NOT A MONSTER
What impression did I get when I started reading this?
The first paragraph has some very monotonous sentence structure. It's all (Family Member) verb (something about the forest). Mix it up a little! At least we get to see what each member of the family thinks about whatever this forest is, though.
Some grammar issues, too. You need to watch your comma usage. When beginning a sentence with an interjection, (e.g. "Sure") put a comma after it. Also, don't comma-splice. If a sentence is made out of two other sentences, use a semicolon.
Your intro shows us that the kid is ten years old. That might be the reason for the simplistic sentence structure. You establish his personality with this wall-ball thing and then kick-start the story by sending him off into the forest. Dun dun dun!, etc.
Your introduction does its job.
Is it a good story?
It's a basic story. Kid goes to play, goes to a place with wild Pokemon because of an accident, befriends a friendly local, and gets in a fight. He saves the one who saved him.
The fact that it's only a child that does this does make the story more compelling. I guess it's the d'aww factor.
Do we understand what they're saying?
This story lacks significant dialogue. Nothing to see here!
Are your characters original, well-defined, and compelling?
Your main character is ten years old. This is a bit of a cliche in terms of Pokemon writing, but you put effort into it. The narration is simplistic, the kid is naive and stubborn, and overall it works well.
Does you talk pretty?
Minor typoes everywhere. Watch it. Some sentences are cut off as though you were in the middle of writing them, got distracted, and came back, skipping it.
To: I went to the Upper West Side. It's Greek to me. I like to sing.
Too: I'm hungry too. That's too bad.
(Two: Two is less than three.)
See what I said about commas earlier. You must use them when:
=you begin sentences with words like "suddenly," "sure," or "however."
=you're listing a bunch of things
=someone calls someone else's name in dialogue. Put them on both sides of the name as applicable.
=using a phrase to describe a noun. "appositive"
=other things. What have you learned in English?
Can we see what you're saying?
A decent description of the forest. It's dark, there are thorns. It's as a kid would view it. The Pokemon battle is all right, but could also use some more effort. It's one of those in between things.
The overall world is only blurrily defined, though. There's a forest and a Pokemon Center. And nothing else. Is this a town? A city?
I can only assume that the protagonist is male. The information isn't given, with the only hint being that the brothers' stories are about little boys. Also, are there one or several brothers? Your description seems to go both ways.
Does it make sense?
I realized as I looked at it more that it was not a monster, but a Pinsir.
This sentence is problematic. If the kid knows about Pokemon, why would he be afraid of monsters? Or a Weedle? It would only work if the character believes everything his brothers say. Which, come to think about it, isn't very far-fetched.
Is it long enough?
Weedle (SIMPLE 5,000-10,000)
Yep. 's all good.
What did I think, personally?
Many of this story's faults are covered up or explained away by the fact that the narrator is ten years old. Smooth! That said, it still isn't very creative.
To catch, or not to catch?