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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 04-19-2007, 01:37 AM
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Default Nidoran Love

Pokemon Trying for Nidoran (M) & Nidoran (F)

The soft blue moonlight illuminates the grasslands surrounding the jagged peaks of the mysterious Mount Moon. The Hoothoot and Noctowl begin to fly about as the night comes to bloom.

Sleeping in a nice warm little burrow, lays our unlikely hero. He is a small little Pokemon full of pride and burning with an urge to fight. However, right now he is cozily tucked within his comfortable little den with his long purple ears tucked by his side. When looking at this cute little creature no one would ever think that such a strong fighting spirit lies inside. However, this little purple spiked Nidoran (M) would prove them all wrong. All night, he would dream of battling with other Nidoran (M) and coming out as the champion. He is small for his size. Thus, when he was awake the other Nidoran (M) would usually come out on top. Nonetheless, when the sun comes up today he will become a hero.

As the sun begins to rise above the horizon, the HootHoot and Noctowl begin to settle in their dens for the long day. Then the Pidgey and Spearow begin to awaken and fly high in the bright sky.

Our hero begins to awaken from his long slumber. He begins to stretch his legs and long ears. Then he begins to let out a long and cute little sigh, "yawwn." Slowly he heads towards the grass fields surrounding the beautifully Mount Moon.

As he walks though the fields, he notices a puddle of water. He begins to bend down and takes a few drinks, from the puddle of water. However, as he does another Nidoran (F) catches his eye she looks so beautiful, that he stops what he is doing and begins to stare.

Within a few seconds another Nidoran (M) at least twice the size of our hero walks by, and stomps in the puddle our hero was drinking from getting mud all over our hero’s face. Our hero shakes the mud off his face.

The large Nidoran (M) puts on a display for the blue beauty. However, she seems to just shrug him off. He trys to show off by bagging his head into a tree. Again she ignores him.

Our hero lets out a little laugh.

The large Nidoran hears this and becomes infuriated. The female becomes quite interested and watches closely. Our hero does not seem frightened at all as the large Nidoran charges towards him.

Cleverly our hero dodges the Furious Attack.

Our hero the counters the attack by jamming his horn into the hide of his rival. However, this is not enough cause the antagonist to flee.

He turns around and attempts another Fury Attack.

Our hero lucky dodges this attack as well. However, he is unsure how log he can keep it up. So he begins to look around. Then he gets an idea. After the rain falls, the ground has become quite soft and easy to dig under. He remembers that to create his own little den he had to wait for a good rain to make it as comfortable as possible. Thus our hero begins to dig underground.

The large Nidoran is so infuriated he does not notice that our hero has left the scene. He begins to charge again.

Our hero digs trough the wet soft mud listing for the steps of the large Nidoran to stop. The mud is cold on his body and he is getting tired of waiting. However, he knows he cannot win by strength alone.

Finally, the large beast notices his little rival is gone. He stops and begins to look around.

The blue beauty who has been watching begins to chuckle at the sight of the dim witted buffoon.

Suddenly the ground underneath the little Nidoran’s rival begins to shake. The large Nidoran becomes quite confused and soon a small spiked purple ball comes flying out of the ground and right into his soft underbelly.

The large Nidoran is quite hurt. However, he wants to keep trying.

The little Nidoran is more than up to it now that the field has been evened a bit.

The large one charges again and delivers a horn attack directly to the little Nidoran.However, the little catches the large ones horn and counters the attack right as it hits.

Both of them begin to grin as they back off from each other.

The female has become quite charmed by the intelligence and skill the little Nidoran has shown. She begins to let out a cry.

The large one stomps his feat to the ground announcing he is ready.

The little one just sways his horn in the bright sun.

The large one charges and delivers a direct hit to the little one causing him to fly into the hole which he had dug earlier.

The little shakes off the damage. Then he leaps into the air and thrusts his horn into the side of his rival.

The large Nidoran is barely standing now. However, he figures that if he can at least deliver one good hit he can impress the blue beauty.

He charges and delivers another hit to our hero. He takes the hit, and he is pushed back a few feet. However, the little one has been dealt little damage in the fight. Thus, he is able to recover relatively fast. He shakes off the damage, and charges at his bruised and battered rival. Then he forces his horn into his side delivering the final blow.

The large Nidoran falls to the ground defeated. The blue beauty runs to our hero and begins to lick his wounds. However, he will not have that yet. The little one walks to some trees. Then he begins to ram them with all his might. Slowly, Oran berries begin to fall. He takes some for himself. Then he walks the rest to his rival and places them next to him. The female is quite confused. However, she is also quite impressed with his compassion.

Our hero and his new love begin to walk off into the sunset.

This is the end of part one.



It has been a week since the two Nidoran have met. They have become quite inseparable. When the Sun begins to rise our hero will often go out and hunt for food. Brining back berries and other types of foods for breakfast The blue beauty would then stay and protect the nest.

However, this morning everything would change. Chase was a young trainer from Pallet town. After arriving in Pewter City he became quite interested in the mysterious Mountmoon. As he was waling about he noticed our hero gathering Oran Berries.

Chase flipped open his Pokedex. He a had never seen such a Pokemon. The Pokedex showed him that this little fellow as a poison type. Chase realized he didn’t have a Pokemon on his team with a type advantage against that Pokemon. However he may have something that will be able to hold its own.

Suddenly Chase sends out his Butterfree.

Our hero looks around surprised to see the trainer.

The Butterfree looks at the little Nidoran as chase command him to use confusion.

Butterfree soars up in the air and begins to use psychic powers on our poor hero. He begins to levitate dropping the berries he was holding. Soon the Butterfree lets loose of our hero as he begins to plummet towards the ground.

Our hero falls to the ground realizing he cannot win easily he eats the berries he was planning to take home. The little Nidoran jumps into the air and rams his sharp horn right into the bug Pokemon.

Butterfree is hurt, however, he is not out. Chase commands him to use Psybeam, this time.

Butterfree begins to back away from the little Nidoran as a strange beam begins to radiate from the head of the colorful butterfly.

The little Nidoran takes a direct hit. He tries to think. However, his mind seems clouded after the strange attack.

Chase yells as he throws a little red poke ball, "Pokeball go!

As the ball Sways the little Nidoran thinks of his love.

Suddenly he gets the strength to escape from the red orb and flees the scene heading back to his little den

Chase begins to chase after the little Nidoran hoping to find out where he is going.

Our hero bruised and battered makes it back to the den. His love awaits his arrival. She is quit surprised to see him is such a condition. Once he gets to the den she gives him the remaining berries so he is able to recover his strength.

Chase eventually finds the den. However, he is shocked to find his prey is not alone. Plus, he has healed completely.

Chase sees this and decides to let out two of his Pokemon. At first he considers sending his Butterfree. However, he has not had the chance to visit the Pokecenter. Thus, she was still injured.

Chase then decides to send out Ivysaur and Pidgey. Chase yells, "go Ivysaur, and go Pidgey.”

The two lovers get ready for a fight.

Chase commands his Pidgey, "use quick attack and attack the purple one.

Suddenly out of no where the little Nidoran is hit.

After the little Nidoran is hit Chase commands his Ivysaur to begin to charge up a solar beam.

The Ivysaur just begins to sit still as he gathers sunlight.

Our little hero is not about to let the tiny little bird get the best of him. He becomes extremely frustrated. Thus, he lets rage fill him and attempts a Furious Attack.

The attack misses the bird completely.

His little girlfriend is not impressed with his hot headed attitude. She throws her head back to show that she is ashamed of what he has done.

Our little hero falls to the ground then notices that he is being shunned by his girl. Soon he realizes he was not using his head.

The female then leaps at the bird and scratches at it. She only hurts the little bird a tiny bit. However, she does hit it.

Chase looks at the two, then looks at Pidgey, and winks. Then commands Pidgey, "use your Hidden Power Pidgey on the blue one." Pidgey’s eye’s glow purple as an odd psychic comes hurdling at the female Nidoran.

Chase then looks at Ivysaur, and commands him to use the gathered energy on the female Nidoran as well. Soon the beam of sunlight begins combine with the psychic energy forming a strange psychic Solar Beam.

Our hero looks worried so her rushes to his loves aid.

His love covers her eyes as the beam heads towards her.

However, she is stunned when she opens her eyes to find that the our little hero has taken all of the damage from the combination attack.

Our little hero falls to the ground defeated.

She becomes so infuriated she tries a furry swipes attack on the Pidgey. However, it is another miss.

Chase command Pidgey to use its Hidden Power and his Ivysaur to use sleep powder afterwards.

The psychic energy knocks her back into her own den.

Not long afterwards she shakes off the damage. Then she sees a large shadow of the frog plant Pokemon. As he begins to shake a fine powder flows down from his exotic leaves.

The blue beauty begins to become drowsy. However, she is determined to not let this be the end.

She turns slightly to look at her love on the ground. She sees that he has been knocked out cold by the combined might of Chases two powerful Pokemon. She begins to think back to the day she meet her little lover. Then she suddenly becomes filled with the same urge to fight as our little hero. Shaking off her drowsy state she gets in a battle stance.

Chase is shocked that this little creature is still willing to fight. After he just massacred her lover.

She begins to dig her claws into the ground and jump into the air. She pounces on the tiny bird and uses her teeth to deliver a Poison Fang attack directly at the bird. The Pidgey falls to the ground after the attack as the blue beauty smiles positively.

Chase recalls his Pidgey. However, then he sends out the injured Butterfree.

The Butterfree flies out of the Pokeball and flutters about.

Chase then commands the Butterfree to use Psybeam on the blue beauty.

The Butterfree flies up in the air and attempts a Psybeam. However, the adrenalin flowing though the blue beauty has caused her to already be prepared for this as he leaps up and knocks the already injured Butterfree down onto the ground.

The she precedes to use her massive teeth to Crunch away at the injured bug. Chase quickly recalls the Butterfree after this.

He then commands the Ivysaur to use Bodyslam. The Ivysaur back up and then leaps into the air.

The Nidoran looks up after delivering the final blow to the Butterfree to see a large shadow above her.

She attempts to move out of the away. However, she cannot and is plowed into the ground.

The blue beauty crawls out from the underbelly of the large frog and as she does she hears the trainer command the beast in the background.

“Ivysaur use Double-Edge,” quite suddenly the beast charges forward and plows the little Nidoran further into the ground. However, the spikes and force of the blow also has caused some damage to the frog itself.

The little blue Nidoran is quite injured after the jarring attack. She crawls up and bites the large beset with her tiny teeth. Then Ivysaur lets out a horrible sound, “ehhreeh.”

“This isn’t the end buddy use Leech Seed” commands the Ivysaurs trainer Chase.

As the little blue beauty has her teeth deep within the carcass of the toad, she notices the plant on top of it shoot out some strange seeds that seem to cover her. Then suddenly, she starts to feel drained of energy.

As the seeds leech away the life of the poor little blue Nidoran the green behemoth begins to recover some of his health.

The little blue girl is so wiped now she is not sure how long she can hold on. She attempts a last ditch effort to win this battle she release her teeth from the frog for a few seconds and bites down again with her Poision Fangs.

However, the toad is not fazed by this. He shakes her off of him.

Chase then commands his Ivysaur one last time to use sleep powder.

He looms over his exhausted pray and begins to shake slowly as a powder begins to fall over the little girl.

Slowly she shuts her eyes.

Chase then throws two Premier Pokeballs out.

They both twitch one closes on our little hero. However, will they forever be a love that must be torn apart.
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Last edited by Rpgraccoon; 04-19-2007 at 11:48 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-19-2007, 04:08 AM
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Default Re: Nidoran Love

Introduction:
A small blue Nidoran (M) wakes up after a long sleep and sees a beautiful (F) Nidoran but a big buffon gets into the way.
A good Introduction you told us what Pokemon you where and what it looked like.

Plot:
A small (M) Nidoran wakes up to see a beautifull (F) Nidoran, but a obstacle is in the way, a bigger and tougher (m) Nidoran. They battle and the cleverness and wits of the small one wins the battle. The beautifull female gets attracted by that and there is love <3. As the hero goes out to find food he is encountered a trainer, Chase. They battle but the hero retreats back to his den with some injuries. Chase looks for the den and finally finds it. They battle and Chase's Pokemon knock our Hero and his Love.
Well this plot was well thought out. I liked it as it started with you being the Pokemon but it was sad as Chase had to totally kill the Nidorans.

Grammar:
Ok, here comes the bit where you stuffed up a little. You should proof read your story everytime you add something to it. But I don't think you did this time as there where alot of missing letters, words not capitalised and no full stops/commas.

Examples:

Quote:
within is comfortable little
Doesn't make sense, I think you forgot to add the H to His.

Quote:
of our heron stops in the puddle our, hero was drinking from getting mud all over our hero’s face.
You need a comma there and also the rest of the sentence didn't make sense.

Quote:
Our hero sakesthe mud off his face.
I guess this is suppose to be shakes?

Quote:
The mud is getting cold on his body and he is getting tired of waiting.
Shouldn't this be like this?

Quote:
Delevers
Spelling mistake, should be delivers.

Quote:
Our little is not about to let the bird get the best of him. However, he makes a fatal mistake. He lets rage fill him and attempts a Furious Attack.
Uhhhh, what?

Quote:
“use your Hidden Power Pidgey on the blue one."
You didn't capitalise it.

I decided not to post all of the mistakes as that would take too long. These are the general ones, so next time proof read your story.

Detail
Well the detail here is ok. But you could of added alot more into the battle.

Battle
Well the battle, what can i say it was very good, but i could of seen it that the Nidorans actually had a chance against Chase. Instead you decided to kill them, and i mean kill.

Length
Just over 10k i don't think that is enough for both Nidorans, but by the critiria it is enough.

Outcome:
Proof read your story and edit the grammar errors the rest of the story is ok. Also i think you need a bit more length on that maybe 2-4k more for these Nidoran. Sorry to say but Nidoran (M) Captured and Nidoran (F) NOT Captured.
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Last edited by Ketamine; 04-19-2007 at 06:23 AM.
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  #3  
Old 04-19-2007, 03:31 PM
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Default Re: Nidoran Love

I was able to fix some errors. Plus, I added to the last battle. I admit I was tired when I wrote the final battle. Thus, it was kinda one sided. However, I believe I fixed that. Nonethless, I still like this story.

New Character Count: 13.5k by using http://www.javascriptkit.com/script/...harcount.shtml

Fixed: Some errors
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Last edited by Rpgraccoon; 04-20-2007 at 02:19 AM.
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  #4  
Old 04-20-2007, 01:44 AM
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Default Re: Nidoran Love

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rpgraccoon View Post
I was able to fix some errors. Plus, I added to the last battle. I admit I was tired when I wrote the final battle. Thus, it was kinda one sided. However, I believe I fixed that. Nonethless, I still like this story.

New Character Count: 13.5k

Fixed: Some errors

Well, you have edited some erros, except for the Capitals and some speech marks. You added a bit to the battle i see and i thinks its enough for the Caputre of Nidoran (f). So Nidoran (f) Captured.
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Last edited by Ketamine; 04-20-2007 at 02:21 AM.
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