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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #31  
Old 04-15-2007, 05:19 AM
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Default Re: The Quest for the Legends at PE2K (take two)

“Ahh… that’s better,” Charmander sighed in relief. “Now… what next?”

Mark looked around. “I say we get to that side of the lake where there aren’t fifteen tourists standing in every square foot.”

Charmander nodded, and they walked together out of the crowd along the edge of the beautiful lake into the more grassy areas on its east side. The water was downright impossibly clear. Had it not been for the sunlight reflecting off the soft waves, he would have thought the fish Pokémon drifting by were swimming in thin air.

He painfully remembered he wouldn’t even be able to see Suicune perform its nightly purification act, forced his eyes off the water and looked around for Pokémon in the grass.

And then he bumped into a tree.

“Ow,” he groaned, rubbing his face as a brown bird with a crest of red feathers on its head flew up from its nest in the top of the tree, swooping down with an angry chirp to annihilate this disturbance.

“A Pidgeotto!” Mark gasped as he saw it. “Charmander, Ember! I’m catching this thing!”

The lizard span around, releasing a flurry of embers from his tail flame as the bird approached. Pelleted by hot soot, the Pidgeotto let out a cry of disdain before turning to Charmander, diving and, to Mark’s horror, grabbing Charmander in its talons.

“Hey!” Mark shouted. “Let him go!”

The Pidgeotto flapped its wings a few times, heaving the struggling Charmander off the ground with some difficulty and then flying out over the lake.

“Let go?” it chirped nastily and released a couple of claws off Charmander’s scaly hide. The lizard was frozen in fear at the sight of the fatal water straight below him.

“No!” Mark squeaked, wide-eyed. “Get over here and then let him go! Please?”

The bird Pokémon threw its head in disdain. Mark watched in terror as Charmander seemed to be slipping out of the bird’s grip.

“I’ll leave and never bump into your tree again, I promise!” Mark pleaded. “You know the Agreements, right?”

Finally satisfied, the Pidgeotto flew back over the bank just as the lizard slipped out of its talons, fell down on the ground and took a few harsh tumbles in the grass before coming to a halt.

“Charmander!” Mark shouted, picking his Pokémon up. “Are you all right?”

The lizard shivered. “I think,” he mumbled.

Mark hugged the lizard, almost subconsciously. He could feel the rapid but calming heartbeat of both of them against his chest. It seemed like everything that could possibly go wrong was going wrong. Part of him wanted to just go home and forget about being a trainer. The other part was stubbornly determined that he could manage to enjoy himself at this, no matter how badly things were going now.

“Do you want to continue?” Mark finally muttered. “Or should we just… go home?”

Charmander looked at him. “Go home? Now? And make this crap be officially for nothing? Are you mad?”

He gritted his teeth and forced himself out of Mark’s arms, jumping down to the ground as Mark watched in astonishment. “Come on,” the Pokémon said. “Let’s see if there are any Pok…”

He stopped, and Mark looked quickly in the direction he was looking in.

What appeared to be a ball made of yellow scales lay motionless on the grass a few feet away. It definitely hadn’t been there earlier. It only took Mark a second to realize that it was not just a funny yellow ball – it was a Sandshrew, and he was going to catch it.

“Ember!” he shouted, but Charmander had had the same idea and was already shaking a flurry of small embers at the curled-up Pokémon. The Sandshrew twitched at the feel of the glowing ash’s touch, but remained steadfastly in its tight defensive ball.

For a few seconds, anyway.

Then curiosity got the better of it and it uncurled slightly for a look, which Charmander was quick to exploit, slamming his tail flame mercilessly into the little armadillo Pokémon’s face. It squealed in pain and Mark couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for it.

He forcefully pushed the feeling away, figuring he’d have to get used to it if he was going to be a trainer. He saw the Sandshrew uncurl and prepare to run away, its face still scorched. Mark wondered if Charmander had blinded it, perhaps permanently. He had another twinge of guilt as he watched Charmander leap at the little armadillo with a growl, attempting to scratch at its vulnerable underbelly with his sharp claws.

“That’s enough, Charmander!” he called, plucking a Pokéball from his belt and nervously preparing to throw it as the lizard looked at him and stepped quickly aside. He tossed the ball awkwardly, nonetheless managing by miraculous chance to hit the Pokémon. He watched wide-eyed as the Sandshrew dissolved into a mere shape of translucent, glowing red which was then neatly sucked into the Pokéball as the device closed tightly around it.

Mark watched the white button on the middle of the ball, now glowing with a faint red color as the Pokéball wobbled in the grass. It was amazing how much more intense the wobbling seemed to make the Pokémon capture process. He clenched his fist, muttering some words of hope under his breath.

And the ball burst open at the last moment, allowing the Sandshrew to rematerialize as a glowing shape of white light.

“Stop it from running!” Mark blurted out to Charmander as he plucked another Pokéball from his belt. The lizard quickly moved into the armadillo’s way and smacked his tail into its face again.

Mark threw the second ball, and just as the Sandshrew recoiled in pain, the Pokéball struck it and sucked it inside.

The ball wobbled once, twice, thrice.

“Do it!” Mark hissed at the ball just before it stilled on the ground, the red glow of the button fading as a little ping sound confirmed the successful capture.

He stared at it.

He blinked.

“I caught a Pokémon,” he said stupidly as the fact seeped into his head.

“Duh,” Charmander replied. “Aren’t you going to take it?”

Mark picked up the ball and realized dimly that he had an extremely dumb grin plastered over his face.

“Oh, yeah. Nice work, Charmander,” he added quickly as he motioned to put the ball back on his belt, but then hesitated.

“Go, Sandshrew!” he said, dropping the ball to the ground where it popped open and released the armadillo again. It blinked a few times and glanced fearfully at Charmander before looking up at Mark.

“You… caught me?” it asked, and Mark identified the voice as masculine. He just nodded.

“Oh,” Sandshrew just said. “Okay.”

Mark noticed the scorch marks on his face. “Here, let me see that.”

He knelt down and touched the Pokémon carefully. Sandshrew twitched at the touch of his hand, but allowed him to stroke his scales briefly as he dug into his backpack with his other hand and found a Potion.

“Just stay still,” he said nervously. As he sprayed the soothing healing agent onto Sandshrew’s wounds, he couldn’t help having another stroke of guilt.

“You definitely… you don’t mind being caught, do you? Because I can release you and all, if you…”

“It’s fine,” Sandshrew insisted dully.

Mark looked sceptically at him for a few seconds, but then sighed. “Okay, I hope you don’t mind if I recall you now…”

Sandshrew just shook his head, but then hesitated as Mark took out the Pokéball.

“Are you good?” the Pokémon asked nervously, looking up at his new trainer.

Mark stared at him, thinking of the Pidgeotto, the Rattata and the girl with the Skarmory, and was too honest to give any other answer than a hopeless mutter of, “No, not really.”

The Sandshrew sighed, and Mark was quick to add, “Well, I just started out. I’m sure I’ll get better.”

“Doesn’t matter,” the Pokémon said dully. “Just recall me and send me out if you need me.”

Mark was going to say something, but abandoned the notion midway through opening his mouth to speak. He closed it again, took out Sandshrew’s Pokéball, maximized it with a press of the white button in the middle of it and pointed it at the Pokémon. A beam of red light shot out of the button, hit the little armadillo and dissolved him into an intangible shape of red that was then absorbed into the ball.

“Well, nice,” Charmander finally said. “Let’s go on, shall we?”

Mark had nearly placed Sandshrew’s Pokéball back on his belt when he remembered he still had not registered Sandshrew as caught in his Pokédex. He picked it up with a strange thrill, turned it on and pointed it at the Pokéball. The blue light on the top of it lit up, and silently, data was displayed on the screen – he had turned the voice function off.

SANDSHREW: Mouse Pokémon
This Pokémon is known to be timid and curl up into a ball that is almost invulnerable to physical attacks when assaulted rather than fight. They live in colonies of twenty to thirty individuals, both evolved and unevolved together.


He looked at the stats; Sandshrew was apparently level six and would be expected to be able to use Scratch and Defense Curl. He took a quick look at Charmander, but then remembered that the lizard Pokémon wouldn’t be able to be registered as caught to his Pokédex until after he got a new Pokéball of his own.

“Well,” Mark just said. “Let’s train some, all right?”

Charmander nodded in agreement, and they walked towards the forest.

-------

Mark came to his senses when he realized suddenly that the chatter that they had heard faintly throughout the day from the other end of the lake was no longer there. Charmander was just chasing a Pidgey away. Mark hadn’t felt like catching any more Pokémon that day; Sandshrew’s dull acceptance had been a sort of mood-killer for it.

He looked quickly at the northeastern bank of the lake, where the Lake Road headed back to Cleanwater, and saw that the tourists were all gone. The sky there had turned a dark purplish blue. He turned slowly around and saw in horror that the western sky was glowing with the pinkish red of the sunset.

Sunset.

Suicune.

I shouldn’t be here, Mark realized in panic, the information sign flashing across his head with the uncomfortable addition of his face at the end of the row of trainers killed by Suicune.

He could have run for it right there and then, but something stopped him – perhaps the same something that had made him forget about the time. This was terrifying and exciting at the same time. Since he was there anyway, some voice in his head pointed out, why not just stay and see Suicune after all…?

Charmander looked up at him. “What are you…”

He stopped dead when he noticed what Mark had.

On the opposite bank, a large, four-legged shape dashed out of the forest and stopped at the edge of the lake. The large crystal formation on its head glistened in the fading sunlight; the purple cape extending back from its neck and the white ribbons levitating magically by its sides rippled in rhythmic waves on their own accord.

It was Suicune, and it was the most amazing thing Mark had seen in his life.

“It looks so much cooler in real life than on pictures…” he breathed.

Then Suicune looked up.

He saw two eyes look at him from underneath the crystal head crest, and felt his heart beating wildly in his chest. For a couple of seconds, he was frozen in fear, certain that Suicune would run over the surface of the lake and kill him.

But the legendary Pokémon ignored him, looked down at the lake and carefully dipped its right front paw into the water. It was only a momentary touch, but immediately ripples of purification began to spread over the surface of the lake, impossibly cleaning what was already mind-bogglingly clear.

He only had a fraction of a second to realize this, because just at that moment he got a much better thing to think about. The giant head of a blue, dragon-like sea monster burst out of the water with a terrifying roar on Suicune’s end of the lake just as the legendary Pokémon sprinted back into the forest it had come from.

A Gyarados.

The lake was impossibly clear. Any seeing person could convince himself by just a quick glance at it that there was no Gyarados in it. Which was the reason it had always been clear that if there ever had been a Gyarados in the lake as legends told of, it certainly had somehow disappeared, whether it was Suicune’s doing or not.

And yet he was now looking at one – a Magikarp that had just evolved, somehow? But why would a Magikarp evolve now when there was not a single case of a wild Magikarp in that lake evolving in documented history?

Mark suddenly realized that the Gyarados had noticed him and was quickly swimming towards him.

While foolish adventurousness and legendary-obsession had driven him to stay there while Suicune purified the lake, he was not foolish enough to stay on the bank with a Gyarados rapidly approaching. He found himself screaming at the top of his lungs without even knowing why he was doing it, turning rapidly around and running towards the northeastern end of the lake with the welcoming road to Cleanwater City as fast as he could with Charmander on his heels.

“No! Don’t leave!”

Mark was so startled by hearing those words that he stopped. It would not for a moment have fooled him to hear the Gyarados try to utter something in order to get him to stay there so it could eat him, but what got him was that the words were not a roar of Pokémon speech. It was a roar of perfectly understandable human English.

He turned around, an increasingly convincing voice in his head telling him this was just a crazy dream. “You… you can speak human?” he croaked stupidly.

“I don’t know how,” the Gyarados replied quickly, again in English. It was just by the bank now; he could see its lips move as it talked. “Please don’t leave. I need you to…”

Mark found himself walking slowly back towards the lake in spite of Charmander’s tugs on his trousers and hisses of, “What are you doing? Have you gone insane?”

The Gyarados looked at him but then stared down and shook its head. “Don’t come so close,” it said.

“What?” Mark asked, his legs taking another doubtful step.

The Gyarados looked at him again with frantic despair in its bloodshot red eyes. “Do not come any nearer to me,” it repeated in a low growl, “or I will be tempted to eat you like the others.”

Mark stopped. “Oh,” he squeaked, by now scared out of his wits but somehow unable to get it out of his head that he’d be even worse off trying to run than not. “What others?”

“The ones on that sign,” the Gyarados just said before taking a few quick breaths. “Listen, you have to get me out of here. Anywhere. Away from Suicune. Please.”

“Sui…Suicune?” Mark asked in puzzlement, trying to rip his legs off the ground so that he could run away already.

“Just catch me in a ball and take me away!” the Pokémon hissed. “I’ll serve you for the rest of my life! Please!”

Mark managed to take a struggling step backwards and saw that the Gyarados didn’t attack him.

“Don’t leave me like this,” the Gyarados said with broken despair in its voice. “Please…”

Mark stopped to think; Charmander was still pulling on his pants.

He took a deep breath.

“O… okay,” he finally said and grabbed a Pokéball off his belt. Later he would never know just what it had been that had made him make the decision to believe that the Gyarados was not just trying to con him into something. All he could come up with was that he had simply reasoned that if the Gyarados had wanted to kill him, it wouldn’t have stopped him from coming close enough for it to strike.

In any case, what he did was throw the Pokéball.

The Gyarados didn’t even struggle.











Damn, that chapter had a lot of italics. o_O
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  #32  
Old 04-15-2007, 06:13 AM
Ashman Offline
 
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Default Re: The Quest for the Legends at PE2K (take two)

Great. Really great.

As a side plot (and this is, by no means, connected to your story at all as far as I know), what if the people on the poster weren't necessarily all taken by Suicune... what if some of them had been in the way of a criminal organization, who later arranged for them to be 'taken away' by 'suicune...' I know it probably has no place, and you already have a good reason for these people to have died, but at this point I'm working on other plots for different reasons.
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I woulda guessed Gyarados. And Dragonite blows, its all about Dragonair
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  #33  
Old 04-15-2007, 03:49 PM
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Default Re: The Quest for the Legends at PE2K (take two)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashman View Post
Great. Really great.

As a side plot (and this is, by no means, connected to your story at all as far as I know), what if the people on the poster weren't necessarily all taken by Suicune... what if some of them had been in the way of a criminal organization, who later arranged for them to be 'taken away' by 'suicune...' I know it probably has no place, and you already have a good reason for these people to have died, but at this point I'm working on other plots for different reasons.
Uh... they weren't taken by Suicune. o_O Gyarados killed them and ate them. He said so himself in the chapter:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chapter 6
The Gyarados looked at him again with frantic despair in its bloodshot red eyes. “Do not come any nearer to me,” it repeated in a low growl, “or I will be tempted to eat you like the others.”

Mark stopped. “Oh,” he squeaked, by now scared out of his wits but somehow unable to get it out of his head that he’d be even worse off trying to run than not. “What others?”

“The ones on that sign,” the Gyarados just said before taking a few quick breaths.
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  #34  
Old 04-15-2007, 04:43 PM
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Default Re: The Quest for the Legends at PE2K (take two)

Okay, there's something weird with that Gyarados. >< It can speak English, and is somehow able to be invisible. And it's afraid of Suicune. (Which I love, I'm so glad you put it in the story! ^^) Anyway, I liked the chapter. Poor Charmander, Mark has no idea what he's doing.

Also, whatever happened to the Eevee in last chapter?
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  #35  
Old 04-15-2007, 05:46 PM
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Default Re: The Quest for the Legends at PE2K (take two)

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Originally Posted by Draconic_Espeon View Post
Okay, there's something weird with that Gyarados. >< It can speak English, and is somehow able to be invisible. And it's afraid of Suicune. (Which I love, I'm so glad you put it in the story! ^^) Anyway, I liked the chapter. Poor Charmander, Mark has no idea what he's doing.

Also, whatever happened to the Eevee in last chapter?
Yes, obviously there is something weird with that Gyarados (more than what you mentioned, in fact). It's one of those really iffy things still in this fic; Gyarados is too speshul and Mark gets him too easily, but it's unfortunately one of those things just much too significant to be changed. x_X; But it will all be explained in due time.

Mark took Eevee to the Pokémon Center in chapter five; where else would it be?
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  #36  
Old 04-15-2007, 06:45 PM
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Default Re: The Quest for the Legends at PE2K (take two)

what in the... THAT wasn't there when I first read it, I swear to god! Holy hell... I feel stupid.

Anyways, this is really good, but it seems like your pokemon are getting a bit mary sue-ish. They're stronger, smarter, wiser, faster, all around better than humans. Why haven't they kicked the humans out of their world? And I know, spirit of cooperation thing, but I mean, back in the ancient world, when civilization was an idea thought up by someone who had gotten eaten by the nearest Arcanine, how did the humans survive? It would be better if you showed that humans had SOME advantage that pokemon didn't, and how that made them better, or at least equal.

EDIT: Oh, I see now, I missed the second post. Can you understand my confusion now? Now for the rest of it. Nice job. Except the pokemon thing noted before. If I was Mark (which I'm not) I'd go back after I'm all powerful and stuff, and kick the tail out of that pidgeotto. Just because.
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Last edited by Ashman; 04-15-2007 at 07:03 PM.
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  #37  
Old 04-15-2007, 07:55 PM
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Default Re: The Quest for the Legends at PE2K (take two)

Humans have an advantage. It is called creativity. This was subtly referenced in chapter six where Mark suggested on-the-fly, without even putting any thought into it, that Charmander should try just smashing his tail flame into the Rattata, and Charmander only then realized this seemingly obvious possibility. Pokémon are bad at thinking up new stuff, connecting previous knowledge to come to a new conclusion. Humans are physically weak, but make up for it with an extraordinary ability to figure things out, invent something. Pokémon are at an advantage when it comes to physical ability, and match the ability of humans to communicate, reason and remember what they've been told, but they way they live their lives, it's just about repeating what somebody else has taught them. Of course creativity varies from Pokémon to Pokémon, and some of them occasionally think of something that the species will then continue to utilize (Mark was of course definitely not the first person ever to realize that a Charmander can use its tail flame to fight, but it had simply not come to Charmander's mind until then), but generally humans are just better at this sort of thing with the addition of using tools that can for example help the Pokémon heal themselves and such. All in all this gives trained Pokémon an advantage over wild ones, which is the key to humans' success in the Pokémon world. Then in the end the general struggle for life and death became mutual agreement to basically create the ultimate game: an entire world that practically revolves around a set of related sports that both humans and Pokémon participate in.

Also, I wouldn't exactly call that Mary-Sue. o_O I mean, it's just my interpretation of Pokémon in general, not a particular character who is better than everybody else. All of what I've said about Pokémon seems sort of canonically obvious except the part where people can understand their language, anyway; isn't it a little obvious that most evolved Pokémon would be quite a bit more powerful than an unarmed human? And from how I see the animé, it seems quite clear to me that Pokémon are perfectly sentient creatures who just happen not to be able to talk to humans. I don't get where you're getting "smarter and wiser" from, anyway; all I've shown is Charmander and Mark conversing at a roughly equal level of general intelligence. Charmander knows more about battling and training and stuff simply because he is a starter Pokémon and as a starter Pokémon was taught all these things particularly well so he could guide his trainer, while Mark is somebody who spends his battling classes sketching legendary Pokémon.
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Last edited by Dragonfree; 04-15-2007 at 07:58 PM.
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