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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1381  
Old 11-09-2009, 11:22 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28 Preview~]

Hurray! Chapter!

Quote:
“I...I don’t understand...” the Elekid stammered, petrified. It couldn’t be...no.
I think that was supposed to be italicized... :/

Quote:
“But I am stronger. Learning to harness your darkness and controlling when to turn in a valuable asset."
is

Quote:
He forced a slight smile as he said the last sentence which I barely returned, though I felt incline to.
Inclined



That was awesome Gem! Tali...I don't like her, sad to say. I think she's talking to Rye's dad >.> And Quoll offered some great words of advice ^^ The mention of the Freedom Fighters made me laugh a bit-we both use the term, one for Pokemon, one for Sonic XD Also...

Quote:
“F-faker,” he muttered under his breath in a mere whisper.
He stole my line! Why I-*Muzzled by Skye*

Skye: Now now, there are children reading this story! 0o *To Rye* I am grateful you learned to control your dark half, Rye. It seems my training is not needed ^^'
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  #1382  
Old 11-10-2009, 03:29 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28 Preview~]

*throws arms in the air* NEW CHAPTERRRRRR!!! XD

*rubbing ears* I'm deaf. =>.<=

Everyone's been posting new chapters. I need to get one up now. ^^' At least I have it going. *grins*
Wow, Gem. Lots of emotions as usual. I didn't know what to think of poor Rye. Felt like he was about to be torn apart. And I can only imagine that's just the beginning. T^T *huggles*
I feel bad for the others. They're all at odds about seperating. Hopefully Zanna won't get too annoyed at Tali. That would be bad if she really made her mad. ^^'
As always, keep it coming! ^^ *waits really impatiently*
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  #1383  
Old 11-10-2009, 03:39 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28 Preview~]

ALL FIXED! XD Thanks, Grassy!

Yeah...you know, I didn't realise that. xD And as soon as I typed the words that Rye was saying, I thought...hey, Grassy would so love this. xDDD Poor Shadow.

Rye: Yes, but it is not yet fully controlled. This is only part of it. v.v *hugged*

Yeah, Kris, I know. ABOUT TIME, EH? XD

Hmm. I wonder how they'll all work together? xD This even has me excited. Tali's sarcasm might be a match for Zanna's. =o

....


XD
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  #1384  
Old 11-10-2009, 06:41 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
Come on you stupid things! Work!
A comma needs to be after 'on', because 'you stupid things' is like addressing them. In a way. Same principle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
Until then, Tali hadn’t notice the small quivers that wracked her body,
Should be 'noticed'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
I knew this would be hard on him, I mean, how would you feel if you saw someone you’d tortured once?
I don't think that comma should be a comma. Make it a full stop or a semi-colon or a double hyphen. Whatever suits ya.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
I should’ve just left well enough alone.
What

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
A door was to his left, he could try to see what was on the other side.
That comma should be a semi colon or a period.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
“Oh yes,”
I would put a comma after 'Oh'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
And for a second as he smiled, the throbbing in his head dimmed.
Should be a semi-colon.

Post two:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
the animal side that usually would have risen when he turned was no longer there.
It's kinda weird to hear you saying 'animal'...

POST THREE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
Codan smiled towards Lani, who smiled at Jarre, who glared at Dash, who smiled at Tali, who glared at me,
lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
“Now Lani, Zanna and Tali will take this route.”
Comma after 'Now'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
“Ah, it’s a pity we’re not going together, hey Lamb?”
Comma after 'hey'.
I found more errors but I didn't bother to point them out.

Well, I kinda like Tali. Dash is nice, but for some reason whenever he's mentioned I can only picture him as a Weavile...so I'll just pretend he is. xD
But I really didn't like how Rye reacted to seeing Kryal... And I think Kraal and Marilai are always seen together, and I get it--they're a pair, but I can't help but to think that it's a shame we don't really get to know the (non-appearance-relating) difference between them and their individualities.
I like Darkrai though. :P He's kickass. But I'm not looking forward to meeting Rye's dad. Not interested in him. :P

~Xanthe.
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 11-10-2009 at 06:43 AM.
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  #1385  
Old 11-10-2009, 08:32 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Okay, Xanthe, notes taken. =3 I'll fix them later after I have my exam. =x

I really shouldn't be on here right now...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias
“Oh yes,”
And that's fine with it just like that. I checked other books, and they don't always have a comma there. =3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias
And for a second as he smiled, the throbbing in his head dimmed.
That doesn't need a semi-colon, either. It would, though, if I took out the 'as'.

For Rye's animal side I kinda meant his bad side...made sense to me. xD

Thanks. Oh...Dash makes you think of a Weavile? xD Well it's still part of the family, so eh. Think of him that way if you want. xD Yeah. What didn't you like about Rye's reaction? And I'd go more into them, but they're not really needed for the storyline. It's long enough as it is. ^^' And, hang on. You LIKE Darkrai? XD Whatever did I do to get someone to like a villian? Haha! That's good, actually! n___n

Thankies!
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  #1386  
Old 11-10-2009, 09:21 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28 Preview~]

Quote:
Originally Posted by k_pop View Post
*throws arms in the air* NEW CHAPTERRRRRR!!! XD

*rubbing ears* I'm deaf. =>.<=

Everyone's been posting new chapters. I need to get one up now. ^^' At least I have it going. *grins*
Wow, Gem. Lots of emotions as usual. I didn't know what to think of poor Rye. Felt like he was about to be torn apart. And I can only imagine that's just the beginning. T^T *huggles*
I feel bad for the others. They're all at odds about seperating. Hopefully Zanna won't get too annoyed at Tali. That would be bad if she really made her mad. ^^'
As always, keep it coming! ^^ *waits really impatiently*
You said everything I wanted to say xD >.> Now I need something else to say.
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Dali: "I know what the picture should be ... We take a duck and put some dynamite in its derriere. When the duck explodes, I jump and you take the picture."
Halsman: "Don't forget that we are in America. We will be put in prison if we start exploding ducks."
Dali: "You're right. Let's take some cats and splash them with water."
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  #1387  
Old 11-10-2009, 11:33 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28 Preview~]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lusankya View Post
You said everything I wanted to say xD >.> Now I need something else to say.
Um...something good? xD Well get back to me if you think of something. =3

Next chapter might be a long while without internet. ^^' Just a fair warning.
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  #1388  
Old 11-11-2009, 12:17 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Yeah XD Not a problem. I usually don't pick them out <3 I loved the emotions. Now I know a way to torture Skye...If anyone can ever get past that brickwall of defense he has around his mind >.<

Skye: You have more control that me!

*Bites Skye*

Yeah. I need to work on New Moon again, but I may do a Shift short instead. Huzzah, lack of motivation! >.<
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  #1389  
Old 11-11-2009, 02:36 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
Okay, Xanthe, notes taken. =3 I'll fix them later after I have my exam. =x

I really shouldn't be on here right now...

And that's fine with it just like that. I checked other books, and they don't always have a comma there. =3

That doesn't need a semi-colon, either. It would, though, if I took out the 'as'.

For Rye's animal side I kinda meant his bad side...made sense to me. xD

Thanks. Oh...Dash makes you think of a Weavile? xD Well it's still part of the family, so eh. Think of him that way if you want. xD Yeah. What didn't you like about Rye's reaction? And I'd go more into them, but they're not really needed for the storyline. It's long enough as it is. ^^' And, hang on. You LIKE Darkrai? XD Whatever did I do to get someone to like a villian? Haha! That's good, actually! n___n

Thankies!
Oh, okay. Well, I seem to always put commas after 'Oh' and 'Well' and often 'So'--not all of the time, but a lot of the time 'cause it seems wrong to me if I don't. But that's just me I suppose. x)

And oh, dang! I didn't see that 'as'. Now that I see it I know it doesn't need a semi-colon. I guess I'm going blind in my old age. x) *pulls out walking cane* YOU YOUNGSTERS!!

Well, I wouldn't think it's weird otherwise, but saying 'animal' when he's a Pokemon seems weird...but I do know what you're saying though. :3

Yeah...for some reason. xD I could imagine him as a Sneasel in the flashback scene to where Jarre was torturing him, but not now for some reason. xD And I know they're not really involved in the storyline, and it really doesn't matter about the length. ;P But if you're not planning to or not interested, I understand. :3 Just wanted to know a bit more about them. ;) And I dunno...he thinks things through, he's almost invincible, he's harsh but at the same time he's fair, and he's right. I also like his personality. ^^ Good villain. And also since I don't like Rye much (no offence--he's a good character, but he's just not someone I'd generally like xD) it doesn't really bother me that he's Darkrai's target. xD

~Xanthe.
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  #1390  
Old 11-13-2009, 12:02 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

*stares at Xanthe* You said what about Rye!? O.O *clings*
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Last edited by k_pop; 11-13-2009 at 02:34 AM.
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  #1391  
Old 11-13-2009, 02:29 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post
I like Darkrai though. :P He's kickass. But I'm not looking forward to meeting Rye's dad. Not interested in him. :P

~Xanthe.
You like Darkrai? *shudders and stares in shock*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
And, hang on. You LIKE Darkrai? XD Whatever did I do to get someone to like a villian? Haha! That's good, actually! n___n

Thankies!
No, it's bad, it means you are becoming more evil.

But the odd thing is, your characters weren't completely tortured this time around. You didn't rip out Zanna's heart and shred it as I thought you would... Oh well, they deserve a break. ^^

Hmmm, wonder when she'll start the torture again? Probably next chapter...

Anyhow, keep it up, doing good, and yay! New chapter! xp *waits patiently for more*
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  #1392  
Old 11-14-2009, 12:10 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Playing off emotions and torturing my characters is what I do best. XD

*blinks* Xanthe...I'm way older than you.*pulls out shattered cane* xD May says I'm like 100 lol.

Wait. How is Darkrai fair? He FRIGGIN TORTURED RYE? O.o Is THAT fair? Okay, hmm...am I missing something? xD

A-and...I don't want to be more evil! ;~; If you call that no torture, there is seriously something wrong with your mentality.
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  #1393  
Old 11-14-2009, 12:53 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by k_pop View Post
*stares at Xanthe* You said what about Rye!? O.O *clings*
I said I don't like him much. I'm entitled to an opinion, aren't I? ;-;

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guard13007 View Post
You like Darkrai? *shudders and stares in shock*
xD Yeah, he's cool! I dunno... But I don't like Deoxys. So that's one thing. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
Playing off emotions and torturing my characters is what I do best. XD

*blinks* Xanthe...I'm way older than you.*pulls out shattered cane* xD May says I'm like 100 lol.

Wait. How is Darkrai fair? He FRIGGIN TORTURED RYE? O.o Is THAT fair? Okay, hmm...am I missing something? xD

A-and...I don't want to be more evil! ;~; If you call that no torture, there is seriously something wrong with your mentality.
That's...uh...lovely?

xD Well, maybe you are! -WE'LL NEVER KNOW-

Well...in a way, like, how he's teaching Rye to control his dark side and stuff... :3 And yep! ^v^ You can't guilt trip me. xD And maybe! That's funny though...'cause you wrote it. xD

Gem...that was rude. Don't say things like that. >.>

~Xanthe.
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  #1394  
Old 11-14-2009, 01:17 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post
That's...uh...lovely?

xD Well, maybe you are! -WE'LL NEVER KNOW-

Well...in a way, like, how he's teaching Rye to control his dark side and stuff... :3 And yep! ^v^ You can't guilt trip me. xD And maybe! That's funny though...'cause you wrote it. xD

Gem...that was rude. Don't say things like that. >.>

~Xanthe.
Well...it is sometimes. =x I don't LIKE torturing my characters, though.

He's teaching, yeah...but at what cost? Darkrai's NOT a nice Pokemon. xD He's bound to have some plan hidden up his sleeves. Er...dark matter.

Eh? XD Oh, Guard knows I'm joking. *whispers* And he says I'm mad. 8DDDD *evil cackle*
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  #1395  
Old 11-14-2009, 02:49 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Ch. 28: Deception up and AWAY!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
A-and...I don't want to be more evil! ;~; If you call that no torture, there is seriously something wrong with your mentality.
You finally noticed this? Took ya long enough... >.>

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post
Gem...that was rude. Don't say things like that. >.>

~Xanthe.
Rude? It's teh truth! ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar Latias View Post
He's teaching, yeah...but at what cost? Darkrai's NOT a nice Pokemon. xD He's bound to have some plan hidden up his sleeves. Er...dark matter.

Eh? XD Oh, Guard knows I'm joking. *whispers* And he says I'm mad. 8DDDD *evil cackle*
"Er...dark matter." XD

Joking? *is crushed* Awww...

*hears evil cackle but not whisper* What the-? I don wanna know... *walks away muttering about how crazy everyone is*

~~~

"He's bound to have some plan hidden" <-- You should know, you're the author. XD
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