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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 02-19-2011, 04:35 AM
my-little-starr's Avatar
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Post Wilted Rose

This story will only be appearing on PE2K. If it is seen anywhere else besides here, please notify me immediately.

Prologue: Only One Goal

The pale tan furred feline silently trekked through the forest, her black-rimmed ears twitching as she tried to pick out any sounds that did not belong. The red jewel on her forehead glinted in the sunlight as she approached the large cave just on the other side of the clearing where a large purple pokemon stood waiting. Its large, venomous horn extended from its forehead and the large claws protruding from its arms gleamed dangerously.

“Bloodrose,” the Nidoking growled as the Persian stopped in front of him, her tail trailing out behind her. “What brings you to my forest?”

“There’s a Leafeon who is becoming quite an annoyance,” Bloodrose purred, a menacing twinkle coming to her eyes. “She goes by the name of Isla.”

“And why is she an annoyance?”

Bloodrose bared her fangs at his impudence. “She just is! Should she and her brother, and Umbreon called Eclipse, ever come into this forest, I want them both killed. Do you understand me, Duke?”

Duke gave a wicked grin. “I understand, Bloodrose.”

- X -
The Leafeon’s slender body slowly slid between the rocks of Evolution Hills as she and the Umbreon who accompanied her continued on. Her tattered ears twitched as a Pidgeot cawed from above, causing her to look up as her friend Acewing landed, eyeing the two Eevee evolutions with a slight reluctance of some sort.

“I saw Breeze flying around over the plains between here and the forest,” said Acewing, the long, brightly colored feathers on his head ruffling in the wind. “No doubt that she was on the lookout for you two.”

The Umbreon shifted uncomfortably, his dark black fur accented by his light blue rings, the only thing that discerned him from regular Umbreon. His red eyes held worry as he swung his busy tail around nervously before speaking to his sister softly. “Isla, maybe we shouldn’t continue with this. I don’t like Bloodrose any more than you do, but maybe following her is a mistake.”

Isla narrowed her amber colored eyes angrily. “Are you saying that you’re giving up on Annabelle, Eclipse? We’ve already lost Mother, Father, and Tobi. Must we lose her as well?”

Eclipse looked down shamefully, feeling his face grow hot beneath his fur as he balanced himself to take weight off his injured hind leg. “Of course we shouldn’t, but she has made her own choice.”

Acewing regarded the siblings with pity. He knew what it felt like to lose those you love, but never to this extent. He could see the toll that the loss of Frost, Solar, and Tobi was having on Eclipse, but it was even worse for Isla, who was the youngest and had not yet been born when her eldest brother Kaleb had died. The betrayal of her sister, Annabelle, only added to their pain.

“Listen,” the Pidgeot began hesitantly. “A few miles toward the east is Ceylitrias City, the only human city on this side of the mountains. You can head there and see if any of the human raised pokemon have seen Annabelle or Bloodrose. There’s a Pikachu there that I know. Her name’s Yuri. She can help you.”

“What if the city’s a dud?” asked Isla.

“Then head to the forest to the west of Ceylitrias; that’s the halfway point between the city and the mountains,” Acewing continued, leaving the two evolutions to listen intently. “Flame, a Charmeleon, will be able to guide you as far as the mountains. However, you’re on your own once you reach them. None of the pokemon on this side have ever traveled across Shadow Mountain; they were all brought here and released by humans. I wish you both the best of luck against Bloodrose and with finding your sister.”

They watched him fly away, their feelings mixed by the advice the old family friend had given. It wasn’t until he had flown out of their sight that they began traveling again, only one goal on their minds.

Finding Annabelle.

{So I had considered posting a picture along with the first chapter but, seeing as I can't draw, I decided againt it. Maybe another time when my drawing of an Umbreon doesn't look like a deformed dog. :P
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Last edited by my-little-starr; 03-12-2011 at 06:28 PM.
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  #2  
Old 03-11-2011, 12:06 AM
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Default Re: Wilted Rose

Quote:
Originally Posted by my-little-starr View Post
The pale tan furred feline silently trekked through the forest, her black-rimmed ears twitched as she tried to pick out any sounds that did not belong.
This sentence should start with an 'As', or else that comma should be a semicilon. OR, 'twitched' should be 'twitching'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by my-little-starr View Post
Her tattered ears twitched as a Pidgeot cawed from above, causing her to look up as her friend Acewing landed, eyeing the two Eevee evolutions with a slight reluctance of some sort.
It sounds like it's still Isla who's eying the 'two eevee evlutions'. x3

Quote:
Originally Posted by my-little-starr View Post
We’ve already lost mother, father, and Tobi.
Since she's addressing her parents as if 'mother' and 'father' are their names, the first letters must be capitalised.

Quote:
Originally Posted by my-little-starr View Post
There’s a Pikachu there that I know, her name’s Yuri.
There's nothing there to join the first half of the sentence with what follows the comma, and therefore the comma should be a period or a semicolon, or you just need a joining word to make the comma's presence correct.

Quote:
Originally Posted by my-little-starr View Post
“Then head to the forest to the west of Ceylitrias, that’s the halfway point between the city and the mountains,”
You should either get rid of the comma, or make it a period or a semicolon.

I like the look of this so far. o: I planned on reading it much sooner, so I'm sorry that I didn't get around to reading it till now, but I'm glad I did! Most of your grammar is good, with the exception of comma use. You tend to use them when you need to end the sentence, because you forget to put a joining word to make it one sentence. If the two halves of the sentence can stand on their own, then you use a semicolon and not a comma.

I always like to see eeveelutions, and I'm curious to to why Anabelle ditched them. D: And how the rest of their family got killed. I also wonder who Bloodrose is, and why she's not very nice. xD But yeah. o: It was fairly short, so there's not much to go off, but I liked it so far. ^^

~GS.
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  #3  
Old 03-12-2011, 06:30 PM
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Default Re: Wilted Rose

Curse those darn commas and simicolons! D:
They have always been my weakness. Spelling and punctuation I can usually work with, but when it comes to commas... *Shakes head*

Thanks for helping out with corrections, Xanthe! You're the greatest.

Everything surrounding Bloodrose, Isla's family, and Annabelle will be revealed in later chapters, I swear!

~Starr
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  #4  
Old 03-13-2011, 01:02 AM
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Default Re: Wilted Rose

xDD Well that's okay. It's why I'm here to kill them off. >:D Well it's simpler than some people might think: if you have a sentence with a comma in it, then there has to be a joining word somewhere to connect the halves. If it doesn't have a joining word, then it needs to be a semicolon. The way you will know how to do that is that if you have a sentence that's separated by a comma, then the halves should NOT be able to stand on their own as sentences. If they can stand on their own, then you know that a comma is the incorrect thing to use, and that you need a semicolon, since semicolons are basically saying "well, grammatically this should be a period, but since what follows is relevant to the first half of the sentence, you can use me". x)

No worries! Aw, shucks. *waves hand*

Yes, haha, of course. It's just fun to guess what might happen and what's already been at this stage. ^^ I didn't mean the 'having little to go off' thing as a criticism--it's the first chapter, so it's natural. xD

~GS.
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 03-13-2011 at 01:04 AM.
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  #5  
Old 03-14-2011, 06:27 PM
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Default Re: Wilted Rose

... I understand about half of what you just explained. O.o

My English says I'm impossible and that it's amazing I can pass English with a solid A+ ever year when I can't use commas and semicolons correctly. I find it amusing when she gets onto me for it.

Oh, it's fine. My chapters usually start off short at first and then get longer. No worries!

~Starr
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