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Old 07-30-2006, 04:43 AM
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katiekitten Offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Av by RedEeveeMaster
Posts: 464
Default Re: Fan Fiction Chat/Feedback

Scep, it's nice! Good use of description, although maybe a little stop-start with the first sentences. (Short sentences, one after the other... Probably just me though. XD) I really liked it!

Grum... Hows about just Shadows? The Darkness Within? XD

I could use some help with a oneshot of mine...

What I have writen so far:

Immortality. How many have gazed at me with envious eyes for this so called gift? The ability, through no fault of my own, to never age, never fear that I will not see the oncoming day. To watch as your loved ones age and die while you remain young. To weep as all that you have strived to create, crumbles to dust at your feet.

I have been here since the beginning, since the creation. I watched the unrivalled fury of nature unleashed upon the world, bubbling angrily and exploding in outrage. I watched the first drop of water fall to the steaming surface of a river of fire, cooling it for a single second, a second that seemed to last for ever. I don’t know how I came to be. I just remember opening my eyes for the first time, and knowing what I had to do.

I was the one who gave life to the first creature of this world. My home. I have watched over it, cared for it, soothed its worries and mended its hurts. I’ve loved, I’ve lost. All for this.

Words fail me as I gaze upon the destruction. Fires, different from the beginning, rage over the land, eating away at the hollowed shells that were once dwellings. The once glorious seas, sickly with age, crawl away and throw themselves into the fiery chasms that split the earth. The sky is in turmoil: Black thunderheads wage war on the noxious, yellow gasses that escape from deep underground, covering the lungs and suffocating you with its foul poison. Even heavens guardian is gone; the moon shattered; its jagged edges similar to those that frame the fallen pieces of my heart.

I remember when the world was young, how I laughed and played in the new sprung rivers and streams, dancing under the eaves of the maple I’d claimed my own. Everything was new: taste, sound, smell, touch, and sight, oh, the wonderful sights! I saw the first rainbow; I marvelled at the deadly beauty of the glaciers, I watched the first flower bloom. Everything was fantastic: the berries sweet, the water crisp and cool. Lazy days of sunshine, dancing in the falling rain... What memories I have. To me back then, the world was a candy store. But as I matured, I grew to understand that I was not meant to be alone in this wonderful place. So I created life.

Before that moment my power had lain dormant, unneeded but close to the surface, in easy reach. I drew a little of my power, the size of an oak sapling and stood it before me. I was planning to create another like me; the instructions clear in my mind as if I had always known them. I was to shape the creature before giving life to it. So I did.


Smoothing, patting, rounding, I worked the magic like clay. I could see it clearly before me as grey as stone, dead and lifeless. Slowly a shape emerged, a simplified version of myself, with large, rounded off ears, a small, tubby body. Tapping into my telekinetic power I gave it eyes and a nose, a mouth. Squinting, I focused on creating each individual hair. Hours past, it was approaching nightfall when I finally finished it. Going to the river, I scooped up water and suspended it in mid air, carrying to the figure. Closing my eyes I saturated my breath with power and breathed on the liquid, causing to sparkle like the stars far overhead before covering the figure.

Color, flesh, fur; they sprang up under the waters touch and spread down like a wildfire, crackling slightly with the power. I watched with baited breath as my creation came to life, stirring and muttering feebly. The water reached its feet and sank into the ground, each seed that it came in contact with bursting open and growing at amazing speeds, raising trumpeted heads triumphantly to the sky. The golden fire faded, leaving the small quivering figure. Its ears twitched, turning this way and that, and it seemed to be gathering up its courage. Cautiously it opened a sparkling, golden brown eye.

It was a strange creature, with muddy pink fur with odd pink splotches appearing here and there. It tottered around on its two feet as if it was on the verge of falling over; I must admit, I was not a very good sculptor. But what skills I did have would have to do. I walked around it, examining it from all angles. I had forgotten its tail in my excitement, which worsened its balancing problem. I felt sorry for it, patting it carefully on the back, and floating back to its front. It had watched me the entire time, eyes wide with fear. I smiled, trying to reassure it. It seemed to work, its eyes slowly closed so it didn’t look so scared. Opening its mouth, it ran its tongue nervously over its teeth before trying to speak for the first time.

“Wher… Whe.. Where am I?” It managed to ask, looking around with wonder in its eyes. I smiled again.

“Earth,” I replied, happiness clear in my voice. I had done it! “Welcome to life, little one! What is your name?

“I… I… Don’t know…” It managed to say, head lowering. It obviously felt sad that it didn’t even know its name. Poor thing. I could barely understand what it was saying; it was speaking in a foreign tongue. I had to use my telepathic power to divulge the meaning.

I tried to find a way to reassure it, thinking through the possibilities. Of course it knew its name, it just had to find it…

“Think hard, young one. Try and remember something from before here.”

It frowned with concentration, forehead wrinkling.

“I remember… I remember… Light? Yes, lots of pure, white light…” It closed its eyes to help itself remember. Its eyebrows suddenly shot up, and its eyes snapped open, and a smile began to twitch up the corners of her mouth. “My name! I know my name! It’s… Sp…in…da! Spinda! My name is Spinda!” It started to jump up and down excitedly, barely able to contain its excitement. I smiled, remembering my first hours on the world.


Gone. Happiness, childish innocence, all gone; drowned by the sands of time. I will never forget how I felt that day, the joy and glee I felt as I greeted my new friend. I never discovered the origin of its name, but does that matter? No. For years we lived together, playing, talking, or just simply staring up at the periwinkle sky. With her, I created many more creatures, each as wonderful as the last. But they refused to stay, disappearing into the depths of the forest, or diving into the deep waters of the seas. After Spinda, I always created two, so that the specie could continue. I created Spinda a husband; they lived in a cave near my tree. Until that, final, horrible day. The day she died.

I was alone again.

I can’t remember how long I cried. Just dim, miserable memories of hiding away in my home, isolated from the outside world. Remembering what once was. I can still see her face, even now. It was a fate worse than death.

By the time I emerged from my despair, many years had passed. Those creatures I had created had spread, populating the planet. Some had died out, which hurt me, but most remained. It seemed that I was not the only guardian, there were many more, scattered across the land. I was glad. I was not certain if I could yet deal with this new world.

I was planning on continuing this, going through her life until I get to where I began. There is going to be a brief love affair, (if I can write it... XD) and the development of the human race that ends in total destruction. I just think the whole thing will be too long, and will get boring. What I put there is all I have written. I am having difficulty continuing, for I don't want to make it long-winded... It is going to be miserable, (typical. XD) but it will be fun to write. I hope. =D

Banner by me. Image used in banner by sakimichan on subeta. Character is mine. =3

Yoru Ryu ~ Rar-roX

Last edited by katiekitten; 07-30-2006 at 04:51 AM.
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