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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 04-05-2008, 05:21 PM
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Default The Resurrection

After a long absence from the world of fan fiction, I decided to write another story.

If the words are in green, it means those words are in another language, not English. And if the protagonist said something and her words are not in green, it means she is using English. When she does, the mistakes are made on purpose, to give a realistic feeling she is not fluent in the language. And yes, her vocabulary is small, so she has a hard time understanding English speakers.


Prologue:

The flames were getting fiercer and fiercer. A girl braced herself for the inferno. She was not alone to suffer the blaze. A Piplup was trying to defend its trainer from the greedy flames with its water attacks. But the fire was too great, and Piplup's constant blasts of water were not a match. Piplup kept trying in vain. It was hopeless for the two of them. Both were trapped, doomed to perish in the strangling fingers of the fire. And miracles were not happening. The girl only had a Piplup with her and nothing else, and that one Piplup was exhausted. She was sweating, whether it was the fear of dying or the heat of the surrounding, she did not know. The flames drew nearer and nearer by consuming everything in the way, while the two backed off. "You are mine… You are mine…" they seemed to say. Piplup suddenly collapsed. It had completely used up its energy and it was too dehydrated to support itself. The girl embraced the dried up body and valued their last moments. They could not retreat any further. The claws of the inferno finally got them. The girl could feel her eyeballs melting. The fire scarred her skin. Blisters formed in the intense heat. So this is what it was like to die! the girl thought as she was burnt alive.

Rain arrived. The fire vanished, leaving its mess behind. But it was too late. The Piplup and its trainer were dead. One was burnt so mercilessly, not even ashes remained, and was never known to possess a phsical body again. But the other, was reborn… not once, but twice.

CHAPTER 1

The crescent moon shone in the starless night. It was too early in the morning, but a silhouette of a large dinosaurlike Pokémon flew across the cloudy sky. On its back was a girl too small for her age, she is the Pokémon's trainer nevertheless. Her hair swayed with the winds. Aerodactyl rode on the air currents, using its whiplike tail for balance. Another Pokémon soared at a distance from them, but the two were not paying attention to it. Its ability to fly without wings failed to attract their attention, as they were anxious to reach their destination. Aerodactyl suddenly dived to the ground below, wings close to its body. Its trainer wrapped her arms around its neck and held on tight. As it was going to crash, the Pokémon spread out its wings like how a parachute opens. Air resistance slowed its drop, Aerodactyl glided a little, and finally landed on its feet gracefully near the dock. Its trainer jumped off its back.

"You are getting better and faster, Aerodactyl." The girl patted its head as Aerodactyl twitched its ears sideways instead of leaving them upright. It had always been a sign of humbleness and respect for the species Aerodactyl ever since the prehistory days, and they still use it when facing their trainers. The Pokémon obediently return back to its PokéBall. Just like her, her Pokémon did not come from a land where English was frequently used, so the girl could not communicate with them using English. Besides, her English was not very good, but she knew the basics.

The girl entered to the nearby dock. She checked her Pokétch. It was a quarter to six in the morning. The ferry she wanted to take, Ocean Rider, was scheduled to leave in ten minutes. There were five ferries at that time, and the girl could make out the words 'ocean' and 'rider' from the nearest one to her. Quickly, she boarded it after getting her ticket checked. The girl was not an early riser. She often joked that she "comes to life at night". She felt sleepy and slouched onto the nearest seat. The girl removed her glasses and dozed off.
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  #2  
Old 04-07-2008, 11:56 AM
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Default Re: The Resurrection

Interesting! So...was the trainer the one who got reborn twice? When the Piplup fainted, wouldn't the trainer call it back into the Poke Ball? Unless, of course, the trainer didn't have Piplup's Poke Ball with her. Anyways, great chapter, looking forward to more ^^
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  #3  
Old 04-08-2008, 06:44 AM
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Default Re: The Resurrection

I'm with Graceful_Suicune on this. It sounds interesting. I want to know what happened after that fire.
Your description is pretty good. I would have liked it to be a little longer with some more detail about what the girl on the Aerodactyl looked like.
Other than that it's good. What else ya got?
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  #4  
Old 04-08-2008, 07:17 AM
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Default Re: The Resurrection

Chapters should be at least a full post long (about three pages or more in word :). I like how you are starting to grow in terms of your writing skills and style, but there is so little of it there for the reader to go on, starting with things like character descriptions. Show the reader what is going on, don't just tell them 'she is the Pokémon's trainer ' etc :). In the same way don't just tell the reader:
Quote:
"Just like her, her Pokémon did not come from a land where English was frequently used, so the girl could not communicate with them using English. Besides, her English was not very good, but she knew the basics. "
show it slowly to the reader throughout your chapter. After all, your readers hardly know anything about the girl as a person, other than what pokemon she has. At this point in the story you should try to put her personality first so that the readers can emotionally get to know her. If she can speak good english or not is just a minor detail next to that, as to really feel empathy about her speech troubles the reader has to first care about her
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Last edited by Orange_Flaaffy; 04-08-2008 at 07:36 AM.
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  #5  
Old 04-09-2008, 04:44 AM
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Default Re: The Resurrection

@ OFlaaffy: That's what I was trying to say..... only I didn't say as well.

@ FLatios: You should take her advice! ^^
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