Thread: [Pokemon] Time Exploration
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:40 AM
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Pokemon Trainer Sarah Offline
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Default Re: Time Exploration

I like your story so far! You have some good descriptions like when describing Raven's meal and the rock, but I think it would be good if you could add a bit more detail. I'd like to know what Raven looks like, you did say she was a Houndour, but is there anything special about her appearance? Even if there isn't, it might be good to describe what she looks like. ^^ Same with the forest, it might help to set the scene a bit more, like is it a damp rainforest or an open forest with lots of spread out trees or an old forest full of gnarled plants? etc.

Maybe you could try using some other senses in your descriptions too. I think Houndour would have a great sense of smell, so maybe describing the smell of the cooked Rattata would have added to the story.

Other than that, your story sounds interesting so far! I look forward to the next chapter! =) Plus Houndour are awesome!
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