Okie-dokie. Since this only took me less than a minute to read xP, I'm gonna review it.
First of all, when you are writing a story
, you capitalize the first letter of every
sentence. That's just a basic rule of grammar and should always be used when writing a story. In a chatroom or forum, uncapitalized sentences are fine, and nobody cares, unless they are a totally perfect grammar freak xP.
Second, you always capitalize "I" as a pronoun by itself. Big no-no when you don't capitalize it.
Once again, in a chatroom, no one really cares, but in a story, it's crucial.
Third, you left out several apostrophes. Saying simply "its" means that it belongs to "it", whatever "it" may be. "It's" is the contraction for "it is." There' a difference. xP You still forgot other apostrophes in your contractions other that just "it's".
Fourth, when a character is speaking, their words are put into quotation marks. When the character stops speaking, before you put the quotation marks, you'd put the correct punctuation mark and then the quotation marks.
Fifth, organize your story. It looks tacky being bunched up into one hulking paragraph. When characters speak, also, you would start a new paragraph every time a different person says something. You will start a new paragraph every time the subject of the paragraph changes.
Sixth, you need to make your chapters much, much longer. This is basically a single paragraph; a good chapter is several paragraphs long. Try harder.
Seventh, be descriptive of the environment. This whole chapter is basically dialogue.
Lastly, there aren't really many spelling errors in here except for the lack of apostrophes, so congrats on that. Also, when you are referring to a Pokemon, it would be considered a proper noun so capitalize the name of each Pokemon.
I know I probably seem harsh to you, but I'm only trying to help.