Thread: [Other] Modern Mythology [SU/DS]
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Old 03-12-2013, 05:44 AM
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Default Re: Modern Mythology [SU/DS]

...Okay, now Drago, I do believe we have a problem. These SUs are just barely acceptable. You did a rough-looking minimum SU for both of these guys, and it doesn't look like you put much thought into them at all. Your descriptions under the Race sections are just bullet point summaries of each race's weaknesses and abilities when they were meant to be more of a quick informative about the character's race--what do typical Crossroads Demons do? What qualifies as a Hellhound? My definition is certainly different than yours (which is also redundant, considering you've devoted three points to saying two of the same things about people being able to see them and one more about everyone else), so explain what makes them what they are. You really need to look over and re-word, as well as possibly expand upon both appearance sections--some bits just don't compute. Your personality and history sections are also both abysmally short, again, take some time to expand upon these. What has Corbos been doing since he became a demon? How does he fit into the big picture? How was Ozgmog corrupted and how did Corbos find him? Again, what has he been doing since then? Moost of the stuff you have currently listed under Race could also be shifted down and included in abilities instead...

You definitely need to take some time to go back over and fix these before I'll accept these two.
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