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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 01-25-2007, 05:16 AM
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Default GeoShocked!

As Michael travels down the long road to Viridian City he has many unexpected adventures.Michael is a 13 Year old boy. He is very outgoing and likes working with pokemon. He was born in Mauville City of Hoenn but moved to Kanto last year to get his starter pokemon. His Dad gave him his first pokemon which was Geo the Geodude and Mike has always loved Geo since he first got him, now he is travelling with Geo around Kanto to collect all the Badges and try to become a Pokemon breeder.

As he was walking through a long Forrest road he Encounters a group of Elekid.

"Wow look at that.. It looks like theres about 20 Elekid there!" Mike says as he goes behind the bushes for a better look.

Mike Pulls out his PokeDex and points it to the Elekids.

Dexter:Elekid an electric Pokemon this Pokemon has up to 50000 volts in his body mainly conducted from his Head.

One Elekid sends A jolt of lighting straight through the bushes as if it knew that Michael was there. Michael was shocked as it just missed him by a couple of inches.

Elekid..Elekid..Elekid..Elekid.

Now all the Elekids where strongly focused on Michael as if it looked like Michael trespassed on there property. The next thing Michael knew it was that he was being chased by a huge group of Elekids angry and wanting to shock him. As Michael went down the dirt Road he tripped over a big rock. He felt like as 100 pins just went through him when he fell, but no it wasn’t the fall that did the damage it was that odd Elekid again this time his shock wave hit Michaels arm. Michael could no longer feel his arm.

He reaches for his Pokeball, "Geodude" He Shouts "Goo!!"

"Geo Geo Geodude!" Geodude comes shouting out of his pokeball.

"Geodude magnitude now!" Michael commanded Geodude.

"Geo Geo" Geodude hits the ground several times and waves and waves of ripples on the ground heads straight for the group of Elekids.

The Elekids where fast to move away but 1 Elekid the one that shocked Michael was still standing right in front of the waves and in a massive boom the waves hit That one Elekid straight on the chest. The other Elekids watched in horror as the waves just keep on going and going each one pounding into that one Special Elekid.

"Geo Stop!" Michael Said. "Stop the Attack."

As the waves stopped the other Elekids looked shocked and huddled around the fallen warrior but instead of saving him all the other Elekids just went on using thunder bolt after thunder bolt to the fallen Elekid. As Michael watched stunned in what he is seeing he tries to get the huddled Elekids attention so they would stop attacking the fallen Elekid.

"Stop! Please."Michael pleaded."It wasn't his fault. I was the one that was spying at you not Him, all he did was stand up to an attack you don’t need to attack him."

Just then Michael realised what was happening, The other Elekids don't like to see weakness and so thinking that this Elekid was weak and couldn't stand up to attacks so they shocked him and see if he is weak.

"Geodude magnitude now, stop the other Elekids from shocking that one." Michael asked

Geodude then with all its strength pounded on the ground so hard that the shock waves hit every single Elekid including the already injured one. The Elekids in a huddled all got hit hard and all fell in a mighty thud.

"Geodude return.” Michael said as he got the feeling in his arm back.

Michael then stood up and went to get the fallen Elekid and he recognised him by that funny scar he had on his Head. Mike picked him up and carried him on his back as he ran and tried to go to the nearest pokemon center. After going hours around the forest the still could not find a Pokemon Center. Then they ran into a trainer.

"Hello Im Michael can you please help me find a Pokemon Center?" Michael Asked. "As this Elekid needs to recover as he is in very very bad condition."

"Well.. If you beat me in a Pokemon Battle I will give you my map that shows you around Kanto." Said this Trainer.

"Really?" Michael said in Excitement. "Ok let’s go 1 pokemon each!"

"Go Pichu!" said the Trainer as he threw out this Pokeball.

"Pichu hey?" Michael Said ."You should know that there weak against rock types?”

"What do you mean?” Said the Trainer.

"This is what i mean!"Michael Shouted as he threw out his PokeBall."Go Geodude!!"

"Ok Pichu, quick attack know."The Trainer Said.

Pichu zings around the battle area as it was like lightning.

"Geodude start with defense curl."Mike ordered.

Geodude curls in to a big ball of rock and stays stationary on the ground.

Pichu then hits Geodude with a full blast quick attack but the attack did little damage as Geodude was a rock type.

"Geodude is strong against normal and electric types , there attacks hardly harm us, isn't that right Geo?" Mike said as he laughs.

"Hmmm.. Pichu try an volt tackle"Said the Trainer.

Pichu gains electricty power and then runs full speed at Geodude as it it was an quick attack.

"Geo stay."Mike said "Wait for my call" "Now!"

As Pichu is about to Hit Geodude, Geodude Grabs Pichu with its massive hands.

"Now Geodude seisimic toss!"Mike Said as his voice raised.

"No!!!!!" Screamed the Trainer.

Geodude Jumps and circles around in the air as if it was going around the Earth and then slams Pichu down to Earth making it eat dirt.

"Pichu is unable to battle I win!!" Mike said happily.

"Nooo!!!" Trainer moaned."Well you win heres your map..Return Pichu you did good"

"Thank you for the map. Geodude you did great, Return." said Mike.

Mike picks Elekid back up and looks at the map, So the nearest Pokemon Center is Viridian City.

As they arrive in Viridian City Michael finds the Pokemon Center.

"Nurse Joy can you please heal this Pokemon its not mine but i was attacked by its group and when i beat it his group started attacking him" Mike said with a tint of sorrowness in his voice.

"Oh how horrible i will tend to him as soon as possible *Rings Bell* Chansey can you take this Elekid to the room?"Nurse Joy says.

----1 hour later---

"Your Elekid is Good and healthy would you like i back in its pokeball?"Joy says.

"Well..i havented captured Him yet" Mike says as looking down at the ground.

"Oh..Well then you need these *Joy hands over 5 empty Pokeballs*"Joy saided as she handed over the PokeBalls.

"Oh thank you!"Mike said .

---Outside The Pokemon Center---

"Well Elekid I guess you free to go" Mike said to Elekid.

But the expression on Elekids face say that It wants to stay with Mike and Geodude.

"How about we finish this with a battle?If you win against Geodude i will let you go but if you lose your will join me and Geodude on our journey" Michael Said.

Go Geodude

"Geodude use Rock Throw now" Mike Commanded.

Geodude hits the ground and a huge boulder pops up from the earth and geodude grabs it and hurls it as Elekid but Elekid Dodges and gathers up engery from its hand and used a Thunder Punch on Geodude.

"Ha thats not going to do much. Now Geodude use magnitude!" Said Mike as he laughed.

Geodude pounds the ground and shock waves hit Elekid on the Chest..
But Elekid Stands up and continues battling with the look of strength in his eyes.

"I see your a fighter, a very stong fighter but thats not going to make me stop! Geodude try an earthquake!" Mike said.

Geodude sticks his long and thick hands into the ground, the ground around geodude cracks and shakes and eventually this craking and shaking reached Elekid, with one big bang Elekid was stuck in the earth covered by massive rocks, as Michael thought this battle was over he sees there is something moving inside of the big hole in the ground, something was throwing the rocks straight back at then and of course it was Elekid.

"What?..So you still in this." Mike said in shock and disbelief.
Then a burst of energy went through Elekids body as he charged up for a big thunder attack.

"Geodude watch out for that attack." Mike Said "Iron Defense !!"

Geodude hit his own head with his hands as a sign on strength, before he knew it he was shocked by one of the most power electric attacks in the world.

"Geodude are you ok?" Mike said.

As Geodude was getting up from that attack that even a rock type could not withstand Elekid was powering up for another thunder.

"Geodude grab onto Elekid!" Mike yelled.

Geodude then grab Elekid by the Head.

"Now!" Mike Said "Seismic Toss!!!"

Geodude jumped up and circled around in circles in the air as if he was going around the world.

"Now Geodude Let gooo" Mike Shouted.

In one huge thud Elekid came crashing back to earth and then Elekid could not go on.

"Yes !!" Said Mike in Excitement "Pokeball Goo!!!"

Mike Throws the Pokeball and it hits Elekid and the PokeBall wobbles.



-----------------------

there done its my first time soo bee nice :P

Also i am Australian so take not i use "s" instead of "z" in some words
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Last edited by Ketamine; 01-28-2007 at 02:58 AM.
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  #2  
Old 01-27-2007, 04:30 AM
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Default Re: GeoShocked! ---Ready to be Graded--

Introduction: We don't learn much about your character. His name is Michael, he's got a pokedex, and he's walking somewhere in Viridian city... But that's about all. What does he look like? Are there any friends who might be traveling with him, or anything else we should know about Michael?

Plot:
Boy walks around, finds oddly aggressive Elekid, almost gets shocked, gets saved by an Elekid who's attacked, saves Elekid, and eventually catches it.

Grammar: This part needs some improvement. Your story is hard to read. There are random capital letters in the story, and also many grammar errors. You also lack periods and other punctuation in many places. Also, words like 'Where' and 'were' are often confused. (Where is location related, were is what someone is. "Where are we?", vs, "We were walking when we found some Elekid")

There are also places where you change tense oddly in the middle of the sentence.

You also used abbreviations in a few places, like this one- ""Well Lets Battle and if i win you stay, and if i lose u go"said Mike"

Please type out 'you' instead of 'u', and remember to capitalize 'i'.

Detail: There's not much detail. An Elekid story doesn't need to be that long, but a bit more detail would be nice.

Battle: Even for Elekid, the battle was a bit short. Try adding another attack or two, and a bit of description.


Overall, this was a good idea, and a decent story. However, it could use a bit more detail, as well as a slightly more descriptive battle. You also really need to try to work on your grammar.

Elekid Not captured. When you fix this, let me know, and I'll come back and regrade. Please run the story through a spellchecker and then take a look at the grammar first, and add a bit to the battle and the detail.
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  #3  
Old 01-27-2007, 05:10 AM
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Default Re: GeoShocked! ---Ready to be Graded--

ok i edited it now..you can re-grade it now
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  #4  
Old 01-28-2007, 02:50 AM
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Default Re: GeoShocked! ---Ready to be Re-Graded--

Much better, the problems have almost all been fixed. Next time, try to use a bit more detail, and a bit of a longer battle, but for Elekid, this is fine.

Elekid Captured.
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  #5  
Old 01-28-2007, 02:56 AM
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Default Re: GeoShocked! ---Ready to be Re-Graded--

thank you :)
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