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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 05-15-2005, 10:54 PM
Ryusu Miyamona's Avatar
Ryusu Miyamona Offline
New Trainer
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 19
Exclamation ~A New Beginning~ :: Ready For Grading ::


In the little town of Littleroot a boy named Minase Miyamona got his first pokemon, Torchic on his 16th birthday from the local, town professor. He destines to become a pokemon master, and to beat his rival Daisuke Miyamona who is his brother. Minase's father is one of the Elite Four, and hopes to fight him as well. Minase also is destined to capture all of the Legendaries, and get into the Pokemon League.

Chapter 1

Minase woke up to see his alarm clock. "8:30!" he said as he looked at his clock. "I overslept again..." he said as he already had his clothes on. "I wonder what me, and Torchic are gonna do today." he said as he grabbed his pokeball with an etched flame, symbol on the front. "Hey, mom I'm gonna go to Route 140, and catch me some pokemon." he said as he walked to the door.

"Okay, but make sure you don't get hurt." she said as she gave him his bag, and bid him farewell with a kiss. "I hope he doesn't run into Daisuke like last time." she said as she looked out the window worried as she looked back at her Pikachu.

Minase walked through the grassy, fields as he could feel the breeze blowing lightly through his hair, and spotted an Treeko. "Torchic heres your chance!" he yelled as he csent Torchic out of its pokeball. "Torchic! Peck" he yelled as the little, fire, chicken pokemon pecked at Treeko's head. Then the Treeko did Pound, and smacked Torchic in the face.

Torchic started to get mad, and irritated. "Torchic do Fireworks!" he ordered as Torchic expelled three, balls of fire from its mouth as it burned Treeko. Treeko then leaped forward, and tackled Torchic as it sent it twirling in the air, but it landed on its feet. "Torchic do Flamethrower!" he ordered again as Torchic fire a stream of fire towards Treeko burning it.

Treeko then did Endure as it kept barely any strength to battle, and just stood there letting itself be caught by the worthy, trainer. "I've got you now!" he yelled as he threw his pokeball at the Treeko as it wiggle three, times. Minase heard the beep as the catch was confirmed. "Yeah, I did it!" he yelled in excitement as he healed his Torchic with a potion.

Minase held the pokeball, and walked onwards to the next town Oldale Town, and find the first gym. "I wonder what the gym leader specializes in?" he said as he looked around to see many trainers battling eachtother, and capturing pokemon. Minase ran to the far end of a lake nt far from the exit point of Route 140, and decided to wash his face, and Torchic did the same.

"My dad is going to be proud of me when he faces me face-to-face in the Elite Four! But first I must earn all my badges first..." he said, and sighed as he was too caught up in going to the pokemon league.

Minase handed Torchic some berries as he deserved some for helping him in his battle against Treeko. "You did pretty well back there Torchic." Minase said as he petted his Torchic. Torchic chirped in happiness in him being praised by his trainer.

:: Minase ::
LVL: 7
Level Up @ 21 Posts

Last edited by Ryusu Miyamona; 05-15-2005 at 11:57 PM. Reason: :: So It Can Be Graded ::
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Old 05-16-2005, 01:15 AM
The Elite Ygseto Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 3)
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Cumming, GA
Posts: 3,689
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Default Re: ~A New Beginning~ :: Ready For Grading ::

Story- Not orginal at all. It's the same thing as RS except the boy's dad is in the Elite 4.

Grammar/Spelling/Detail- This wan't bad, but it still wasn't good. There wher some mistakes with punction and tense. Rember to always re-read your stories and keep the same tense.

There was barely any detail. Try writing a rough draft then going in and adding detail when you are done. Also there where no discrptions of the charaters or pokemon.

Here is an example on how something should be writen;

By You = Minase walked through the grassy, fields as he could feel the breeze blowing lightly through his hair, and spotted an Treeko.

Re-Done by me= Minase walked slowly in the grassy plain, taking in the nice breeze. Looking around the grass he spoted what seemed to be a small grass type pokemon with a large tail. It's Green skin blended in so well with the sorrounding grass that Minase had to take a double take. It was a Treeko!

See how that helps you make a mental image?

Realism- Your best section, it happens all the time in the Pokemon World.

Battle- With a total of about 2 paragraphs this was not good at all. Make it much longer and way more deatail.

Legnth- Way, Way, Way to short! A story have to be atleast 10,000 charaters to be reasonably long.

Outcome- 21/100 = Not Captured. Work on your detail and length some more.

My Trading Shop
White Friend Code: 0819-3051-3379
White Pokedex Obtained: 151(U)/442(N)

Pokemon I've Recently Breed, PM for trades
- Zorua w/ Dark Pulse, Timid and Naive
- Deino w/ Dark Pulse, Timid and Modest
- Panpour w/ Nasty Plot, Random Natures

Last edited by The Elite Ygseto; 05-16-2005 at 01:33 AM.
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