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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 03-16-2004, 07:17 AM
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Default My story (wanting opinions)

I wrote this story in a moment of extreme depression. It is rated PG for Mature themes.

Pain

It rained the night it began. The party music droned in the background. There she stood, like some kind of angel. A sad sorrow surrounded her, like a dark aura. Like she had been through more pain then I could ever imagine. It was my friend Kalima, from school. I went over to her, and asked how she was.
“I was alright, until yesterday…” she said.
“What happened to you?” I questioned.
“Alexander left me,” she said holding back the tears.
I thought to myself. I never had liked Alexander much, but this cut it. I didn’t like him at all now. In fact, I had a feeling of pure and unchanging hatred.
“That’s so terrible, is there anything I can do?” I asked her.
She began, and also started to cry, “Can you take me home?”
I agreed by nodding my head, and took her out to my car.

The drive was a nuisance, the darkness was full and complete, and the rain didn’t help. However, I knew why I was doing this. Kalima needed emotional support.. This wasn’t about me, it was all about her. I offered her some tissues, and a swig of whisky from my flask. We made it back to her house in about 15 minutes.
“Would you like to come in?” she asked.
“Sure, I’ll make some coffee” I replied.
I made the hot coffee for the both of us. She began to speak…
“It was all so perfect, we were fine, until that Alisha came into things,” she muttered angrily, “for the past week it’s all been about her. And now, he’s cheated on me, and left me, for some annoying blond bimbo with too much makeup.”
I was moved by her courage to talk so openly about it. I suppose I was her friend, so it didn’t matter as much.
“I suppose that’s it. I’ll never find anyone else. I’ll just have to be lonely forever” She said, starting the tears again. I eventually moved over to her, gave her a big hug. And helped her to her bed. I sat next to her bed until she fell asleep. She seemed even more beautiful in the darkness. Her smooth pale skin seemed even more perfect in the dark. I moved over to her, and kissed her forehead, and bid her goodnight. Even if she never felt it, or knew my feelings, I would always have this moment.

The next month moved quickly. Grade 12 Midyears were over faster then they began. I that time, Kalima and I become closer and closer, going out in public together more then we did before. I was ready. I was going to ask her out. The day came, it was a dreary afternoon, in the middle of autumn. I asked her to come with me for a walk. We walked along the path, and I simply asked her.
“So…Kalima, would you do me the honour of going out with me?” I asked quickly.
She gasped “I had no idea you felt like this Devon, but I’m afraid I can’t, you see, Alisha has be transferred to another school, and apparently already with another man there. He rang me this morning to apologize, and asked me out again. I just love him so much, I couldn’t refuse.
The pain was unbearable. It was like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on, then cooked and eaten. It was the most pain ever. I quickly hid this pain and replied with an ‘oh’.
“Ï hope this isn’t too much for you Devon.” She whispered.
All my work had been for naught, I had waited too long. One day earlier and she would have been mine. A feeling of loneliness and darkness crept up within me.
“Nah, that’s ok. No big deal,” I uttered.
She lent over, and kissed me on the cheek. Her lips were warm. It was a pleasing feeling, but it still left me empty within.
“I hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship…” she said.
She walked slowly in the other direction, toward Alexander’s house. Everything I had done didn’t help me at all. And now, the ******* had stolen the only thing important to me. I slowly walked the other way, back to my car, back home. I lay on my bed, and began to weep. It was too much for me to think about. I had helped her in her darkest hour, and still had earnt nothing. Was this how thing were meant to happen? Why did life have to mess with my feeling and leave the bitter sting of loss deeply in my soul, like a branding. It was over…I hade nothing left to live for. The girl of my dreams, taken away in an instant. I found the nearest closet, and grabbed rope from our shed. I tied a noose, and kicked the chair out from under me, I felt a snap and the pain was gone. My parents found the body when they got home that night and the entire school was aware of what I had done to myself. No-one could figure out why I had done this, except for Kalima. She was greatly saddened by my untimely death. She knew why, but never told anyone…

I might make it longer, but not atm. I hold all rights to this story.

Please rate it.
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  #2  
Old 03-17-2004, 09:21 AM
LolJolteonMaster Offline
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Default Re: My story (wanting opinions)

I'd give it 6/10.
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  #3  
Old 03-18-2004, 03:49 PM
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Default Re: My story (wanting opinions)

Very sad.....9/10...I liked it.
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