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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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Old 06-12-2010, 09:09 PM
Charizard_Man's Avatar
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Malibu
Posts: 41
Default Pokemon Revolution: Era of Divinity!

Wow. Okay, this is new! pokemonelite.com has so many kick butt authors, I WANT TO FOLLOW IN THEIR FOOTSTEPS! Some of you may label me as crazy, but that is okay. Authors are always eccentric. Take Poe for instance. No, I'm sorry to inform you I won't be following in his footsteps and dying. In fact, I'm going to start mah own fic, based heavily on FireRed and LeafGreen.

When I mean heavily, I mean HEAVILY. I take every little plot or mini thing I see and expand it a million gazillion times. O_O;; Please do not say, THIS ISNT BASED ON LG FR DUH DUH THAT NEVER HAPPENED! Cause it happened in my world.

This fic has been rated PG-13 by the ESRB. Actually no, ignore that. It was rated by me, for me. It has mild language, maybe more language. You never know when I could decide to up the profanity level a bit. If you're scared of swear words, BEGONE!

Also, just a side note. This story has been specially formatted for viewing on forums. I write in a style where it is much easier for the eyes to read. It'll probably get on your nerves. xddd It has also been broken into episodes, which I have planned out from the beginning and will persist to follow until the end. WOOT FOR EPI FORMATS! With that said, I should probably tell you these episodes can get lengthy but I REALLY REALLY urge you to read through them. ^__^ Some are actually too long to post so they're seperated by commercial breaks.

I am also known for my fits of procrastination. ^__^;;; I will try my very best to update on each and every Monday, if I don't on Monday, then I will on Wednesday.(Remember I have a life) Thank you all for reading this! x3




Pokémon Revolution: Era of Divinity!
Rated: PG-13 for mild Language






Episode One: Adventure Begin! I Choose You!





The bright morning sun filled every nook and cranny of the southern village town known as, Pallet Town. The rustling of the grass slowed as the morning sun bathed the fields of Pallet with its light. The only building with light came from a nice home, inhabited by a single mother and her son. Inside the home, the mother was calmly making a nice breakfast as her thirteen-year old son watched television.

In a battlefield at the Indigo Stadium of Kanto, the goal of many Pokémon trainers, two specific trainers were opposing each other. The Trainer on the red side of the field had sent out a purple demon with a nasty smile; a Gengar. The opposite green side had chosen a Nidorino, a purple Pokémon with a large horn and spikes on his back. The chosen Nidorino reared up, sending poison spikes from his back, which were launched at Gengar. The Gengar's trainer's eyes narrowed, and he ordered his Gengar to dodge. The Gengar started to move out of the way-

The boy sat there, his deep, rich crimson eyes concentrated on the television. His radiant blonde hair was peculiar, flaring up at the sides, leaving his bangs falling around his eyes and ending just before the tip of his nose.

Out of nowhere the television suddenly lost all life, now there was a just a black screen looking back at the boy. The boy's deep red eyes widened in disbelief his mother would turn off the television, right at the climax of the battle,

"MOM?! What are you doing?! Now I've missed the conclusion!!"

The boy's mother was a pretty woman of about 30. She wore a nice pink apron and a warm smile with nice amber eyes. She always had her Charmeleon house helper with her, together there wasn't anything they couldn't do.

"Tai, you've been watching television all day! Besides, your little friend Starla called. She said something about Pokémon and Prof. Oak."

"Prof. Oak?! As in the old man on top of the hill with the lab?!" Tai started to stand up little by little. His mother nodded, Tai instantly leaped over their table and dashed upstairs. The mother shook her head and went into the kitchen to finish breakfast.

In about five minutes…

“Crap!” The boy yelled as he hurriedly changed into a plain black tee without sleeves and his signature red hoodie over, with white sleeves and a white trim at the bottom. The hood itself is white with a black bottom half of a circle at the bottom front of the sweater. He hopped up on one foot as he quickly put on his pair of black jeans, fitting a little more on the skinny side. He put a pair of red and white high-top sneakers with large black Pokéball insignias on either side of the shoe before running towards the door and took the two red wristbands on the handle and put them on along with a pair of black fingerless gloves. The boy then leaped down the stairs, skipping every other step.

"Hey there sweetie. So do you want some breakfast?" His mother asked in a polite tone and motioned towards the table. Tai gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and grabbed a pancake that was part of a mountain of pancakes on a plate.

"Thanks mom," Tai said before he chugged down his glass of cold milk, "Man, I better get going. Places to go, people to see.” He smiled as he wiped his milk moustache off. His mother let out a deep sigh,

"Okay, but first. Here’s your travelling bag, I put everything you'll need in here. Sleeping bag, toothbrush, some Pokéballs I picked up, sleeping bag, extra boxers..." His mom teased Tai, who flushed in return and grabbed the white bag off of the counter and slung it on. The white back pack is medium-sized with a horizontal black stripe running from right to left in the centre of the bag and rounding in the middle where a red dot is to make a Pokéball-like image.

"Mom! Let's not have these awkward moments again." Tai chuckled as his mother placed his official Pokémon League hat on his head, red in colour with a broad white strip starting from the back and ending at the front in a rounded shape with a black top-half of a Pokéball at the front of the hat.

"Sorry Tai, I just packed all of this stuff if you decide to have another camp out." His mother smiled.

"Well mom, I'll call you as soon as I can!" Tai hugged his mother as he ran out the door, saying goodbye to Charmeleon of course.

~~~~~~~~~~

Inside Prof. Oak's Lab.....

A rather elderly and tall man was examining something under a telescope. He was obviously lost in thought, not minding a few of the Pokémon that were running around his lab.

A young pretty girl next to him, her hair was a pale, Cornflower Blonde, the hue of ripening corn.. Her two pigtails bounced as she helped the professor, her forest green eyes watching the professor's every move. She wore a nice little sun dress with multiple Pokémon and different designs on it. The dress is sleeveless, instead supported by two braided twists of material strapping around the girl's fine shoulders, being the general yellow with blue vine designs that the majority of the dress is. While the bodice of the dress clings tightly, outlining the girl's bust, hugging the narrow abdomen of her upper hour-glass shape, completely taut as the eyes traverse downward, until the hips, where it begins to fan out in a short skirt, falling about mid-thigh.

"Umm...Starla. You can leave, your job here is done. Thank you very much for your help." The professor looked up. He had greying hair, and a very warm smile. His skin was tanner than most of the people but that's what a previous life of training does.

"Okay Professor. Bye!" The girl walked out of the lab, all the while eating some cookies she has stashed in her pocket. She munched happily on them, a kitten smile on her face as she passed by the Pokémon.

One was a small lizard like Pokémon. Its blue eyes glowed due to the light coming from the small fire on its tail. The skin on its body was orange coloured, while the skin on its tummy and lower half of its tail where a nice tan colour. Charmander was the name of the Pokémon, but it seemed a little calmer than its playmate, Squirtle. It resembled a miniature bipedal turtle with a large tail behind it. It would blow bubbles only to pop them and laugh. Every now and then, it would hide in its shell and spin around. On a nearby table, a large bird Pokémon was keeping an eye on two, as the owner clearly had no time to watch them himself. The large bird had a long mane of red and gold feathers that spanned all the wail down its back, which resembled long eyebrows. Its fur was a nice brown, while its belly, under its wings and lower face where a lighter tan. Its large red tail fanning out, a Pidgeot.

Its dark eyes followed Charmander and Squirtle around, and it remained still during the entire process. However, it flew over to Squirtle once the mischievous creature began hitting the leg of the table with its shell. The table had many thick books on it, and the result would not be good for Squirtle if the mass of books fell on it. Luckily, Pidgeot swooped the miniature Pokémon up by its arms by grabbing them with its sharp talons. Pidgeot flew over to the owner, getting his attention by dropping Squirtle on the space next to him. He took his eye off the telescope to pat Squirtle's head,
"Squirtle, were you up to no good again?". The man smiled to assure the Squirtle that he wasn't mad.

He picked up Squirtle and Charmander, holding one in each arm. This man, Professor Oak, did not seem to mind the small creatures. Beneath his lab coat was a light purple buttoned shirt tucked into his brown slacks, giving off the appearance that he is very orderly. The professor walked back to the table with two Pokéballs, "Back in the ball you two go, it's time for a rest." He said letting the two Pokémon back onto the table.

Each Pokémon knew what to do, so Oak didn't have to, each touching the pressure sensor to their subsequent Pokéballs. Oak then placed the Pokéballs onto a machine with six slots, pressing a button to activate it afterwards. Pidgeot flew over to a table near the Pokéballs to keep an eye on them, but if fell asleep, thinking they were safe. The professor didn't seem to mind much.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tai walked the streets of Pallet, he crossed his arms and began looking around for Starla. But his thoughts drifted off when he saw an outdoors restaurant. He drooled slightly as the aroma reached his nose, even though he had just eaten a meal he was still starving. Starvation took over him, and he entered the restaurant. The food smelled even better inside than it did out.

Tai got in line as he fumbled through his pockets, he pulled out the one-thousand dollars that his mom had given to him for his journey. It was soon his turn in line as a nice lady with dark hair and blue eyes smiled, "Hello there! How may I serve you today?"

"Table for one please!" He mindlessly said.

"That will be forty dollars please---," Her sentence was cut off when she noticed his belt full of Pokéballs, "Oh, you should have mentioned you were a Pokémon trainer. Pokémon trainers can eat here for free."

Tai's face lit up, he grinned as a bit of drool ran down his cheek, "Really? Sweet, thank you very much!"

"Let me show you to your table." The waitress in a blue dress showed him to a table with a large blue and gold umbrella casting a nice, cool shadow. She handed Tai a small device that lights up when his order is ready,

"Would you like a drink while you wait?"

"Yes, an orange juice, please." The waitress walked to the back and filled up a glass of ice cold orange juice for Tai. She placed the drink on his table and walked off to other tables that had yet to be served.

'He he. She doesn't know these Pokéballs are empty.' Tai chuckled with a devious smile on his face, he thought it would be a good idea to bring a few empty Pokéballs with him. Whenever Tai and Starla get together, Pokémon catching or battling is always involved.

About ten minutes later.

Tai's table was filled with food. Clearly, he was taking advantage of the trainers eat free privilege the restaurant had. The plate filled table had all kinds of food, ranging from French toast and sausage links to spaghetti and meatballs. He began eating all the food on the table without showing any signs of stopping. He only stop to take a drink of orange juice.

Starla hastily looked around the roads and building, hoping to find Tai. She finally saw him sitting down as she walked by the restaurant. Starla walked up, Tai didn't acknowledge her until she addressed him, "So this is the reason for you being late?".

Tai turned over to her with a mouthful of French fries, "You bet! I was hungry!" his words could barely be heard behind all the food.

"You almost finished?" She asked, stealing some fries secretly.

"With this last forkful of spaghetti." Tai shoved the last bit of food that was on the table. Starla giggled as his friend left his dishes in a heap on the table. They walked down the roads of Pallet until they reached a bench, they both sat down and Starla looked over at Tai as she crossed her legs.

"Let me show you my first Pokémon I recently obtained." Tai was shocked,

"You got a Pokémon?!" He yelled in an envious manner, Starla nodded as she dropped Pokéballs. A small cloud of smoke appeared as a Pokémon materialized. The Pokémon was a turquoise colour with short limbs. It had dark green-blue triangles all over its body with a large green bulb on its back. Its red eyes looked up at Tai, clearly not recognizing him. "Bulb? Bulbasaur?" The Bulbasaur began walking around Tai, making sure he could be trusted.

"This is Bulbasaur, I received him by doing a couple tasks for this regions Pokémon expert, Professor Oak."

"Whoa, that's cool! Wish I could get one." Tai sighed,

"Well, do you want me to introduce you to Professor Oak?" Starla grinned as she stood up.

"Really?! You would do that for me?" Tai smiled as the blonde nodded, he jumped and bear hugged her. The girl squealed,

"Come on Tai!" She giggled, "Come on Bulbasaur."

Tai, Starla, and Bulbasaur began walking. It would take a good amount of time before they reached the Pokémon lab, which was all the way on the other side of town.

~~~~~~~~~~

Right outside Prof. Oak's window was a brown haired girl crouched right outside the window near the machine Professor Oak placed the Pokéballs on. Her hair reached down to her upper back. Her eyes were a nice blue. She was wearing a nicely fitting black, sleeveless top. The nice black top had a pink bow on her chest, her white shorts ended at her upper thigh and the end was embroidered with pink frills. She wore tight black socks that reached to mid thigh leaving about three inches of space in between the socks and her shorts. She reached into her pink and black boot, retrieving a Pokéball. When she opened it, a short yellow Pokémon appeared. Its eyes seemed to be closed shut. Despite this, it had no trouble seeing. It moved its tail and looked up at its master, "Abra." It said.

The girl stared with distain into the lab, but made sure there was nothing that could see him. She had a look of uncertainty and fear, "Abra, Teleport me into this building, but behind that machine right there." She pointed to the machine, looking one more time to make sure Pidgeot was asleep. Abra also looked in to see where he was going to teleport. Abra nodded, and the girl touched the Pokémon's shoulder. In a white light, they disappeared, only to arrive behind the machine.

She commanded Abra to keep its position. She peeked his head out from the side of the machine, making sure for the third time that no one was there. She reached her hand onto the machine to the Pokéball slot, where one was being held. She picked it up, but the guardian Pidgeot awoke to see the robbery.

"Pidgeot!" It exclaimed to warn Professor Oak. Pidgeot flew over to where the girl was to try and trap her, but she acted quickly by grabbing Abra's shoulder. It teleported without being told to. Once she was outside, she began running as fast as she could. Pidgeot didn't bother to wait for Professor Oak to open the window, so the Pidgeot crashed through the window to chase after the girl.

The girl was being careful about how she moved, she knew that Pidgeot was trailing her, but to no success for Pidgeot. She had already managed to find a place to hide in an alley way behind a dumpster. She could clearly see Pidgeot in midair turning its head to search for her, but she was well hidden. She waited to walk out once the bird Pokémon flew back in the direction of the lab. Her trail was completely lost, so she made haste to exit the town.

~~~~~~~~~~

COMMERCIAL BREAK...

Who's That Pokemon?! #001

Last edited by Charizard_Man; 06-13-2010 at 04:35 AM.
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Old 06-12-2010, 09:11 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Malibu
Posts: 41
Default Re: Pokemon Revolution: Era of Divinity!

It's Bulbasaur!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bulbasaur, Tai, and Starla all arrived at the lab to see police and yellow lines that blocked access into the vicinity. Pidgeot flew inside and perched itself upon a table near Professor Elm, who was talking to police officers. Pidgeot looked down with an unhappy face, sad about its failure.

"I was just doing some research on Pokémon and Human relations when I heard Pidgeot speak in a worried voice, which drove me away from my research. By the time I arrived at the scene, Pidgeot broke the window to trail whoever stole the Pokémon. I obviously didn't see who did it, and I guess Pidgeot here couldn't track it." Professor Oak's voice sounded a little saddened by the loss of one of the starter Pokémon.

"Do you at least know which Pokémon he stole?" The blue haired uniformed lady sternly asked, writing down whatever Professor Oak was saying.

"Squirtle, a water Pokémon. Sorry that I'm unable to provide further information."

"Don't worry, we'll try our best to find the stolen Pokémon."

The police officer exited the laboratory to speak to a few other police at the entrance. Meanwhile, Tai and Starla walked up to the entrance. Starla took the lead, "Excuse me, what happened here?"

"This is a Crime Scene Investigation young lady. A Pokémon was stolen, so no one without proper access is allowed in."

"Would a Pokémon previously owned by the Professor himself count as access? As you can see, we have a Bulbasaur with us."

"Prof. Oak gave me this Pokémon."

"Well, just as long as it isn't stolen. But to make sure, I'm going to have to escort you two."

Starla agreed to the police officers logical demand. Both Tai and Starla trailed behind her into the lab. Inside, Professor Oak was still grieving about the stolen Pokémon, but he was reassuring Pidgeot that it was neither of their fault. He looked at the officer as she stepped in, "Oak, the trainer with this green Pokémon right here claims she received it from you. Is this true?"

Professor Oak was joyous to see Bulbasaur and Starla, "Yes, she helped me around the lab and helped me with research, so I thought she deserved a Pokémon of her choosing.".

The officer exited the lab once again. Before Oak could ask any questions, Starla asked her own.

"So, a Pokémon got stolen? Which one?"

"Uh, poor Squirtle. I don't know if the trainer who stole it is going to be abusive or not, and that's what I'm worried about most."

"How did it happen?" Starla asked, as she let Bulbasaur down to go interact with Pidgeot. Tai remained silent.

"He, or she somehow managed to get inside the lab, teleportation most likely, and stole one of the Pokéballs from the healing machine over there." Professor Oak pointed at the machine, which still had lone Pokéball on it, "Pidgeot tried to chase whoever stole it, but wasn't fast enough.". Oak sighed, but his eyes shifted over to an attentive Tai, "You brought a guest? Is he that Tai fellow you told me about before?".

"Yes, I am. And...." Tai intervened before Starla could speak,

"I want that last Pokémon." Tai pointed, looking over at the Pokéball, then Oak. Starla sweatdropped at how blunt Tai was, the boy showing no signs of regret at his lack of sympathy for the grieving professor.

"Well there are only three of these Pokémon, and one is stolen, I'm sorry Tai, but I cannot just hand this to you."

Tai looked a little disappointed, but luckily, Starla had his back.

"Tai is a competent person, his father was a good Trainer and taught Tai everything he knew." Tai was overjoyed to hear that his friend sticking up for him.

"I'm just not sure I can give him a Pokémon-" Prof. Oak was interrupted by a loud crash, causing all three to turn. They found a feminine shadow crash through the window and land on the laboratory floor,

"Really?! There's a perfectly smashed window already, did you have to break another?" Professor Oak shouted.

The girl had nice brown hair and had a Pokéball latched on to the thin belt she had around her waist. The Pokéball held a curious Squirtle inside.

"Come on Professor Oak, just let him have the Pokémon. Give him a chance!" The blue eyed girl yelled out,

"That girl...!" Prof. Oak whispered to himself.

"Who would've thought that the famous Pokédex I had to steal was in the same place as the Squirtle I had to steal!" The girl chuckled, Prof. Oak took one large step forward.

"You stole my precious Squirtle!" The girl nodded and took a few steps forward towards a table holding a small chamber of some sort protected by a glass dome, inside were three small computer devices. Each one a nice crimson colour, she picked up the dome and grabbed one.

"The legendary device that records all the adventures and Pokémon battles of specially selected trainers...It looks like the info we got about you is true!" The girl released another Pokéball she had, from the smoke protruded a human-like Pokémon with large lips and blonde hair wearing a red dress.

"Jynx, Icy Wind!!" The girl yelled out, the Pokémon puckered its lips and blew out a large field of ice-cold wind. Freezing the laboratory floor, and knocking out Pidgeot and Bulbasaur.

"Oh no. Flying types and grass types are weak against Ice!" Prof. Oak yelled. Tai clenched his fists,

"How'd you get in with all of the police outside?!" The girl merely chuckled,

"Ha-ha! I have my Drowzee using Light Screen to make it seem like this lab is completely safe and normal." The girl chuckled, Prof. Oak looked at the lone Pokéball and made a dash for it.

"Power Snow." The girl said plainly as the Jynx Pokémon released a powerful gust of snow, causing the professor slide across the floor and hit the wall. The professor was knocked out,

'What Pokémon is in the ball that Prof. Oak wanted to get?' Tai thought to himself and looked over at Starla who was hugging her Bulbasaur,

"How come you want to steal these things so badly?!" Tai shouted as he slowly made his way across the lab,

"Well I just want to settle some old business, luckily I've got friends to lend me some Pokémon." She said motioning towards her Jynx, Drowzee and Abra. Tai nodded and quickly slid across the floor over to the Pokéball,

"Powder Snow!" She pointed again, Tai sat down on the floor and continued to slide. He avoided the worst of it the tips of his hair and clothing a bit frosted, he got up and snatched the ball. He looked inside to see a fuming lizard,

"You're mad because your friend got stolen. Aren't you? Well then...!" Tai shouted as he threw the ball on the floor. The ball released the brave lizard Pokémon, Charmander.

"Jynx use Pound!" The girl shouted as the Pokémon dashed towards Tai and Charmander, fist first.

"Ahh!" Tai and Charmander managed to dive out of the way in different directions as the Jynx punched the floor, shattering it.

"Let's see. Fire type....Ember!" Tai snapped his fingers, remembering the most basic fire attack. The Charmander lashed its tail at the enemy, launching multiple fire balls. The attack burned the Jynx severely, forcing the girl the retreat. She quickly recalled her Drowzee and Abra as well, which were sitting on the window sill.

Outside was a crowd of spectators, media, and police officers. Their faces were in shock as the lab quickly changed from normal to being frozen with broken windows. The media held up their cameras as the police officers ran towards the lab.

"Oh no you don't!" Tai quickly ran after the girl, Charmander giving chase as well.

"Wait, Tai!" Starla yelled out for him, but instead slipped and hit her head on the floor. Swirls in her eyes she lay there besides her Bulbasaur.

As soon as the police officers began to run towards the lab, another windows was broken. The cameras zoomed in to see a girl jumping in the air with a newly released Squirtle at her side being stared down by a boy jumping as well and a Charmander at his side. Back at his house, Tai's mother screamed as she saw her baby boy on the news, Charmeleon cheering on the small Charmander.

"What in the world? Aren't those Oak's Pokémon?!" The crowd shouted. Tai and the thief landed on the floor and began running, but the girl had superior agility and began leaping over the walls into the city.

"Crap, I won't let you..." Tai gritted his teeth as he struggled to get over the wall by leaping onto trees.

"Follow them!" The media shouted as the cameras ran after the duo. The girl was leaping from tree to tree then began running on foot.

"Stop her movements, Charmander!" The Charmander released another Ember attack which burned the dry grass she was on, creating a ring of fire which she could not escape from. Tai stared down the girl inside the ring,

" I've won, now hand over the stolen items!!" The boy pointed at her as the flames raged on, the media stealthily made its way to a perfect position to capture this.

"Nope. Frustration!!" The girl commanded her Squirtle. The tiny turtle leaped from behind the girl, the Squirtle madly struck Charmander.

"There are cases where it's better to not be attached Prof. Oak." She grinned mischievously as she flipped open her Pokédex.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One month ago...

A twelve year old girl with brown hair and a happy Dratini exited their home in sunny Pallet Town. They made their way towards Prof. Oak's laboratory,

"I can't wait to start our adventure, Dratini!" She yelled, her voice full of excitement. They entered the sliding glass doors and walked up to an jolly Prof. Oak.

"Hi Prof. Oak!" The girl giggled, Prof. Oak smiled and looked down.

"So what can I do for you, miss." The girl looked at Prof. Oak with her blue eyes.

"Well I wanted to start a Pokémon Journey, and I heard you had special machines that help with Pokémon Battles. I want one!" She yelled out. Prof. Oak sighed and held up one,

"I did not create these to be used in Pokémon Battles, I created these for research. So I am sorry, but I cannot hand you this." Prof. Oak said sternly. The girl puffed her cheeks out,

"But why?!!" She yelled out and pointed at her Dratini,

"I specialize in Pokémon and Human relationships. I can obviously tell that your Dratini doesn't care for you. How can I trust you with a Pokédex if you can't even create a bond with your Pokémon!"

The girls eyes watered as she ran off, she exited the lab and ran as far as she could. She made it to the outskirts of Pallet before collapsing onto her knees and sobbing.

"I-Is it true Dratini? Do you hate me?" The Dratini shook its head as it watched it's master cry. A tall shadow crept over the girl, she looked up to see a man dressed in black with a red 'R'.

"Hello Iris, we've come across your twin sister recently. So we have a proposition for you."

"M-My sister?!" The girl yelled out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Frustration is an attack where the power increases based on the level of the Pokémon's attachment to the trainer. The lower the relationship level the higher the power. I taught Squirtle this attack with a TM as soon as I got it." The girl chuckled, Tai clenched his fist.

"Well then, a water type Pokémon. We're at a disadvantage but I'll give it a shot." He said calmly.

"Squirtle use Bubble!" The turtle leaped into the air, spewing out streams of bubbles. The bubbles quickly disposed of the flames that surrounded them and struck Charmander straight in the chest.

"Now, Tail Whip!" She ordered.

"Charmander, stop it in its tracks with Growl!" The Charmander opened its mouth to release a horrible noise that caused Squirtle to fall onto the floor holding its ears.

"Scratch attack, now!" Tai snapped his fingers as the Charmander slashed at the Squirtle's face. Launching it backwards into the trainer's belly.

"Oh, man! Forget this, we'll meet again." The girl shouted as she ran off with her Squirtle, Tai took a step before realizing she had disappeared. He stomped his foot, she got away. The media snickered amongst themselves, getting a good story out of this entire ordeal.

'She was cute.' Tai flushed.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tai arrived back at the lab to see it still frozen, broken windows and all. He walked in with the chief of police, a cameraman and a news reporter.

"Hey guys....WAKE UP!!!" Tai flailed his arms and leaped into the air as he yelled out. Prof. Oak and Starla shook their heads and jumped up,

"W-What happened?!" Starla looked around, Prof. Oak trying hard not to slip again as he walked over.

"You, Tai. What happened?!" Oak grabbed him by the shoulders,

"Well after you were knocked out, I battled the thief for a bit. Then she tried to escape, which is when I followed. We ran to the outskirts of town where we battled again, I defeated her but I wasn't able to retrieve your stolen items. I'm sorry." Tai bowed in apology,

"It's okay Tai, you tried. Eh? That's all that matters." Prof. Oak reassured the boy. The professor walked over to the small chamber and grabbed the remaining two Pokédexs,

"Well Starla, I meant to give you this before but it must've slipped my mind." Prof. Oak smiled as he handed one of the Pokédexs to Starla. The cameraman picked up his camera quickly to record. Prof. Oak calmly walked over to Tai,

"Tai, this is a mini-computer used to record information about Pokémon. You can check your opponent's strength and attacks during battle, it records all of you adventures as well. Whenever you see a Pokémon, record its data here." Oak handed the Pokédex to a startled Tai,

"If you two complete this Pokédex, you'll be Pokémon Masters." Oak grinned as the two trainers held up their Pokédex in one hand and their first Pokémon in the other.

"Now I have handed out all three of my Pokémon and Pokédexs. Well, I handed out two sets while the other was stolen." Tai and Prof. Oak chuckled,

"Well you two, if you want to start filling this out...I suggest heading north of here. To Viridian City and beyond." The two trainers nodded and looked at each other,

"Well then, we're rivals now. Guess we can't be friends anymore." Starla smiled.

"Guess not." Tai grinned back.

"Well, the smarter person always wins. So your gonna loose!!" Starla grinned as she dashed out the door, leaving Tai grinning.

"....SHUTUP!!" He yelled not being able to think of a comeback. He ran out, but not before stopping and turning to Oak,

"I won't let you down, Uncle Oak!!" Prof. Oak smiled as the boy ran off,

"He reminds me of myself when I was a Pokémon Trainer." Oak grinned. Tai ran out of Pallet Town, into the rolling hills and fields that led to Viridian City...

"Well there you have it folks, a young hero has just emerged in our humble Pallet Town. Acting upon his chivalrous instincts he tried to save the day, but to no avail. Prof. Oak has entrusted him with a duty to become a Pokémon Master, will he be able to do it. We'll have to wait and see!" A reporter spoke into the camera squarely pointed at his face.


"Get out of here! I have to clean up!" Prof. Oak screamed out shooing the reporters out of his laboratory.

The outskirts of Pallet Town were nothing more than an endless ocean of rolling hills and some fields of grass. This is where Tai and Charmander stood, where their adventure begins.

"Well companion! Let's go!!" Tai took a few steps forward as Charmander leaped onto his shoulder.

► TO BE CONTINUED
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Last edited by Charizard_Man; 06-12-2010 at 09:13 PM.
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Old 06-13-2010, 12:46 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Revolution: Era of Divinity!

Before I start reading, I will say that I have high hopes for this story. I've been replaying Fire Red recently and it's really hit me with a nostalgia blast (3rd generation kid FTW), so reading a fanfic where FRLG is expanded mercilessly sounds... well, a lot like what I'd like to do. XD

Quote:
The bright morning sun filled every nook and cranny of the southern village town known as, Pallet Town.
No comma, because "Pallet Town" is not a complete sentence.

Quote:
The boy's deep red eyes widened in disbelief his mother would turn off the television, right at the climax of the battle,
Period, not comma. C:

Quote:
"Tai, you've been watching television all day! Besides, your little friend Starla called. She said something about Pokémon and Prof. Oak."
Hrm, Tai... where have I heard that before? XD Just saying. I like the name Starla, though.

Quote:
In about five minutes…

Inside Prof. Oak's Lab.....
You know, you could have easily added that into the narrative without breaking the flow. Just a "Five minutes later," or "Inside Professor Oak's lab," would have done fine.

Quote:
A young pretty girl next to him, her hair was a pale, Cornflower Blonde, the hue of ripening corn..
The syntax gods. They weep.

...Seriously now, I think you should look over your chapters for grammar errors before you post them. Cornflower Blonde should not be capitalized as a color and an adjective is not a proper noun, "pale" either shouldn't have a comma after it or not be there at all ('cornflower' blonde hair does conjure up an image of pale blondness, yes?), and there should be only one period at the end.

Also, just a complaint for something everybody falls into at one point in time (hell, I'm prone to it myself): try not to give a big description of a character directly after they're introduced. The reader's eyes tend to skim right over it, and that's not good.

Quote:
"You got a Pokémon?!" He yelled in an envious manner, Starla nodded as she dropped Pokéballs.
Hoo boy. Number one, when you add a tag to the end of dialogue, the first letter of the tag is always lowercase. Take this, for example:

"This is insane!" wailed Christopher. "I can't fly, what are you asking me to get it for?"

Marley smiled and said, "Because you're taller."

Next, there should be a semicolon between 'manner' and 'Starla', since the two actions/sentences - Tai yelling and Starla nodding - are entirely separate. Third, it should be 'dropped her Pokéballs', and I'd try and find a way to rephrase that... it sounds awkward, as if she's just dropping them on the floor instead of releasing the Pokémon inside. Not to mention the, ah, alternate meaning for the unusually-minded.

Quote:
~~~~~~~~~~

COMMERCIAL BREAK...

Who's That Pokemon?! #001




It's Bulbasaur!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are awesome.

Anyway, the whole "Squirtle is missing!" plot is beginning to ring true to the Johto games, which is interesting - we've all heard of Rivalman abducting a Chikorita (worst starter of the group, that lame-o), but this is new.

Quote:

"Yes, I am. And...." Tai intervened before Starla could speak,

"I want that last Pokémon."
Tai pointed, looking over at the Pokéball, then Oak. Starla sweatdropped at how blunt Tai was, the boy showing no signs of regret at his lack of sympathy for the grieving professor.
You actually don't need to make a new paragraph when the same character speaks after narration.

Quote:
"Really?! There's a perfectly smashed window already, did you have to break another?" Professor Oak shouted.
Somehow, this comes across as perfectly in character.

Quote:
"Who would've thought that the famous Pokédex I had to steal was in the same place as the Squirtle I had to steal!" The girl chuckled,
Well then. Hello, Green.

Also, you repeated yourself with "I had to steal". Take one out.

Quote:
The girl merely chuckled,

"Ha-ha! I have my Drowzee using Light Screen to make it seem like this lab is completely safe and normal."
You also don't need to start a new paragraph when the tag is before the dialogue.

Quote:
The girl chuckled,
She sure does chuckle a lot...



Well, it was a little long and there is some iffy grammar, but overall you did a great job on this. Congratulations - from a veteran fanfic writer, you have written one interesting fanfiction... though I do wish you'd try and keep away from the manga plotlines, hm? ;3
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  #4  
Old 06-13-2010, 02:04 AM
Charizard_Man's Avatar
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Posts: 41
Default Re: Pokemon Revolution: Era of Divinity!

Thank you very much for that review and countless correcitons! :b I suck horribly at grammar as you can tell. haha xD well yeaa again thanks for that and I'll make sure to use every bit of advice you gave mee. ^__^
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  #5  
Old 06-29-2010, 04:43 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA, NC
Posts: 2,139
Default Re: Pokemon Revolution: Era of Divinity!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charizard_Man View Post
Thank you very much for that review and countless correcitons! :b I suck horribly at grammar as you can tell. haha xD well yeaa again thanks for that and I'll make sure to use every bit of advice you gave mee. ^__^
Awesome story keep it up!
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