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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 10-26-2008, 12:56 PM
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Default SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

This is the Fanfic version of SSBB Summer Camp, my used-to-be RP. The RP was shut down, but even after that I liked the idea. So i figured I could edit this into a fanfic. It half worked...............Sombra, my character in the RP, is still existing in the Fanfic. The whole plot of this was that all of the Brawlers go to a sort of training camp for the summer. They each have cabins to which they are assigned to stay in (clans) all named after something related to them. (you'll see what i mean later)

This is chapter 1:

Chapter 1
The brawlers slowly filed into the camp one by one off of the bus..........some proceeding to their clan cabins, some taking a look around, some just standing in awe........

It's gonna be like this for a while........

Sombra looked around at all of the brawlers who had arrived. She thought this camp would be much less organized than it was.

"Well they are professional brawlers............better go back to working on everything else. Oh, crap, still so much to do! I need to set up the targets, and the dinner for tonight needs more preparation, and I'm running low on toothbrushes for everyone!! Oh............"

And with that, Sombra ran back towards the Meeting Cabin to make more important preparations.

A few minutes later, Sombra came outside to see how everything was going with the brawlers. She looked around for a minute. Okay, let’s see……Link flirting with Zelda, Bowser and Ganondorf talking, Sonic and Mario in a fistfight…..WAIT A MINUTE!

She ran as quickly as possible over to where Sonic and Mario were having a fistfight.

“Guys! What’s going on???” she exclaimed as she pried them apart from each other.

“Well I was showing Luigi how my fireballs are now the size of a basketball so he could tell me if I was sick, and then this……..thing……..came over and started attacking me out of nowhere!” Mario shouted.

“Hey, I’m a hedgehog, not a thing. I was just having some fun with ya, Mario!” Sonic said joyfully, messing up Mario’s hair.

“Sonic……….” Sombra said angrily.

“Hey lady, ya think THAT was bad? Check this out!” He pulled out some sort of remote control and pressed a button. The ground shook and there was a very loud noise.

“Bye bye cabins!” Sonic said laughing.

“My cabin. NOW.” Sombra said, trying very hard to keep herself calm while Sonic laughed his butt off.

Mario shot a look at Sonic. Sonic shot a look back.

Today wasn’t starting off well……..

please tell me if this sucks

EDIT: just so u know all the chapters from here on are longer.
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  #2  
Old 10-26-2008, 08:14 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

It is a little short, and it is not really logical. Make it a little bit more exciting and longer next time.
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  #3  
Old 10-26-2008, 10:38 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

yeah i know thats why i put that this is the shortest out of all the chapters.

here's chapter 2:


Meanwhile, Sombra was having a talk with Sonic.

"Look, please try not to be a bad influence on these guys!"
"I'm not, okay? I'm just having some fun with them!"
"Well is blowing up the cabins considered FUN?"
"Yes!"
"Oh, you know how much of a pain in the butt you can be, Sonic?"
"Yes. I looked up to Roy. Why didn't he come back?"
"He blew up the camp."
"Oh yeah.......well, cabins is a start...."
"SONIC!"
"Ok, ok!!!!!! I'm just kidding, geez."
"You're lucky I have backup cabins. You realize you blew up Earthbound/Fire Emblem Cabin, right?"
"Aw, crap!"
"Yeah, okay? So slow down a bit, man."
"Uh in case you haven't noticed....."
"You know what I mean." For the first time in the whole conversation, Sombra smiled at Sonic. Sonic smiled back, relieved that he didn't get into any trouble.

Meanwhile............

"Come ON, you can sleep later, Ness!" Lucas shouted in Ness's ear. Ness was fast asleep on the ground. Pikachu and Lucario came over to see what was going on.
"What's up with him?" Lucario asked Lucas.
"He passed out on the ground after finding out that our cabin was destroyed."
"That sucks."
"Yeah and now he won't wake up!"
Pikachu started talking to Lucario.
"What? Are you sure?"
"Pika."
"Is he gonna be hurt or anything?"
"Pikachu. Pika pika."
"Okay then. Go ahead."
Pikachu blasted Ness with a thunderbolt. He finally woke up.
"Ow! What the heck was that for?" Ness yelled in Pikachu's face.

Lucario smirked. Lucas tried to hold back a fit of laughter. Sombra had just come over.

"You guys ought to go back to your cabins. Dinner will be in the Meeting Cabin in about two hours. Meet the rest of us there, okay?"
"Wait! Sombra, you never made a leader of the Pokemon Clan!" Lucario exclaimed.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Lucario, YOU'RE the leader."
Lucario stared at her in shock as she walked away.
"Nice!" Lucas said.
Lucario just stood there in shock.

Lucario was still there about an hour later. Link finally came over.
"Hey, man, you alright? Snap out of it!"
"Sorry."
Link sat down beside Lucario.
"What's with you?"
"I've never been the leader of anything in my life. I just don't know what to do," Lucario told Link.
"Well, you're not the only one."
Lucario looked up at Link.
"What?"
"Last year Zelda was leader of Triforce Clan. This year since there are more people Sombra made ME the leader. I'm still not used to it."
Lucario finally grinned, knowing that someone knew how he felt. Link grinned back.
"So what's this place like?" Lucario asked.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot you're new. Well, this place is actually really fun. It's training Monday through Friday, and goofing off Saturday and Sunday. It's really neat."
"No one says neat, Link."
"What do you know? You're a Pokemon."
Both of them shared a laugh. Lucario felt much better.
Wow, only a few hours here and I already have a best friend.

Fox sat on his bed inside Star Clan's Cabin, polishing his gun.
"Dude, you do that much longer and it's gonna bust," Falco said to him.
"I'm just nervous."
"'Bout what?"
"Wolf. I'm kinda scared of him being in here and all."
"Why?"
"How do you feel about the fact that your mortal enemy is coming to live with you for two months?"
"I don't mind."
"You never mind anything, Falco. I'm going out for a little while." With that, he strode out of the cabin. "I'll be back before we have to go to dinner," he called.

Mario was having the party of his life over in Mushroom Cabin.
"This couldn't get any better, bro!" Luigi called over to Mario, who was dancing with Peach.
"Yeah, I know! Sometimes I feel great about having the biggest Clan cabin!" Mario called back over the music."
Sombra had just walked in, a terrified look on her face. Mario walked over to her.
"Sombra, what happened......."
"I found blood on the Sword Fighting Field. And Marth and Ike are gone."


see this one's much longer. not like all eternity longer but still longer.
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Last edited by pikachugirl2; 10-26-2008 at 10:40 PM.
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  #4  
Old 10-26-2008, 11:07 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

A bit too much Dialouge o.e;;
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  #5  
Old 10-27-2008, 09:03 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

Yeah..........I guess so....................

Chapter 3:
"Well what happened to them?" Mario asked frantically.
"I don't know. You guys were the last cabin to find out. Everyone else has been sent out to search. You guys need to search too."
"All right, then. Come on, guys."
They split themselves up into teams and started to search. Peach seemed the most nervous out of all of them.
Guys, where are you? Please be okay........

"Oh, GOD! Don't touch it, Marth!" Ike screamed.
"Sorry, but I gotta cover it with SOMETHING.........."
"Well at least try not to destroy me!"
"Sorry!"
Fox was walking while looking down at his feet when he heard Ike's scream. He ran over to find out what was going on. When he saw, he gasped. There was a HUGE gash across Ike's leg, blood spilling everywhere. Fox was ready to faint. He had a HUGE fear of blood.
"Oh, thank God someone's here," Marth sighed.
"What happened?" Fox asked, just as frantic as Mario had been.
"Well, we were training out on the field and Ike's sword hit mine and it........sorta slipped out of my hand........and......"
"LANDED IN MY LEG!!!!!" Ike finished for him.
"Yeah, that."
"Well, what do we do now?" Fox said worriedly.
"Well, I HAVE a bandage, but Mr. Wimp here is in too much pain for me to put it on."
"Great............This is how I spend my Saturday night......" Ike said, really ticked off.
"Hey, what's going on over there?" A voice called. Everyone turned to see Samus, Snake, and Pit.
"Oh, GOD, that is a lot of blood.........." Samus said, ready to be sick.
"Ooh, looks like the love birds are out on a little nighttime stroll........" Ike said mockingly.
"What are you talking about?" Samus yelled, not noticing that Pit's entire face was tomato red.
"Nothing, nothing. Snake, can you help me over here?" Ike said, still clutching his bleeding leg.
"Sure." Snake took the bandage from Marth and, ignoring Ike's cries of pain, wrapped it tightly around Ike's leg.
"Thanks," Fox said.
"Hey, I didn't even know you were there," Pit said. "You're so quiet. Why?"
"Oh, nothing," Fox lied.
Snake picked up Ike, who was still moaning. "We need to get him back to the camp."
Everyone ran as fast as possible towards the camp, hoping to make it before Ike gave out on them.


smaller than the last one but has lots of dialouge. most of them do.
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Last edited by pikachugirl2; 11-09-2008 at 03:27 PM.
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  #6  
Old 10-31-2008, 05:00 AM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Operative View Post
A bit too much Dialouge o.e;;
The trouble is not so much too much talking as it is too little of any actual story to balance it out. This is often called 'talking heads' when a story reads only like two heads talking to each other in blank space :P. It is easy to fix though :)
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Old 10-31-2008, 08:39 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

But u gotta read the writing. Most of the story is told through dialouge. I just naturally write that way.
Pay close attention to the dialouge: this is an important chapter. EDIT: meant to put chap.4 here:
[COLOR="DarkOrange"]Chapter 4
Chapter 4:
“We got him! We got him!” Pit called out a few minute later as they reentered the camp. Pit noticed that Peach had tears running down her face. Mario stood with one arm around her, trying to comfort her.

“Peach, for the hundredth time, they’re both okay………”
“I’m………just really scared right now…………”
“I know, but everything’s going to be fine.”
“Okay……..”

Sombra sighed with relief at seeing Ike and Marth come back safe. She went over to help Snake and Marth get Ike to the First Aid Cabin. Ness and Lucas looked in awe at their roomates.

“Whoa.” Lucas whispered.
“AWESOME!!!!” Ness shouted.
“Hey, don’t say that, his leg’s cut open!” Toon Link said, coming over to talk to them.
“Hey, you’re Link’s brother, right?”
“Yup, I’m finally old enough to come this year with my big brother!”
“I’m new here, too.” Lucas said shyly.
“Well, let’s make the best of things this year, okay?” Toon Link said, holding his hand out to Lucas.
“Okay,” Lucas said, shaking Toon Link’s hand and smiling.

Later that evening, about an hour before dinner in the Meeting Cabin, everyone was still getting settled in. Bowser, Ganandorf, King Dedede, Wolf and Wario were all hanging out together in Mushroom Cabin. Mario, Luigi and Peach were over at Triforce Cabin with Link, and Toon Link was over at Earthbounf/Fire Emblem Backup Cabin, watching a Spiderman movie with Ness and Lucas. Everything was pretty quiet in some of the cabins, especially Dreamland Cabin.

“You’ve been standing there for, I don’t know, an HOUR, looking at the same picture. Who the heck is that anyway?” Meta Knight was saying to Kirby.
“Uh, no one……….” Kirby said nervously………..
“Let me see it……………..”
“No! Please don’t look at it!” Meta Knight had finally pried the picture out of Kirby’s hands. It took everything he had not to laugh while he looked down on the picture of Jigglypuff that he was holding.
“So……..where’d you get this?”
“Red gave it to me as a present.”
“Yeah, sure he did…………”
“Okay, okay, I kinda took and when she wasn’t looking.”
“With who’s camera?”
“Yours.”
“I don’t HAVE a camera.”
“Oops.”
“So what, where’d you get the camera? I’m serious, man!”
“I don’t really remember…..”
“Well where is it now?”
“I don’t know!”
“Do you ALWAYS forget stuff this easily?”
“Kinda……….”
“Anywway, do you actually like Jigglypuff?”
“A little………..” Kirby said blushing. Meta Knight grinned.
“Okay, then……….” Meta Knight said walking out the door.
“Meta Knight, whatever you do, DON’T TELL JIGGLYPUFF!”
“Okay! I won’t alright? Happy? Goodbye!” Meta Knight yelled back.
Kirby sat on his bed, feeling very nervous………..
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Last edited by pikachugirl2; 11-09-2008 at 03:28 PM.
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  #8  
Old 11-01-2008, 01:32 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

Try not to use more than three periods at a time. It looks better that way. :3
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Old 11-01-2008, 05:38 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

what do u mean by that?

and how do i make links 2 the different chapters?
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Old 11-06-2008, 06:46 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

what happened to chapter 3
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Old 11-09-2008, 03:02 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

Wow, this is really good, when is the next chapter up, you havent posted on it for a long time.
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Old 11-09-2008, 03:09 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakester2008 View Post
what happened to chapter 3
That's what I was thinking. It's like it disappeared. Or maybe he skipped it on accident.
He'll somehow get it back up (or up for the first time for that matter...)
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Old 11-09-2008, 03:26 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

i'm a girl *points 2 username*

whoops

just realized i labeled stuff wrong. Goin to fix it now.
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Old 11-09-2008, 04:01 PM
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Default Re: SSBB Summer Camp (Now in Fanfic Form!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by pikachugirl2 View Post
i'm a girl *points 2 username*

whoops

just realized i labeled stuff wrong. Goin to fix it now.
Yeah, sorry.
Well, can you seriously blame me for that?
I am Ash Ketchum, I'm absent minded at times, lol.

~Ash
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