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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 04-16-2005, 02:29 PM
The Elite Ygseto Offline
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Default Around the Campfire (PG-13) (RTG)

OCC: I've been learning alot more about wrighting in highschool, so i decided to try a brand new story.
---
The old man sat on an old tree trunk worn by time. His raspy voice overpowered the weak crackling fire. "Kids! Come over here and let me tell you a little story."

All of a sudden, little kids came running from all directions of the annual camp-out. "Yay! Another story from Gramps!" The kids hollered as the wiggled and wormed to find a good seat around the camp fire.

"Tonight I'm about to tell you about the time I caught my dear old friend, Aggron." The old man smiled at the little faces. "Why don't you come out and say hello to the kids, Aggron?" The old man reached under this tattered cloak and pulled out a Great Ball. Pressing the button he released the big silver brute. The kids recoiled at the sight of the towering beast. "Ah, ha, ha, ha." The old man chuckled, "Don't you worry kids, he won't hurt you. Will you Aggron?"

The mammoth shook his head, no.

"Grron!" the big lug yawned as he laid down, shaking the soft earth with his enormous weight. His metal armor sparkled in the fire light. Oranges and reds shone everywhere, giving the fire pit a warm, soothing light.

The old man readjusted himself on the trunk as his old friend rested calmly. "Ok let's start the story." A firefly whizzed over head and the old man began speaking.
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  #2  
Old 04-16-2005, 03:06 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire

The waves broke on the smooth, white sand on Dewford City's southern coast. A Teenager laid on the rippled sand letting his feet get wet in the low tide. He was a slim, well-built boy of 17. He had a White t-shirt on with a logo for the Pokemon League on the upper right chest. His Baggy cargo Shorts were tan, torn and faded by the sun. His leather sandals and belt where a sun bleached brown. His medium length brown hair blew in front of his face.

"Adam! Stop Slacking and come help me with the shop!." His mother yelled from the local pokemart.

"Ok mom!" He yelled back in his deep voice. He got up brushing the sand off himself. He walked the short coastline and got to the back entrance of the Mart. He opened up and his co-worker and best friend Jonas tripped and fell on top of him with a box of great balls.

"Oh, I'm sorry Adam I didn't mean to knock you over." Jonas said. His Glassed fell off when he started to scramble for the balls.

"It's fine. Let me help you with those." He said as he picked up a few and placed them in his pocket. He would put them on the shelf in the store. He said his good days to Jonas and headed into work. His mother was over at the counter checking out for her friend Edna. He walked over and started to rearrange the thing on the counters. He was actually eaves dropping on his mother's conversation.

"I was talking to Sally and she said she saw some shady-lookin' characters up at the cave." Edna said, looking around to see if anyone was listening.

"Oh, you now Sally is crazy." Adam's mom said ringing up the 3 Super Potions for Edna. "She's always saying crazy stuff like that."

"But she also told me she was hearing screams come from the cave." Edna said handing over the money for the Potions.

"Ok Edna whatever you say." Adam's Mother said as Edna walked out the store.

The Last thing got Adam thinking. A Girl in his class was missing from school the past couple days. He wondered if the screams where from her. What was he thinking? It was nonsense, the girl was just probably sick. He went back to organizing the shelves, thinking.
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Last edited by The Elite Ygseto; 04-21-2005 at 08:25 PM.
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  #3  
Old 04-17-2005, 01:21 AM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire

---
"So Gramps was it the girl screaming?" One of the drawn-in kids asked. After that a swarm of questions came rushing towards the old man.

"Hold your Ponyta kids, I'm getting there" The old man said calming the group with his leathery hands.

---

Adam was checking out a customer, when a screaming Edna came running into the store.

"That will be… what the hell!?" Adam screamed as Edna ran into the building. "Woah, calm down Edna, calm down." He tried soothing her but she wouldn't calm down. "What's the matter Edna?"

"I must speak to your mother immediately!" Edna hollered. "Where is she!?"

"She's out getting the new stock that came in today. How can I help you?" He said putting his hands on her shoulders. Edna started to calm down. "Ok now tell me what's going on."

"Ok, I was taking a stroll along the northern shore when I got to the stream that runs out of the cave and into the ocean. The stream was blood red. Curious at to what was causing the change in color I stepped into the dark cave slowly. I turned the first corner and saw these people in black killing Aron for their armor."

---

"Aggg, Ronnnn!!!" Aggron cried out into the half moon.

"Its ok my old friend, I know you miss them. But it was along time ago." The old man patted Aggron. Aggron returned to his old position on the soft loamy soil.

"What's wrong with Aggron?" One of the little girls asked.

"His brothers where killed then" The old man said shaking his head. "He misses them dearly."

All the little kids, felling sad for the whimpering Aggron, got up and gave him a hug.

Aggron's stone face showed a smile, and the old man continued.
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Last edited by The Elite Ygseto; 04-21-2005 at 08:26 PM.
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  #4  
Old 04-19-2005, 01:56 AM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire

OCC: I'm starting to go a little deeper in my charater develpement. I'm also changing this rating from a happy go lucky story to a more Drama like story.

---
---

"Can you do me a favor Edna?" Adam asked.

"What?" Edna replied, hands shaking.

"Stay here and watch the shop, I'm going to go show those ******** who they are messing with." Adam said grabbing his pokeball's containing Feraligtr, Dusclops, and Magmar.

Edna, stunned, watched as Adam left the store.

Adam arriving at the cave's entrance saw that 'Do Not Enter' signs where nailed every where. Bypassing the caution tape that blocked the way, Adam slowly entered the cave. He turned the corner and saw two Men talking.

"We'll be rich after we 'harvest' the metal off all the Aron." Man A said gesturing with his hands and laughing.

"What if someone catches us? We'll surly be in some serious trouble." Man B said looking around to make sure none was listening. When his eyes passed Adam, Adam quickly slid behind the corner.

"Don't talk like that you idiot!" Man A said, smacking Man B on the side of the head. "Now help me find some more Aron." Both Man A and Man B walked different paths, searching for more Aron to harvest from. Man B was rubbing his head.

"Damn, I have to do something." Adam said quietly to himself, thinking of what to do next.

---

"Well Gramps, what did he do?" A young boy with pudgy cheeks and a t-shirt with a pokeball on it asked. "Did he teach them a lesson?" The boy added slaming his fist into his hand?

"Well you'll just have to wait and see, Matthew." The old man said smiling. He added a light wink to the boy. He loved when the children would listen to his stories. It let him share his knowledge and he loved the attention.

He lived alone in a small, shabby apartment, with only his few remaining Pokemon to keep him company. He had to trade most of his Pokemon for food or money. He had gone into a downward spiral ever since his wife Jennifer was raped of her life by cancer. His only son had a wife and a young girl, but they lived far away in Jhoto. He wasn't even sure that he would be able to live like this anymore, he didn't want to feel the pain of loneliness, he was tired of the tears soaking his bed sheets! And he was tired of having to lie to his boss at the plant why he was late! Some mornings he just asked himself why he still lived, but he never got a reply.

"Gramps aren't you gong to finish the story?" the same pudgy cheeked kid asked.

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry," the old man said trying to hold back his tears.
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Last edited by The Elite Ygseto; 04-21-2005 at 08:26 PM.
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  #5  
Old 04-21-2005, 08:27 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire (PG-13)

---

Adam, very quietly walked over to the men's home base. There where 10 crates of Aron armor stacked around. There was also a bloodied knife and saw over on a folding table. He walked over to the table; he saw something move out of the corner of his eye.

"Who's there?" A tired voice asked Adam as he turned his head to see who it was talking.

Noticing it wasn't one of the thugs from before he replied, "I'm Adam, but who are you and why are you tied up?"

The voice replied, "I'm Jennifer. These men grabbed me up and took me here to be their 'toy'." She quoted the last word, trying to get it to mean a different word.

"You are the girl was reported missing!" Adam said shocked. Instead of keeping his voice down like before, he practically screamed the last statement.

"Hey, who are you talking with over there little girl?" One of the men from before said while he was coming back with wiggling bag.

"Oh, I was just talking to myself." Jennifer lied as she motioned Adam to move to one of the dark corners.

"Is that so?" The man said coming over to Jennifer and giving a kiss to her on the cheek while caressing her thigh. Since Jennifer was tied up she couldn't do a thing. When he started to back away, Jennifer spat in his face.

"Someone is going to stop you, you, you bastard!" Jennifer screamed.

"Is that so?" The man said, chuckling.

This enraged Adam, but he stayed in the corner. When the man started to walk closer to him he stepped further back into the corner. He hit something like a rock, but it gave a light 'twang' when his sandal hit it. He turned around and saw a young Aron, not more than 3 weeks old, huddled in a little ball, quietly whimpering.

"Don't be afraid little buddy." Adam reassured the little metal baby. "I won't hurt you. You stay there I'm going to make these guys pay for what they have done.

The little baby Aron nodded and gave a little squeak.

Adam winced when the guy squeaked.

"What was that?" The man asked looking around him. He placed the bag down and walked around, looking. The Aron from the bag scurried off…

---
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  #6  
Old 04-21-2005, 08:27 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire (PG-13)

---

Most of the children had left to go to sleep, only 2 of them remained.

Headlights shone on Aggron's beautiful armor. Aggron got up from his prone position, sniffed the air, and ran for the car.

"Aggron what are you doing?" He old man said in chorus with the kids. They heard a startled scream, and then laughter from the dark parking lot.

"Its nice to see you also Aggron, now will you please put me down?" A kind voice said. The old man's sprits lifted.

Aggron started to run back to his master. "Who is it Aggron?" the old man question as he saw a tall form emerge from the shadows.

It was a tall, handsome man of around 25. "Are you telling another story, dad?" It was the old man's son.

"Oh my god…" The old man trailed off as he got off of his tree trunk to run and give his son a hug. "How did you know I was here? What are you doing here?" questions like these flooded out of the old man as he wiped away tears of joy from his wrinkled cheeks.

"I have my ways dad." The man said smiling at his father's happiness.

"Of course you do," the old man laughed. "Now take a seat on my trunk. You can listen to the end of my story son then we can talk."

The old man wiped away the last of his tears. He smiled and continued. He wasn't sad anymore
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  #7  
Old 04-21-2005, 08:27 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire (PG-13)

---

A large ghostly figure stepped out of the shadows.

"What the hell is that?" The thug said stepping back a step as the ghost came closer.

"Dusclops!" Dusclops said, eye glowing. Suddenly the man froze in a blue aura. The sounds of bones cracking sent a tingle down Jennifer's spine.

"Argggg!" The man screamed. "Tommy! Come help me!" That was the last thing he said as Dusclops' powers forced a rib deep into the man's black heart. Dusclops let go of the body and he fell to the ground, in a cold lump.

"Good work Dusclops. Now go get Jennifer down and outside of the cave, I'll handle the next one." Adam commanded.

"John what's going on…" Tommy stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the body of his best friend lying on the floor, dead. He looked around at the empty area of the cave. "Who the f**k did this?!" Tommy screamed at the top of his lungs. "Show your f**king face!"

"Here I am." Adam said stepping out of the dark corner, his eyes flaming. It was like he had been taken over by some alter ego. He saw the man crying over his friend body. "Oh yeah about that, I'm sorry." Adam grinned.

"You're sorry! You are sorry! I'll make you sorry!" Tommy ran over to the table and grabbed the blood crusted blade. He ran towards Adam in a fiery rage. "I'll cut you into little pieces you dick!"

When the man got in front of Adam, he sidestepped. Behind him was a blue beast, it towered over the man. Tommy dropped the blade as the creature opened his mouth and closed it down on Tommy's head. Tommy's body fell to the ground, headless. It seemed that the creature was also taken over by the anonymous evil sprit.

"Good work Feraligtr. You can return now." Adam opened up Feraligtr's pokeball and he went in with a bright flash.

Adam passed out on the ground…

"Ron, Aron, Aron." The little Aron stood over Adam's face licking his forehead trying to get him up. When Adam opened his eyes Aron smiled.

"Hello little buddy." Adam said looking around. "What happened?" Adam got up and started to walk out the cave.

"Ronnnn!" The little creature howled.

"What's wrong? Do you want to come with me?" Adam bent over and petted Aron's head. Aron closed his eyes in pleasure and nodded. "That’s great!" Adam said, standing back out and looking at his belt for an empty ball. "Crap, I don't have a ball Aron." Adam flung his hands to his sides and felt some lumps in his pockets. He reached in and pulled out one of the Great Balls from before.

"Aron!" The little creature said in glee.

"I completely forgot about these, I'll pay mom back for one of them." Adam said. He clicked on the small button and the tiny ball tripled in size. He threw the ball, "Go Great Ball!"

The ball collided with the first horn on Aron's back and opened, sucking the little metal monster into it. It hit the ground and rock back and forth. 1…2…3 Will it lock?

OCC: Also, i couldn't find a good spot for this, but the 'spirits' controling Adam and his pokemon where the dead Aron's spirits. Just thought it could help ^-^
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Last edited by The Elite Ygseto; 04-21-2005 at 10:22 PM.
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  #8  
Old 04-21-2005, 11:04 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire (PG-13) (RTG)

Ok I'll be grading this for my grader test.

Story- I liked the story it had a pretty good plot, I liked how you went in and out with the grandpa and when he was young. Your detail was fine but could have added a little more. The length for this story seemed fine.

Reality- Hmm I never heard of taking the armor off of Aron, but I guess it could happen if like Team Rocket did it.

Spelling/Grammer- It was fine but with typical typos and when you type numbers like 2 it should be two.

Battle- There was none, and this is one of the most important parts of a story, you can't just write a story and expect to catch a Pokemon without a battle.

OUTCOME- Not captured, if you add on to this story with a very long and detailed battle with Aron then it could be a catch.

Tips- Just add some more detail and you have to have a battle, it makes the story more fun and interesting to read.
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  #9  
Old 04-22-2005, 05:56 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire (PG-13) (RTG)

adding on.

story:
i like it. i can see the writing improvement. very dark story... poor Aron.

grammer:
"All the little kids, felling sad for the whimpering Aggron, got up and gave him a hug."
'where' for 'were' almost everytime used except one.

battle:
yes, you need to battle Aron to catch it.

Outcome- Aron Not Captured!

good work biozone. try to point out the main grammer errors, if any. test- pass.

~Jack~
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  #10  
Old 04-22-2005, 08:23 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire (PG-13) (RTG)

Ok, thanks Jack and VT! I got my story in hand (or in copy =P). BTW: Congrats VT on passing.

---

"Ah, ha ha ha!" The old man's son laughed loudly. "I love that part!" He fell off the trunk holding his sides.

"Be quiet you knuckle head! The kids are sleeping." The old man said hitting his son on the top of his head.

"Oh alright," the son said, rubbing his head. "You can get back to your story now." He rolled his eyes.

---

"Oh, so you want me to do it the old fashioned way. You'll be sorry, I brought my best mons." Adam said to the grinning Aron. He reached for Magmar's Ultraball. He pulled it off and threw it towards the ground. "Go Magmar!"

The Aron backed up as the Ultraball opened up to reveal and flaming Pokemon. Its hind legs thick and muscular, his horns tipped with flames. Aron got in his attack position and he closed his eyes, so just a little of the white was present. "Ronn!" the Aron growled.

"He, you're so cute." Adam giggled, mocking the steel Pokemon. "Ok magmar, don't hurt his to bad, just use a Fire Punch. But go easy, he has had a rough day."

"Mar!" Magmar nodded as he rushed toward the Aron with his fist ablaze. Once he got to him he stopped and tapped Aron with his fist.

Aron growled and Adam and Magmar for thinking he couldn't hold his own. He would show them.

Aron's eyes started to roll back into his head as he started wailing. The gound began to shake, steadily getting stronger.

"Holy crap what the hell is he doing?!" Adam questioned as he tried to balance himself. "Is he using Earthquake?"

Aron's scream go louder and deeper, and the ground started to crack. A crack formed right between Magmar's legs. Magmar dropped on one knee to help him balance.

"Holy s*it he is using Earthquake, I had know idea that they can learn it naturally. Actually from what I read they can't!" Adam said, falling to his knees. His knees started to bleed a little from rubbing against the rough rocking surface. "Magmar, try and stop him! Use another Fire Punch, but a full one!"

Magmar started to run towards the little Aron as he yelled. "Marr!!!" Magmar bellowed in his deep voice. His fist up and ablaze, ready to strike the Aron.

"Aron!!!" The Aron screamed as the crack that was between Magmar, split open revealing a dark pit about 10 feet deep. Magmar was dropped in with a thud. The earth stopped shaking.

"Magmar, are you alright?" Adam asked, running over to the pit.

Magmar got off his butt and gave Adam a thumb's up. "Magmar."

"Good, try to crawl out," Adam said as he tuned his attention to the Aron. He was on his side panting. "I guess he wore himself out." Adam walked over to the Aron. I guess I did have to do much, you did it yourself.

"Aron…" Aron said weakly, panting lightly.

Adam walked over to the Greatball that did work at first and threw it again at Aron. "Go Greatball!"

The ball sucked Aron inside and rocked along the ground, 1…2…3, will it lock?
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  #11  
Old 04-22-2005, 09:25 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire (PG-13) (RTG)

Alright good, Aron-CAUGHT.

Nice job with the battle but next time just make it longer since this time it was short due to Aron being tired from the grunts.

Last edited by MystiKal; 04-22-2005 at 09:34 PM.
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  #12  
Old 04-22-2005, 09:32 PM
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Default Re: Around the Campfire (PG-13) (RTG)

w00t! Thanks VT.
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