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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 10-14-2011, 01:55 PM
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Default Diamonds of Poetries Etched in Time

Ok so I'm just gonna see how this goes since I've not seen any poetry being posted here and my muse has been revived lately. So I would just want to see how many people actually appreciate and like poetry. A bit of myself since I'm rather new around these parts, I used to be an active poet on another forum but the poetry section there has died quite a while ago. I do hope I get to meet new people who also write/read poems, even though there aren't many. But, oh well, I'll try to be optimistic and let Nature do its job. :)

I have written several poems lately but I won't post them all at once. Gosh, that'll an overflow! (And I've to see whether anyone's interested in the first place XD)

Ok so I decided to make an index for easy linking to other poems just in case people miss them.

Poetry Index
Fatal Rhyme
A man had for breakfast, fruits and rye.
He did not know later on he was to die.

An old lady was baking an apple pie.
Her stabbed body was found, God knows why.

A woman went to the barber to have a perm-and-dye,
Then she was found shot because of a blackmailing lie.

If you have an interest for rhyme,
You'll see how murder is so sublime.

So first up is a short poem, inspired by Agatha Christie because I'm an avid fan of mystery novels. :D

Guilt
It is here. I imagine blood on my hands.
I run...but I can't escape.
It won't stop bothering me. It won't go.
In every corner, in every shade of darkness,
in every silhouette, it strives to catch me.
No use hiding, it has infiltrated my mind.
Sending waves of thoughts and scenes,
it prods and nudges into the deep recess.
It churns out what I've been concealing.
Like a weedkiller, it strikes my conscience.
As it eats away my soul, I'm reminded of everything,
Including that night.
I shuddered, trying to pick up the pieces of my sub-conscious.
I put my hands up, yelling a surrender.
Swiftly it washed over and I blacked out.

I felt bonds on my wrists and chains around my mind.
As I looked up to the person who placed those cuffs and chains,
Guilt was staring back. Now in this small cell, guilt has finally let me free.

Reading it again now, it probably sounds depressing. I think I was on the verge of depression at that time. xD Here's another one, quite ambiguous but that's what makes poetry so intriguing. :)

Ok CnC fire away~! XD
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Last edited by Temporal Diamond; 11-21-2011 at 03:46 AM.
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  #2  
Old 10-14-2011, 06:08 PM
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Default Re: Diamond's Poetry

I think you're a decent poet. Just try to make it short and sweet, "he did not know later on he was to die" seemed a bit odd, could have been changed to "he did not know he was to die" or "he did not know he was soon to die" or something. Other then that, it seems you have a range of different poem styles, and I hope to see more. We absolutely don't have enough here.
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  #3  
Old 10-15-2011, 04:38 AM
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Default Re: Diamond's Poetry

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Originally Posted by Max0596 View Post
I think you're a decent poet. Just try to make it short and sweet, "he did not know later on he was to die" seemed a bit odd, could have been changed to "he did not know he was to die" or "he did not know he was soon to die" or something. Other then that, it seems you have a range of different poem styles, and I hope to see more. We absolutely don't have enough here.
Hi, thanks~ Yea I had a feeling it sounded wrong but I couldn't pinpoint the problem. Thanks again(for being the only one who reviewed XD)!
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Last edited by Temporal Diamond; 10-15-2011 at 05:25 AM.
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  #4  
Old 10-15-2011, 05:05 AM
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Default Re: Diamond's Poetry

Oooo, I really liked the "Guilt" Poem! :D It's actually firing up some creative juices in me... *really want to write a story now* Specifically, I liked the description and the transition through it, the emotion that was in it. I think it purveyed well the frustration and the haunting feeling that comes with guilt.

Going on with what Max was saying, I think sometimes it sounded odd--or flowed odd--because the rhythm faltered. I don't know if you need to make it short--you probably just have to arrange the words right so that the sentence flows in the rhythm you created. Though, really, I don't know much about poetry; but I admire those who do it, because they can be quite clever with words x)
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Old 10-15-2011, 05:35 AM
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Default Re: Diamond's Poetry

@Charmander: Ohai! It inspired you? Whow. XD Yes I think that I need to work on the rhythm, because whenever I write poems on paper, I don't organize in lines as how I do in my posts. X3

Since it's been going on a good start, here's another one~

Roar of Time
I heard the roar of time,
So majestic and sublime.
Its humming echoes rang far and wide,
And somewhere there was a landslide.

I heard the roar of time,
Beautiful like a bell's chime.
I watched the earth's grime,
Transform into clean rime.

It was filled with rapture,
As it held space in its capture.
Waves of purifying energy,
Pitched with a dazzling melody.

It rid the land of sin and cleansed it,
With magic and calmness so sweet.
As the roar died down like a falling meteor,
It left everyone with pure joy and utter awe.
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  #6  
Old 10-15-2011, 07:13 AM
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Default Re: Diamond's Poetry

Also good. I'm one of those people who will post on everything if I post once, so expect me to be here everytime you post a new one XD

But for some reason, maybe the word 'somewhere' paired with 'there was' damage the flow, but other then that, no problems! Word choice really makes or breaks 'flow' or 'rhythm', and those things are really important in poetry. I lie how this one has a pokemon feel to it, and it was never really explained how Roar of Time works in the games. Though it is a beautiful looking attack, among the top of my favorite looking ones.

Keep it up!

I should rate each one...
Fatal Rhyme-8/10
Guilt-8.5/10
Roar of Time-8/10
And I give you five stars, my friend.
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  #7  
Old 10-15-2011, 07:40 AM
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Default Re: Diamond's Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamond1304 View Post
Guilt
It is here. I imagine blood on my hands.
I run...but I can't escape.
It won't stop bothering me. It won't go.
In every corner, in every shade of darkness,
in every silhouette, it strives to catch me.
No use hiding, it has infiltrated my mind.
Sending waves of thoughts and scenes,
it prods and nudges into the deep recess.
It churns out what I've been concealing.
Like a weedkiller, it strikes my conscience.
As it eats away my soul, I'm reminded of everything,
Including that night.
I shuddered, trying to pick up the pieces of my sub-conscious.
I put my hands up, yelling a surrender.
Swiftly it washed over and I blacked out.

I felt bonds on my wrists and chains around my mind.
As I looked up to the person who placed those cuffs and chains,
Guilt was staring back. Now in this small cell, guilt has finally let me free.
This... This is beautiful.
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  #8  
Old 10-18-2011, 03:24 AM
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Default Re: Diamond's Poetry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Temporal Diamond View Post
@Charmander: Ohai! It inspired you? Whow. XD Yes I think that I need to work on the rhythm, because whenever I write poems on paper, I don't organize in lines as how I do in my posts. X3
Hai! xD Yeppers, you inspire-er you! Oh, I getcha ^^ Do you read your poems out loud, too? I think that helps sometimes, too ^^

BUT ON TO DEH NEW POEM!

I agree with Max--great new work! :D It really portrays this feeling of majesty, powerful but beautiful at the same time. I liked how you described this Roar of Time as something that is strong and far-reaching, but at the same time it has this cleansing effect. LoL, I feel like I'm repeating myself xD The fourth stanza was my favorite, with how the words worked with each other and all. Can't wait to see more! ^^
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:06 AM
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Default Re: Diamonds of Poetries Etched in Time

Thanks all for the wonderful comments and criticism~

Here's a new one.

Oppugno
There it is, the battle cry.
On cue, the aerial actors unfurl their wings.
The sky is set as the stage for a marvelous display
With fluttering sound effects, as the climax arrives.
The ending of the performance. The credits swooped by.
And I, the director, vanished for another time of waiting.
My cue is when my other is set free once more.

So yes, Oppugno is a HP spell that causes birds conjured to attack a target. If you know Harry Potter, you would understand the poem very quickly. And you can probably guess what the last two lines mean. x3
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Last edited by Temporal Diamond; 10-24-2011 at 07:08 AM.
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  #10  
Old 10-24-2011, 07:06 AM
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Default Re: Diamonds of Poetries Etched in Time

I haven't watched/read much HP, so I really don't know what it's about.

"On cue, the aerial actors unfurls their wings." I might be wrong here, but shouldn't it just be unfurl? I've been wrong before, so I wouldn't doubt it's nothing.

But other than that, I thik it's pretty solid, but could use a bit more...flow.

7.75/10 (because I can, and it was in between 7.5 and 8.)

Keep 'em coming!

Side note: Nice new title for the thread!
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  #11  
Old 10-24-2011, 07:09 AM
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Default Re: Diamonds of Poetries Etched in Time

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Originally Posted by Max0596 View Post
I haven't watched/read much HP, so I really don't know what it's about.

"On cue, the aerial actors unfurls their wings." I might be wrong here, but shouldn't it just be unfurl? I've been wrong before, so I wouldn't doubt it's nothing.

But other than that, I thik it's pretty solid, but could use a bit more...flow.

7.75/10 (because I can, and it was in between 7.5 and 8.)

Keep 'em coming!

Side note: Nice new title for the thread!
Actually you are right. xD Yeah I guess the flow wasn't really there here, it was meant to be a riddle at first, but riddles -are- poems in a way. :D

Lol, thanks a lot~
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Old 11-04-2011, 10:13 AM
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Default Re: Diamonds of Poetries Etched in Time

So...I don't know whether anyone would be interested in the next poem. It is rather harsh with meaning, because I, as the poet, is directing this poem to a certain audience. xD

Trolls
Waves of contempt, vengeance and of spite.
Malicious two-faced masks and acidic tongues.
Lowly cowards relying on pixels to hide,
such tiny things to shield them.
Dishing out rude comments is their cup of tea,
off a grimy platter full of sin.
Stupidity churns out like a hell broth.
Those fart noises and clattering sounds
they make when one passes by.
They won't leave you till their stomach is filled with nonsense
and return to their dark abodes under the bridge.

So basically I played with both meanings of the term, the folklore term and the Internet term. It was written to let off steam after I had ugly encounters with the aforementioned beings. x3 CnC~!
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  #13  
Old 11-04-2011, 11:32 AM
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Default Re: Diamonds of Poetries Etched in Time

I do that? O.o xD
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:33 PM
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Default Re: Diamonds of Poetries Etched in Time

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pe2k Voices View Post
I do that? O.o xD
What did you do? O.o
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  #15  
Old 11-04-2011, 02:44 PM
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Default Re: Diamonds of Poetries Etched in Time

Are you ranting about the eeveelution altercation we had? Because flareon is better XDDD

Anyway, this one has a...charm for me. Maybe it's my strong and undying hate for trolls, maybe not. I think I'm a bit biased because I too have had bad encounters with the trolls.

But I like it. Umm...I dunno, I'm so biased right now I can't give much CnC XD

I'll give you an 8.25
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