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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-11-2004, 01:15 AM
LolJolteonMaster Offline
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Default .

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Last edited by LolJolteonMaster; 10-13-2005 at 12:48 AM.
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  #2  
Old 03-11-2004, 07:47 AM
boltAge Offline
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Default Re: All Quiled Up :Ready to Grade:

Story: It was fine at first, but you rushed into the battle quickly. You should have like, let a day or two pass, describe what happened during the few days instead of just meeting a Cyndaquil like that.

Another thing: Where exactly are you?

Grammar: Poor. Very poor. Capitalize names and first letter of each sentence. Don't overuse capital letters and exclamation marks in speeches, they make your story looks messy.

Details: Poor. Describe your surroundings, describe how you feel when you're battling, describe practically everything you can. Use lots of suitable adverbs and adjectives, they help your story a lot.

Reality: Why would a Cyndaquil throw coconuts at you with no reason, anyway?

Battle: Barely enough. You need a much, much longer battle than this for Cyndaquil. Throw in LOTS of adverbs and adjectives, describing your Pokemon and your oppoent after they made a move. Also, don't just shout attacks, maybe get your mon to do some stunts like climbing up a tree and firing attacks from there, which makes the battle much more exciting.

Outcome: Cyndaquil not captured!
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  #3  
Old 03-12-2004, 09:27 PM
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Default Re: :All Quiled Up:Revised Edition:Ready for Grade:Revised Edition is Un-graded:

since it's your first story, it would be nice to know a little about the character (ex. looks, background...etc.)

grammer:
tougne=tongue
capitalize Pokemon names

the battle is good.

tips:
next time, more story, improved detail. this will make it longer.

Outcome- Cyndaquil Caught!

~Jack~
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