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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 11-14-2008, 07:08 PM
ThEcHaMpIoNoFsApPhIrE Offline
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Default Pokemon: The Chosen fight.

"Not all tragic heroes suffer because of a tragic error, nor does recognition always occurs within the tragic plot.”
- Larry A. Brown


**************** ************* ****************

My Epic Prologue.

Thor was taking a beating, and that was saying something because he was bred for victory, even against a legendary like Kyogre, which he was fighting right now.
“Come on Thor! You can do it!”
‘Yeah, let’s see you fight a freakin legendary!’ Thor thought.
Seth was still slightly surprised to here his Pokémon’s thoughts. Ever sense his encounter with Lucario at that poke maniacs machine thing; he has been hearing the thoughts of a lot of Pokémon.
“Thor, use another Thunder!” Seth commanded.
‘I’ma almost outta energy in that field, but I will give my best!’ Thor answered back.
A bolt of lightning came out of the sky and straight to Thor, and then Thor redirected the lightning into a Thunder attack and hit Kyogre straight on. The legendary let out a pained roar then did a huge Surf attack.
“Alright Aerith, your turn! Dragonbreath that Surf attack!” Seth commanded.
‘Yes Sir!” Aerith replied. The he opened his mouth and shot out the energy that was inside him at the giant wave. The Dragonbreath stopped the Surf but just barely.
“Good Job Aerith!”
‘Oh that took a lot outta me’ Aerith replied in an exhausted tone.
“Oh crap, ok Aerith, RETURN” he said, holding up the poke ball and shooting the red light at the Salamence. The Dragon Pokémon returned and Seth put the poke ball back on his belt. He then took another poke ball and threw it. “GO MANI!” he shouted as the red beam came out.
‘Awe, some good old-fashioned stretching….in the rain.’ He said, giving Seth a look that said something along the lines of oh-crap-good-job-now-I’ma-wet.
“Mani, throw in a good Confusion!” Seth commanded, ignoring the look.
‘Fine’ he answered, sounding bored, like he wasn’t fighting a legendary. His eyes suddenly glowed and he fulfilled the attack causing another roar of pain from Kyogre.
‘Now the only question is, should I send Kyogre back to his little place underwater or catch him’ and that was the last thing he thought before he was hit by a rock from behind.

************&***************&***************

Um…this is my little prologue….any replies. I’ma still working on it.
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  #2  
Old 11-14-2008, 11:35 PM
ThEcHaMpIoNoFsApPhIrE Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon: The Chosen fight.

um.... ima deciding if i want third-person or first person. so if it shifts back and forth, its because im shifting back and forth. but just know that its one story. in fact i think some chapters will be third-person, and some chpaters first-person. that works.

Chapter One
The Champion

The wind blew the air around Seth's Dark hair. He looked down to his umbreon who was sitting next to him on a cliff not to far from Sootopolis. All the things that had happened within the last couple days started to come to mind again. The accident at pokemaniac bills place, Team aqua, a Kyogre spotting, beating the Elite four, and evolving his Eevee.
"Mani, are you worried bout whats gonna happen?" he asked his umbreon.
'Not at all. I know that if we take it on, there will be a semi-happy ending' Mani (pronounced MAN-HI) answered.
Seth was still surprised to hear his pokemon's thoughts. ever since the accident at pokemaniac bills place, he'd been able to read his pokemons thoughts. most of his pokemon didn't care or enjoyed it.
"Are you sure your ready to take on Kyogre?" Seth asked his friend.
'I am, and so is the rest of the team. You need to as Pokemon champion of Hoenn.' Mani answered simply.
"I guess" was Seth's only reply.

******************************
um.........ima still working on it, but thats the end of chapter one. i know, LONGGG CHAPTERS!!!!! but i don't do much writing. so yeah.
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  #3  
Old 11-15-2008, 06:12 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon: The Chosen fight.

Okay champ, constructive criticism time! If you're gonna do this, you're gonna need some work. ^^

First, describe things! You said where he was, but there was no detail.
What was the weather like? What could he see? Were there any structures nearby?
Don't forget to describe him. I think that all I got from that, was his hair is dark. Don't forget what he's wearing, maybe what type of person he might be.
Give us a little more background, why he's there, how he came to be there, where he plans on going...etc.
Also, don't forget to describe the attacks. It doesn't have to be spot-on, or like you've seen someone else say, or even like you've seen in the game or show.
Describe as best you can, the way you believe it would play out.

Second, the idea is good, but have you figured out a plot? One important thing about writing a story, is to know where it's going.
You don't have to know every detail right away, but a general idea certainly makes it easier to write. I know that from experience. ^^'
I'm not at all sure what exactly is going to happen later on in my fic, but I do have a plan for where it's going.
Plot, is a key part of any story. Otherwise, well....you get the chat thread. A lot of random fun, but no point.

Third, something needs to happen. It doesn't have to be big or full of action, but there needs to be...a story.
The Prologue was actually pretty good. There was a lot of dialogue, but I've seen worse. Heck, I've written worse. ^^'
You need to keep it moving. Even if it's just him going to see something.
There must be meat on the body of the fic! *suddenly hungry*

Okay, I'm done now. I'm in no way the best writer here, but I figured this would help. Hope I didn't come across as harsh. I feel like I was harsh. Was I harsh?
Anyway, work on it and good luck. ^^
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  #4  
Old 11-15-2008, 11:01 AM
blazing_pikachu Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon: The Chosen fight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by k_pop View Post
Okay, I'm done now. I'm in no way the best writer here, but I figured this would help. Hope I didn't come across as harsh. I feel like I was harsh. Was I harsh?
Anyway, work on it and good luck. ^^
Yep, you were harsh.
Anyway, like what he said, you need more detail.
Add some adjectives and adverbs. And make your chapters looooooooooooooooooooonger
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  #5  
Old 11-15-2008, 04:05 PM
ThEcHaMpIoNoFsApPhIrE Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon: The Chosen fight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by k_pop View Post
Okay champ, constructive criticism time! If you're gonna do this, you're gonna need some work. ^^

First, describe things! You said where he was, but there was no detail.
What was the weather like? What could he see? Were there any structures nearby?
Don't forget to describe him. I think that all I got from that, was his hair is dark. Don't forget what he's wearing, maybe what type of person he might be.
Give us a little more background, why he's there, how he came to be there, where he plans on going...etc.
Also, don't forget to describe the attacks. It doesn't have to be spot-on, or like you've seen someone else say, or even like you've seen in the game or show.
Describe as best you can, the way you believe it would play out.

Second, the idea is good, but have you figured out a plot? One important thing about writing a story, is to know where it's going.
You don't have to know every detail right away, but a general idea certainly makes it easier to write. I know that from experience. ^^'
I'm not at all sure what exactly is going to happen later on in my fic, but I do have a plan for where it's going.
Plot, is a key part of any story. Otherwise, well....you get the chat thread. A lot of random fun, but no point.

Third, something needs to happen. It doesn't have to be big or full of action, but there needs to be...a story.
The Prologue was actually pretty good. There was a lot of dialogue, but I've seen worse. Heck, I've written worse. ^^'
You need to keep it moving. Even if it's just him going to see something.
There must be meat on the body of the fic! *suddenly hungry*

Okay, I'm done now. I'm in no way the best writer here, but I figured this would help. Hope I didn't come across as harsh. I feel like I was harsh. Was I harsh?
Anyway, work on it and good luck. ^^
you weren't harsh. thank you, i will like......um, idk take it down and edit it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blazing_pikachu View Post
Yep, you were harsh.
Anyway, like what he said, you need more detail.
Add some adjectives and adverbs. And make your chapters looooooooooooooooooooonger
first off, K_POP is a GIRl, to be more specific, a WOMAN. second, i'll decide if she was harsh to me. there.
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  #6  
Old 11-15-2008, 05:46 PM
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k_pop Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon: The Chosen fight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThEcHaMpIoNoFsApPhIrE View Post
you weren't harsh. thank you, i will like......um, idk take it down and edit it.

first off, K_POP is a GIRl, to be more specific, a WOMAN. second, i'll decide if she was harsh to me. there.
It's okay champ. Not everyone looks at the profile thingy in the corner. ^^'
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  #7  
Old 11-15-2008, 06:38 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon: The Chosen fight.

Another thing you should probably do is tell what pokemon is being used. When you started the proluge, I didn't know which pokemon Thor was. Also: Please don't make your chapters a paragraph long. It doesn't matter how long it takes, you don't have to churn out a chapter every day. Make it good, make it long, and you will have a very good story.
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  #8  
Old 11-15-2008, 07:39 PM
ThEcHaMpIoNoFsApPhIrE Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon: The Chosen fight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDarkEevee View Post
Another thing you should probably do is tell what pokemon is being used. When you started the proluge, I didn't know which pokemon Thor was. Also: Please don't make your chapters a paragraph long. It doesn't matter how long it takes, you don't have to churn out a chapter every day. Make it good, make it long, and you will have a very good story.
hehe, yeah, ima gonna take it down and retry. lol!
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