Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1411  
Old 03-22-2011, 09:12 PM
Guard13007's Avatar
Guard13007 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Doing 'lot of rocket science lately
Posts: 2,669
Send a message via Skype™ to Guard13007
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yep, pretty much. DX

Yeah, it's not exactly easy for her to sneak into the center, and she isn't Damian's pokemon (and Katie doesn't like the idea of risking sneaking her in).

XD I bet that would make for some amusing situations!

Well, if you do it a lot, you eventually won't have to force yourself. ^^
*images Snowcrystal getting caught trying to sneak in* D: & xD

Yes, it will! XD

Yeah, but I just realized that I'm forgetting again. *had an idea after PMing you, but forgot already*

Quote:
Yeah, I feel sorry for what happened to him in the past, but nothing can justify some of the things he's done, and the things he's trying to do. (What song? XD)

Yeah, I know what you mean about that. XD Justin's veerrrry stubborn. And so is Scytheclaw, for that matter. XD
u.u So sad, and again, really good animation, shows how sad that really was. ^^/u.u Uh, song, well even if I knew to begin with, I don't know now. It was on an old episode of this dance music podcast I listen to.

Yes, they are, which makes for interesting interactions! ^^

Quote:
Thanks! I like my stories to be surprising, so it makes me glad that they were!

Haha, yeah, he REALLY does not need to be a leader! He's definitely not as bad as he was when he was in charge; now he mainly just wants to be left alone, which does NOT make Snowcrystal and the group being there easy for him.

Justin: O.o

Spark: NOOOOOOO! D:
*surprised* 0.0 Woh... XD Yeah, surprising makes for better stories. ^^

Bad leaders, so bad... *oh wait, that sounded weird* Too bad he's stuck having to deal with them...

*lunges at Justin*

Quote:
Yeah. XD I bet Snowcrystal's pack would have all found orange growlithe very strange.

Yep, pretty much. D= We shall see...
Yeah, I'd like to see a random orange growlithe stumble upon their home, everyone would just be: o.o Um, hello...

We shall see doesn't sound so good...

Quote:
But...there is nothing to understand. o:

Yeah, and how you react to it.
Announcer: It's super effective, Scy is confused!
*uses I Give Up attack*
Announcer: Guard used I Give Up, he fell over, he's dead! ... I mean fainted! Because pokemon can't die. (Lol, that was always really funny to me, in the games, pokemon don't die! Parody-time!)

Quote:
XD Yeah, I think it would be silly to give a vicious name to someone who was evil, unless they named themselves or something. Otherwise, it sounds pretty convenient. XD I loved the idea of a scyther named Bloodscythe being the kind, "let's help everybody!" kind of pokemon. XD

You're welcome! XD

Okay, I'll try and explain it in simple terms (to start) in my reply to the pm!
I am so evil I call myself...EVIL NAME!!! *scary howl that fails into a bad cough* XDDD

My name strikes fear in the hearts of others...but I'm really a nice guy, do you want some food? We have extra.
Other Pokemon: No, you're name is scary. *runs away*
... But I just wanted to help you... u.u

XD

Thank you! ^^ (again...even though I'm still forgetting... oo') And yay, some random person asked for help at library again, and I have the answer! Whoot, helping people is fun. ^^

*receives PM, but will not speak further of it here, where others are watching, suspicious looks*

Quote:
I might try doing that...it might make feel less like I'm going to fail at it. XD I will! I'm not going to rush this one, since it's one of the hardest chapters I've had to write.
Yeah, you really should, I was on the verge of giving up with my fic, then I went and read some of the comments on what I'd posted, if they liked that so much (with how horribles it were), than I'm sure I can do better!

Only with you, it should be, if they liked that chapter even though I had trouble with it, I can do better! *rush off to work on chapter, only not rushing because that's bad*
Reply With Quote
  #1412  
Old 03-23-2011, 08:54 AM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Quote:
*images Snowcrystal getting caught trying to sneak in* D: & xD

Yes, it will! XD

Yeah, but I just realized that I'm forgetting again. *had an idea after PMing you, but forgot already*
That would be awkward, even if she did look like a normal growlithe. XD

Well, if you remember, tell me!
Quote:
u.u So sad, and again, really good animation, shows how sad that really was. ^^/u.u Uh, song, well even if I knew to begin with, I don't know now. It was on an old episode of this dance music podcast I listen to.

Yes, they are, which makes for interesting interactions! ^^
Thanks! I'm glad it did. Oh, okay. XD

Yes, it does!
Quote:
*surprised* 0.0 Woh... XD Yeah, surprising makes for better stories. ^^

Bad leaders, so bad... *oh wait, that sounded weird* Too bad he's stuck having to deal with them...

*lunges at Justin*
Yeah, I like it when things turn out differently than you expect when I read, so I tried to put that in my writing.

Well, it's kind of bad for Snow's group too. XD But yeah, that does make things a lot harder for Scytheclaw.

Spark: *dramatic NO*

Quote:
Yeah, I'd like to see a random orange growlithe stumble upon their home, everyone would just be: o.o Um, hello...

We shall see doesn't sound so good...
That would be quite interesting...another funny thing to draw if I ever get over that stupid artist block. DX

At this point, it isn't good for Stormblade. D:

Quote:
Announcer: It's super effective, Scy is confused!
*uses I Give Up attack*
Announcer: Guard used I Give Up, he fell over, he's dead! ... I mean fainted! Because pokemon can't die. (Lol, that was always really funny to me, in the games, pokemon don't die! Parody-time!)
*Scy is even more confused*

Quote:
I am so evil I call myself...EVIL NAME!!! *scary howl that fails into a bad cough* XDDD

My name strikes fear in the hearts of others...but I'm really a nice guy, do you want some food? We have extra.
Other Pokemon: No, you're name is scary. *runs away*
... But I just wanted to help you... u.u
XD That's actually the way Cyclone got his name...but without the 'evil' part. He just wanted something that fit him more than the name his trainer gave him. Doesn't really sound evil, though. XD

XDDDDDDDD I can imagine that happening to Bloodscythe.

Quote:
Thank you! ^^ (again...even though I'm still forgetting... oo') And yay, some random person asked for help at library again, and I have the answer! Whoot, helping people is fun. ^^

*receives PM, but will not speak further of it here, where others are watching, suspicious looks*
Awesome! It is!

Secrets! o:

Quote:
Yeah, you really should, I was on the verge of giving up with my fic, then I went and read some of the comments on what I'd posted, if they liked that so much (with how horribles it were), than I'm sure I can do better!

Only with you, it should be, if they liked that chapter even though I had trouble with it, I can do better! *rush off to work on chapter, only not rushing because that's bad*
I'm glad it helped you! I'll try and do that with my stories soon!

I'll sure try to do my best with them!


ALSO. I revived the roleplay and posted! Go ahead and write a post there!
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
Reply With Quote
  #1413  
Old 03-25-2011, 11:48 PM
Guard13007's Avatar
Guard13007 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Doing 'lot of rocket science lately
Posts: 2,669
Send a message via Skype™ to Guard13007
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
That would be awkward, even if she did look like a normal growlithe. XD

Well, if you remember, tell me!

Thanks! I'm glad it did. Oh, okay. XD

Yes, it does!
Yes, it would. xD

I probably already remembered, just I don't know which idea it was, so I don't know. You know? xD That made half sense...

Quote:
Yeah, I like it when things turn out differently than you expect when I read, so I tried to put that in my writing.

Well, it's kind of bad for Snow's group too. XD But yeah, that does make things a lot harder for Scytheclaw.

Spark: *dramatic NO*
Yes, I like stories like that too, and you've done a good job with it, especially in recent chapters. ^^

I suppose it is. XD

*0o at Spark's dramatic NO* XDDD

Quote:
That would be quite interesting...another funny thing to draw if I ever get over that stupid artist block. DX

At this point, it isn't good for Stormblade. D:
Yea! *encourages you to get over artist's block*

At every point, it hasn't been good for Stormblade. xD

Quote:
*Scy is even more confused*

XD That's actually the way Cyclone got his name...but without the 'evil' part. He just wanted something that fit him more than the name his trainer gave him. Doesn't really sound evil, though. XD

XDDDDDDDD I can imagine that happening to Bloodscythe.
*wake up* What? *confused self...yay!*

It sounds evil because he's evil...you get what I mean? It's like a freaking cyclone is going to destroy this place, no Cyclone is going to...wait, that didn't make sense, did it?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking when I said wrote that! XD

Quote:
Awesome! It is!

Secrets! o:
Yes! ^^

Yea, secrets! *evil laugh of doom* *taunting voice* I don't really know what's to happen! I don't really know what's to happen! XD ...yet...

Quote:
I'm glad it helped you! I'll try and do that with my stories soon!

I'll sure try to do my best with them!

ALSO. I revived the roleplay and posted! Go ahead and write a post there!
Yes, you really should!

You will! ^^

And as for the RP, (I know, I'm totally saying this in the right spot! XD) I am going to reread the recent pages and my characters' profile before posting to get back into the feel for them, you know?
Reply With Quote
  #1414  
Old 03-26-2011, 02:28 AM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Quote:
Yes, I like stories like that too, and you've done a good job with it, especially in recent chapters. ^^

I suppose it is. XD

*0o at Spark's dramatic NO* XDDD
Thanks. XD

Yep, but Scytheclaw refuses to have anything to do with them. If they leave him alone, they're fine. But they sort of...don't.


Quote:
Yea! *encourages you to get over artist's block*

At every point, it hasn't been good for Stormblade. xD
I shall try!

At the beginning, it was fine for him. XD



Quote:
It sounds evil because he's evil...you get what I mean? It's like a freaking cyclone is going to destroy this place, no Cyclone is going to...wait, that didn't make sense, did it?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking when I said wrote that! XD
Uh....sort of. XD Though if he wasn't evil, it would be a neutral name. I'm sure "Wildflame", "Blazefang", and even "Stormblade" could sound evil if they were, too. XD

Quote:
Yea, secrets! *evil laugh of doom* *taunting voice* I don't really know what's to happen! I don't really know what's to happen! XD ...yet...
You know like, one minor spoiler. XD


Quote:
Yes, you really should!

You will! ^^

And as for the RP, (I know, I'm totally saying this in the right spot! XD) I am going to reread the recent pages and my characters' profile before posting to get back into the feel for them, you know?
I shall try!

Okay. I'm excited to see your post!
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
Reply With Quote
  #1415  
Old 03-26-2011, 09:02 PM
Guard13007's Avatar
Guard13007 Offline
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Doing 'lot of rocket science lately
Posts: 2,669
Send a message via Skype™ to Guard13007
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Thanks. XD

Yep, but Scytheclaw refuses to have anything to do with them. If they leave him alone, they're fine. But they sort of...don't.
You're welcome! ^^

Too bad they don't get it... "But they sort of...don't." *lol..ed at that*

Quote:
I shall try!

At the beginning, it was fine for him. XD
Don't try, do it! xD

Yeah, for like three chapters. *doesn't remember exactly how long it was good*

Quote:
Uh....sort of. XD Though if he wasn't evil, it would be a neutral name. I'm sure "Wildflame", "Blazefang", and even "Stormblade" could sound evil if they were, too. XD

You know like, one minor spoiler. XD
Yep, the character personalities make the names evil or nice...except Bloodscythe...

Quote:
I shall try!

Okay. I'm excited to see your post!
Don't try, do it! XDDD

Yeah, and I'm excited to make it, except I have to suddenly go for a little while... D:
Reply With Quote
  #1416  
Old 06-28-2011, 01:58 AM
Frost Dragon's Avatar
Frost Dragon Offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kanetone
Posts: 498
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

you truly would not believe how much I love your artwork. and so... I YELL AT YOU FOR INSULTING YOUR OWN WORK! your are AMAZING! most art can't get me to have any reaction at all. and then I saw this.http://racingwolf.deviantart.com/art...%2F11673&qo=41
not to mention the fact that you solidified my idea for my signature.
__________________
My VPP

Lucario@312
Hatch: 327
Lucario: 432
Level100: 612

Last edited by Frost Dragon; 06-28-2011 at 02:02 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #1417  
Old 09-12-2011, 01:14 PM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

After a long, very long delay, Path of Destiny is back. And I hope I have much better luck with future chapters.


The Path of Destiny

Chapter 52 – Secrets of Stonedust

Despite her worries, Snowcrystal found herself enjoying her time with Damian and the others. It was a peaceful life compared to what they had recently been living while on their journey, and seeing her friends grow healthier by the day brought Snowcrystal much joy. Stormblade’s Forbidden Attack wounds had not gotten worse, and some of the injuries not caused by Shadowflare were slowly healing. Rosie had been overjoyed to hear that Nightcloud finally had found a peaceful life, and despite not being much closer to finding the information they needed, the ninetales seemed much happier, especially after being able to meet and talk with the mightyena again herself.

It had now been almost two months since they had arrived at Stonedust City, and although Snowcrystal was worried that they were taking too much time to find out more about the Forbidden Attacks, the humans continued to search for information, even though they had probably searched every book in the Stonedust City library. Without wanting to leave for another location without any leads on where to find anything about the Forbidden Attacks, Damian, Justin, and Katie diligently searched over books they had already read or skimmed through, hoping to find some detail they’d missed, or searched other sources, such as the library’s computers or even stories from other humans. They weren’t willing to give up on Stonedust just yet, and neither was she.

Snowcrystal had come to be quite used to looking like an orange growlithe. Damian, Katie, and Justin had perfected the look, and Justin had proudly told her that she looked exactly like a normal orange growlithe.

As Nightcloud had suggested, Redclaw had gotten his collar removed, and luckily there were no questions asked as to why Redclaw wasn’t in a poké ball at the time. Free of the constant reminder of Master, Redclaw had grown to be happier than Snowcrystal had ever seen him.

Rosie, after much persuasion, and insistence that Nightcloud herself had gotten help from humans and trusted them, had gotten treatment for her leg. Her limp was much better now, and she was a much better fighter, too. During the time they were waiting while the humans went to search for information or buy food or battle, the pokémon trained with some of Damian and Katie’s pokémon, learning new techniques from the much more battle-savvy trainer’s pokémon. Damian had bought Rosie some new TMs, allowing her to use moves like flamethrower and fire blast, which she normally wouldn’t have been able to learn after her evolution. They passed a lot of their time in practice battles, sometimes alone and sometimes with one of the trainers directing them, talking with each other or simply just relaxing and enjoying a time when they did not have to worry about traveling or about where their next meal would come from.

Arien and Damian had still been unable to make Justin understand Stormblade’s story, and whenever they brought it up, he refused to talk to them about it and sometimes threatened to leave. They eventually gave it up, although Katie, who had often listened while they tried to explain it, seemed to believe it, or at least was rethinking the idea of Stormblade being a murderer.

There had also been no luck convincing Scytheclaw to heal Stormblade, but there was no more trouble with him attacking the other pokémon. Everyone made a great effort to be as nice to him as possible, and brought food to him even though his wounds were nearly healed, but he still largely ignored them, obviously knowing they were just being kind to try and get him to agree to heal Stormblade, but in Snowcrystal’s case, the kindness was genuine. Scytheclaw showed none of the unfair and cruel leader he had once been; even the arrogance and anger he had constantly displayed toward them in the first few days they had teamed up with the humans seemed to be dwindling. Though he still made no effort to be friendly toward the other pokémon, he showed kindness to Damian and, sometimes, his pokémon team, and he really acted as if he did want to put his old life behind him and start anew. He continued to ignore Snowcrystal and her friends, but he never went out of his way to be mean or hostile toward them, not even Nightshade.

And that was the best part. Nightshade was back.

The heracross was nearly fully healed; he only had a slight limp now. He had been able to go back to them a while before, when his wounds had still been healing, but he had been well enough to live outside with the other pokémon as long as he slept in a clean place in Damian’s tent and came to the newly-built pokémon center for more medicine and check ups to ensure his wounds had been healing correctly. When he had first arrived, it had still shocked the others all over again that Thunder had done so much damage, but Nightshade insisted that a lot of the damage had already been there (he didn’t mention Scytheclaw by name), and though Snowcrystal knew the worst of the damage by far had been done by Thunder, she was glad Nightshade was trying not to encourage the others’ negative thoughts about her.

During the time Snowcrystal wasn’t going with the humans to the library or practice battling with the others, she often went off alone into the forest with Nightshade. It was partly because she suspected he was lonely; Thunder may have been rude and awful to him at times even before she attacked him, but she knew Nightshade still considered her a friend, something Snowcrystal wasn’t sure she would be able to do in his position. She also knew he had talked with Thunder about things he hadn’t told anyone else, though what those things were, she had no idea. He had to have been close to her, in some way. Another reason she spent time with him more was because she wanted to talk to him. He was the sort of pokémon she could tell anything to, about how she missed her home, some random, silly things she did as a puppy, the stories she was told by flying pokémon visiting the mountain, or even more serious things such as how she was worried about Stormblade. Nightshade had even told her how much he worried about Thunder, caught by that horrible human again. She had known he would be worried, but she hadn’t known he’d be worried this much. Then again, it did make sense. Nightshade knew of the horrors Thunder had gone through more than anyone else, even Redclaw, and it helped both of them to have someone to talk to. She and Nightshade had spent much of their time together, and were quickly becoming close friends.

He was also, she knew, becoming close friends with Damian as well, and before the constant searching for information had taken its toll on the trainer and what little time he had was usually spent resting or battling for money, he had also talked often with Nightshade. However, now that he was becoming so busy and exhausted, Nightshade’s loneliness had seemed far stronger, so Snowcrystal had decided to help him, in whatever small way she could.

During their aimless wanderings together, they often went somewhat far from the group, confident enough in Snowcrystal’s new trainer-taught fighting techniques, and the fact that Nightshade was old and experienced enough to be a skilled fighter even without the humans’ training, that they didn’t worry about the wild pokémon. Most of them in this area weren’t very strong, and those that were weren’t aggressive. The poacher traps had long been cleared out, so they explored the forest in peace, Nightshade sometimes pointing out certain herbs or flowers or berries to her and telling her what they were.

On one such day, when they had walked further than usual, they reached a strange place near the city that looked odd and out of place compared to everything else. It took Snowcrystal a moment to realize why it struck her as so odd. The trees were lined up in a very unnatural way; only a human could have planted them like that. The grass and other plants looked unnaturally placed as well, and there were odd looking human made things scattered about the area. They were a little more than twice her height, and they had strange openings in the top. She could smell a delicious smell coming from the nearest one, and was about to move closer to investigate, when she noticed that Nightshade was acting strange.

“Come on,” the heracross told her in a voice that faltered a bit, “let’s go.” He quickly guided her away from it, urging her to move toward a different area. She asked him if there was danger, but he did not reply. As they walked away, Snowcrystal looked back at the area, noting how serene and pleasant it looked, even in the shadow of Stonedust City’s buildings. But she trusted Nightshade and tore her gaze away; if he suspected there was something sinister about it, there probably was.

A few days later, as Snowcrystal sat with the group on a warm night lit by hundreds of stars, she watched Wildflame and Spark play fighting at the edge of the clearing while the rest of the pokémon sat around a small fire in its center where Damian was cooking some sort of human treat; cooking was one of the many strange human things she’d learned about since being here. Justin and Katie had already left, but Spark had stayed behind with them for the night. A few of Damian’s pokémon were talking excitedly with Redclaw, and Blazefang was muttering to Dusk the absol; the two of them had seemed to become friends, or at least as close to being friends as Blazefang would allow, over the past few weeks. Scytheclaw just watched the fire with a forlorn look in his eyes.

Snowcrystal looked past the others and noticed Nightshade by the edge of the clearing, looking up at the stars. It was too early to sleep, and Snowcrystal was feeling restless, so she got up and walked over to him. “Want to walk around the forest?” she asked him.

She was expecting him to say no; he hadn’t wanted to explore the forest near the edge of Stonedust City much at all lately, and they rarely walked through it at night, but to her surprise, he nodded, and they set off through the trees.

“There doesn’t seem to be much hope left for that library anymore,” Nightshade said as they began walking. “Sooner or later we’re going to have to find out where we want to go next.”

He seemed distracted, and Snowcrystal had a feeling that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about at all. “Are you worried about Thunder?” Snowcrystal asked as they walked under the starlight with only the sound of crunching leaves beneath their feet.

“Yes…” Nightshade sighed, obviously not caring to bring up the subject of the library again. “I don’t know what’s happening to her now, but…unfortunately, I have a good idea.”

“Do you think we could get her back somehow?”

Nightshade looked back at her with a sorrowful expression. “…I don’t know.”

Snowcrystal didn’t know either. It would take a miracle for Thunder to escape again, especially since Master would be extra careful not to let her. And even if they could bring her back, with the others allow her to stay? Would she be in an even worse state…and would she attack any of the others? They walked on for a while, Snowcrystal lost in her own thoughts while Nightshade stayed alert and watchful.

“Nightshade,” Snowcrystal began after a little while longer, “do you think the humans could do something? About Master, I mean.”

“I’m not sure,” Nightshade replied. “We don’t even know his name. I’m not sure the humans will be able to get help from the police if they don’t even know that nor have any idea where he is. Even if we did, he’s not bound to stay there for long. Master has to be smart to have avoided them for so long.”

“I wish Thunder never tried to attack Master,” Snowcrystal said uselessly. “I wish she never attacked you.” Nightshade didn’t reply, and she continued, “I know some of the others hate her, or at least they act like it, but I don’t think they all do. Rosie saw her rescue Stormblade from the mud. She must remember that. And Redclaw knows some of what she’s been through. And Wildflame…” She paused, for Nightshade had stopped walking. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

Nightshade was staring straight ahead, unmoving.

Snowcrystal walked forward and peered into the dark, but she couldn’t see anything that would have made Nightshade stop. She was looking about wildly when she noticed lights above the tree tops. A building. “We’re really close to Stonedust,” she pointed out. Slowly she took a few steps forward, and when Nightshade made no move to stop her, she passed a group of trees and came upon, once again, that eerily perfect area with the all-too-straight rows of trees. She hadn’t noticed it up ahead in the darkness. With a jolt of surprise she quickly backed up until she stood beside Nightshade again.

“Nightshade…” she asked, “what is that place? Why is it bad? Is it dangerous?”

“It could be,” Nightshade replied quietly, “but I don’t think so. At least not now.”

“Then what is it?” she asked, smelling the sweet smell coming from the human made things, but no longer having the desire to go closer to them.

“It is a protected area,” Nightshade told her. “A pokémon sanctuary. Trainers are not allowed to come here. I heard some trainers talking about it while in the pokémon center. It’s mostly used for helping to bring back species of plants and pokémon that have become uncommon in these parts of the region. But…that isn’t all I heard. That is a dark place, Snowcrystal.” He didn’t elaborate, and she didn’t question him.

Snowcrystal realized, not for the first time, that this part of the wilderness around Stonedust was much more lush and full of the signs of pokémon having recently passed through than the other parts of it. The place where Damian and the others had set up camp didn’t have nearly as many trees and plants as this area did. And the place didn’t seem as rocky, either, as if all the rocks had long since been cleared away. “Oh…” she replied quietly. “It must seem peaceful to the pokémon here, though. They must know that the people from Stonedust are in charge of the area.” She looked at Nightshade. “Are you sure it’s not dangerous here? Maybe we should warn some of the pokémon if it is…” She glanced back at the moonlit area, her gaze fixated on several massive trees, that looked quite out of place in a long line next to the smaller, more spindly ones that grew in random places near them.

“I don’t believe they’re in any danger now. And even if they were, there’s not much we can do,” Nightshade replied. “Most wouldn’t leave…some simply can’t. For some species, their only suitable food source is grown right here. And any pokémon who has been put here by the city will not likely have much to worry about. Those who travel here, should be wise enough to not rest here long. But yes…” he added after a moment, “it is safe now.”

Slowly, Snowcrystal ventured out onto the smooth grass. It was odd, planted in blocks, and even though it was overgrown and wild looking, she could still see that it had been put in specific places. Some of it looked recent too, as if the humans had decided the grass was too wild and torn it out, then planted new grass in its place, in that same strange, orderly way. Why a human would do that, she couldn’t begin to guess. She walked up to one of the blocky human things with the sweet smell, and stretched up on her hind legs to try and look inside. She was too short, but the smell was familiar. It was poké blocks, a human treat she had seen Justin giving to Spark sometimes. Damian had even offered them to her once, but she preferred the normal pokémon food, or, on the occasions the humans brought some back from the city, fresh meat.

She noticed that she couldn’t hear much of any other pokémon, except for a quiet scampering in the tops of the large trees. She turned around to look and noticed Nightshade staring at them, but unwilling to go closer.

“Nightshade?” she asked, walking closer to him. “Is something wrong?” She glanced around quickly to see if any sort of threat had come near, but detected nothing. “Maybe we should leave this place,” she stated in a whisper. “You’re right, there’s something wrong with it…I’m really sorry. We shouldn’t have come. I know you didn’t want to…”

“No,” Nightshade replied. “I did want to come here. I just didn’t expect to come across it tonight.” She noticed that he was staring at one large tree in particular.

“Nightshade…?” Snowcrystal whispered nervously.

“There is no danger, Snowcrystal,” he told her calmly. He paused for a moment. “Do you want me to tell you something?” he asked her, his look calm but serious, with a hint of some other emotion she wasn’t quite sure of. She nodded. “This place…is where I once lived.”

“You used to live by Stonedust?” Snowcrystal asked, surprised. “How long ago?” she questioned, having a bad feeling that whatever Nightshade remembered about this place wasn’t good.

“Many years ago,” he replied. “When I was a lot younger. It’s funny, but it hasn’t changed much since then. It’s as if Stonedust City wanted to keep it looking exactly like a neat and clean human’s park all this time. I hadn’t lived here long, but I still remember what it looked like.”

“Why did you leave?” Snowcrystal couldn’t help asking, but something in the pained look Nightshade gave her told her that she probably shouldn’t have asked.

Nightshade, however, just sighed. “We had to,” he replied. “Those of us who were left. The rest of our group…” His voice gained a more serious tone. “The humans killed them.”

Snowcrystal’s eyes widened in horror. The humans in Stonedust City…the city that had helped her friends so much…had slaughtered innocent pokémon? That had to have changed by now; it was so long ago. Surely the humans were no longer a threat! “What?” Snowcrystal cried, astonished. “How? Why?”

Nightshade looked away, looking as if he was trying to decide whether or not to tell her. He started to walk away from the tree.

“You can tell me,” Snowcrystal told him. “I mean…if…if you want to.” After she said that, she had the horrible feeling that she’d made things worse.

“The humans chose to do it,” Nightshade replied after a moment, his voice icily cold. “No, they were not the sort of humans who want to destroy wildlife for their own gain, they…well, I didn’t find this out until later, but they attacked our group of heracross because…because there were too many of us in one area. We were destroying the trees.”

Snowcrystal listened with wide eyes, wanting to say something, but thinking that she shouldn’t interrupt in case Nightshade wanted to say more. She had a feeling that she had been very wrong to ask that question, and was all the more wishing she hadn’t. But Nightshade didn’t seem angry or very upset, just lost in memory. Whatever had happened, it had happened long ago, and she had a feeling that Nightshade didn’t often dwell on this part of his memories.

“We didn’t know we were destroying the trees,” Nightshade continued, his calm tone suddenly vanishing as his voice started to shake, and Snowcrystal thought she saw the hint of tears in his eyes, but he looked away before she could be sure. “We just came here because it looked like a better home than the one we’d left. There was plenty of food, or at least…we thought there was. But the humans…they knew we were disrupting the balance in their newly-built reserve…we weren’t supposed to be here, especially in great numbers. So they…they poisoned us.

(Continued in next post...)
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
Reply With Quote
  #1418  
Old 09-12-2011, 01:22 PM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

“I’m still not sure how, exactly, they did it. But they waited until most of us were gathered on our favorite trees, then…they released their poison. They must have made sure it only lasted long enough to poison the heracross there and not any pokémon who they put on the reserve after…because when I came back…”

“When…you came back?” Snowcrystal repeated.

Nightshade was silent. “You don’t have to tell me anymore,” Snowcrystal told him, still in shock over the whole thing. “I understand.”

Nightshade suddenly began to talk again, acting as if he hadn’t heard. “Yes, when I came back,” he said quietly. “I only survived because I had been gone at the time. Usually we all gathered together in the evening, but I had gone off to ask a nearby beedrill swarm for some honey. I wanted some…to give to my children… My mate, Treeflower…it was her turn to watch them at the time. When I came back, they were all lying on the ground. Them, and most of the others from the group. Treeflower wouldn’t wake up, and then some of the humans came back.

“I did not yet know the others were dead, so I attacked the humans. They must have been surprised…a heracross attacking them, when we’re normally so peaceful, but they sent out pokémon to fight me. They were not very strong, and I took a few of them down; I don’t remember how many. Then when I was wounded they sent out a pidgeot. I was fighting so fiercely that they considered me a real threat, and their pokémon was no longer using the sort of restraint pokémon usually did for trainers’ sport battles to ensure that the attacks did not seriously injure. No, that pidgeot was doing his best to make his attacks as strong and damaging as possible. And so was I. I didn’t care that I was getting wounded; I was too angry. Then, during the battle, I got close enough to Treeflower and my children to see them closely for longer than the brief few seconds I’d had to see them the moment I first came back. When I looked closely at them during that the battle, it was then that I realized they were dead. And I gave up.

“The pidgeot realized I wasn’t going to attack him anymore and there wasn’t any more risk, so he came closer, and used aerial ace…” He ran a claw along the scar over his left eye. “It knocked me out, but only for a minute or two. When I came to, the humans were gathering all the heracross and moving them away, including Treeflower and both of our children. They came for me, but I didn’t try to fight anymore; I ran off. They told the pokémon to leave me alone, that I'd just die off. I didn't realize until later that they must have thought I'd been poisoned too and that it was just affecting me slower than the others. For a while I just stumbled around through the trees and rocks, having no idea where I was going. I found the survivors after a few days, and we traveled further away as soon as we could. One of them, a heracross named Rosethorn, took care of me. I learned most of the healing skills I have from her. The others told me what they saw happen…with the poison…most of them hadn’t seen much, but it was enough for them to understand what had taken place.”

The whole time Nightshade had been talking, Snowcrystal had sat in stunned silence, but now she couldn’t help crying, “What?! Why would they do that? How could they…Nightshade, I’m so sorry…” Her voice trailed off. She really didn’t know what to say. When she and Nightshade had talked alone all those days before, she thought Nightshade had been telling her everything that was wrong. She had. But he hadn’t told her this. She couldn’t imagine what she would do if such a thing happened to her growlithe clan. She didn’t want to imagine.

“I don’t know,” Nightshade replied before she spoke again, his voice sounding weaker than ever. “They could have had trainers come and catch them…but they didn’t. Maybe they didn’t think that enough of them would…that most trainers would want a pedigree heracross from one of the breeding centers in the city. Or maybe they thought what they were doing was the quickest, easiest solution. But no, I don’t know why they would choose that either.”

“I’m sorry,” Snowcrystal whispered. “We shouldn’t have come here.”

“It’s all right,” he replied. “I did want to come here…to remember the happy times in this place.”

‘But we didn’t talk about the happy times…’ Snowcrystal felt miserably. She was sure she had just made things a lot worse. For a while the two of them sat together. Snowcrystal tried to help him, but she didn’t feel like anything was saying would do any good. For a while they just sat in silence, Snowcrystal wishing she knew what she could do for her friend, and Nightshade with his own thoughts.

Finally, Snowcrystal said, “I think I understand now. I think I understand why Cyclone is doing what he is.”

But when Nightshade looked at her, she saw that the look in his eyes was almost like the look she was used to, before they had come to this place. “No,” he said firmly, standing up again and looking almost offended at what she’d said, his eyes suddenly gaining a cold look that seemed so unlike him. “What Cyclone is doing is wrong. He’s not only acting under the misguided idea that all humans are selfish and evil, but he is dragging other innocent pokémon into it, and they want to harm countless humans and pokémon who have done nothing wrong. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why Cyclone is doing what he is.”

“But…” Snowcrystal began, taken aback. “Those humans…you told me about…they did horrible things. Cyclone probably had horrible things done to him by humans too. I mean, I can understand why he’d want to fight them, considering the things they do.”

“Those humans may have done a bad thing,” Nightshade replied sadly, “a very bad thing, but they did not choose badly because they are humans. Most humans, just like most pokémon, are not like them. Most of them are trying their best to do good. Being a human doesn’t change that. There will always be bad pokémon and bad humans; it’s not what you are that determines whether you are good or evil.”

Snowcrystal realized he was right. What Cyclone was doing was the equivalent of a pokémon trying to eradicate all growlithe because all the ones he’d known had seemed to only do harm to other pokémon. It wasn’t right…especially for those who were innocent yet hated for what they were. Cyclone might think that he was doing the right thing, in some twisted way, but his hatred of humans, whatever the reason for it, blinded him to the reality of just what his actions would cause to befall on both humans and pokemon.

“You’re right,” she said in little more than a whisper. “Cyclone is wrong…even if I can understand why he might be angry.” She looked up at Nightshade. “Why did you want to tell me this?” she asked. She hadn’t thought this would be something Nightshade would want to tell anyone, let alone some silly growlithe like her who was completely useless when it came to being helpful.

“Because you are my friend,” he replied. “And… I guess that’s what I’d been trying to tell Thunder. That there is value in having friends, and talking to them about things that are hurting you. I hope she understood that…she would have understood it, had she been with us longer. She’s a smart scyther.”

“I…I think she would have too,” Snowcrystal replied, though truthfully she wasn’t sure. The image of Thunder finally snapping and attacking Nightshade was still too firmly ingrained in her mind. There was something truly wrong with Thunder, and she wasn’t sure it could ever be made right.

“We should go back,” said Nightshade, in a voice much more like the one she was used to, but still with a hint of sadness. He didn’t wait for her answer, and simply walked away from the human’s protected area, without looking back.

Without a word, she followed.

***

The next morning, Snowcrystal offered to go with the three trainers to the library once again. She was eager to do something to help, even if all she could do was to try. Though Justin had grown extremely impatient and was constantly demanding they find some other place to look for information, and fast, Damian had insisted that there must be something at the library they had missed and that they should look again.

So, after a brief argument, they decided to go, and Snowcrystal went with them. During the journey to the library, she was so busy thinking about what Nightshade had told her, and about Cyclone, that she didn’t speak to any of the other pokémon until they walked through the library’s doors.

“The library is so boring,” Spark complained as they walked down a hallway. “I wanted to do battle practice today!”

“Why didn’t you stay with the others, then?” Wildflame, who had chosen to come along too, asked.

“Justin wanted me here,” Spark told her. “I’m his pokémon! If he wants me to be here, I’ll be here! I just….really think this is boring.”

“You could have just made it clear you wanted to stay,” Wildflame muttered. “Justin isn’t right about everything. Look at how he still won’t stop thinking of Stormblade as a murderer.”

“Hey!” Spark cried. “You…you can’t judge him just because of that! He-”

“Drop it, Spark,” Wildflame snapped. “Let’s do what we came here for.” She turned and sped up to catch up with Katie, who was leading the way down the hallway. Spark slowed down and trailed behind everyone else.

Snowcrystal slowed so he could catch up. “Don’t worry about it, Spark,” she told him. “I…I think it was nice you wanted to keep your trainer company.”

Spark acted like he hadn’t heard the compliment. “I don’t know what to think!” he almost wailed. “Stormblade is my friend, but Justin is too, and he’s the friend I’ve known the longest…ever since I was an eevee! He did so many things for me, but…but I don’t know! I mean, I can’t blame him for being angry about losing his license, even if it wasn’t Stormblade’ fault. I…”

He paused, for they had both just heard someone calling to him. The growlithe and jolteon whirled around to see Nightcloud running toward them. They had seen the mightyena a few times since meeting her, but she usually stayed in some other part of the library with her trainer or, occasionally, the child humans, and had only really made an effort to meet any of them when Rosie was there. Snowcrystal looked at Damian, who told her she and Spark could catch up later if they wanted. As the humans left, Nightcloud stopped in front of them.

“Back here again?” she asked, and there was a curious look in her eyes. “You come here a lot, don’t you?” she added, glancing at Wildflame and the humans as they walked out of sight.

“Yeah,” Snowcrystal replied. “We’re…we’re trying to look for something.” She took a deep breath. No point in keeping it a secret. “We’re looking for books that mention the Forbidden Attacks. Do you know of any?” There wasn’t much of a chance the mightyena would know of a book they hadn’t looked through already, but she figured it was worth a shot.

Unsurprisingly, Nightcloud shook her head. “I don’t know what any of the books say,” she admitted. “I hear them being read aloud in the children’s room sometimes, but that’s it. And no, no Forbidden Attacks there. I’m sure they’re in the stories for older humans, though.”

“We’ve looked,” Spark told her, trying to sound normal, though his voice shook. “We haven’t found anything that’s helped us.”

“You’ve looked in all of them?” she asked.

“We had to have searched every book in this whole stinking library!” Spark growled in frustration.

Nightcloud looked thoughtful for a moment. “Why do you want to find out about the Forbidden Attacks so much?” she asked.

Snowcrystal didn’t know what to say. Where would they begin? Would Nightcloud even believe them? She opened her mouth, but it was Spark who spoke first.

“Because they exist!” he told her. “We need to find out everything we can. You know that forest that burned down near here? A Forbidden Attack did that! No ordinary fire would have done that much damage! It was a Forbidden Attack! We NEED to see any book that could tell us anything!”

Nightcloud just stared at him. Snowcrystal was sure she hadn’t believed one word that came out of the jolteon’s mouth. She probably even thought he was crazy. But when she spoke, she didn’t even mention Spark’s outburst.

“There are…other books in the library,” she said slowly, keeping her voice down as if she was afraid someone-though there was no one in the hallway but the three of them-would overhear. “People aren’t allowed to look at them or check them out; they’re too valuable. You see, Stonedust City’s library contains some very, very old books. My trainer says that most of them are one of a kind. Only certain humans are allowed to read them, humans that study those old times, I think, and then only with certain permission.”

“Books older than the ones on the fifth story we were looking at a little while ago?” Spark asked, his anger temporarily forgotten and the light of excitement in his eyes, which brightened when Nightcloud nodded.

“Much older,” the mightyena said.

“Are there copies of these books anywhere?” Spark questioned excitedly. “You know, have humans rewritten them?”

“No,” Nightcloud replied. “The Stonedust City library doesn’t want them reprinted, at least not fully. I don’t know why for sure; it might be because they want them to stay more valuable or they want the humans who study things to come here. And I’m sure they don’t think they’re important enough to most people for it. To most humans they’re just old stories.”

“Could we get permission to read them? Our trainers, I mean?” Snowcrystal asked.

“No,” Nightcloud replied. “They’d never let a couple of teenagers and some twenty-year-old in the place where they’re kept. I’ve never even been in there myself. But I know where it is.”

“Where?” Spark asked.

“I…” she paused, hearing a human voice calling to her. “I can’t tell you now,” she whispered. “But tomorrow evening, meet me in the big circular room. I’ll explain then. Bye.” She hurriedly ran toward the voice.

Snowcrystal and Spark stared after her in stunned silence. Secret books? That no one but a few were allowed to read? And they were very old…

Snowcrystal was suddenly seized with a brilliant, fleeting hope. Books that old…could have something none of the other books had, even if they were only stories. They could be stories that had some truth to them. They could find what they were looking for at last in those mysterious books…right here in the library they had been about to give up on…

But she also knew it was likely that none of them had any information at all, and she felt that brilliant hope fade. She was probably getting too excited over the idea of the old, all but forgotten books hidden in the massive Stonedust City library.

But even still, as she watched Nightcloud turn a corner and join her trainer, a bit of that wild hope faintly still lingered.

To be continued...




Okay, I think before you comment, before I go on to write any more Path of Destiny stuff, I need to explain some things here. First of all, due to the unfortunate fact that the early events of Chapter 53 are going to take up much more room than I originally planned, the part where the story’s plot gets more intense will have to be moved to Chapter 54. But I guess it’s something for me to look forward to when I write, since it’s something I’m very excited for.

Second of all, this (meaning the chapter 52 I just posted) is not the sort of thing I usually write (I’m sure you realized this as you were reading through this chapter). I held off posting this a long time because I could not get it to sound right, but I thought about it and in the end decided it’s not going to get any better while I’m still at the skill level I am now, and I’ve held up the story too long for it.

The third thing, and the most important, is that I don’t want everyone to get the idea that every Path of Destiny character has a horrible past. They don’t, but that’s another reason I was unsure about posting this. However, in the end, this is important to the story, so in the story it stays. And an important part of the purpose Nightshade’s past serves is to be kind of a reflection of Cyclone’s, but with a very different outcome.

It will not be the last sad thing in the story, but I feel that from this point, the story starts to move away from the depressing sort of feeling it had in several chapters with things like Stormblade’s part in the story, and more like the dangerous fantasy adventure it was during the cave chapters or the chapters about their journey on Articuno’s mountain, which were my favorites. Also, looking back, I feel like Stormblade’s parts in the story were too depressing, and I don’t think they would have been if he had only been injured by Shadowflare (I mean, characters in a lot of my stories would get injured/sick/die/have other bad things happen to them, and I loved writing about how the characters pulled through and triumphed anyway, and I found that inspiring, but none of them ever had that overly depressing storyline with constant new bad things happening like Stormblade’s did). I don’t regret writing it that way, though, because everything I wrote in those chapters did help in some way to lead the story to where it is now. And although I can’t tell you what will happen to Stormblade or anyone else, I’m still looking forward to writing about them despite their bad situations. I guess now there is nothing more the characters can do but move forward. They still have much of a story to tell.
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
Reply With Quote
  #1419  
Old 09-12-2011, 07:53 PM
Grassy_Aggron's Avatar
Grassy_Aggron Offline
Nutjob Personified
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: I...I don't know! WHERE DO I LIVE?!
Posts: 8,809
Send a message via AIM to Grassy_Aggron
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Niiiiiice. Very nice chapter - I didn't see a thing wrong with it, Scy. You need to stop doubting yourself XD Nice that Nightcloud is getting more of a role in the story so far; also good to hear about Nightshade's past, however depressing it was. Not all characters have a good back story, but they can often be stronger because of it.

Or go flippin' crazy, like Cyclone.


I look forward to the next chapter, even though you said the plot doesn't truly take off until 54. You have such a way with words that even "boring" chapters aren't boring.

Keep it up ;D
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #1420  
Old 09-13-2011, 05:49 AM
Max0596's Avatar
Max0596 Offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Shibuya UG-Scramble Crossing
Posts: 835
Send a message via MSN to Max0596
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

As Aggron stated, you have such an amazing way with words. It's just the way you word it, I can't really describe it. Just your variations of different words and the wide array in which you use them is awesome. I love hearing about the character's pasts, I even sometimes scream out "Yeah! Character development!" when I'm alone reading this story.

I don't know how you quite do it, but the way you made these characters makes people somehow connect with them, even if not on a direct level. At least I hope not on a direct level. Anyway, keep up your...I need a word to sum up your writing skill...I'll just use many.

Scy, you are a crazy great, abundantly talented, and just downright awesome writer!

There is no CC, because it's too good.

Keep going!
__________________

|||||||||||||||Enjoy the moment!
|||||||||||||||I take requests...if you want stuff, I mean...
Reply With Quote
  #1421  
Old 09-13-2011, 06:18 AM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grassy_Aggron View Post
Niiiiiice. Very nice chapter - I didn't see a thing wrong with it, Scy. You need to stop doubting yourself XD Nice that Nightcloud is getting more of a role in the story so far; also good to hear about Nightshade's past, however depressing it was. Not all characters have a good back story, but they can often be stronger because of it.

Or go flippin' crazy, like Cyclone.


I look forward to the next chapter, even though you said the plot doesn't truly take off until 54. You have such a way with words that even "boring" chapters aren't boring.

Keep it up ;D
Thank you! Yep, Nightcloud's role is small but important, and I'm happy I could give her one. And I'm glad you liked it! Nope, not everyone has a happy past.

Haha, yeah. XD

I'm glad they're still interesting! Next chapter is another boring character development one (though not a depressing one!) so I hope it'll still be entertaining.
Quote:
Originally Posted by max0596 View Post
As Aggron stated, you have such an amazing way with words. It's just the way you word it, I can't really describe it. Just your variations of different words and the wide array in which you use them is awesome. I love hearing about the character's pasts, I even sometimes scream out "Yeah! Character development!" when I'm alone reading this story.

I don't know how you quite do it, but the way you made these characters makes people somehow connect with them, even if not on a direct level. At least I hope not on a direct level. Anyway, keep up your...I need a word to sum up your writing skill...I'll just use many.

Scy, you are a crazy great, abundantly talented, and just downright awesome writer!

There is no CC, because it's too good.

Keep going!
Wow, I'm so honored you like the story so much. I try to make these chapters the best I can, even with things I'm not good at writing, so I'm glad to know it turned out okay anyway!

I'm glad you feel that way about the characters too. My goal was to make them relate-able and/or interesting, so I'm glad to know it worked!

And thank you! I certainly will.
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
Reply With Quote
  #1422  
Old 09-13-2011, 06:24 AM
Max0596's Avatar
Max0596 Offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Shibuya UG-Scramble Crossing
Posts: 835
Send a message via MSN to Max0596
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

I don't think there's such thing as boring character development in PoD. It's just that awesome. There is nothing you're not good at writing! :3
__________________

|||||||||||||||Enjoy the moment!
|||||||||||||||I take requests...if you want stuff, I mean...
Reply With Quote
  #1423  
Old 09-13-2011, 06:54 AM
Graceful_Suicune's Avatar
Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
Posts: 4,886
Send a message via AIM to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Yahoo to Graceful_Suicune Send a message via Skype™ to Graceful_Suicune
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (*spearow*) NEW PoD CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Also, I saw another car with POD as its numberplate. xD) Corrections first though, as always! Also, I found a really good way of keeping track of things I wanna say. I opened up a Notepad document while reading the chapter, so anytime I wanted to remind myself to talk about something in the review, I typed it into the Notepad file. xD

Quote:
Everyone made a great effort to be as nice to him as possible, and brought food to him even though his wounds were nearly healed, but he still largely ignored them, obviously knowing they were just being kind to try and get him to agree to heal Stormblade, but in Snowcrystal’s case, the kindness was genuine.
This sentence is really long. I would suggest putting a period before "but" to make "but" the start of a new sentence. ^^

Quote:
She had known he would be worried, but she hadn’t known he’d be worried this much.
Since this is the "narrator" part, I wouldn't use "this". Maybe "but she hadn't known he'd be as worried as he was" or something instead?

Quote:
And even if they could bring her back, with the others allow her to stay?
'With' should be 'would'.

Quote:
She glanced back at the moonlit area, her gaze fixated on several massive trees, that looked quite out of place in a long line next to the smaller, more spindly ones that grew in random places near them.
The comma after 'trees' doesn't need to be there.

Quote:
Those who travel here, should be wise enough to not rest here long.
Another redundant comma!

Quote:
‘But we didn’t talk about the happy times…’ Snowcrystal felt miserably.
That should be either 'thought miserably', or 'felt miserable'. o:

Quote:
Snowcrystal tried to help him, but she didn’t feel like anything was saying would do any good.
There needs to be a 'she' between 'anything' and 'was'. ^^

Quote:
But when Nightshade looked at her, she saw that the look in his eyes was almost like the look she was used to, before they had come to this place. “No,” he said firmly, standing up again and looking almost offended at what she’d said, his eyes suddenly gaining a cold look that seemed so unlike him.
Not to be annoying and ruin the moment, but the repetition of 'look' struck me as something that could be changed. Maybe even "But when Nightshade laid eyes on her" and even "was almost like the one she was used to", just so that you don't repeat it. As for the last 'look', maybe "his eyes suddenly gaining an element of coldness that seemed so unlike him" or something. ^^ Sorry to be nitpicky. Dx

Quote:
“Those humans may have done a bad thing,” Nightshade replied sadly, “a very bad thing, but they did not choose badly because they are humans. Most humans, just like most pokémon, are not like them. Most of them are trying their best to do good. Being a human doesn’t change that. There will always be bad pokémon and bad humans; it’s not what you are that determines whether you are good or evil.”
BAM. IN THE FACE. AND THERE FALLS THE STEREOTYPES! I'm so glad Nightshade said this; it's exactly what we've been talking about lately, about stereotypes and that people blame others' actions on what they like (in this case, their species) instead of how they act, which has nothing to do with their like/species!

Quote:
I just….really think this is boring.”
Random extra period!

So! That chapter was really interesting... First off, I really liked how you "zoomed out" and looked down at the story to describe recent events and such, because it gave the readers a really good overview of the details we wanted to know, but quickly and smoothly, instead of dwelling (which, I'm not saying, is what you do normally 'cause it isn't) on them (I do this xD). It's awesome to see things start looking up, and ESPECIALLY THAT NIGHTSHADE'S BACK AND (nearly completely) BETTER! 8DD I liked the mention of things like Redclaw's loss of his collar (which, the way you described, made him sound really cute now that it's gone xDD), about Scytheclaw and his unwillingness to help, and about the characters' growing relationships among each other. It's cool that they're beginning to make friends with Damian's pokemon, and it makes me really happy to see that, even though he's ignoring them, Scytheclaw isn't going out of his way to deliberately cause harm or search for conflict. And that the others are learning to accept him. I'm still really worried for Thunder, and I'm glad that's reflected within the story (Snowcrystal and Nightshade) because it shows that they really care. It's pretty decided that Scytheclaw isn't going to help Stormblade anytime soon, but I'm glad that Stormblade's non-Shadowflare wounds are, at least, beginning to heal. :D

Also...I really wanna see an orange Snowcrystal. xD I know that's now a regular growlithe looks, but I'm having trouble imagining her orange. XD It's cool she has to disguise herself, not because of the reason, but because it's like she's going undercover and she has to pretend she's completely 'normal'. I also love Nightcloud's inclusion (lolololol I was about to say 'includance'), and how she knows about those old books! How exciting! I also love how it was when they were beginning to think they should give up, yet now there's that flame of hope for them. So their efforts won't have been wasted.

But... xD When it mentioned Nightshade's wounds that were caused by Scytheclaw, I couldn't help but giggle, remembering what happened in The Pathway to the Destiny. XDDD And how in their battle, Nightshade punched Scytheclaw and he never returned:

Quote:
Now the group was at a canyon where Nightshade have to fight scizor.

He punch Scytheclaw in the face and Scytheclaw went flying in the air and did not come down. Everyone cheered.
XXXDDDDDDDDDDD THE. FUNNIEST. Also, I tried to look for this in your chapter navigation, but I couldn't find it! o: Is it there, or am I just blind? xD

IT'S CUTE SNOW AND NIGHTSHADE ARE CLOSE NOW. c: And that she tries to comfort him when he's lonely. I think she's really quiet sweet, and you can see her naivete coming through when she's asking about the danger and Nightshade's past...

Nightshade's past. Goodness. That was mighty intense. I was so heartbroken when I read about that... I was literally tapping my foot rhythmically while reading, and when I came across that bit...I stopped tapping because I was like O_____O; and wow... It was such a shock! D: It's so sad that something like that happened to him! As for every PoD character having a sad story, I don't think they all do at all! Besides, these things happen. D: As sad and horrid as it is, these events make for really good backstories. I'm really glad he managed to survive, but...his children...his mate... DDDDx This REALLY makes me wanna write about Nightshade now; you know how I said I wanted to write a one-shot about him? Well...I think I really wanna do it about this. o: Hopefully I won't fail miserably. XD If I don't, hopefully I can really, well, write about this event in detail and with accuracy.

It's so sad humans would do that...just because they were wrecking the trees. Dx I mean, I understand, I suppose, that they were eating the trees, but surely they didn't have to kill them! Like Nightshade said, they could have captured them, or even just made them move homes. But, I suppose some people just don't care... But I can't believe so many of them died. Dx And it's so sad that Snowcrystal even cried for him. I always wondered how he got that scar, though! I now know, clearly... At least they didn't resort to killing him. But he lost his family! Dx SCY HOW COULD YOU. (xD Kidding, but it's still sad.) I hope my reaction doesn't make you think more about how some of them have depressing pasts, because I think it really defines them. I really wanna hug Nightshade now though. Dx And he dealt with it really well...especially reminiscing about it, and being really mature about how he looks back on it. I commend his bravery, but he would probably be really sad now to see a heracross family in the wild if he happened to come across one. Dx

Well...I'm super glad you got to finish this chapter. I don't think there was anything wrong with it at all, though, but I know how that feeling is--the one that you don't feel as though you're writing properly or at a high enough level. I get that too. Dx And then there are those times you just try to write and you can't, even if it's something simple that's happening. But it's awesome you pushed through, and it's really exciting that we're getting to "more plotiness". XDD So, congrats for finishing this chapter. :D Now I need to take after you and do the same. XD

Also, I really like seeing more of Wildflame. For some reason I think she might be my favourite, which I've already mentioned to you before, but I couldn't put my finger on why I think that about her. She's pretty mysterious as well, so maybe that counts for something. c: But anyway, it was super awesome to read more PoD. I was so exciting reading through it, realising how much I missed it. xD Oh, the times when I was so behind that I could read for ours at a time if I felt like it. xD And yeah, reading about how Nightshade was so anti-elitist was great too. xD I can really see that relating to the species issue we've discussed on countless occasions, so I'm glad you can get the message out in this way, even if it's subtle! I hope more people realise because of this!

For some reason I think this review kinds sucks compared to my previous ones. Dx Somehow I feel really detached, if you know what I mean. Sorry I didn't have more to say. =/ Maybe it's the wrong time of day. xD

~GS.
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.
Reply With Quote
  #1424  
Old 09-13-2011, 07:19 AM
Max0596's Avatar
Max0596 Offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Shibuya UG-Scramble Crossing
Posts: 835
Send a message via MSN to Max0596
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Okay, GS, I hope you seriously didnt think that was a long and detailed comment. That's what you wanted me to do? It's as long as the chapter! xD wow.
__________________

|||||||||||||||Enjoy the moment!
|||||||||||||||I take requests...if you want stuff, I mean...
Reply With Quote
  #1425  
Old 09-13-2011, 07:31 AM
Scytherwolf's Avatar
Scytherwolf Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Quote:
I don't think there's such thing as boring character development in PoD. It's just that awesome. There is nothing you're not good at writing! :3
Thanks! I'm certainly glad it's not boring! Sometimes I worry that I take WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long with things (and the chapters always turn out longer than I meant them to or have to get split).

Quote:
WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (*spearow*) NEW PoD CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Also, I saw another car with POD as its numberplate. xD) Corrections first though, as always! Also, I found a really good way of keeping track of things I wanna say. I opened up a Notepad document while reading the chapter, so anytime I wanted to remind myself to talk about something in the review, I typed it into the Notepad file. xD

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! And that's the way I've been doing it recently! Great minds think alike!

Quote:
*corrections*

Haha, thanks for pointing them out. I'll go back and edit them soon!

Quote:

BAM. IN THE FACE. AND THERE FALLS THE STEREOTYPES! I'm so glad Nightshade said this; it's exactly what we've been talking about lately, about stereotypes and that people blame others' actions on what they like (in this case, their species) instead of how they act, which has nothing to do with their like/species!
Haha, at first I thought (because I noticed something in the review that mentioned The Pathway to the Destiny) that you were talking about Nightshade punching Scytheclaw. XD And thanks! I'm glad you liked that part/mentioned it, and I was happy to include it!



Quote:
So! That chapter was really interesting... First off, I really liked how you "zoomed out" and looked down at the story to describe recent events and such, because it gave the readers a really good overview of the details we wanted to know, but quickly and smoothly, instead of dwelling (which, I'm not saying, is what you do normally 'cause it isn't) on them (I do this xD). It's awesome to see things start looking up, and ESPECIALLY THAT NIGHTSHADE'S BACK AND (nearly completely) BETTER! 8DD I liked the mention of things like Redclaw's loss of his collar (which, the way you described, made him sound really cute now that it's gone xDD), about Scytheclaw and his unwillingness to help, and about the characters' growing relationships among each other. It's cool that they're beginning to make friends with Damian's pokemon, and it makes me really happy to see that, even though he's ignoring them, Scytheclaw isn't going out of his way to deliberately cause harm or search for conflict. And that the others are learning to accept him. I'm still really worried for Thunder, and I'm glad that's reflected within the story (Snowcrystal and Nightshade) because it shows that they really care. It's pretty decided that Scytheclaw isn't going to help Stormblade anytime soon, but I'm glad that Stormblade's non-Shadowflare wounds are, at least, beginning to heal. :D

Also...I really wanna see an orange Snowcrystal. xD I know that's now a regular growlithe looks, but I'm having trouble imagining her orange. XD It's cool she has to disguise herself, not because of the reason, but because it's like she's going undercover and she has to pretend she's completely 'normal'. I also love Nightcloud's inclusion (lolololol I was about to say 'includance'), and how she knows about those old books! How exciting! I also love how it was when they were beginning to think they should give up, yet now there's that flame of hope for them. So their efforts won't have been wasted.
Yeah, I wanted to give a quick overview on that because not a lot of plot-related importance happens in that time, but it goes over the important things. And yay for things getting better! I was happy to include Nightshade because I'd missed writing about him. D: And yeah, I wanted to show they were coming together as a group, not just among themselves but with the humans and their pokemon too. Or well, for the most part. It's not exactly perfect with pokemon like Scytheclaw and such. And yeah, I couldn't leave out Thunder, even if she's only mentioned. WOOO!

Hm...well, imagine a little growlithe with a glowing crystal I guess. XD Maybe I'll draw her sometime. And yeah, that whole thing must be really strange for her, to not have to worry so much about humans trying to catch her. Yeah, I was happy for Nightcloud to have an important role in the story, if only a small one.

Quote:
But... xD When it mentioned Nightshade's wounds that were caused by Scytheclaw, I couldn't help but giggle, remembering what happened in The Pathway to the Destiny. XDDD And how in their battle, Nightshade punched Scytheclaw and he never returned:
I know! He just...vanished. XD
Quote:
XXXDDDDDDDDDDD THE. FUNNIEST. Also, I tried to look for this in your chapter navigation, but I couldn't find it! o: Is it there, or am I just blind? xD
Uh...wow, I dunno if I ever put it there. D: *checks* No I didn't! Man, it's going to take forever to find that post...


Lots of quoting ahead!
Quote:
IT'S CUTE SNOW AND NIGHTSHADE ARE CLOSE NOW. c: And that she tries to comfort him when he's lonely. I think she's really quiet sweet, and you can see her naivete coming through when she's asking about the danger and Nightshade's past...
Thanks! =D I'm glad you think so! Haha, quiet sweet? XD Yeah, definitely!

Quote:
Nightshade's past. Goodness. That was mighty intense. I was so heartbroken when I read about that... I was literally tapping my foot rhythmically while reading, and when I came across that bit...I stopped tapping because I was like O_____O; and wow... It was such a shock! D: It's so sad that something like that happened to him! As for every PoD character having a sad story, I don't think they all do at all! Besides, these things happen. D: As sad and horrid as it is, these events make for really good backstories. I'm really glad he managed to survive, but...his children...his mate... DDDDx This REALLY makes me wanna write about Nightshade now; you know how I said I wanted to write a one-shot about him? Well...I think I really wanna do it about this. o: Hopefully I won't fail miserably. XD If I don't, hopefully I can really, well, write about this event in detail and with accuracy.
Yeah, it was meant to be kind of shocking/surprising and not what people would expect at first (or what Snowcrystal would, for that matter). And yeah, they don't all have bad pasts, I was just worried it would seem that way because of the pasts that have been described in detail so far (Thunder, Stormblade, Nightshade...and a little bit Redclaw). But not all of them are like that. And yeah, Nightshade was one of the few who did survive, and just by chance. Really? That's bigly exciting! You won't fail miserably!

Quote:
It's so sad humans would do that...just because they were wrecking the trees. Dx I mean, I understand, I suppose, that they were eating the trees, but surely they didn't have to kill them! Like Nightshade said, they could have captured them, or even just made them move homes. But, I suppose some people just don't care... But I can't believe so many of them died. Dx And it's so sad that Snowcrystal even cried for him. I always wondered how he got that scar, though! I now know, clearly... At least they didn't resort to killing him. But he lost his family! Dx SCY HOW COULD YOU. (xD Kidding, but it's still sad.) I hope my reaction doesn't make you think more about how some of them have depressing pasts, because I think it really defines them. I really wanna hug Nightshade now though. Dx And he dealt with it really well...especially reminiscing about it, and being really mature about how he looks back on it. I commend his bravery, but he would probably be really sad now to see a heracross family in the wild if he happened to come across one. Dx
Yeah, like he mentioned, there would have been much better ways of getting rid of the heracross, like capturing them and shipping them to some other city where there were areas where they wouldn't have caused harm, but they didn't do that. But after what they did, the heracross were gone, as those that survived simply left. Well, the reason they didn't kill him is because they thought he'd already breathed the poison and was going to die anyway, so they let him wander off. No, I understand what you mean! I don't think giving a character a bad past is a bad ting! And yeah, I imagine he didn't deal with it well back then, but he's older now and it's been a long time. But yeah, he didn't have the same reaction to it in the end that Cyclone did. And yeah, that's part of the reason he was living alone instead of with a heracross group.
Quote:
Well...I'm super glad you got to finish this chapter. I don't think there was anything wrong with it at all, though, but I know how that feeling is--the one that you don't feel as though you're writing properly or at a high enough level. I get that too. Dx And then there are those times you just try to write and you can't, even if it's something simple that's happening. But it's awesome you pushed through, and it's really exciting that we're getting to "more plotiness". XDD So, congrats for finishing this chapter. :D Now I need to take after you and do the same. XD
Yeah, me too. XD Now that this one's out of the way, maybe I can actually WRITE the next one. Which will be hard but not as hard as this one. It's not very plotty though. D: But yeah, THAT'S HOW I FEEL WITH MY CHALKZONE STORY AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGH! Yeah, I'm bigly excited! I hope you can do that! And that soon we can write our CZ stories together!
Quote:
Also, I really like seeing more of Wildflame. For some reason I think she might be my favourite, which I've already mentioned to you before, but I couldn't put my finger on why I think that about her. She's pretty mysterious as well, so maybe that counts for something. c: But anyway, it was super awesome to read more PoD. I was so exciting reading through it, realising how much I missed it. xD Oh, the times when I was so behind that I could read for ours at a time if I felt like it. xD And yeah, reading about how Nightshade was so anti-elitist was great too. xD I can really see that relating to the species issue we've discussed on countless occasions, so I'm glad you can get the message out in this way, even if it's subtle! I hope more people realise because of this!
Yeah, I think you did! And I'm glad you like the story so much! And well, I like that you're caught up now! I don't have to wait. XD And I already had to wait for your story so we're even! XD Yeah, I think of Nightshade and Cyclone as pretty much opposites, even though they both had their families killed by humans. Yeah, I sure hope they do! Down with stereotypical villainbots!
Quote:
For some reason I think this review kinds sucks compared to my previous ones. Dx Somehow I feel really detached, if you know what I mean. Sorry I didn't have more to say. =/ Maybe it's the wrong time of day. xD

~GS.
Oh nooooooop... Well, I thought it was good! Certainly the most detailed one I've gotten, and I LOVE your reviews!
__________________

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

-My Links-
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:56 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com