite young, considering the age of his two sons, and so he hadn’t begun to grow bald yet.

”F, F, F,” he said, his eyes running down the page. “F… F… Leigh, what’s going on? This must be some kind of joke…”

”No, dad, it’s not.” Leigh’s heart dropped in horror, expecting the worst. “It’s true. I… failed everything.”

”Well,” said his dad, turning crimson with the rage he was trying to suppress, “I’m going to be nice about this. I want you to leave.”

”Leave?” Leigh was in disbelief. Wasn’t this a bit sudden? After all, he’d never really done anything too bad in the past. He’d been caught cheating the odd test, skipping lessons for a smoke, that kind of thing. He’d never done anything worse.

”You’re a disgrace. I want you out.”

”But..”

”Get out of my house.”

Leigh just stood there. He was staring at his own feet to hide the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. Without his family and home, he had nothing. No purpose, no comfort, nothing. He turned away and practically crawled upstairs to his room, beginning to pack everything he thought he’d need if he really did have to leave. He just couldn’t believe his own father would be so heartless… to kick his own son out onto the streets…

”Leigh, I’m,” a voice came from the door.

”Sorry, Geoff?” he replied. “Sorry? Don’t make me laugh.”

Geoff was both upset and livid. Tears began to form in his eyes now, too. “Don’t take this out on me, you worthless bum. It’s not my fault you flunked everything. You’re the screw up.”

”You…” Leigh muttered under his breath. “I can’t believe I ever saw any good in you. You’re just like that prick downstairs.”

While they’d had arguments before, they’d never had anything like this happen. It was always little things. Now, though, Leigh was telling Geoff that he practically hated him, as he must have hated his dad for kicking him out. Naturally, Geoff didn’t take it so well.

”Get out, Leigh,” said Geoff, clenching his fists, “and don’t come back.”

Leigh ran his fingers through his hair once again. He hoisted his bag over his shoulder and made for the door. As he approached, his brother stepped aside to allow him to pass, just behind the door. It was quite an aggressive posture he took, as though he were about to slam the door on Leigh. The younger of the two really had taken enough. His brother had just given him an idea.

”I’ll gladly leave,” he said, “but first..”

In a shameless act of aggression, Leigh slammed the door onto Geoff’s face before punching him square in the nose. There was a sickening crunch as it all happened. Bloody and broken, his brother fell onto the floor. He was out cold. He looked down on the pitiful frame of his brother, and felt no remorse. There was no turning back now. The Reynolds family would never accept Leigh again after what he’d done.

”Sorry, brother,” he said. “But I guess you won’t be needing this.”

Picking up the great ball from Geoff’s belt, Leigh placed it alongside his own and hurled his bag out of the window.
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Last edited by Finch; 02-01-2007 at 02:27 AM.
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  #2  
Old 08-15-2006, 02:17 PM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Ready for Grader

Well, you said that you were ready for a grade. :p First grade, too.

Story: It was...interesting, to say the least. However, I didn't see how the events tied into each other. To be honest, I didn't really understand, but it’s definitely something original. Points for that!

Grammar: Nothing wrong here, really...Your style was smooth, I liked that.

Detail: You really, really need to work on this. Even if there was the slightest amount of detail, I would've had a clearer image of what was going on.

Battle: Uh...there was none.

Length: 8k. 2,000 characters short, but I'm usually not one to really regard that as a hurting factor.

Outcome: Lotad not captured! Your story was quite awkward, but I’d honestly love to see it improve. Also, I'm just going to assume you were trying to catch a Lotad.

Tips: Try to use a little more detail, and make the plot and story clearer for those who aren’t fully aware of the WAR. Also, a battle would’ve been nice.

No hard feelings…:p
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Old 08-15-2006, 02:21 PM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Ready for Grader

[Just as a side note, the first bit is supposed to confuse those who haven't read the RP. Now go read it, or else wait for this story to catch up to it!]

* * * * *

“Leigh! LEIGH! GET BACK HERE!” his father was screaming from his own bedroom window. “I’M CALLING THE POLICE!”

”All the more reason for me to leave!” Leigh shouted back. He was already sprinting towards the forest. Once he’d got through there he could take the magnet train to Kanto and be out of harm’s way (for a while, at least). He had absolutely no clue for now where he was going to live, or how he was going to get by. All he knew was that it would be impossible for him to get a job, given the grades he’d got and the terrible references he’d been given from his previous employers. It seemed that his “slacker” attitude applied even to work as a sales adviser, and to his jobs in a few factories around Goldenrod. The only thing he was good at was Pokemon, and although he didn’t know it, he was about to be tested.

As he entered Cherrygrove city, he saw a girl sitting alone in a Café.

No… he thought. It couldn’t be…

Deciding he might as well get a drink anyway, he dropped his bag clumsily under the next table and went to the bar.

”Just a black coffee, please,” he said.

”Want a muffin with that?” asked the chubby ginger girl who was taking orders. She appeared to be about his age.

”Er… no thanks,” he replied, knowing he didn’t have time to waste. As he handed her the money, he noticed he’d still got blood and broken skin on his knuckles from where he’d hit Geoff earlier.

****…

The girl shot him a funny look, and he responded by saying, “Fell off my bike. Scraped my knuckles.”

She waited a few moments for some reason, but then just smiled and handed him his coffee. He went and sat down at his table, where the other girl was on her cell phone.

”Yeah,” she said, in a soothing and gentle voice. “He didn’t show. I’m leaving now. I wish I’d never given that creep my Lotad.”

So this is the girl he stood up? thought Leigh in disbelief. He must be crazy!

She was, after all, a beautiful girl of about 18. She had shiny brown hair that fell to just below her chin, perfectly framing her stunning face. He felt like he could’ve gazed into her deep, brown eyes for days, but he had to look away for fear of scaring her off.

”Excuse me,” he said, as she was about to leave. “That guy who took your Lotad… he’s my brother…”

She turned and looked right at him, and his stomach jumped. “What do you mean?”

”I have it here,” he said, showing her the great ball at his waist, “and if you can beat me in a battle you can have it back, no questions asked. I don’t want that Caterpie, either.”

She furrowed her brow. “Well, you knew about the Caterpie, so I guess you must be telling the truth. And you do look like a pushover… so yeah, I accept.”

”OK,” said Leigh, hoping to prove he was no pushover. “Outside, then?”

He followed her out, which he enjoyed for obvious reasons, and stood opposite her on the vast lawn that stretched seemingly for miles in front of the café.

”We’ll make this one on one,” she said, “to save time. I’m meeting Kaede.”

”Fine by me,” said Leigh, not caring who this Kaede was. “Go, Kumite!”

”Come out, Nidorina!”

It was interesting, to say the least. Finch had sent out Kumite, his Nidorino, only to be faced with a Nidorina. This battle was sure to be a tough one, with both Pokemon seeming equally strong.

”Flatter!” said Leigh, while his opponent gave the command to use poison sting.

Nidorina charged towards Kumite, intent on attacking him with her poisonous barbs, but she was staved off by his attack. He let out a strange cry, almost like he was telling her something. Immediately, she stopped in her tracks and began smiling strangely.

”Nidorina!” the girl cried. “What’s wrong with you? Use poison sting.”

”Tackle!” shouted Leigh.

The impact of Nidorino slamming his full weight into Nidorina sent her rolling along the grass back in the direction of her trainer. Although this took a lot out of her, it seemed to snap her out of her confusion as well. She got up and was snarling at her foe, ready to rip him to shreds.

”Horn Drill, Kumite!” Leigh shouted, in an attempt to end the battle.

The girl wasn’t giving up that easily, though. “Dodge, Nidorina, and use Fury Swipes!”

In a seemingly effortless move, Nidorina did just that, sidestepping Kumite’s spinning horn and then rearing aggressively onto her hind legs to slash him with her claws.

”Double kick!” the girl shouted.

This time, it was Kumite who was sent rolling as the hind legs of his foe crashed hard into his ribs. The girl certainly knew what she was doing. But then Leigh remembered a gift he’d received from his brother for his last birthday. A TM, Sludge Bomb. He’d tried to teach it to Nidorino when he’d got it, but he wasn’t strong enough to use it. Perhaps now he’d grown able?

”Sludge Bomb!”

He didn’t think it’d worked at first. Kumite was obviously trying. He began to cough and splutter, staggering around towards Nidorina. It didn’t look like he was going to make it at all.

”Another Double Kick, Nidorina!”

But then, right as Nidorina approached to attack him, Kumite spat out a massive lump of poisonous slime that hit her square in the face at point blank range. There was no way she’d get up from that.

”Nidorina!” the beautiful girl cried out, running to her Pokemon’s side. “Are you OK? Get up!”

Having been left no choice, the girl recalled the Pokemon into its ball.

”Well,” she said. “A deal’s a deal. I guess you’ve earnt that little thing. It was weak anyway. Now get out of my sight.”

Turning back to the café to finish his coffee and pick up his bag Leigh couldn’t help but think…

I wish I’d let her win…
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Last edited by Finch; 08-15-2006 at 03:49 PM. Reason: New bit, ready for re-grade.
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Old 08-15-2006, 06:06 PM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Ready for Grader

Sorry for taking so long.

Story: Well, nothing's changed, really.

Grammar: Still great, as always.

Detail: I definitely saw improvement, good work.

Battle: Great, I liked it, nothing truly wrong about it.

Length:: It's fine.

Outcome: Lotad captured! It was borderline, but I think you deserved it. :p Just improve when you write your next story.
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Old 08-15-2006, 09:56 PM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Ready for Grader

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ham and Cheese View Post
Sorry for taking so long.

Story: Well, nothing's changed, really.

Grammar: Still great, as always.

Detail: I definitely saw improvement, good work.

Battle: Great, I liked it, nothing truly wrong about it.

Length:: It's fine.

Outcome: Lotad captured! It was borderline, but I think you deserved it. :p Just improve when you write your next story.
Thank you, NGA. I will be keeping this story going with updates when I want a new Pokemon (or when I just feel like it). That seems to be the done thing at the moment.
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Old 09-05-2006, 11:53 PM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Ready for Another Grade

OK, Graders, get ready for...

Chapter TWO: On the Open Road

His new Pokemon in hand, Leigh was ready for anything. After all, how hard could this be? He was getting by OK so far on his wits, and he’d already managed to get himself a new partner (not to mention that he’d plucked up the courage to speak to a total hottie out of the blue!) He’d surely be out of Cherrygrove soon and well on his way to Kanto. As much as he’d miss his family, they’d turned their back on him now. He’d have to get as far away as possible to be sure he was safe.

Might as well take a break, he thought, sitting down by a stream. At least I still have some food from earlier…

Leigh reached into his bag and took a crushed cheese sandwich out from beneath the clothes he’d stuffed in previously. Although it didn’t look too appetizing he was grateful to have anything to eat at a time like this, having been abandoned by those he’d loved. If there was one thing he regretted, even now, it was that he hadn’t been able to say goodbye to his mom before leaving. She would have been supportive, he knew it. In fact, if she’d been there she probably would have talked Dad and Geoff out of rejecting him like that. It was too late now…

The grassy bank he was sitting on was the most luscious shade of green. Johto was known for its beautiful countryside, and with good reason. The tall oak trees cast a cool shadow on this warm evening, and the water in front of him glowed pink under the setting sun. Well, pink and red…

Wait… that’s not a reflection…

Of course, Leigh was right. What he’d seen wasn’t a reflection at all, but a wild Pokemon. As he got up from his perch, he began to make out the outline of a golden red fish in the water, swimming back and forth into and with the current, seemingly in some kind of frenzy. He couldn’t help but wonder as he watched the curious Magikarp what was going on.

”Kongo,” said Leigh, releasing his new Pokemon into the water. “Go and check out what that fish is doing.”

The Lotad submerged itself elegantly with a little splash and swam out to where the Magikarp was, following it eagerly to see what was causing all the commotion. There it stayed for several minutes on the fish’s tail, taking the same route it took, until jumping out of the water and shaking off on dry land. When it finally reached Leigh again, Kongo the Lotad was looking no more enlightened than when it had first been released. It let out a submissive cry to signal that it had given in.

”So it’s really just flailing around for no reason?” said Leigh, gobsmacked. “I knew these fish were stupid, but this just takes the cake. Still, I feel like I’m on a roll at the moment. Reckon I should try and catch it?”

Lotad nodded slightly to show its approval and stood behind Leigh, watching intently as he took out his old, battered fishing rod and a box of assorted lures.

”Yeah, yeah,” he said. “I know it’s not in great condition, but it’s enough to catch a Magikarp. Just you watch.”

Rolling its eyes, Kongo bashed its head against the Great ball Leigh had left on the ground and returned in a flash of red light.

”Suit yourself, then.”

He cast the line into the water with a slightly dodgy but effective technique and waited. However, the Pokemon failed to even notice anything was different. Leigh sat on the bank and watched it swimming in exactly the same circle for at least ten or fifteen minutes before getting impatient. He began to frantically wiggle the line in Magikarp’s direction, hoping for some kind of response. To his delight, it seemed that the fish had actually spotted the lure.

Yes, he thought, that’s it. Come to papa…

Magikarp took the bait, and Leigh immediately hooked it with a firm tug. He’d been fishing a few times with Geoff, but had never actually kept anything before. Usually they’d just go out, sit by a lake and watch the clouds while their rods lay motionless by the water. In the event that they did actually manage to land a bite, they’d pretty much let everything go anyway. Geoff had kept a Chinchou once, but had been told it had to be returned to the lake as they weren’t legal game. To save disappointment they barely even tried from then on, and so their equipment wasn’t maintained as they lost interest.

”Right,” said Leigh, “time to make this catch. Come out and watch, Kongo! I’m going to make it, and you’re going to look stupid. Start your betting!”

As Leigh began reeling, his Lotad reluctantly came out of its ball and back to the bank to watch the proceedings. It had obviously lost faith in its trainer as soon as it had seen what he was using. Leigh’s reeling became faster and faster as the Magikarp struggled more and more, but the inevitable soon happened. The strain on Leigh’s line was enough to cause it to snap, knocking the trainer off balance and flat onto his back in the grass. Kongo couldn’t help but roll around on the floor in hysterics. Any respect it had for Leigh’s fishing had gone at this point.

”OK, you were right. So what? I’m still going to catch this thing,” said Leigh, furious. “Get back in the water and use Giga Drain, now!”

Although unimpressed, Kongo wasn’t about to argue when its trainer looked this angry, so it did as it was told. Diving in on top of the Magikarp, it glowed green and began to absorb the wild Pokemon’s energy. It wouldn’t be long until it would all be over, and Magikarp would be sitting in its ball in the palm of Leigh’s hand. The fish’s frantic swimming slowed as it lost power, almost to a halt, and Kongo began to ease up. As soon as it did, though, the fish flailed again and slammed its tail hard into the Lotad’s underbelly, winding it and knocking it back out of the water onto the bank. Surprisingly, it didn’t even try to get up. Leigh shook his head.

”Well, that’s embarrassing,” he said as Kongo became pure red energy once more. “It’s time for Aura!”

Aura was Leigh’s Gardevoir. Although he’d been a little harsh in capturing it when he’d met it in Ilex forest, it had grown to trust him as a Ralts and had become almost as close a friend as Kumite. A sludge bomb in the face didn’t matter when you had a trainer as caring as Leigh.

”I’ve had enough of this. Use thunderbolt.”

It seemed once again that he’d take the relentless approach. Knowing this, Aura took aim at the flopping fish and closed its eyes as electricity danced around its entire body, concentrating itself in a bolt which shot in an arc straight into the stream. Obviously, the Magikarp found this development rather shocking.

”That’s it, Aura. We’re having fried ‘karp.”

Stopping when it knew that the wild Pokemon couldn’t take any more, the Gardevoir returned to Leigh’s side and awaited its next command obediently. Meanwhile, Leigh was taking an empty Pokeball from his belt.

”Well, it’s time,” he said to the floating Magikarp, whose eyes had become thin black crosses. “It’s time for you to become mine!”

He tossed the ball in the water, where it floated and began to bob up and down.

ATTEMPTED CAPTURE: MAGIKARP
READY FOR A GRADER
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Old 09-06-2006, 01:23 AM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Ready for Another Grade

Grammar: Great. I'm sure I'm missing something, but I read it and then re read it and found no problems. Good job on this end ^^

Storyline: A bit confusing, but as you said most of us wouldn't know. Perhaps a little review on the beggining would have helped again. And this is a very basic story, but you don't really need anything more for a 'Karp. All in all, a good basic story. This is the model basic story, I think.

Battle: Well, though there wasn't much the poor little fish could do you still kind of had a battle, much good enough for me.

Length: Perfect basic story, like I said.

Outcome: Magikarp CAPTURED

Notes: Sorry I don't have more to suggest/say, but it's for a Magikarp, don't know what else I can dissect. I'll put more when you're trying for something bigger. Keep up the good work ^^
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Old 09-06-2006, 11:53 PM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Ready for Another Grade

Chapter THREE: I Kanto Go On!

We rejoin Leigh in New Bark Town. After brutally mistreating a wild Magikarp for an easy capture, the young trainer had decided that Pallet would be a good place to train his newly caught Pokemon. After all, the wild Pidgeys and Rattatas were just as weak as the ones in Johto, and he could do with a change of scenery after all that had been happening. His collection was growing rapidly, much to his surprise. It seemed that he’d been on the receiving end of some good luck lately. For some reason, he was sure he’d never have caught Kongo or Prettyboy with Geoff around…

The cool night air in New Bark was refreshing as it filled his lungs. Small family homes were dotted around, illuminating the grass verges outside as light cascaded through the semi-drawn curtains. Although he wasn’t about to go and take a look, Leigh was sure that they’d all be enjoying a nice hot meal now, while he was stuck outside with nowhere to go and nothing to eat except some snacks he’d thrown into his bag. He shivered slightly, and fastened the zip on his warm, blue fleece jumper to get comfortable. He had a feeling he’d be sleeping rough tonight.

Deciding that the dense woodlands to the north of town would be a decent place to find shelter, Leigh released Aura the Gardevoir and paced carefully into the trees, snapping bits of fallen branches and rustling golden brown, autumn leaves underfoot.

”Let me know if you sense anything’s up,” muttered Leigh in a soft and somewhat gentle tone.

Aura bowed her head in a nod, and the two delved deeper into the shadowy woods. Leigh could hear the rustling of bird Pokemon in the trees overhead and the scurrying of Ratattas on the forest floor, but he didn’t fear them. Really, he’d only let his Pokemon out because he’d wanted some company. It’s to think irrational things when you’re alone in the forest, and he was well aware of that. With Aura by his side, Leigh could keep a clear mind. Suddenly, though, she stopped dead and began to look around at the trees above.

”Aura?” whispered Leigh, bewildered. “What is it? What’s up there?”

”I can’t tell,” she responded telepathically, ”but whatever it is, it shouldn’t be here. The other Pokemon are afraid.”

Leigh was completely baffled. What could the wild Pokemon possibly have seen that could scare them in their own forest? Even more strange was that it was so close, yet his Gardevoir was having trouble identifying it. Given how deep they’d come into the forest and how far they were now from New Bark, Leigh was slightly worried. Sure, he trusted his Pokemon to protect him… he just wished that there could have been someone else there who was in the same boat.

”Leigh, it’s getting closer…”

The trainer gulped. Somehow, he could feel it too as the cold night suddenly felt a lot colder. The wild Pokemon all around were becoming restless, crying out with worry and anxiety. Something had everyone and everything around here spooked. It was then that he saw it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a purple shadow glide past, seemingly made of gas (or something more sinister). It was only when he turned around that he realised what was happening.

These woods are haunted…

Aura moved closer to Leigh. She’d obviously heard what he was thinking and come to the same conclusion, much to her own fright. It seemed that it wasn’t just people who were scared of ghosts, it was Pokemon too.

”I know you’re there,” said Leigh, his voice shaking, “and I’m not afraid. What are you doing here?”

A piercing cackle echoed through the trees on his left side. He turned only to hear the same haunting shriek from behind him, and it made him incredibly uneasy. He gulped again, his mouth dry with fear. If only he knew which way to go he could escape the forest. Somehow, though, he wasn’t sure that leaving would be so easy…

”Leigh,” began Aura, ”I can see it. It’s a Gengar. I’m trying to talk with it but it’s blocking my telepathy.”

”I don’t think it wants to talk,” said Leigh.

”No, and you’d be right, human!” the ghost’s eerie voice appeared from nowhere in their heads. ”Your kind make me sick. You just sit around all day living out your pointless lives, thinking everything’s OK and that you’re here for a reason, when the truth is you’re not. Humanity is a plague. Starting with you, the Brotherhood of Nightmares is going to rid the planet of this pest… this… vermin. And you! Gardevoir! You think you’re safe? Well, you’re not. You’re one of them too. You call this filth your friend? He’s nothing but a heartless slave driver!”

”We don’t mean you any harm,” began Aura, trying to reason with this troubled Pokemon. ”If you want us to leave, we’ll leave…”

The Gengar just cackled again. ”Not this time, vermin. You’re not leaving here ever again.”

As the ghost’s eyes began to glow red, Leigh knew that he had to act before it was too late. Wasting no time, he commanded his Gardevoir to teleport them behind their attacker. However, it wasn’t going to be so easy to bust this ghost, and he was waiting for them when they reappeared ready to knock them both back with a double Shadow Punch. Aura braced herself to take the hit, gliding gracefully back into a fighting position. However, Leigh wasn’t so quick to react and fell flat onto his back, scraping his body all over on jagged rocks and broken wood. Touching his hand to his face, he noticed that his nose was pouring with crimson blood.

”Leigh!”

He dragged himself up to his knees, having to keep a hand on the ground to keep him steady. Barely mustering the energy to get to his feet, he staggered into an upright position and winced as the icy breeze made his cuts sting painfully.

”Listen, Aura,” he said. “This Gengar’s too smart. If we try to fight it together he’ll know exactly what you’re going to do. You need to fight it alone and not give anything away in order to defeat it. I know you can do it, the way you fought me in the Ilex Forest on that day proves that you can overcome any odds by yourself. You need to trust me.”

”Leigh… I…”

”Trust me, Aura.”

Before she could even try to retort, their foe was upon them once again. He wasn’t letting up this time, either. The poor frightened Pokemon was going to have one heck of a battle on her hands now…
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Old 09-07-2006, 12:18 AM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Not Ready

Aura was shivering uncontrollably. She couldn’t tell at that point whether it was fear or cold that was making her shake, but she couldn’t let her concentration slide. Her life, and Leigh’s, depended on this battle. If she didn’t give it her all then they were done for.

”This is laughable!” shrieked the Gengar, its creepy grin broadening with every passing moment. ”You’re fighting without him? Have you both gone crazy? This is going to be quicker than I thought!”

As Aura plucked up the spirit to fight, she began storing electricity in her body to launch a Thunderbolt at her foe. However, something had given this away. Before she could attack, she was on the receiving end of a Thunderbolt herself.

”Oh, come on…” the heartless Gengar was still taunting them. ”It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.”

”You have to close off your mind,” shouted Leigh, still clutching his bloody nose. “He’s reading your thoughts.”

Although she knew he was right, Aura couldn’t just do it as simply as that. After all, she was scared out of her wits… she was finding it hard to remember how to attack, let alone how to defend. She then remembered the only other time she’d felt that way… the night she’d been captured… She remembered what it was like to be hurled around like a rag doll, battered with all kinds of inhumane attacks. But then she remembered something else. At the end of it, there was someone there to comfort her, and that was Leigh. There was no way she was going to let some overconfident airbag get in the way of that.

”It’s OK, Leigh,” she said, turning her back on Gengar. ”I can do it!”

”No!” Leigh shouted, seeing the foolish move she was making. “You’ve got to turn around! Before it’s too late, go!”

Seeming not to worry about what Gengar was doing behind her, Aura just smiled and tilted her head slightly to the side. She wasn’t going to give anything away just yet. Seeing its chance, the ghost hurled its fist at her once again to use Shadow Punch, but she was ready. Teleporting behind her foe, he was caught completely unawares and off balance, and the Psychic blast she launched was enough to send him fleeing into the woods. Leigh practically jumped for joy.

”Aura, you were amazing! I can’t believe how easily you beat that creep!”

”Well,” she replied, ”if it hadn’t been for you I would never have grown this strong. Oh? What’s this?”

It appeared that in the heat of the battle, Leigh had landed on a Pineco that had nestled itself between the rocks and logs on the forest floor. It looked a little worse for the wear. It was battered and bruised all over, and it seemed to be unconscious.

”Crikey!” Leigh shouted in alarm. “We need to get this Pokemon healed!”

He took a Pokeball from his bag and rolled it along the ground, where it bounced off the beaten bug and absorbed it in a red flash.

ATTEMPTED CAPTURE: PINECO
READY FOR GRADER
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Old 09-07-2006, 01:19 PM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Chapter 3 Ready for Grader

Content: Well, I suppose it's the basic haunted woods/building concept, which I believe I've seen somewhere else as well! Well, not original, but you wrote it nicely enough for me to get the feeling that I was actually present, witnessing Aura trick the Gengar and watching as Leigh wondered through the forest with fear.

Grammar/Fluency: Absolutely no complaints. If there were any flaws that I didn't spot, they must've been quite minor.

Word Choice: Your detailing was decent, even though it wasn't done with any spectacular words, but sometimes, simple words are just as fine. I liked the metaphors you used once in a while; they made the story so much more vivid.

Reality: Well, the mind-reading, super smart Gengar might've gone a little overboard, but you managed to balance things out with the fact that it lost because of its major weakness, cockiness.

The Pineco fall-off though, no good, mate. You found it way too easily, no searhing, no chasing, just 'oh, there you are!'.

Battle: Yes, the battle is sometimes not necessary, but this story didn't qualify for that category. You could try lengthening this story in other manners if you so despise doing the battle, but I'd advise you to just do this the normal way.

Length: The least important aspect, but I found your story not lengthy enough. I was hoping to get a longer read out of it, but no. Maybe add something more with the Pineco itself.

Outcome: Pineco not captured!
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Old 02-01-2007, 02:24 AM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War - Chapter 3 Ready for Grader

The ball didn't seemed to be moving, so Leigh didn't hesitate to claim his new prize. However, he was overcome with shock and dismay when the contraption burst apart. breaking the mechanism, and the small bug Pokemon was left rolling concussed on the floor. He glanced at his palm, which had been grazed slightly, then at Aura, who was looking just as puzzled as him. Both of them had wrongly thought that they'd suffer no resistance from the sleeping Pineco.

"So," said Leigh, thinking out loud, "you weren't hurt at all, were you? In fact, you were using an attack. You were biding your time, only to release a powerful blast when I captured you."

Aura nodded.

"Very amusing," he continued, "but now you've wasted one of my Pokeballs, and I'm going to have to make sure it doesn't happen again. Come on out, Kongo!"

Leigh's Ludicolo stood in front of the Pineco, who was stirring now, and began to dance. Suddenly, droplets of rain began to permeate through the tree branches overhead as though the Pokemon had opened up the heavens. The bug looked uncomfortable with the weather, perhaps wanting to seek shelter, but Kongo and its trainer persevered. They had something they needed to do.

"Use Hydro Pump, quickly!"

A vast, bubbling jet of water, murky in the low light, shot straight forth from Kongo's mouth towards Pineco, which barely managed to roll out of the way on time. Luckily, it didn't take any of the force of the attack at all.

"Well, well, you're certainly quick for a bug."

Leigh touched his nose, and realised it was still bleeding. Both himself and Aura were in bad shape from their previous fight, and this battle wasn't helping at all. Really, they should have been at home resting by now. It would've helped if they still had a home to go to. Even if Geoff accepted Leigh again, there was no way his father would forgive him for what he did that day. It was enough to send shivers down his spine as he stood there motionless in the freezing cold forest. He shook his head, trying to snap himself out of this stupor and shake some rainwater out of his hair simultaneously. His clothes were soaked through by now, but he had to continue.

"Try a Giga Drain!"

This time, Leigh's Pokemon stretched out its hands. They emitted a pale green glow as it tried to absorb energy from the target. However, the dextrous little bug managed to dodge once again. It was certainly becoming labourous. Leigh cursed, growing tired of the same old routine. He just wanted it all to be over. His knees were weak, he was hungry, and he was starting to feel incredibly tired as though he would just drop on the spot at any moment. The Pineco was probably fine to keep dodging all night. It was just stalling for time, now. To tackle it, Leigh had to think outside of the box.

It's expecting me to focus my attacks on it, he thought, but maybe I don't have to...

"Can I help?" Aura asked telepathically, entering his thoughts.

Sure. I don't want Pineco to hear, but tell Kongo to aim a Hydro Pump at that branch. Leigh's eyes veered upwards.

"Got it."

A split second later, and another powerful burst of water had erupted from the Ludicolo and was hurtling in the Pineco's direction. Instinctively, it rolled sideays as it had before, but the attack missed it completely. It looked relieved, but that wouldn't last long. A crack overhead signalled the falling branch which fell hard on top of it and knocked it for six. It rolled slightly, back and forth, but it didn't look like it was getting up. It couldn't move much anyway for the great chunk of tree which was lying on top of it.

"Right, maybe now you'll come quietly," said Leigh as he lobbed another ball.

ATTEMPED CAPTURE: PINECO AGAIN
GIMME
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Old 02-01-2007, 02:39 AM
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Default Re: Prologue to the War

I’m just going to be grading the last section on the important stuff, because the others have already been talked on.

Grammar: No biggie, but it’s Poké ball. Also missed a capital at one point, but I’m honestly not that picky. Honestly, this is really well done, and I am not one to go about looking too much into grammar, it’s not my thang. Plus, I’m kinda sorta studying.

Story: Yeah, my part wasn’t the story part, so stick with whatever the last grader said XD.

Battle: Honestly, I love it. You practice what I preach, in other words, describing the attacks pretty well. You really describe them well, actually, showing off almost every aspect of the move in a well detailed sentence. Keep in mind to always make the enemy stronger then you are so you have something to work with, and try to make your battle strategies … tricky. The more creative the better, like Ash’s stupid little thing to stop the rollout.

Also, make sure to talk about … everything in a battle. You do really well, but there is still room to improve (OMG no way! :P)

Descriptions: Also really well, you talked a lot about the attacks (Mentioned above). You also talked a lot about how your trainer reacted to the rain and what happened to him and all of that sexy, fun stuff.

One thing I noticed was missing was the details on the looks of the various Pokémon and the trainer himself. A sentence on the color of his hair, something on the Pineco’s huge eyes, etc.

Still, I’m being nitpicky.

Length: Added to what you had before, it’s enough ^^.

Outcome: Piney CAPTURED


Tips for next time…

-Um … make them longer, I’m guessing XD.
-MAKE IT PERFECT DARN YOU!
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