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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #16  
Old 12-03-2010, 04:26 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: The Plight of Mercury (PG-13)

Quote:
He smiled when he saw the newspaper blocking his fathers vision, and even more please when he saw smoke rings rising up from behind it.
I think it should be 'father's' and 'and was even more pleased'.

Quote:
He slouched as he sat, his eagerness to go back outside now erupting into a desire.
It seems kind of weird to have 'desire' there...didn't he already desire to go outside?

Quote:
He'd been laying on the couch with his direction in direct line of where the hallway to the door was.
*confused*

Quote:
He hated being inside for long periods because of how cramped is always seemed to become.
It

Quote:
"I got better while you were *kicking the brimstone!"
Is there supposed to be some information about this if it's starred?

Quote:
I heard it's really cary first go!"
Scary?

Quote:
He couldn't really imagine reality moving like the footage from a store camera
Do they have cameras? o.O

Quote:
Volcanous had fallen to his knees in desperation as he begged his visitor to rethink this who idea.
Whole

Quote:
Volcanous continued though, his please trying to describe to his visitor
Is it supposed to be 'pleas'?

Quote:
Where is he I'll just pick him up myself."
Forgot a question mark after 'he'.

Quote:
his papa teaching him early one that the priests were to never be questioned or disrespected.
On

Quote:
whispered Volcanous in both a pleading and ager coated voice.
Anger?

Quote:
his head titled away from his sons.
Son's

Quote:
I was selfish son.
Needs a comma after 'selfish'.

Quote:
Never wanting to let go, Volcanous couldn't help deny them what he knew they were trying to get him to do
This sentence is a bit confusing.

Quote:
As he spoke every word, hi son began to react in the way he predicted.
His

Quote:
He even fell to hi knees in the exact same spot
His
Quote:
He'd never hear his sons voice again.
Son's


This was a good chapter and I think you did well with the emotions in it. I really wanted to see Volcanous stand up to Othereo, though. I guess he sort of did, but if I were him, I wouldn't have just let him take Mercury without a fight, no matter how respected he was. I'm kind of confused as to why no one stands against him. I guess he probably isn't cruel to other fire types though, so they wouldn't have a reason to or something. I also think Volcanous should have left before Mercury was three years old...it was weird he didn't expect the parting to be that painful...he should have thought more about his son and what that would mean for him to be taken away. I guess he had to stay, but it doesn't make sense that he only did because he 'didn't know that moment would be that painful'. It seems like there should be some other reason he wasn't able to leave, something that would make it very, very difficult, which is where the "I was selfish, son" part would have come in.

Mercury's reaction to the whole thing was really sad...I could really tell how shocked and confused he was..and then how he was so defeated when he was leaving... I kind of think Volcanous shouldn't have hidden this fact from him so long, but then again I guess it's believable that he would, not wanting his son to worry and wanting him to enjoy the time had there or something like that. Not the best choice, but I can understand why he wouldn't choose to tell him.

I'm a bit confused though, why would Volcanous never see his son? I mean, that in itself isn't confusing, it's just that I don't remember it being mentioned that he wouldn't see him again in the previous chapter. I assumed (and I could be wrong, it wasn't very clear) that he'd still be in the city being taught whatever (and probably treated badly) but wouldn't be able to live with his father. Maybe you should write a short bit about Volcanous's thoughts that clarifies why he won't see Mercury again more?

Anyway, it was a good chapter, and I'm curious to see what happens next.
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  #17  
Old 12-03-2010, 06:23 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: The Plight of Mercury (PG-13)

SO MANY SPELLING ERRORS! FUFF! xD

The main reason that Volcanous didn't leave was mentioned in chapter one towards the end. He was going to be checked on weekly by the priests (including Father Othereo). It would be hard for him to make it out with his son because of this. On top of that, it's obvious that he is unable to really stand up against the priest.

I will make a short little insert thing about what Volcanous was thinking the whole time this was going on. I guess that will be the next chapter!

Chapter III : Thoughts of a Father.

As for the teachings Mercury will be put through, hehe, I hope that they come as a big shock. =D

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  #18  
Old 12-05-2010, 05:40 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: The Plight of Mercury (PG-13)

Wow. I've been busy lately and haven't checked for anything new in the fanfics, so I just saw this the other day. I love it that you're going into the past of your most notorious villain.
And what a past it's turning out to be.

That's a harsh start to his life. And you still haven't made any mention to what really caused Sapphira's death. But, for all that blame and prejudice to be put on such a youngster is totally wrong. *shakes head* The Father is a majorly close-minded creature, isn't he?
It's terrible that Mercury's dad has to take such a blow from that too. He really cares for his son. It almost seems like he pushed that promise he made to the back of his mind over time. I can't really blame him if he did. Who would want to think everyday about their child being taken away?

You've got a knack for thrashing a character's emotions, but that same knack also turns out totally good stories. So I don't know whether I should say lay off a little, or keep it up. ^^'
Either way, you're going good. And I think Scy caught all the typos. XD
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  #19  
Old 12-26-2010, 12:47 AM
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Default Re: The Plight of Mercury: Empathy of a Dark Life (PG-13)

The next chapter is coming. Writers block sucks. xDD

Changes made:

- Title is now The Plight of Mercury: Empathy of a Dark Life
- New banner put up
- A map of Eucser has been made. It's linked in the first post as well as in the 9 Lives story

I am gonna eventually make a map of what the Wheel Flame State looks like.

Also, I forgot to put in Mercury 101 that in the second version of 9 Lives, the one that's being written now, it's revealed in Chapter 3: Approval and Decline! Jet's Fault that Mercury was responsible for how Pinpoint looks. Here is an excerpt:

With a snort the Pokemon began to turn, revealing to RocketMeote a sight that made her spine tingle. From the front, the large grunting Pokemon seemed normal. But when looked at from a side view, everything about him was but that. The top right side of this poor Pokemon was scared with burn marks that ended a Meote's tail length from his leg, and claw marks that covered the majority of his face. His eye was missing, probably gouged out in combat. Trailing back into the hallway, the Pokemon made his way towards the mess hall.

"That's Pinpoint," retorted Megumi as she bent over to RocketMeote.

"What happened to him?" she mewed in a sorrow filled whisper. Glancing back at Pinpoint, she watched as his movement was slow while his gaze was set in her direction. When he realized she was looking at him, he quickly turned and stalked off.

"It will be three-years ago next month," she began in a sigh, "Our sky patroller, Pidge, was being attacked by a black backed Typhlosion named Mercury. You see, Pidge had foiled one of his plans and, well, Mercury vowed to get revenge. Pidge had been tied down by a Grass Knot attack and was unable to escape. Now that I think about it, it was around the time when Pinpoint was trying to join the Rescue Force. Anyways, Mercury had unleashed his signature spinning black Flamethrower attack-"

"Black Flamethrower attack?" RocketMeote interrupted.

"Yes. Mercury is not only black backed, but his fire is black as well. Also, his fire is much hotter than normal fire, and can easily cause massive damage or-" she began to trail off, her gaze setting itself onto the floor as if it were being guided by some unknown force, "-or even death. Pinpoint had gotten there before any of us, and leapt in the way of the attack. The spinning black Flamethrower resembled the trademark Flame Wheel that Typhlosion are known for. He'd spin in the air and cover himself in black fire, then in one massive burst he'd send it to his opponent. The attack hit Pinpoint's top right half as he jumped in front of it. That's when I and a few other staff members got there. Never before had I heard screams like what I'd heard coming from Pinpoint-"

"Aw c'mon enough of that!" barked Mike, interrupting Megumi. Neo nodded, his arms still folded.


I can't remember if this fact was ever mentioned in the first version, or if Pinpoint was actually a main character in the first one. I'll keep looking around in the chapters to see if it is. If not, then this will serve as another act in Mercury 101 despite it being from the second version.

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  #20  
Old 12-29-2010, 09:05 PM
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Default Re: The Plight of Mercury: Empathy of a Dark Life (PG-13)

Chapter III
Thoughts of a Father (a.k.a Temptations and Consequence)

Location: Wheel Flame State, Pure District, Tower of Pyriss - Mid-Morning -

"We're here," said Father Othereo as he halted in his steps. The young, defeated Cyndaquil looked up from the dirt road to see standing before him the very symbol of the Wheel Flame State. Stretching up into the sky was the Tower of Pyriss, its tremendous arches and build only more jaw dropping up close than far away. The brimstone made it look centuries old as cracks lined its sides and little to no windows could be seen decorating it. The top was impossible to see for the small Pokemon, but he'd heard stories of a giant window sitting near it, so large it was enough to light the entirety of the inside. The arch ways that sat at its sides, though decorations serving no purpose other than to create the symbol of Pyriss, looked large enough to hold inside them a well sized room. Mercury couldn't help but be in complete awe of this place, his woes almost being set aside and forgotten.

The Father huffed out a cloud of smoke, agitated by Mercury as he basked in the shadows of this glorious tower. =Pyriss forgive me for what I am about to do...= he thought as he clenched his fists. He then began to walk forward toward two large metal doors that were round at the tops. Looking back, he snorted loudly to get Mercury's attention off the tower and back to him. Once the small Cyndaquil had moved forward the Father took hold of a handle that was a daunting twelve inches in length and three inches in width. The large door opened slowly, a deep rumbling creek sounding as old hinges came to life. Mercury looked in with distain, his whole body screaming at him to refrain from stepping forward. However the stern gaze of the Father was more than enough to persuade the small Pokemon to disobey his own screams of fear. Once inside the Father followed, dragging behind him the large door that echoed forever once shut.

For the rest of his teachings, this was to be Mercury's home.

Location: Wheel Flame State, Pure District - Noon - One Month Later

It had been a month since Mercury was taken by the Father. Ever since that tragic day, Volcanous had done nothing but wallow in his own self pity. The world was empty to him, a shadow of what it had offered before. He often cursed at himself, fussing over his poor choices in the three years he had with his boy.

"I was an idiot!" he snarled as clenched fists tightened and muscles stiffened. His fangs were bared tight while shut eyes practically forced tears to fall from the strain put on them. A few feet away stood his visitor, the only one that dared to come close to his marked home. Her name was Celia and like Volcanous, she was a Typhlosion. Her ears fell back as she saw the broken father beat himself up, not once holding back on self judgement.

"Volcanous..." she began, reaching an arm out to touch his shoulder. She was pushed away however, the pain in Volcanous too much to coax into healing. He knew that's what she was trying to do, and he didn't appreciate it. To coax this pain away would be like trying to forget something horrible, or to try and look at a grave misdeed as a common mistake. He'd explained to her over the past month what his poor choices were and more than once why she couldn't just ease him out of his anger. Continually she tried to though, not caring for his strange views on why this type of pain shouldn't be healed. "Volcanous, please! Continually blaming yourself and wallowing in your house won't do you any good. You'll get sick!" she warned.

"It's all I can do! There is nothing left for me in this world!" Volcanous roared back. Celia rolled her eyes at his response. She began telling him what a fool he was, how there was more in life than what he lost.

"Are you honestly going to just throw your life away because you lost your mate and son?! As *dark typed as this sounds, you need to move on with your life!" Volcanous looked at her with fiery red eyes as his fists began to loosen up. In a near instant his whole body became loose, his upper half hunching forward as if broken.

"Celia, it's the choices I made! I forced Mercury's taking to the back of my head, I never told him anything about what was to happen to him! I didn't even try to leave the state out of fear that we'd be hunted down like criminals! I was a weak coward, I... I still am! What place is there in this world for someone like me?!" he questioned. He'd repeated these same words over and over, constantly reminding the female Typhlosion why he didn't deserve life. Each time he said it, it struck her even harder than before. She'd never seen someone react to loss like he had. It hurt her.

"Volcanous... you are not a coward. I've told you before, many times before, your actions were nobel at best! Had you left your son would be hunted most assuredly, leading him into a terrible future. Had you let the Father kill him, he would have never been able to experience joy and friendship, love and kindness. Had you told him about what was to come, you would have made his three years with you as terrible as living in water. Trust me, you are not a coward!" Volcanous looked up as she lifted his head, his eyes meeting hers in a gentle gaze. He then saw something spark in her once affectionate stare, a spark he'd yet to see ever make itself known.

Celia was always very gentle, practically a pacifist. She hated violence and often made herself scarce when there was any around her. She'd even question how children would play at times, worrying if their attacking play was actually a game or not. Her fire never showed itself and her face always had a sweet or concerned look, never one of anger or distain. To see this spark appear was what threw Volcanous from his self pity, and for the first time in a month, take his focus off Mercury.

"If he were to see you right now, he'd be so ashamed of you! So pull yourself together! At least he'll be learning alongside the Father who can help teach him the ways of purity. Do you understand that? He'll become a pure Typhlosion and be able to walk the streets! Wallow if you must, just know that your boy is getting help!" she yelled at him, trying harder and harder to force in the truth that no one else would follow. Everyone would speak behind Volcanous's back, talking about how his boy would never come out of that tower. How his life would be forsaken and forcibly ended. She was so far the only one in the entire State to believe he'd emerge back into the light.

With that she left Volcanous to his lonesome, slamming the door as she stomped out. This was the last time she would tolerate this pity fest Volcanous expressed. As the Typhlosion sat alone in his house, its hallways and rooms deadly silent, his mind began racing around what she told him.

"She's right... wallowing isn't the thing for me to do. All it's gotten me so far was the worst month of my life. No... no more wallowing in pity. It's time to change how I approach this... it's time I got my boy back!" he proclaimed, clutching his fists together as rage and hatred formed in his eyes like a burning flame. With his fur bristling he raced out of his house, leaving everything open without once looking back. He lowered down to all fours and ran as fast as he could, racing through the district in the direction of Pyriss Tower.

Standing outside the Tower of Pyriss was Father Othereo. His head was lifted up as distant eyes looked to the clouds. He was enjoying the warm day, its gentle breeze soothing as it touched his fur. In one of his hands was a cane very unlike his earlier one. It now resembled the symbol of Pyriss, practically looking like the tower itself. Coming out of the door of the tower was another priest. Though not as high up as the Father, he was still considered a great speaker even by the Pure District. An orange hide marked by a large scar traveling across his left side and to the middle of his back, this fiery dragon made his way over to the Father. "Father?" he began.

Father Othereo looked to him, noticing the missing left horn atop his head. He then focused back on the sky and calmly responded, "Yes Davido?"

"He's sleeping... finally," responded Davido, looking down at the Typhlosion next to him. Father Othereo nodded to the Charizard, thankful for the tykes *taking into dreams. "Are you sure that we're doing the right thing? I mean... he's just a child," questioned Davido, worried about the state Mercury was currently in. The small boy hadn't taken well to his new home, his rage levels increasing daily as the denial of freedom became his future.

"He is a demonic child. Weather he likes this or not doesn't matter. If we are to purify him, he must endure everything we do. Otherwise-" the Father was then cut off by a scream in the distance. Looking forward, he and Davido watched as Volcanous flew over the horizon, his speed unmatched by any velocity he had ever achieved before. Davido was the only one who showed emotion, his face shocked by the sight of the Typhlosion careening towards them. The Father however stood perfectly still, his relaxed face showing no signs of changing its mood.

Volcanous came sliding to a stop, huffing out large breaths of heated air as he stared slowly up to the Father. His eyes burned with the fires of vengeance and his blood boiled with the fury of forced loss. His wife was dead from Overrus and his son was stolen based on false pretenses. The word stolen echoed in his mind and forced his teeth to tightly bar, his fists to clench harder than ever before. The fire on his back was out because of habit. It was respectful to never raise ones flame to the Father or other priests that dwelled within the holy tower, seeing as how they were connected to the fire type creator, Pyriss.

"Why Volcanous, what can I do you for?" asked the Father in a polite voice. Volcanous snorted as those words were spoken. It was like they were mocking him, laughing at his pitiful existence.

"My son," replied the father in a soft rage filled voice. His head was tilted down but his eyes stayed locked on his target.

"It's been but a month! Surly you can't believe his studies have completed?" asked the Father, almost sarcastically. Davido watched in worry, seeing the broken past come to the present inside of Volcanous. Something was driving him and it wasn't logic or sense. As a result, he slowly inched forward until he was next to Volcanous, looking down with compassion as he saw how much the broken parent hurt.

"Give him back to me," Volcanous said in that same soft tone.

"I'm sorry but-"

"GIVE HIM BACK!" Volcanous screamed, lifting his head and widening his eyes. The fire on his back even exploded out, his rage fueling its level as it burned bigger than the average flame would. When Father Othereo saw this, he was shocked, appalled to say the least. He growled under his breath, his lifted cane being set back down as he gripped it firmer than before. When he spoke, his voice shook the earth in its deep tone, fury raging through it like smoke in a chimney.

"You dare to raise your flame to me?" he began, "You dare to go back on the word of Pyriss? You swore your boy to him, swore you'd get him the help he needed and swore that he would be treated of the demon that lay within him. Do you want him to kill us all?!" Volcanous hated hearing the barks of unreasonable justification.

"He's three..." he responded.

"He's dangerous. He's already shown the signs of insanity. He took my old cane and attacked one of my priests with it. We detained him and punished him accordingly. He's back to his normal studies, but it's still a sign of the demon starting to gain power." Volcanous couldn't believe the lies he was hearing.

"Hold on... you're telling me that a Cyndaquil no more than the age of three years, broken and in pain because you took him away from the only joy he had, was able to take your cane and become a threat with it? Do you know how stupid that **** sounds?!" Volcanous argued, fists tightening even more as the wretched face of the Father kept staring down at him.

Enraged by Volcanous's tone, the Father stepped forward and placed his face only a few inches from his opposers. Both hands were on the top of his cane as his sash blew from yet another cool and comforting breeze. In a low voice, the Father spoke as if Volcanous were the child. "He's a sick and twisted demonic figure. As the days go by, his demonic side will grow stronger and stronger, eventually consuming him. It's a good thing we took him when we did. You're mistakes have already started his transfor-" The Father was cut off there when Volcanous pushed forward, sending him back. The Father wasn't injured but at the same time, he wasn't at all pleased.

"Get out of my face!" Volcanous shouted. "I swear I will do everything in my power to get my boy back. It doesn't matter if you wont give him back, the Rescue Force will make you! Hell, even the Eucser Attack Unit as unorthodox as they are, would never say no to throwing the power you hold into question!" Davido then acted on judgement, feeling that if not held back, Volcanous would attack the Father. He wasn't surprised when the Father himself yelled to him to grab and detain the parent, as if reading his thoughts. "Hey, what are you - let go of me! Let me go I said! LET ME GO!" screamed Volcanous as Davido landed behind him, grabbing both his arms and pulling them back.

"Let you go?!" Volcanous turned his head to the Father, his gaze once more locked on him as he felt his heart pick up in its pace, beating faster now than ever before. "You're acting on false impulse. On a rage never expressed by you before. It makes me wonder," started the Father as he stepped forward, placing the top of his cane under Volcanous's chin, lifting his head up a bit. "If in fact your wife did have Overrus."

"Tch," growled Volcanous as he moved his head off the cane, lowering it back down as his eyes continually stared at the Father.

"She never expressed any symptoms of it where as you have begun to. After all, Overrus is said to make its contractor become uncontrollable with their actions. You could stab her and you wouldn't be able to stop."

"HOW DARE YOU!" shouted Volcanous, "I loved my wife as much or more than you love our creator! You see him as our god, I saw her as my goddess! I loved her and vowed myself to her! I would never injure her! You hear me?! YOU HEAR ME?!" he screamed, anger bursting from his mouth in small flares as his back fire rose up, almost touching Davido's head.

"They symptoms are present in you Volcanous! From what the doctors said, Overrus makes you highly uncontrollable! Until we prove otherwise, I am placing you under arrest for not just the murder our your wife, but for the threat against the state!" ordered the Father as he stepped back.

"WHAT?!" When those words hit Volcanous's ears it practically destroyed any civilized manners he had left. All respect for the Father was destroyed and all love for this state was cut to shreds.

"You threaten our state and our overall lives by vowing to free that tainted child of yours. Topping that with the murder of your wife, one I feel is justified by your uncharacteristic actions, I have no choice but to sentence you to imprisonment inside the *Titani Prison. You will remain there in solitary until your son completes his studies and is purified. If Overrus isn't gone by then, you will remain in that cell until it is. Best stick you there now and save innocent lives than keep you out and risk exposure to the glory of the Wheel Flame State," declared the Father. He then looked up to Davido who nodded and began taking Volcanous away.

"I'll get you for this! I swear by Pyriss I will make you pay for this Othereo! I swear by it!" screamed Volcanous as he was taken away. Father Othereo grinned, pleased that his rank made it possible for even him to sentence imprisonment. Once Davido took to the skies and vanished completely with Volcanous, the Father turned around and headed back inside.

Quote:
Key
*Dark Typed: same thing as just calling something dark. 'Typed' is added because the dark type is often referred to as the brooding and untrustworthy type of the Pokemon world, their actions being devilish and crazy (though not all dark types match this definition... it's like a stereotype really).
*Taking/Taken Into Dreams / Took To Dreams: a prophetic way of saying, "fallen asleep". It's an old saying used by the ancient prophets during the times of the creators, when they were still living among their creations. It is used today by those who feel closest to the creators.
*Titani Prison: a titanium prison located in the center of the Pure District. No fire type has ever broken out and no fire type attack can melt its walls or bars. It's warden is a Houndoom named Jerald.
=^^= Nya
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  #21  
Old 12-30-2010, 01:00 AM
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Default Re: The Plight of Mercury: Empathy of a Dark Life (PG-13)

Yep, so this is were everything starts going nuts. Well, at least more nuts than how it started off before.

Really good stuff, and its interesting to see how things go from bad, to worse, to absolutely freaking horrific for everything that ever happened in Mercury's life.
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Old 01-04-2011, 06:44 AM
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Default Re: The Plight of Mercury: Empathy of a Dark Life (PG-13)

Quote:
In on of his hands was a cane very unlike his earlier one
One
Quote:
his speed unmatched by any velocity he ever achieved before.
He had ever
Quote:
you're telling me that a Cyndaquil no more than the age a three years
Of
Quote:
the Father stepped forward and placed his face only a few inches from his opposers
Opposer's
Quote:
Hell, even the Eucser Attack Unit as unorthodox as they are,
Need a comma between 'Unit' and 'as'.
Quote:
I am placing you under arrest for not just the murder our your wife
Of
Quote:
As *dark typed as this sounds, you need to move on with your life!"
Pokemon racism? D:


It was interesting how Volcanous's reaction to Celia trying to help him was rage, and how he ran back to the tower demanding his son back. I expected him to attack the Father, and was kind of surprised when he didn't (or at least, it took a while for him to get to the point where it seemed like he would). Othereo blaming him for his wife's death is really messed up, and I'm sure he didn't actually believe that, but just wanted an excuse to throw Volcanous in prison.

I wonder what's going on with Mercury right now. Like Volcanous, I doubt he was really much of a threat to anyone, but seeing as how they think he's evil, it makes sense they'd overreact to him showing any sort of rebellion.

You're getting these chapters up fast (well, a lot faster than me, anyway XD) and I hope the inspiration continues and you can find some for Nine Lives too.
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Old 01-04-2011, 09:27 AM
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Default Re: The Plight of Mercury: Empathy of a Dark Life (PG-13)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Pokemon racism? D:
=P Yup. I try to see the Pokemon race as more human like than animal. If we make them dominant of a world or the main focal point, who is to say there wont be any bouts or disgust between species? In this case it's types. And lol, they're also a bit racist against their own kind as well, what with the whole segmented living in the state.

=D EVERYONE IS JUST A LITTLE BIT RACIST!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
It was interesting how Volcanous's reaction to Celia trying to help him was rage, and how he ran back to the tower demanding his son back. I expected him to attack the Father, and was kind of surprised when he didn't (or at least, it took a while for him to get to the point where it seemed like he would).
I actually struggled with that. I wasn't sure how his reaction would be for the longest time. I didn't want him to really become guilty of anything, and I knew that he still had some respect for the Father. Having him react like that was the best way I could see that wouldn't go beyond his character.

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Othereo blaming him for his wife's death is really messed up, and I'm sure he didn't actually believe that, but just wanted an excuse to throw Volcanous in prison.
lol, he is a pretty messed up guy.

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I wonder what's going on with Mercury right now. Like Volcanous, I doubt he was really much of a threat to anyone, but seeing as how they think he's evil, it makes sense they'd overreact to him showing any sort of rebellion.
;D Oh you'll see whats going on. The next chapter is called "Life in the Tower" so that question will be answered very quickly. Hehehehehe.

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
You're getting these chapters up fast (well, a lot faster than me, anyway XD) and I hope the inspiration continues and you can find some for Nine Lives too.
Oh gosh me too! 9 Lives is like, my pride and joy of PE2K. I feel that I owe this forums first Mystery Dungeon a good completion. Haha, this side story is actually getting me back into the swing of things. I've been getting so many new ideas to incorporate into 9 Lives based off this.

=^^= Nya
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Old 01-06-2011, 05:39 AM
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Default Re: The Plight of Mercury: Empathy of a Dark Life (PG-13)

Wow, that really took a turn from bad to worse. I can't imagine how that will affect Mercury if/when he finds out. And from what I've seen from Othereo, I don't think he'd hesitate to embellish the story and really make Volcanous out to be the bad guy.
As for Mercury attacking others, I would think that's a little embellished too. He's three and has nowhere to put his energy, of course he's gonna be a little hostile. Trust me, I know two that get rather hostile when the mood strikes them. ^^'

Bad goings-on, great chapter. Keep it up. ^^

I did catch a couple typos Scy missed that need destroyed.

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Mercury looked in with distain, his whole body screaming at him to refrain from stepping forward.
disdain

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Weather he likes this or not doesn't matter.
Whether (gotta love homophones XD)

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Enraged by Volcanous's tone, the Father stepped forward and placed his face only a few inches from his opposers.
Volcanous' and opposer's

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You're mistakes have already started his transfor-"
Your (there's another one XD)

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"They symptoms are present in you Volcanous!
Just 'The' I believe. ^^
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