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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 05-11-2008, 03:40 PM
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Default Duck For Brains. Enter Pokémon Ranger and Psyduck!

Author’s note: I’m changing Drift’s character a lot in this story. In The Loco Lotad you’ll notice her character and personality are quite different than in this one. Also keep in mind, this story takes place long after The Loco Lotad, so Pokémon have evolved, and other things have changed… Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy Duck For Brains.

Duck For Brains
Drift’s attempt to capture a Psyduck.
Chapter 1

Characters needed: 10 - 20k
Characters used in entire piece (roughly): 17,359

The sun shines down on the beaten path, one of the many rolling over the lush hills in the Sinnoh region. When feet – Pokémon and human feet alike – hit the ground, the dust comes up into the air, spiraling around, catching the sun’s rays. At night, the moon creates a soothing darkness that cascades over the land. At both times during the day, whether it be the moon’s shine or the sun’s rays, these paths serve as steps for Pokémon trainers and their companions, who hope by walking this path come closer to success as a Pokémon master, Pokémon coordinator, or whichever you would aspire to become.

Among these many trainers who have walked this path is Drift, a young trainer and Water Pokémon enthusiast. Looking up at the sun, Drift wipes her forehead beneath her ice colored bangs. She flicks her long hair back, and stops walking for a moment. She puts her one hand on her hip, and flips out her Pokétech. Her Lotad whom she caught soon after the start of her adventure, Loco, stopped short when realizing his trainer has stopped. He then gazed dumbfounded at Drift, and waddled back and then rested contently next to her leg, and continued gazing into the distance without expression, however exerting a sort of happiness.

About Drift’s other Pokémon, there are two: Bliss, the female Kingdra, who evolved after numerous battles and was paired with Drift since the start of her adventure, and Flickr, the male Lanturn whom Drift caught as a Chinchou while at sea soon after Loco’s capture. Because of Drift’s current location, Bliss and Flickr must stay in their Pokéballs. However, to Loco’s utmost content, he gets to waddle alongside Drift wherever she may roam.

With one hand placed on her hip, Drift unhappily looked at her Pokétech. “Ugh…” Drift groaned, looking ahead at the path in front of her. The path seemed to flawlessly gallop over hills, disappearing into the mountains far ahead. Drift sighed and looked up at the sun, then back down to her Pokétech. “Where are we?” She was overcome with disappointment, as she usually knew where she was. However, for once, this area didn’t seem to be familiar. Loco continued to look on as if looking at nothing.
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Last edited by Drift; 05-12-2008 at 07:17 PM.
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  #2  
Old 05-11-2008, 03:40 PM
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Default Re: Duck For Brains. Enter Pokémon Ranger and Psyduck!

Chapter 2

Some time passed, causing Drift to collapse onto a nearby rock that sat lazily off the beaten path. She slumped down and crashed her head into her hands. She gazed at the sky, which enveloped the color of the setting sun with a sort of sadness. Drift usually knew where she was all the time. Being in an unfamiliar place that was almost a wasteland made her uncomfortable.

Then, with that, a voice came from further down the road, “Haha!” it bellowed a joyful laugh, “Lost are we, little lady?” Drift stood up from the rock and looked down the path, with one eyebrow raised high in suspicion. Then coming over the horizon was a young man… Around Drift’s age, maybe a touch older.

His hair was a dark green, and he reeked of haughtiness. He wore jeans, and black boots that were laced up to mid-shin. He wore a black tank top with a red and yellow jacket over top, and had a badge – a Pokémon Ranger badge.

With large arrogant steps, he reached Drift and smiled at her. Drift crossed her arms and snorted, and then, with one eyebrow still raised, looked the stranger up and down. “Haha,” he laughed and then continued to speak, to Drift’s displeasure, “Little lady, I just happen to be a…” he stopped, did a flip, and landed in a very corny pose, “…Pokémon Ranger!” Drift stared at him, blankly. And, for awhile, Loco actually held an expression on his face… An expression of disgust while looking at the Ranger, perfectly matching his trainer’s revolted look.

The Ranger stood there, still in pose, looking around. He seemed to be awaiting some sort of applause. However, to his disappointment, Drift merely looked at him, let out a sarcastic laugh, and turned right around and kept walking down the path, with Loco at her heels.
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  #3  
Old 05-11-2008, 03:41 PM
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Default Re: Duck For Brains. Enter Pokémon Ranger and Psyduck!

Chapter 3

The Ranger stopped posing and desperately looked on as Drift walked away. “Wait!” he shouted. She turned around and crossed her arms, then raised an eyebrow as if to say “What?” He wore a sad expression and approached her, slumping his posture, however quickly regaining it. “Well, aren’t you lost? Don’t you need help? Are you not… a damsel in distress?” He smirked, and, out of nowhere, whipped out a rose and held it coyly in front of his face.

Drift was now steaming with anger, her face growing hot. She stomped her foot and made Loco jump, even though Loco was still expressionless. “WHO do you think YOU are?!” Drift was so furious, and her short temper took over. The Ranger laughed with egotism, and looked at Drift, smirking, “Oh, little lady, I’m only trying to help you!” Drift’s face grew scarlet, and she stomped her foot again, “Don’t CALL me that!” The Ranger now looked displeased and lowered his arm holding the rose, “But… don’t you need help? You looked so… lost and helpless.” He smirked and looked at Drift, awaiting a response.

Drift has reached her breaking point. Once again, she stomped her foot, then went over and put her face right in his. “Look… I don’t know who you are. But I can assure you… I don’t need YOUR help.” She looked at him and snorted, then turned around and kept walking. The Ranger just stood there, still smirking, but then looking up at the sky while pondering something.

About a minute passed by, and while Drift was walking, she stopped and noticed a small lake. “Alright…” She said, and reached for her belt. She brought out two blue Pokéballs and threw them high in the air above the lake, “Bliss and Flickr… come on out!” A blue ray of light shone from each Pokéball and once the light dissipated, the presence of a Kingdra and Lanturn could be seen. They both let out cries towards Drift and Loco. Loco cocked his head a bit, and – still expressionless – jumped into the lake to join his friends.

Drift took off her boots and sat at the edge of the small lake and put her feet in. She kicked the water gently and looked up at the setting sun. It was getting awfully dark. “Well, guys…” Drift began, and all three of her Pokémon looked up at her with confusion. She had a sort of sadness in her voice that they were not used to. She was usually always upbeat and confident. “I’m not entirely sure where we are… And it’s getting dark. I think we should camp out by this lake tonight and get some rest.” Drift looked down at the water and sighed. Bliss, Flickr, and Loco all looked at each other with concern, and then back at Drift. They all let out a low cry to let Drift know they agreed, and the three continued on with their swimming activities.

Now the moon has made it’s appearance, showing its beautiful reflection on the small lake that Drift and her three companions made their temporary home. There were Volbeat and Illumise flying in the dark sky, and their light was creating an utmost spectacular and natural light show. Drift was now laying on her back in the grass next to the lake, looking up at the sky. Loco was next to her, asleep, and Bliss and Flickr were both sleeping in the lake. Drift’s eyes began to slowly close and lose focus, as she looked at the moon that tucked her in to sleep.

Only a few minutes past and Drift awoke to something. From the lake, there was a strange light. At first instinct, she thought it might have been Flickr’s, considering sometimes during sleep he will snore, causing his light to shimmer. However, Flickr’s light was a calming yellow, and this light was not. Trying not to disturb Loco who was asleep beside her, she got up and walked over to the very edge of the lake and peered in. The light was a deep purple, and was shining unsteadily. Drift was overcome with interest, however it was the middle of the night. She figured it was simply a Pokémon at the bottom of the lake she was not used to, and didn’t want to wake Bliss, Flickr, or Loco in hopes of furthering her investigation. So, instead, she went back to where she was sleeping before, stroked Loco’s lily pad gently, and fell asleep.
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  #4  
Old 05-11-2008, 03:41 PM
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Default Re: Duck For Brains. Enter Pokémon Ranger and Psyduck!

Chapter 4

When Drift awoke, it was morning. However, the sun was still not fully awake, and was merely peeking over the hills. Darkness was still present, just not as deep as it was when she awoke in the middle of the night.

All three Pokémon were still asleep, and Drift was now preparing breakfast. However, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that purple light from the lake again. She went over to the lake’s edge, and peered in. Ironically, the light was coming from the same place. Drift just shrugged and went back to the fire that she was using to prepare breakfast.

Loco yawned and woke up. He blinked, then waddled over to Drift, stopping then contently resting next to her. Drift looked down at him and smiled, and then stroked him. Soon after, Kingdra and Lanturn awoke, and let out cries from the lake to wish a good morning to Drift and Loco. Smiling, Drift brought over the prepared food to her three Pokémon, and they began to eat.

Drift finished eating and put out the fire. The sun was making more of a presence now, however it was still a bit dark. Just then, Drift noticed once more the same light in the lake. “Bliss, Flickr, turn around. What is that?” Bliss and Flickr turned around and stared at the water’s surface. They tilted their heads in confusion. Giving up, Flickr turned back around and shrugged. Bliss dunk her head under water for about a minute, then brought it back up. She turned around to Drift and shook her head, indicating that she, too, did not know. “Hmmm…” Drift was dumbfounded. She put her hands on her hips and looked into the water with deep though.

However, something broke the silence: “Little lady!” Drift’s eyes grew wide and she stiffly spun around. And, much to her dismay, appeared the brash Ranger from the day before. Drift snarled, “What do you think you’re doing here?!” The Ranger approached her and handed her a rose, “I was… rude yesterday. Accept my apology.” He bowed. Drift looked at the rose with utter disgust, “I don’t even know who you are. Why can’t you just leave me alone?” The Ranger sighed, “My name is Nelson.” He looked at Drift with a sort of gloom, “I’m trying to become a trainer and leave my Pokémon Ranger duties behind. Battling is my passion now. And I need to find someone to help me. I was trying to impress you earlier, I guess.”

Drift then lost her anger and now was overcome with a sort of sympathy. “Oh…” She looked up then back at Nelson, “Well by impressing a girl you don’t have to be so haughty.” Nelson looked down, “I know, I’m sorry…” But then he looked up and smirked, “But you just looked so helpless!” He winked. Drift’s face again grew hot and red. She growled, “Ohhhh…! You just think you’re so fabulous, don’t you! You’re looking for someone to help you but then you say THAT?! What is your malfunction?!” Just then, Drift noticed something out of the corner of her eye. The light in the lake was becoming more vibrant and a more violent color. Nelson, however, did not notice, “Come now, don’t lie. You know you were lost.” He was still smirking. Taking her attention off the lake, Drift stared at him with rage, “Oh, shut UP! You have practically… Oh, I don’t know… Ducks for brains! You have no idea how to treat people! I’ve never met someone so rude in my entire LIFE!” Her face was bright scarlet and she was clearly enraged. And, with that, the lake became completely enveloped with that same light. Both Nelson and Drift took their attention off each other and to the lake.

Drift got out her Pokéballs and called back Kingdra and Flickr. Loco hid behind Drift’s legs. “These are your Pokémon?” Nelson exclaimed, clearly impressed. “Oh, shut up you twit,” Drift said unhappily, “See the lake? Something is clearly wrong and we need to be cautious.” Then, a huge blast came from the center of the lake. There, in the center of the lake, was a Psyduck clutching its head as if it were about to roll right off its shoulders, “Psy… Psy aye aye…”

Drift’s eyes widened, “Gah! A Psyduck?! That’s what it was! It must have a headache… That light was probably it’s psychic energy building up!” Then Drift turned to Nelson, “Because of you, its headache probably worsened! If you didn’t make me so angry, I wouldn’t have been yelling!” Nelson looked down in humiliation. Drift shook her head and looked in the direction of the Psyduck. The Psyduck was in pain… but also angry. It was ready to fight off its rage and discomfort.

Drift smirked. Her dream has always been to become a Water Pokémon master. Capturing this Psyduck would only help her dream become reality. “Heh…” She looked down at Loco, “Loco, darling, let’s go! We need to calm that Psyduck down and capture it!” Loco nodded, “Lo-tad! Lo!” Drift smirked with confidence, and pointed in the direction of the Psyduck, “Okay, Loco, into the water! Let’s start this thing!” Nelson looked on in amazement.
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Old 05-11-2008, 03:41 PM
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Default Re: Duck For Brains. Enter Pokémon Ranger and Psyduck!

Chapter 5

Loco plunged into the lake and stared at the Psyduck. Psyduck was reeling its head, and ready to attack. Drift clutched her fists, “Okay, Loco! Energy Ball attack!” Loco created a green energy in front of its mouth, and shot it at the Psyduck. The Psyduck was clearly hit by the attack and received a considerable amount of damage, however stood its ground while still clutching its head. The Psyduck shut its eyes tight, and then opened them wide. It’s eyes looked quite strange. They were filled with a mystical light, resembling the light that was in the lake earlier. It opened its mouth wide and released a loud cry, “PSYYYYYDUUUUCCCCKKK!” A enormous psychic blast flew from Psyduck and struck Loco, sending him flying across the water.

Loco was almost defeated. It lay there very dazed, clearly hit hard by Psyduck's psychic blast. Psyduck then quickly swam over while Loco was down, and unleashed a storm of Fury Swipes. It lashed at the poor Lotad, and with every strike Drift became more and more worried for Loco's safety. Loco was cringing, and it would jolt in different directions as each swipe hit him. Psyduck then finished its attack, and put its hands back on its head. Loco was almost completely done with. It looked like a dead lily pad tossed aside to the edge of the lake, almost completely motionless.

Psyduck wasn't complete yet. It let go of its head once more and unleashed yet another array of Fury Swipes. With each claw swiping the surface of Loco's skin, Loco let out a cry. It was in dire pain. Psyduck then stepped back and let out a cry of victory. Drift was nervously looking around, trying to think up some sort of way to stop this Psyduck's madness. Psyduck clasped its head again, and Drift knew from the light emanating from it that it was readying yet another psychic blast to finish the job. "Psyyyyyyyy..." It closed its eyes tight, and clutched its head. This next one was going to be powerful.

Drift was desperately racking her brain. She knew one more attack would knock out Loco and give the Psyduck a chance to escape. That’s it! She thought. Then, smiling, she shouted to Loco, “Alright, Loco! Go under water right under Psyduck and then shoot an Energy Ball up at it from underneath it! Go!” Loco opened one eye, and, despite its very poor condition, dove underwater and swam right underneath Psyduck. The Psyduck was dumbfounded and started looking around for where Loco went. Meanwhile, underwater, Loco was conjuring up an Energy Ball. The mystical green energy looked absolutely eerie under the water's surface. Once the Energy Ball was large enough, Loco looked up and aimed right for Psyduck, and then fired.

The Energy Ball shot up like a bullet from the water and sent Psyduck flying in the air. Letting go of its head, Psyduck was flapping its arms trying to stay airborne. “Loco, come back up from the water and hit Psyduck with a Zen Headbutt before it hits the water’s surface again!” Loco quickly surfaced the water and stored energy at its head. It then sprang up and hit Psyduck, causing it to slam into the edge of the lake.

Psyduck lay bemused at the side of the lake. It was twitching with pain, and its eyes were closed tightly... However, it wasn't clutching its head. Drift knew now was the time for Loco to give the final blow. "Alright, Loco!" She shouted, "Use your Mega Drain attack!" Loco nodded towards Drift, and then, with yet another mystical green energy, attacked Psyduck. The Mega Drain sucked Psyduck's last bit of strength left. Psyduck was now motionless, fainted. Drift knew now, for sure, Psyduck was out for the count.

Drift smirked, “Alright!” She grabbed a fresh Pokéball from her belt and threw it at the Psyduck. Nelson was standing there in absolute astonishment, his mouth open. The ball opened and sucked Psyduck inside, and began to shake…
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Last edited by Drift; 05-12-2008 at 07:20 PM.
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Old 05-11-2008, 04:02 PM
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Default Re: Duck For Brains. Enter Pokémon Ranger and Psyduck!

-cough- I'll take this. ;3

Introduction/Plot: So, our hero Drift is wondering in the woods, then suddenly it seems she can't find her way around. A ranger appears and asks her for help, but she denies and walks on. Soon she comes across a lake, and see's a Psyduck, deviously, she decides to engage in battle and try and expand her water team.

This was a simple plot, and not very original. The introduction was opened up nicely though. I like how you gave us some nice descriptions and told us a little about Drift, though since it was after the Loco Lotad, you may want to include a small summary of the story. :] Other than that, this area is nicely done, I just think you could have expanded the plot a little more. I liked how Drift's character developed and changed a little, it shows her hormones are kicking in. Read books, watch movies etc, they all have good idea's in them that can make a story a whole lot better.

Length: Lovely, just in the middle, exactly where you should try and aim for.

Grammar/Spelling: Nice, I didn't find much errors here; just small things, but they wern't worth mentioning. So nice job here; just remember! WATCH FOR TYPOS!!!1111 xD Yeah, they're very annoying. So I suggest proofreading a couple of times just to see if you can catch them yourself. :) Nice job here. You making mah job hard eh?

Quote:
the dust comes up into the air, spiraling around,
'Spiraling' should have another 'l' in it.

That's the only major mistake that caught my eye. O.o

Description/Detail: This was pretty strong, it was nice and vivid in some places, then it dissapeared in others. You seem to know when and how to use description. But I think you could have described more things, like I said last time, work on describing the Pokémon. Even brief descriptions can help the reader visualize them slightly. I liked how you described the surroundings though; but instead of keep repeating stuff like "lush grass" you could change it to something like "the tall, dew-covered grass" or the "rich green grass". Try and use various adjectives when it comes to describing, just so your description doesn't become tedious and you don't 'overdo' it. ^^

Battle: I was fairly dissapointed with this. It was cut off a little short, I think Lotad got two/three attacks in, and Psyduck got one. I know Psyduck comes off to a lot of people as useless and crap, but it's very strong and I know it can take more than that. It wasn't very two-sided either. It felt like Lotad was dominating, the fact that Lotad is a grass-type means you should try and use some of it's grass moves and it would've made more sense that Psyduck was KO'ed so quickly. ><

Outcome: Meh, this was a borderline to me, and the battle was a let down, so I'm gonna have to say Psyduck not captured! If you can add one/two attacks to the battle to each mon, I'll let you have the duck.
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Last edited by Lati-Chan; 05-12-2008 at 04:32 PM.
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  #7  
Old 05-12-2008, 07:16 PM
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Default Re: Duck For Brains. Enter Pokémon Ranger and Psyduck!

Ms. Lati-Chan, I've edited Chapter 5,
which is the battling scene.
Hopefully now it's more to your liking...

Also, just a quick question... Spell Check
says the word 'spiraling' is correct. Where
should the extra 'I' be?
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Last edited by Drift; 05-12-2008 at 07:19 PM.
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Old 05-12-2008, 08:37 PM
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Default Re: Duck For Brains. Enter Pokémon Ranger and Psyduck!

It's supposed to be an "L". :o I did it in non-caps. :P

Outcome: Well, it seems that you have lengthened the battle, added a variety of moves, and described them pretty well. Psyduck Captured! Have fun. ;3
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