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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 07-12-2011, 05:45 AM
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Default A Day in the Life of...

This is my Creative Writing section! I absolutely abhor writing to prompts *cough*War X*cough*, so this is a place for me to just write freely!!

Anywhozers, (It's a word, I just typed it.) this thread is going to be about me writing about how the day goes for specific Pokemon, or characters, in the games! They will be written in a variety of styles (narrative, poetic, haiku, etc.). They will vary in lengths, I'll write until I run out of ideas, and most will probably be comedic.

I'm going to update this on like a weekly basis, but I will also be taking request if you like my work and if you would like to see how a certain pokemon's /trainer's day goes!

July 11, 2011!
Let's kick things off with... Metapod! Pod! Meta-pod!
Spoiler:
I wake up.. I lay here in the grass of this forest. I don't like it here. It's not where I grew up. When I was a young Caterpie, I belonged to a trainer. His name was Bugsy, and he was a Bug Catcher from Pewter City. I helped him win so many battles, but when I evolved, he grew bored with me. When his family moved to Azalea Town, he dumped me in Ilex Forest for a stronger Metapod. It was his loss. He had never seen my true potential. I'm so close to unleashing it. I can feel it.
Another thing about me and my brothers: One of the only moves we learn is Harden. What do you think trainers call us? Also, with no trainers to love us and train us, how are we supposed to evolve? Us Metapods are underrated. Caterpie is cute, and Butterfree is beautiful, but nobody wants to suffer for a short time to train me!
Trainers simply toss us aside, knocking us out with a simple fire attack. I wish I could cool attacks, but now that I can hardly move, why bother? I feel like a rock. But even a Geodude could beat me now!
What's this? A trainer! And he has a net! And green hair! By golly, it's Bugsy! He's come back to apologize and catch me again! I start calling to him,"Pod! Pod! Meta!" He's walking up to me! He's throwing a Pokeball to me! It's opening! I can almost hear him calling,"Metapod! Go!" But I didn't go in the ball. A bigger, meaner Metapod came out of the ball. Bugsy commanded him, "Metapod, use Tackle!" I was to sad to even move out of the way, as the large Metapod rammed into me, making me faint.
I wake up again, and it's night. Bugsy must of had the decency to take me to a Pokemon Center and revive me, but he didn't seem to remember me. I changed my mind about Pokemon trainers that day. There is no good in them. they only want to be the very best, to be like no one ever was. To catch us is their only quest, to train us is our demise.
I wanted to prove I wasn't just a useless cocoon. I'm much more than that. I slowly rocked back and forth, until I found a sleeping Weedle. First, I used a String Shot, to hold it down, and then, I charged that useless worm with the most powerful Tackle I had ever done. It fainted, and I felt a strange feeling sweep over me. Pride. I proved to myself I was more. But I felt something else, too. A powerful feeling of change, and a glow spread all around my hard shell. My shell began to crack, and at first, I didn't know what was happening, until I saw wings. Great white wings! My body was now a ball of light, and everything all happened at once. I knew this feeling, I had experienced it only once before. Evolution. I was evolving. When the light faded away, I emerged from it completely different. No longer was a green shell, living a sad life. I was now a majestic Butterfree, now living a new life, with all kinds of possibilities. Trainers will want me now! I will once again be loved!
But I didn't want that. I wanted nothing to do with those vile trainers, and their greedy, Pokesnatching lives. I learned many things that day. I'm not useless. I am powerful. Also, Sleep Powder, Poison Powder, and Stun Spore. I flitted into the deep woods of Ilex Forest, growing stronger, and in hopes of never seeing another trainer, or Bugsy again. The End!


That was the first one! What did you think? Sorry it was so long, my mind was flooded with ideas!

Please leave your comments and constructive criticism, as well as any Day in the Lives you would like to see!
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  #2  
Old 07-12-2011, 03:26 PM
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Default Re: A Day in the Life of...

Great story I really liked this story and type of writing.

I have a suggestion can you do one about the Red Gyradoes?
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  #3  
Old 07-13-2011, 03:49 AM
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Default Re: A Day in the Life of...

Not a bad story indeed, and it is kinda neat to see stories from the viewpoint of Pokemon have to say. I found it interesting that you took the Bugsy-having-a-Metapod thing from the games (I liked that it used Tackle as it actually did have attacks in GSC) for instance, and I was surprised by the fact when you mentioned Bugsy I assumed this Metapod would be caught by him... only for him to use another. Certainly an interesting take on a gym leader going for a stronger Pokemon, imo.

I would suggest using line spacing between each paragraphs, as it makes it easier to read if you do so (especially when it seems this forum has a smaller default text size than usual). It's just easier on the eyes of readers is all, and looks better presentation-wise with forums (computer screens and all) as opposed to books in which it's not done.

There's a few small errors here and there as well which could be fixed - for instance:
Quote:
I wake up.. I lay here in the grass of this forest.
I'm not sure if you mean to have a full stop (one dot) or an ellipse (three dots) after 'I wake up' - I suggest adding or removing one so it's clearer as two dots isn't really used.
Quote:
His name was Bugsy, and he was a Bug Catcher from Pewter City.
I do like the idea that he was one of the many Bug Catchers in Pewter city/the nearby forest there. XD
Quote:
Another thing about me and my brothers: One of the only moves we learn is Harden.
I don't recall any previous facts given about Metapod/ his fellow metapod friends/etc earlier on, so hence I don't feel 'Another thing about...' really fits here - maybe consider rewording that part?
Quote:
What do you think trainers call us? Also, with no trainers to love us and train us, how are we supposed to evolve? Us Metapods are underrated. Caterpie is cute, and Butterfree is beautiful, but nobody wants to suffer for a short time to train me!
Dohohoho @ first sentence. XD I liked this though - certainly a neat point you raised within the fic here.
Quote:
Bugsy commanded him, "Metapod, use Tackle!" I was to sad to even move out of the way, as the large Metapod rammed into me, making me faint.
too rather than to there.
Quote:
To catch us is their only quest, to train us is our demise.
Nice twist on the Pokemon theme song as well. XD
Quote:
I wanted to prove I wasn't just a useless cocoon. I'm much more than that. I slowly rocked back and forth, until I found a sleeping Weedle.
Due to the earlier line saying Bugsy must have taken him to a Pokemon Centre I had thought that the Metapod was still there rather than back in the forest already, so hence I suggest adding in another line or something to make that clearer.

Quote:
I knew this feeling, I had experienced it only once before.
The sentence by itself sounds a bit awkward due to the comma - I suggest adding in another word or few e.g. "I knew this feeling, although I had...' or '...feeling, yet I had..." rather. Alternatively you could also split into two sentences with some rewording too.
Quote:
I'm not useless. I am powerful. Also, Sleep Powder, Poison Powder, and Stun Spore.
The last sentence felt too much like an afterthought to me the way it was worded - going along the lines of saying that he now knew those moves (and maybe hence why he was even more powerful) would be better I feel as at the moment it sounds a bit rushed imo.

But overall I enjoyed this, certainly. Good work, and good luck with other ones you may do! =)
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Last edited by bobandbill; 07-13-2011 at 04:30 AM.
  #4  
Old 07-13-2011, 03:52 AM
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Default Re: A Day in the Life of...

Thank you for the feedback and kind words!
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Old 07-13-2011, 04:48 AM
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Default Re: A Day in the Life of...

Quote:
Originally Posted by phibb2 View Post
Another thing about me and my brothers: One of the only moves we learn is Harden.
After a colon, you never capitalise the following letter. So, that O in "One" should be lowercase. :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by phibb2 View Post
I wish I could cool attacks, but now that I can hardly move, why bother?
I believe you're missing a 'use' between 'could' and 'cool'. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by phibb2 View Post
I changed my mind about Pokemon trainers that day.
This doesn't make sense. You switched between present and past tense. You wrote the whole thing as if it was present tense, yet here it sounds like he's looking back in hindsight about what happened on 'that' day, as opposed to 'today'. Be careful with this. I like to avoid present tense because I don't like it--I write my stories with 'ed' on the end of everything. So basically I go: "I walked up to him and placed down a mug" as opposed to "I walk up to him and place down a mug" because I find it easier and better. xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by phibb2 View Post
I wanted to prove I wasn't just a useless cocoon. I'm much more than that. I slowly rocked back and forth, until I found a sleeping Weedle. First, I used a String Shot, to hold it down, and then, I charged that useless worm with the most powerful Tackle I had ever done.
Again this part is written in past-present tense, as opposed to present tense, like the earlier parts of the story. o: Also, I have a problem with this. The metapod is talking about how he's been undermined and how his kind is shunned for their inabilities, but then he goes and calls another stereotypically weak pokemon "useless", which makes me lose all sympathy for him and seems like a really hypocritical thing for him to think. =/

Quote:
Originally Posted by phibb2 View Post
My shell began to crack, and at first, I didn't know what was happening, until I saw wings.
How could he see wings? o: Wings generally sit behind the body. XD Perhaps you should specify that he turned his head or something, which would also make him realise that he was no longer a metapod, considering he grew a defined head. xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by phibb2 View Post
I knew this feeling, I had experienced it only once before.
This should be a semicolon. (As bobandbill pointed out.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by phibb2 View Post
I'm not useless. I am powerful. Also, Sleep Powder, Poison Powder, and Stun Spore.
As bobandbill said the last sentence seems a bit wrong. There's nothing to say "Also" to, since you didn't state moves before that sentence. Even just changing "Also" to "I had" or "I now wield" or something. :3

First off, it's a bit unnecessary to have the story in spoilers. o: We came here to read the story, so it's a bit pointless to keep it hidden. xD If you're not going to do this already, what I suggest you do it post each new story of the pokemon in different posts, and in the first post, you can create a list of the pokemon you've done, and link us to all the different posts. ^^

I also agree with bobandbill (oh my gosh, I just read that as "Bo-band-bill" instead of "Bob and bill" XDDD Derp!) about the double spacing. It's definitely necessary and helps the readers a lot. So, every time you slip down to a new line, press the enter button again, so that there's a word-free line between the paragraphs. :D

Overall, I thought it was extremely short. I guess not much else could be said giving the story's plot, but perhaps for the next one, you could lengthen the story. But, having said that, I really like what you did with what you wrote, and you actually have pretty good grammar. XD A couple of past/present tense mix-ups and another error here or there, but nothing that can't be improved. :3 You also have good sentence structure for the most part, and I like your style.

However, I thought the whole point of the story was to empower metapod, in a way. Like, I get that they ARE not powerful, but by the story began, I thought it was going to basically redeem the protagonist and he would be proud to be a metapod, but that's not what happened. He was proud of himself, and only because he became a butterfree. It kind of irked me. D: I mean, I guess I could be misinterpreting it and the main point was probably about the character as a pokemon, not specifically as a metapod, and therefore the point was that the character learned how happy he was with himself, and to do that he had to become a butterfree, but...I dunno. D:

I do like the idea that gym leaders would ditch weaker pokemon for stronger ones, but it doesn't seem like something Bugsy would do. D: Especially because he'd probably prefer to raise a metapod from a caterpie anyway, as opposed to catching a metapod he didn't train, but I guess he must have had his reasons.

Anyway, for some reason, this kind of makes me want to write one of these. xD About a mudkip or something. It'd be cool to see a day in the life of a pokemon who does something exciting or whatever. I think it's cool that the metapod tied in with a known pokemon character, however (Bugsy xD), and I think more tying in would be cool too. :3 Like, for instance, a pokemon that influenced Ash's journey somewhere or something, even though I generally wouldn't suggest connections with the anime characters. But anyway.

It's awesome to see more pokemon POV stories, since that's mainly the kinds I write, and it's cool to see other people's interpretations and whatnot. I'll be looking forward to another one! 8D Also, if I wrote a story about the day in the life of a specific pokemon, do you think I could post it here? o: If you wanted (just an idea), this could become some sort of interactive story where people could post their stories about a day in the life of a pokemon they choose. ^^ Or you could even assign pokemon to certain people so that they have to make do with what they have. xD It reminds me of a thing that a friend and I did on deviantART where we started a club where people could submit their stories about how certain pokemon's powers came into being and whatnot, and I think I should post a thread on Pe2k so that more people can read and contribute. xD I guess this story/idea was kind of a reminder, so thanks, I guess!

[/ramble]

~GS.
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  #6  
Old 09-10-2011, 01:53 AM
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Default Re: A Day in the Life of...

So is there going to be a next edition?
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Old 09-10-2011, 02:05 AM
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Default Re: A Day in the Life of...

Dude. Necroposting. The last post was over a month old. x___x

~GS.
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Old 09-10-2011, 02:26 AM
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Default Re: A Day in the Life of...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Battlestar View Post
So is there going to be a next edition?
I haven't decided if I want to continue it yet. Probably yes.
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Old 09-10-2011, 02:41 AM
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Default Re: A Day in the Life of...

Thread locked on request.
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