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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 06-28-2008, 07:16 PM
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Default [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 2 omg!

This thread is closed, since Hakken is writing it again.

Pay no mind.
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Last edited by Hakken; 10-14-2008 at 12:10 AM.
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  #2  
Old 06-28-2008, 07:20 PM
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Default Re: Paradox

Who is Nami?
Quote:
It was a late June’s sunset. The sun sat low on the horizon, casting a vivid spectrum of hues over the summer sky. I sighed softly. Soon, the light would fade away into a shadowy sky. Sand stuck stubbornly to my skin as I walked down the deserted beach. Cool, salty white ocean foam rubbed against my feet. My snowy ears hung casually to the side, listening to the chorus of Cicadas that had begun to sing their sorrowful song.

My name is Nami. If you must have a surname, then you could call me by my class, Ookami. Most ookami youkai went by that surname, because a great many of us kept our identities hidden and lived together as an ookami clan even if we weren’t related.

I no longer live in an ookami village. In fact, I no longer live at all, but I reside in Shikoku right now. Not as in the Japanese island, but Shikoku meaning “land of the dead.” And that’s all you really need know about me.

It would be a good idea to get home soon, before it got dark. I didn’t mind the dark, but it was more dangerous to travel by night. I was thinking that when I heard a voice calling me from nearby.

“Nami-chaaan!” Undoubtedly, the quirky, high-pitched yet at least somewhat masculine tone of Kokoro-sensei.

“Hm ahoo~?” Speaking softly, I tilted my head to the right curiously before replying loudly, “Over here.”

Kokoro hopped over the metal fence into the beach easily, approaching me. “Want to play a game?” He said happily.

“A game? Auu~” My ears perked up excitedly. “What kind of game?”

He smiled. “A combat game, with a special rule,” He nodded as if approving his own statement, “You can only use one weapon: the one you were killed with.”

“I don’t think bacteria make effective combat weapons,” I responded thoughtfully, though with an edge of whining disappointment. “I don’t think I’ll be able to play this game. Awhoo...”

“I bet you can think of a way!” He encouraged. “Come on, it will be more fun if you play.”

I thought for a moment, listening. Raisuke-kun and Kenji-kun also hopped the fence and came over. I guessed they had also been recruited to play. “Alright sir, I guess I could try, if Kenji-kun’s playing.” Kenji wasn’t even dead.

“Good, everyone get ready!” Sir Koro said, glancing fleetingly at all of us in turn.

The four of us arranged ourselves into a circle as quickly as we could, which was pretty slow actually. Captain Kokoro ended up moving us himself. “You’re both clumsy idiots!” He scolded the others competitively. “Nami-chama is better at this than you guys.”

The captain didn’t scoldingly taunt me that way. He never did, in fact- his patience with me seemed never-ending. “Begin!” He said at last. I shot out of the way, deciding to stay out until the last possible moment as part of my strategy.

Raisuke-kun sprung into action, summoning a heavyweight axe within a second and swinging with a bit of difficulty it at Kenji-kun’s head, who ducked. Raisuke slipped and fell forwards, sinking slightly in the golden sand. Sir Koro took his opportunity and was about to simultaneously kill them both with a rusty dagger when he stopped suddenly, at the last second.

“You’re both out!” Sir Koro grinned. I hung back still, hiding behind a tree, and watched, thinking about what my move should be. I was still strategizing when I started a violent coughing fit. Kokoro whirled around to face my direction.

Crap! This isn’t helpful at all! This is hurtful in so many ways! He knows where I am now! I complained in my mind.

He approached me, but unexpectedly he stopped. “Um... are you okay, Nami-chama?”

“H-hai auu...” I replied, coughing breathlessly. Wait a minute... an idea came forth. It was a little mean... but it was my only chance. I glanced up quickly and shot forward, tackling the surprised Kokoro to the ground. “You’re out,” I gasped with a little look of embarrassment.

“U-uhm...” He paused, obviously taken by surprise. I got up and shook the sand off of my clothing. He did the same, although his whole back was sand-coated. “Nami-chama wins!” He said after an awkward moment. He glanced at me forgivingly. It was just a game, after all.

“Cool move.” Kenji-kun sighed, offering his hand which I shook. Rai-kun (After getting rid of his weapon) and Koro-sensei also shook hands with me.

“Want to come get something to eat with me, Nami-chama?” He offered, stroking my right ear happily. If I said yes he’d probably walk home with me, so it wouldn’t be too dangerous.

“Sure, auu~” I said, following him towards the fence. The others followed behind us.

“Great, what’re you in the mood for then?”

“Whatever you want.”

“I want you to pick something!” He sighed, mimicking me with a small “Awoo.”

“But I...” I sighed, changing my reply. “Let’s get some... eh... dango.”

He nodded, turning to the two boys. Everyone seemed to agree, so we hopped the fence and began the short walk back to the village. The sun had sunk below the sky, and night was falling rapidly. Sir Koro was as confident as ever, though, as he dragged me along beside him to get the dango. I was contemplating which flavor I wanted when he stopped suddenly. “Nami-chama?”

“Hai auu?”

“You’re not getting sick, are you?” He seemed worried.

Oh, so he noticed that wasn’t fake... “I’m fine. I promise. Awoo~”

He nodded, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Okay then, Nami-chama.”

Kenji-kun, Raisuke-kun, Koro-sensei, and I hurried off towards the star-lined horizon in search of dango without another word.

* “Auu”, “awoo”, and the like are words with no meaning. Nami says them at the end of sentences, similar to Naruto’s “dattebayo” (Naruto) or Rika’s “nipaa” (Higurashi). They are meant to sound somewhat like wolf howl onomatopoeias. They are pronounced “Ah-uww”, “Ah-whoo”, etc.*
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  #3  
Old 07-01-2008, 02:05 AM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

(= Story is great. Make moar nao.
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Old 07-01-2008, 06:43 AM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

I like where this is going, write faster!!
I visited your website, where did you get the info about the story from?
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  #5  
Old 07-01-2008, 04:06 PM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyndon View Post
I like where this is going, write faster!!
I visited your website, where did you get the info about the story from?
Eh... I write slowly. xP
That depends... Which info? The honorifics? Well, I'm guessing that's it, that's the only page up yet in that section... Honorifics is a bit of Wikipedia and a bit of personal experience.
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Old 07-01-2008, 05:10 PM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

Sorry, really unclear .
I meant the story with Takimoto and the ookami youkai.
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  #7  
Old 07-01-2008, 05:15 PM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyndon View Post
Sorry, really unclear .
I meant the story with Takimoto and the ookami youkai.
I wrote it of course. O:
It's not uber important though, so I didn't post it here. It just adds some extra insight later on~
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Old 07-01-2008, 06:07 PM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

ooooooh, okay my bad. I thought it said somewhere on your website that it was an age old story or something.
Okay, nevermind.
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Old 07-01-2008, 06:28 PM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyndon View Post
ooooooh, okay my bad. I thought it said somewhere on your website that it was an age old story or something.
Okay, nevermind.
What? xD
That'd be fun, but it would be a lie, because I thought it up on the spot. o.o Although it's passed down in Nami's clan, so I guess it is an age old story in a fictional sense.
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Old 07-01-2008, 06:31 PM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

Wow... yeah... sorry... I guess I got mixed up.
Anyway, good luck on the story
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Old 07-02-2008, 02:28 AM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

It's turning out very nicely, AND it's creative. Good luck on it Hakken.
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Old 07-02-2008, 03:18 AM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 1 up! :D

Why are there kittens?

Quote:
A stong wind howled, trees swaying nonstop overhead. I sighed, glancing up at the forebodingly gray sky through soft sea-green eyes. The graveyard, arrogantly vivid flowers thrown around everywhere, had a kind of mysterious demeanor about it ever since that boy disappeared from here, and it made me wonder. I’d never known him well myself. The rumors were that he started acting weird, and then one day, he disappeared somewhere around here.

I wasn’t sure what his name had been... Kenji, or something like that...? Yeah, yeah. I walked carefully around a pair of particularly deteriorated graves, turning to face a rather large tree. A closer look into the bottom of the tree revealed it was hollow. I knelt, a small bag of cheap supermarket brand pet food in one hand, and a bottle of water in the other. I nervously looked around before moving on, making sure no one was watching me.

“Come on,” I whispered, patting the bottom of the tree. I was answered with a scratchy, echoed meow. I shivered, caught slightly off guard just like the first time I’d come across such a sound only a few days ago. I’d been angry then, and this was simply my favorite place to hang out when I was angry. It was easy to blame ghosts for everything that went wrong, after all.

I tore open the bag of cat chow and poured it out onto the ground. “Come on out,” I repeated in a hushed tone. A small, furry gray creature crawled out of the tree, followed by a scraggly reddish one, and then one with various dark patches- A litter of kittens.

They ate ravenously, so I guessed they had been hungry. I knew that nobody owned them. I would have taken them, but I wasn’t allowed. I could hardly keep myself.

I took the little cardboard containers I’d collected and filled them with water. The kittens seemed to like that. I was watching them, with nothing really better to do, when a loud voice startled me from behind.

“Hey, Hotaru! Hotaru!” A wiry teenage boy sprung out from behind me, sandy locks blowing every which way in the wind. “Ugh, there you are, e- umm, what are you doing?” He peered at me curiously with intense amber eyes.

“I am...” I couldn’t think of any excuse... Well, I figured it would be alright to tell Rayne what I was doing out here. “Looking at kittens, of course.”

“Um... yeah...” He stared, wide-eyed. “I can see that... they’re adorable... um... where did they come from?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I found them here one day.”

“You’d get in trouble for this.”

“I know.” I stood to face him.

For a moment, there was an awkward silence between us. “Hey Rayne...”

“Hm?” He had been staring thoughtfully at the kittens. “Hotaru?”

“Will you take them?” I sighed.

“Huh?!”

“The kittens. Maybe you can convince your parents.”

“Maybe, but...” He seemed uncertain.

“It’s the best chance they’ve got.” I stared at him intently.

“That’s true.” Rayne kneeled beside the felines for a minute. “We’ll see.”

I looked around, examining some of the tombstones with a sense of boredom yet interest. “It’s getting dark,” Rayne mumbled, getting to his feet. “Want me to walk you back?”

“Ah... sure...” I nodded, not really considering my response.

He took my hand and dragged me away, not letting go until we were several feet from the graveyard’s rusted metal fence. “That place really kind of creeps me out,” He said, “I don’t understand why you like it at all.”

“It’s quiet and peaceful at least,” I muttered. “It’s better than back there.”

He giggled very slightly. “Well, I don’t really doubt that.”

We walked in an awkward total silence. I hated the orphanage. Loathed it. It wasn’t that the people were mean or anything. Some of them seemed to wear fake plastic smiles, but they weren’t particularly mean. It was just that at my age, kids were deprived of hope. It was lifeless. We woke up, went to school, did our chores, ate, and retired. It was a never-ending cycle. A cycle that would never be broken.

I spent as much time as I could at school, gaining tons of random mundane trivia from every extra curricular activity imaginable. Then, if I was angry or something, I would hide around the graveyard sometimes, just to feel the satisfaction of breaking curfew, or go to Rayne’s house for a while maybe to play video games. But for me, there was really little escape. Nothing seemed hopeful in my life.

My spine prickled suddenly. I felt hot for a moment, and then I shivered as if someone had dropped an ice cube down my shirt. I’d felt this way before. I felt like I was being observed. Observed from afar.

“Rayne?”

“Yeah?” He paused.

“Have you ever felt the sensation of being watched constantly, as if being observed be something just out of our vision... something you can’t see?”

“I can’t really say that I have...” His voice trailed. I fell quiet as well.

We walked a bit farther. Wind whipped around my navy blue hair, snapping it in my face. It stung my cheeks slightly. Even though the air was warm, I shivered. Shivered as if I was being watched.

The moon had risen in the sky by the time we were nearly there, about 10 minutes later. I was quite tired, which was surprising to me. The concrete sidewalk seemed to grow with every step as if some cruel nightmare. Finally, we turned the last corner and the orphanage was visible.

“Alright,” Rayne announced. “We’re here.”

“I wish we weren’t...” I sighed, looking up at the building glumly.

He patted me on the head. “It will be fine.”

“Maybe.” I glanced behind me, still feeling as if someone was watching me.

“Goodnight, Hotaru.”

“Night,” I muttered, stomping up the stone path to the door. Welcome to another day in this living hell.
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Old 07-02-2008, 09:57 PM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 2 omg!

Wewt, new chapter. =D Love it still.
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  #14  
Old 07-09-2008, 12:49 AM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 2 omg!

Wow, pretty good. Better than I expected. Don't expect my story to feel as an anime/manga though, I had limits to what the story could be. Anyway, pretty good.
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Old 10-23-2008, 01:40 AM
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Default Re: [Yurei] Paradox // Chapter 2 omg!

I know you probably wouldn't want
me here, but I just simply couldn't resist. ^-^

Hakken; your story is very well written.
I can now see what you mean when you
said that Nami is you.

Not that this means that it took this
long for me to realize, but now I've finally
seen it in action. ^^


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