My story was graded, so I have returned.
: You should see my grade for Bulbachu's "Rock Hard Feelings" ... as I said in that one, there are ways to get an Aron besides going to Granite Cave, even though it might not "stick" to the Pokemon universe. The story was good enough, and although I'm tired of the entire Granite Cave thing, it was still written alright, and everything here was fine for an Aron. Camping at the cave and finding one works, I suppose.
On a different note, I find it awesome that your character is named Atreyu. Have you ever seen The Neverending Story
: The only thing I noticed was that you missed commas a few times. There were a lot of sentences like this ...
“Ouch! Who in the bloody blazes threw that? Are you playing games again, Chuck?”
There should be one after 'again', which I added in here. Maybe they are optional in things like this, but I think it's more grammatically correct to have one here. Anyway, look through some of your pieces of dialogue, and you'll find other places where they should be. Everything else looks perfect, otherwise. I don't see any spelling or grammar errors to speak of, so good job.
: It seems like just enough for the metal ... thing.
: Your details were good and everything, and they were great for Aron, but my only complaint is that you find "better" words for ones that you seemed to use over and over again in this story. For instance, when you are describing the main character, you use the word 'brown' a lot to describe his looks. There is also 'chocolate' and 'auburn', and a few other words you could be using. A thesaurus could help you pick out words to help freshen your story up. To me, the constant use of things like 'brown', 'gray' and 'green' just made things too repetitive. It's important that your story doesn't sound dull to the reader, or it will just flop.
: Interesting choice for attacks, and you described them well. Aron didn't have much of a chance, but at least he went down with style. Although it just seemed like you used Steel Wing and Fury Cutter, I have no complaints. Like the rest of your writing, there's nothing terrible about this section. The details made this come alive, so give yourself a pat on the back for making them so vivid - this was probably the best part of your story.
: Aron Captured!
- Just a few grammar and plot issues, mostly.