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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 12-15-2006, 01:21 AM
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Default A Trainer Tale

Chapter 1
The Dark Room


"Uh............ where am I?" "You're in team S.N.A.G's base" a voice said. "Team S.N.A.G? What's that? How did I get here?" "You will find out soon enough," the voice said laughing. I felt around the floor,it felt like I was on something hard...rocky. "Were am I?" I asked again this time yelling. "Once again in team S.N.A.G's base." The voice crackled,"Here put this on." "Huh.....Wha-what is this?" I asked. "It's armor." "Armor?" "Yes be prepared for a battle." "WHAT! Who am I against?" "Me." "But I don't have a Pokemon." "Are you sure? Check your armor." "What do you mean" I asked. "Do you know anything? Push a button on the armor." I pushed it and a pokeball came out. "Is it a Pokemon?" "Yes. Now Battle Me!"


Chapter2
The Battle

"Okay, Go!" I threw the pokeball in the air, not knowing what will come out. "Gastly!" It was a Gastly! "A Gastly huh? Well, go!" the man said. Then a Houndoom flew out with a fierce roar! "Houdoom!" The pokemon roared. "Well." The man said,"Your move." "O-Okey. Um. Night Shade Gastly!" I commanded the pokemon. "Flamethrower Houndoom!" The Houndoom shot a big fire over Gastly! The Night Shade didn't even have a chance. The Gastly fell hard on the ground. "Great!" I moaned,"How about if I win you tell me your name?" "Okay." The man replied. He knew he would win. "Hypnosis!" Gastly's eyes glowed. The Houndoom became drowsy, and soon asleep. "What!" The man yelled,"Wake up Houndoom!" "Dream Eater!" I commanded the Gastly. I looked at the Houndoom. It was shaking all over. It yelped in pain. "Looks like Dream Eater worked!" The man said looking worried. I could see the sweat on his face. I knew he was worried that he would lose. "Dream Eater again!" I yelled. Gastly did it's thing. Once again the Houndoom yelped in pain. Soon it fainted. "Well I won." I said,"Now tell me your name!"


Chapter 3
Welcome to Team S.N.A.G

"Fine." the man said, "My name is Butch Dent." "Okay Butch. Give me some answers." I said, still glad I won the battle. "Fine. Team S.N.A.G steals Pokemon from other trainers." "Steals Pokemon?!" I asked. "Yes. Well, you beat me and that means you are the new leader of Team S.N.A.G!" Said Butch. "Okey. Now I'm the leader!?" "Yes, I was the leader. You beat me. So your the leader." He Replied. "So if I'm the leader...I can change the rules of the team?" I asked, grining. "Yeah. Sort of." He admitted. "Then we released all the Pokemon that Team S.N.A.G stole!" I said. "Bu-but y-you can't d-do that," Butch stuttered. "I'm the leader and what I say goes!" "Fine. I'll tell the team about everything." Butch got up and walked away.
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  #2  
Old 12-15-2006, 11:34 PM
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Default Re: A Trainer Tale

Okay, I'll assume that you are new to writing.

First of all, this was far too short, even if you combined all of your "chapters" together. When writing a chapter, visualize the whole thing in your head like a 30 minute tv show. The amount of events that take place should not be less than that of an average tv syndication. All you had written was lines of dialogue and there is much more to life than dialogue. Describe what is actually happening in the story so that the reader can know what is going on. No one can see what is going on in your head so it's your job to provide the readers with info.

Your battle wasn't that interesting either.
Quote:
The Houndoom became drowsy
Okay, it's drowsy. Now what exactly does "drowsy" look like? Does the Houndoom stagger? Does it rub its eyes? Does it yawn? I know it seems like I'm nitpicking but you should not leave too much open to different interpretations or you risk the reader being confused. Different interpretations are fine, but the reader should never be completely lost.

Now try this again by editing your post and remember to take your time. Rushing your work won't get you anywhere.
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  #3  
Old 12-28-2006, 10:03 AM
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Cool Re: A Trainer Tale

This has the makings of a good story, but I gotta admit, it does need more detail. Trying more of this stuff will help u get better overtime & will hook the reader to the story. I started out like that though, so you're bound to get alot better. If you want proof, read this http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/foru...ad.php?t=25837

And remember, never give up on the stories, even if you're not as good as other people, you'll get better with time. Keep writing!
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  #4  
Old 12-28-2006, 01:57 PM
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Default Re: A Trainer Tale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leon Phelps View Post
Okay, I'll assume that you are new to writing.

First of all, this was far too short, even if you combined all of your "chapters" together. When writing a chapter, visualize the whole thing in your head like a 30 minute tv show. The amount of events that take place should not be less than that of an average tv syndication. All you had written was lines of dialogue and there is much more to life than dialogue. Describe what is actually happening in the story so that the reader can know what is going on. No one can see what is going on in your head so it's your job to provide the readers with info.

Your battle wasn't that interesting either.

Okay, it's drowsy. Now what exactly does "drowsy" look like? Does the Houndoom stagger? Does it rub its eyes? Does it yawn? I know it seems like I'm nitpicking but you should not leave too much open to different interpretations or you risk the reader being confused. Different interpretations are fine, but the reader should never be completely lost.

Now try this again by editing your post and remember to take your time. Rushing your work won't get you anywhere.
If you do that again, as Dani warned, I'll slap you.


*gathers evidence*

Alright, get over to the court...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle8936 View Post
This has the makings of a good story, but I gotta admit, it does need more detail. Trying more of this stuff will help u get better overtime & will hook the reader to the story. I started out like that though, so you're bound to get alot better. If you want proof, read this http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/foru...ad.php?t=25837

And remember, never give up on the stories, even if you're not as good as other people, you'll get better with time. Keep writing!
Better. At least it won't lead to a ban.


-------------------


I would rather be nice about it. *directed at Leon Phelps 1.0*





Plot (7/10)
Length (2/10)
Grammar (6/10)
Overall (15/30)


That was one of the worst gradings I did, though. I'll show you how I perform the "overall".


1 -> 5 --- HORRIBLE!!!
6 -> 10 --- Does NOT look too good.
11 -> 14 --- This looks fine, but still needs serious improvement.
15 -> 17 --- Needs improvement.
18 -> 21 --- It's a fine story, maybe it should be improved some more.
22 -> 25 --- Great story, maybe you should write a better one though, hmm?
26 -> 27 --- This is very nice, I'd probably read another of your stories.
28 -> 29 --- WONDERFUL!
30 --- I absolutely LOVE this story, you should write alot more like this!



I also underline the one I give you, but I bold everything else.




That was a short grading. Edit this, then I'll re-grade you, but with an extended grading...


This does need improvement...
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Last edited by Mister Moo; 12-31-2006 at 12:05 PM.
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