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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-12-2008, 03:29 AM
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Default A Snowy Situation

Title: A Snowy Situation
Pokémon wanted: Snover
Difficulty: Medium



Introduction

It was an extremely cold and snowy day at Route 217. Superboy’s black hair was waving so much that anyone could see the usually concealed blond streaks in his hair. He was wearing a navy blue jacket with a black t-shirt inside it. According to his Town Map, Superboy was almost at Acuity Lakefront. An extremely powerful and harsh blizzard was blowing, so Superboy was walking fast. Superboy was on his way to Snowpoint City for a seminar on Pokémon battling held by the Snowpoint City gym leader, Candice. Superboy wished he could have a Pokémon as powerful as Candice’s Abomasnow.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1

At last Superboy had reached Acuity Lakefront. That meant he was very close to Snowpoint City. He decided to stop and rest for a while since there was no blizzard at Acuity Lakefront unlike at Route 217. As there were many wild Ice-type Pokémon around, he decided to test the power of his Charmander.
“I choose you, Charmander!” said Superboy as he threw the red and white Pokéball to send out Charmander.
“Char-man-der!” said Charmander.
“Hey Charmander, are you ready for some practice? These are Ice-types, they should not be too hard for you as you have the advantage over them,” said Superboy.
“Charmander!” Charmander nodded in agreement.
“Let’s start with those Snover over there,” said Superboy. “They are both Ice and Grass-types, so your fire attacks will have an extremely powerful affect on them.”
“Charmander char!” Charmander agreed with Superboy on that too.
“Ok Charmander, use your Ember attack on that Snover over there!” said Superboy pointing to a Snover nearby.
“Charmander!” Charmander released its ember attack.
The Snover fainted in one Ember attack.”Good job Charmander. Now try firing Ember attacks at all the Snover!” said Superboy.
“Charmander! Char! Char! Char!” said Charmander, releasing many Ember attacks one after another.
“Ok, good work Charmander,” said Superboy. “I think you got all of them, hey no there is one left!”
The remaining Snover looked a lot bigger than all the other Snover. It had an angry look on its face.
“That must be the leader of that group of Snover! He must be angry because we hurt all the other Snover!” said Superboy. “Ok Charmander, use Ember attack!”
“Charmander!” Charmander fired its Ember attack. It hit the Snover directly, and the Snover fell down.
“Good job, Charmander! Huh?” said Superboy in surprise.
The Snover started to rise again. “That sure is one tough Snover!” said Superboy. “But not tough enough for you, Charmander! Use another Ember attack!”
Charmander released yet another Ember attack. Finally, the Snover fainted and fell down to the ground.
“It seems more hurt than the other Snover,” said Superboy. “We have done enough. Let’s go Charmander, return to your Pokéball.” Charmander went back inside its Pokéball. As Superboy walked away, little did he know that the leader of the Snover had started glowing white.............




Chapter 2

As soon as he got to Snowpoint City, Superboy went into the Pokémon Centre. “Hey, Nurse Joy, can you check-up my Charmander?” asked Superboy.
“Sure, why not?” said Nurse Joy. “Are you here to challenge the gym leader, Candice?” she asked. “Because if you are, you should know that you can’t challenge the gym tomorrow from 12.00pm until 5.00pm because Candice is holding a Pokémon Battling seminar,” said Nurse Joy.
“No, I’m not challenging the gym,” said Superboy. “As a matter of fact I’m attending the seminar myself. Are there any interesting things to do while I’m here?”
“Well you could explore the Snowpoint Temple,” said Nurse Joy. “It is full of Rock, Ice and Steel Pokémon and there is also a statue of Regigigas there. Actually, legend has it that if you capture a Regirock, Regice and Registeel and bring them there, you will see a real Regigigas there instead of the statue.”
“Wow! If I ever capture a Regirock, Regice and Registeel I will be sure to test if the legend is real,” said Superboy.
*Ding!!*
“Oh, that means your Charmander is ready!” said Nurse Joy. “Here you go,” she said again, taking Charmander from Chansey’s arms and giving it to Superboy.
“Well, Charmander, are you ready to go and explore the Snowpoint Temple?” asked Superboy.
“Charmander!” Charmander nodded its head excitedly.
“Ok then, let’s go to the Snowpoint Temple!” said Superboy, full of enthusiasm.



Chapter 3
Superboy had a real blast at the Snowpoint Temple. He and Charmander practiced against some of the Ice-types and the Steel-types. They had both decided that battling the rock types was not a good idea. After that, they went to see the Regigigas statue.
“Wow! It looks like it could really pack a punch!” said Superboy.
“Charmander!” Charmander nodded its head in awe.
As soon as they had come out of the Snowpoint Temple, they heard a rustling in the bushes nearby. “Huh? What is that?” asked Superboy.
Suddenly, a big Abomasnow jumped out of the bushes and landed in front of Superboy. It blasted an Ice Beam at full power at him. It just barely missed Superboy. “What the, why is that Abomasnow attacking us?” asked Superboy. “Unless..........”
“Of course!” exclaimed Superboy. “That must be the leader of the Snover I defeated. It must have evolved and now come back for revenge!”
“Abomasnowwwww!” roared Abomasnow as it fired its Ice Beam at Charmander this time.
“Dodge it Charmander, and use scratch attack!” shouted Superboy.
Before Chimchar could land a hit on Abomasnow, Abomasnow sent Charmander flying back with an Ice Punch.
“Darn!” said Superboy. “Quick Charmander, get up and use your Metal Claw!”
Charmander was stopped in its tracks as Abomasnow fired an Ice Beam in front of it. The ground in front of Charmander turned to ice and Charmander slipped and fell. Just when it seemed that all hope was lost, Superboy realised something.
“Of course!” said Superboy. “Like Snover, Abomasnow is an Ice and Grass-type. I’ll just use Charmander’s Ember!”
“Ok, Charmander, use Ember attack on Abomasnow pronto!” said Superboy.
Charmander’s Ember badly damaged Abomasnow. “Show it no mercy, keep firing those Ember attacks!” said Superboy.
After a few Ember attacks, Abomasnow fainted and fell down to the ground with a loud BOOM!!! “Yeah, we did it!” cheered Superboy.
Suddenly, Superboy remembered how much he an Abomasnow like Candice’s. “Now’s my chance,” thought Superboy.
“Pokéball, go!” shouted Superboy as he threw a Pokéball at the fainted Abomasnow. He waited nervously as the Pokéball wriggled once, wriggled twice and then.........




Chapter 4


The Abomasnow got out of the Pokéball! "Oh, man!" said Superboy. "Now what?"

The Abomasnow was very angry now. It was just ready to fire an Ice Beam when suddenly a Snover jumped out of the bushes! "Abomas-now?(What is it son?)" asked Abomasnow

"Sno-ver(I want to battle this trainer)," said Snover.

"Abomasnow(Ok fine do it)," said Abomasnow.

"This will be easy. Ok Charmander, use Ember attack!" said Superboy.

"Charmander!" Charmander fired its Ember attack at Snover.

Snover jump into the air to dodge it and then fired an Ice Beam attack. Charmander fell to the ground and seemed like it had fainted. "Come on Charmander, stand up!" said Superboy.

Charmander managed to get back on its feet. "Good job Charmander!" said Superboy. "Now use your Mach Punch attack!"

Just before Charmander could land its Mach Punch attack, Snover jumped into the air. "Ok now Charmander, while Snover is in the air, use Ember attack!"

Since Snover was in the air, it was unable to dodge Charmander's attack. It fell down from the sky and fainted. "Since I can't get an Abomasnow, I'll just capture this Snover and evolve it," thought Superboy.

"Ok, Pokéball go!" said Superboy as he threw a Pokéball. The ball wriggled once, wriggled twice, and then..........




Chapter 5




Believe it or not, the Snover escaped! "What the hell is wrong with me today, why can't I catch anything?" said Superboy, irritated.

"Char-man-der(Why don't you try using a great ball or something)," suggested Charmander.

"Hey, that is a really good idea!" said Superboy. "Thanks, Charmander! Oh yeah, sorry Charmander I don't have any Great Ball or any ball other than Pokéballs. I'll just weaken it a bit more and throw another Pokéball. Huh?"

The Snover had left with the Abomasnow! "How the hell did it escape?" said Superboy, really annoyed now.

Superboy left to search for Snover and Abomasnow. He saw some depressions on the ground that looked like two pairs of footprints. "This must be the footprints of the Abomasnow and the Snover!" said Superboy. "Ok Charmander, you can rest in your Pokéball now. Return!"

The footprints led him out of Snowpoint City and through Acuity Lakefront. Suddenly, he came into a clearing. "What is this place?" said Superboy, checking his Town Map. "Oh, so this is Lake Acuity! I've been wondering how to get here all this while. So it seems that it is actually a good thing that Abomasnow and Snover ran off to this place, it wasn't just trouble for me!"

Suddenly, he heard two familiar voices saying a very familiar thing:

"Did I hear you say trouble, then prepare for trouble!"

"And while you are at it, make it double."

Then Superboy saw a Meowth shape hot air balloon.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all people within our nation!"

"To denounce the evil of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above"!

"Jessie!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket blasts of at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"

"Meowth, that's right!"

"Not now, Team Rocket!" said Superboy, turning around to face them. "Can't you see I'm trying to catch a Snover here?

"Oh, is that so?" said Jessie. "Well it seems that you are too late! Look down there!" said Jessie, pointing to a net at the bottom of the hot air balloon.

"Huh?" said Superboy, looking at the net. "What? It's Snover and Abomasnow!"

"That's right!" said James.

"And now to add to the prizes we are going to give to the boss, let’s take Charmander!" said Meowth, as a mechanical hand extended and grabbed Charmander.

"No! Charmander!" said Superboy, as Team Rocket opened the net to put in Charmander.

"Now we have three Pokémon to give the boss!" said Jessie. "Abomasnow, Charmander, and huh? Where is Snover?"

Team Rocket looked out of the hot air balloon to see Snover land on the ground. "What happened?" asked Jessie.

"It must have jumped out while you were opening the net!" said James.

"Well, let’s be happy with what we have before the other two escape!" said Meowth.

"Right!" said Jessie and James at the same time.

As Team Rocket's balloon floated away, Superboy started talking to Snover. "Snover we have to work together if we want to save your dad and Charmander," said Superboy.

"Snover!" Snover nodded in agreement.

"Ok then, let’s go," said Superboy. "Use Ice Beam on the balloon!"

The balloon was too far away for Ice Beam to reach. "You can't catch us! You can't catch us!" said Jessie, James and Meowth at the same time.

Team Rocket was too busy laughing to see that they were going to crash into a tree. As soon as they crashed, Superboy said, "Come on Snover, let’s hurry up and get them!'

Superboy and Snover chased after them as fast as they could. "You might as well give up now, Team Rocket!" said Superboy, as soon as he and Snover caught up.

"No way are we going down without a fight" said Jessie. "Go Dustox!"

"Go, Carnivine!" said James.

Team Rocket ordered their Pokémon to attack together.

"Ok now Snover, use Blizzard!" said Superboy.

Snover's Blizzard froze Carnivine and Dustox.

"Now send them blasting off with Ice Beam!" said Superboy.

Snover's Ice Beam hit Team Rocket at point blank range. "We're blasting off again!" they said.

"Charmander!" said Superboy, as he ran to get Charmander.

Snover and Abomasnow started muttering with each other. Finally, Snover came up to Superboy. "Snover-sno-sno-snover(I want to become part of your team)" said Snover.

"Really? Thanks a lot, Snover! I think we make a great team!" said Superboy. "Ok then, Pokéball go!"

The Pokéball wriggled once, wriggled twice and finally..............

Characters(Without spaces):9950
Characters(Spaces):12033
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Last edited by Void; 03-16-2008 at 01:16 PM.
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  #2  
Old 03-12-2008, 12:49 PM
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Default Re: A Snowy Situation

Sorry to say, but this is too short for Snover, and you don't even have a trainer stat page so You can't make a story yet.
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  #3  
Old 03-13-2008, 01:27 AM
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Default Re: A Snowy Situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamond_Master View Post
Sorry to say, but this is too short for Snover, and you don't even have a trainer stat page so You can't make a story yet.

1st off: Don't post in another author's thread. Leave the advice to the graders.

2nd off: Give him time to make his page. He just joined yesterday, and he is still allowed to write a story and attempt to catch a Pokemon even though his stats aren't up. You have no authority over that.

But yes, Super_Boy, Diamond Master is right when he says that this isn't long enough for a Snover.

Try taking a look at this: >>How to Write Stories<<

Also, all of these posts could've been combined into just one. There is a limit of 20,000 characters in a single post, and if you stretch your story out into little segments, making a different post for each, it just looks unsightly and I am sure it is breaking some rule or another.

Hope I could help. & Make sure you look at that link and actually read all of it. ^_^
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  #4  
Old 03-13-2008, 06:09 AM
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Default Re: A Snowy Situation

Ready for re-grading.
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Last edited by Void; 03-13-2008 at 01:08 PM.
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  #5  
Old 03-14-2008, 05:14 PM
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Default Re: A Snowy Situation

You seem to have added a bit from the last time. However, your story still has some issues.

First, I suggest going through and editing in the proper name. If you mean 'Charmander', say so. Don't put Chimchar. You need to try to make sure that your story is as accurate and easy to read as possible.

Second, there's no need for 4+ posts for a story that is 11k. You should put the pieces of the story together, in one cohesive post.

Third, please run a spellcheck.

When you've done these things, feel free to PM me for a grade.
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I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 03-14-2008 at 05:17 PM.
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  #6  
Old 03-15-2008, 08:40 AM
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Default Re: A Snowy Situation

I edited everything. The story is ready now.
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  #7  
Old 04-04-2008, 05:23 AM
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Default Re: A Snowy Situation

Can someone please grade my story. It hasn't been re-graded since 15 March.
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  #8  
Old 05-07-2008, 11:42 PM
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Default Re: A Snowy Situation

Before I grade this, I suggest you read the <<How to Write Stories>> thread. This story is almost entirely composed of dialogue, and you really need to add some paragraphs and actually tell a story. The link will be really helpful if you actually read it, so please take the time to do so. :]

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or would like some help.
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