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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 04-12-2005, 09:04 PM
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Default Night Light

A/N: There are so many pokemon with disfunctional personalities I want T_T However after catching my retarded Krabby I need to get something else, so here it is... Try and make sense of the fact that my stle of writing reflects the people I'm writing about

*Today was little Billy's 7th birthday which meant he was a big boy now and had to start doing big boy things. On his 5th Birthday he gave up sucking his thumb because he was a big boy soon, on his 6th Birthday he got rid of his blankey becaue he was beoming a big boy, and now he was a big boy. Little Billy's Mother who wore a pretty pink frock and a white apron bent down to speak to her son.*

Mother: "You're a big boy now, what will you be giving up this year?"

*She smiled, a perfect pearly white smile as her perfectly manicured hand rested on his cute little shoulder, and she gave his cute little cheek a little pinch. He sniffed his cute little nose and thought hard with his cute little brain.*

Little Billy: "I know mummy, I'm gonna give up my night light!"

*S***. That was the first and only thought on the permanent guest of this household's mind. What would we he do at night now with no light on to keep the scary ghosts and monsters away. The cloud of purple gas faded back through the perfect cream wall and into the kitchen to float around the the bright light attatched to the ceiling for comfort. He already had gotten off to a bad start when he got caught up in the air conditioning system, and now this? The only light in the house that was on at night was being extinguished, what was a timid, scared of the dark Gastly to do?*

A/N: Yes I know it's short but I'm sleepy now and there's more to come later anyway XP Stay tuned fokes ^_^
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  #2  
Old 04-14-2005, 07:31 PM
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Default Re: Night Light

A/N: Time for the next instalment ^_^ And yay I'm a grader again ^_^

*As the day began to wind down to a close, Daniella and her Motley crew walked, and shuffled, into the sunset within this slice of surburbia. Rapidash was flicker her head majesticly so her now even more beautiful mane would dazzle behind her. Cookie, the slow of mind Krabby, was happy at his own awkward footed pace and didn't seem to mind the fact that Daniella and Rapidash had to stop and wait for him on several different occasions. Eventually this pattern became unbearable so Daniella recalled him to his pokeball so they could actually get somewhere before the day was completely over.*

Rapidash: "Like, wow! The colour of the sun, like, so matches my mane... Daniella, your shoes, like, totally don't match your bag!"

Daniella: "Can I get a ride on your back?"

Rapidash: "Like, thats such a totally awesome idea! Then no one will see how crummy you look behind my, like, gorgeous mane!

*In a hop, skip and a jump, Daniella was on Rapidash's back and, like, totally looked so much better. It was so cool the way, like, she totally managed to fluke looking like she understood, like, what Rapidash was saying. Like, like.*

*Pop*

Cookie: "COOKIE!" ^_^

*Daniella gave him a pat on the head and recalled him again*

Rapidash: "Like, wow. Totally awesome."

*The sky was now a deep shade of purple and the stars started to pinprick the velvety heavens. However this scene was quickly spoiled as the artificial light of the street lamps flickered to life*

Daniella: "What a shame..."


*Sreet lamps! How could he have forgotten something so simple?! This was the amswer he had been looking for, the one that would solve all his problems. Now he could stay in Little Billy's house during the day and simply hover outside in the safety of a shaft of light during the night. In his excitement the gastly rushed outside, only stopping to take a quick look at Little Billy's mother in the bath, to find the nearest street lamp, However something far more interesting caught his eye. It was pretty nd red and sparkly and oooooooooh! He floated as fast as his gaseous constitution would let him to inspect and bath in it's light, free from harm.*

Rapidash: "Ewwwww! Getitawaygetitaway!"

*More pretty red sparkles came out of the horsey's mouth, surely if he hid in all those he'd be safe ftom danger all night! He went straight in without hesitation, the sensation making him all warm and fuzzy inside. Then it started burning*

Gastly: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My spleen! It Burns!"

*One of his gases had caught alight and he franticly flew around in circles to try and shake off the flames, but with little success. Finally he remembered something Little Billy's father had said.*

Gastly: "Stop, drop, roll! Stop, drop, Roll!"

*Pop*

Cookie: "COOKIE!"

*Daniella blinked several times as she began the thought process of figuring out what was happenning while she watched the ball of flame roll on the floor.*

Daniella: "Oh no! We've hurt someone! Somebody call an ambulance! Wait! No, the fire brigade! No, wait! Cookie, bubble!"

Cookie: "Cookie!"

*Cookie's unpredictable nature had prooved useful for once and he happily started foaming at the mouth, sending the occasionall bubble towards the fire, eventually dousing it. The cooling sensation was a greatly welcomed relief from the burning for Gastly, but even though the fire had been put out the bubbles kept comming and soon started to sting as they popped on him. Today was not his day*
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Last edited by Daniella Defines Divinity; 04-21-2005 at 11:31 AM.
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  #3  
Old 04-21-2005, 11:38 AM
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Default Re: Night Light

*As the thick smoke began to disappear Daniella's eyes widened with horror*

Daniella: "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I've killed someone and now they're a ghost! I'm too young to go to prison... I know! I'll just bury the body in the woods and no one will ever know..."

*Daniella was contemplating what shovel to use when Cookie started waking his claws about inside the Gastly who was now laughing hystericly*

Gastly: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!STOPHAHAHAHAHATHATHAHAHAHATICKLESH AHAHAAH!"

*This was all well and good until Cookie got a little carried away and his water soaked claw became a crabhammer attack that sent the Gastly flying. No one quite understood how a gastly worked, sometimes it was solid and other times it was not. However all that was beyond Daniella's range of thought, but she had managed to catch onto the fact that this was a Gastly infront of her and not the ghost of someone she had murderd. By this time the Gastly had finally picked up the courage to retaliate. His pupils faded into a purple abyss as the night itself seemed to distort and gather at his mouth. With a shout of his name he let the nightshade attack loose on poor little Cookie who was taken completely by surprise. It knocked the cute crustatian of his feet and his shell scraped along the concrete until he came to a halt by Rapidash's hooves.*

Rapidash: "That was, like, so not cool!"

*She lifted her head up and back, taking a deep breath and getting in a quick dazzling mane flick before releasing the most deadly of fire attacks. The blazing red five pointed star of a fire blast attack that seared the air around it as it hit the still purple eyed Gastly. So far the battle had been purely accidental, but now it was getting serious.*

Cookie: "Cookie!"

*He danced about on his legs, waving his claw with anger. This was no longer the slow of mind Cookie that was a cute and adorable, this was a tough Cookie. The battle crazed Cookie opened his mouth and instead of foaming, a proper stream of bubbles appeared. The gas cloud dodged the first few, but was unable to escape the rest as they spat and stung when they popped on him.*

Gastly: "Hey! That hurts... you...you...you meanie!"

*Cookie found this remark highly offensive and stood frozen for a moment, unsure of how to come back to such a comment. In his stunned state he was an easy target for Gastly's lick attack which left him covered in sticky saliva. Finally Cookie had though of a comeback*

Cookie: "COOKIE!"

*Everyone gasped in horror and Daniella covered her ears. How could such foul things come from such an innocent mouth, she was very disappointed.*

Gastly: "How DARE you say that! That's totally unacceptable, it's the most disguesting I have ever heard!"

*Gastly felt sick after Cookie's unexpected response and the previous attacks from both Cookie and Rapidash were showing. His slow response and state of shock would be his downfall. While Gastly had been muttering to himself, trying to get those foul words out of his head, Cookie had crept up to him, claw gleaming with a blue hue. He lfited it back, and took a powerfull desicive swing. The whole moment seemed to be in slow motion, you could actually see Gastly's face gas ripple from the impact just before he was sent skidding across the ground. Daniella saw this as her chance, she didn't want Cookie to hurt the gastly's feelings any more today so she threw a pokeball at him. Whilst it shook she made sure to give Cookie a lecture*

Daniella: "Bad cookie! VERY bad cookie! You better apologise to him after this! And I never want to hear you say that foul word again, do you understand me"

Cookie: "Cookie..."

*Daniella turned her attentions back to the pokeball that was still shaking, waiting to see it clamp shut and the litte red light to go off*
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Last edited by Daniella Defines Divinity; 04-22-2005 at 08:01 PM.
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  #4  
Old 04-22-2005, 08:26 PM
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Default Re: Night Light

this story is reserved for Lan to grade for his Grader test. so no other graders take this one. thanks.

~Jack~
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  #5  
Old 04-23-2005, 08:04 PM
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Default Re: Night Light

Story: O.o It's a little weird... but it's alright. Funny at times.

Reality: Yeah, it could happen.

Grammar/Spelling: A few things:

Remember, capitalise all attacks/items.
Pokeball
Fire Blast
Gastly

Other than that, it's fine.

Battle: It's long enough to my knowledge.

Outcome: Gastly captured, unofficially.
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  #6  
Old 04-23-2005, 08:11 PM
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Default Re: Night Light

now I have to wait for Jack I guess T_T


And I don't mean to be nosey, but that's kinda short for a grading, and it wasn't that helpful XP
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  #7  
Old 04-23-2005, 08:48 PM
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Default Re: Night Light

Ah... you see, no one ever told me how to grade...

Here, I'll try again:

Story: It's a little weird, but it's funny at times.

Reality: I guess it could happen.

Grammar/Spelling: Okay, you didn't capitalise the names and attacks all of the time. Pokeball, Gastly, Fire Blast, etc. You also forgot to capitalise Cookie a few times. The *'s are not needed...

Quote:
Daniella was contemplating what shovel to use when Cookie started waking his claws about inside the Gastly who was now laughing hystericly
Waking? I think it's Raking. Not sure.

There's a few typos too, but nothing major.

Battle: It's a good length for a Gastly.

Outcome: Gastly captured, unofficially.

Notes: I really liked this part:

Quote:
*Cookie found this remark highly offensive and stood frozen for a moment, unsure of how to come back to such a comment. In his stunned state he was an easy target for Gastly's lick attack which left him covered in sticky saliva. Finally Cookie had though of a comeback*

Cookie: "COOKIE!"

*Everyone gasped in horror and Daniella covered her ears. How could such foul things come from such an innocent mouth, she was very disappointed.*
Keep up the good work!

^How's that for a grading?
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  #8  
Old 04-23-2005, 09:04 PM
Daniella Defines Divinity's Avatar
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Default Re: Night Light

lol whoops, it's meant to be waving XP

Anyway, thats much better ^_^ If you want help with grading, just take a look around at what other people say, Tamer San's a good grader, so his are always good to look at and take note from ^_^
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  #9  
Old 04-25-2005, 06:59 AM
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Default Re: Night Light

adding on...

story:
hilarious. especially the part where Krabby cursed. i like the idea and explaining Gastly's delema. scared of the dark... now that's a twist.

grammer:
ya, problems. you need to re-read what you write at least twice. also, use a Word program for grammer/spell check. i'm sure that will fix everything i see wrong. also, as Lan mentioned, use CAPS for important Pokemon related items.

detail:
great job. haven't seen 'hue' used in a while. but as i say, details can always be improved.

battle:
started off one-sided and Gastly gets off 1, maybe two hits. the Pokemon to be caught needs to have a chance to fight back. and that's kinda unfair, double teaming. booo, leave 'em alone. good details btw.

realty:
again, scared of the dark Gastly lol. all your Pokemon are wierd....

tips:
...but that's why the story is fun to read. mostly, you need to check grammer errors. everytime the reader stops because of misspelled words, they lose their place in the story. also, lengthen and improve battle strats. and as far as the story is concerned, need more pre-story before the battle happens. i was very borderline on this grade. i expect results next time.

Outcome- Gastly Captured!

Lan- I don't think you're ready to be a grader. maybe it's too soon. practice writing some more stories and watching other graders. call me up when you think you're ready again.

~Jack~
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