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Old 07-13-2012, 03:30 AM
alaskapidove's Avatar
alaskapidove Offline
Ultra RPG Official
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 183
Default Re: Being a Sewaddle Sucks (Ready for Grading)

Intro/Plot/Characters:
Alright, first off I'd like to say that this was a cute, creative idea for a story. I liked that it was from the Pokemon's point of view and that you went above and beyond what was necessary for an Easiest capture. It's a clever twist on the old 'trainer goes to the woods to catch Pokemon' story and the twist made it worth reading, heck, even fun to read. As far as intros go, you had a great opening line, and that along with the Kermit quote really helps your intro to achieve what it's supposed to: to draw in the reader and to set up the story somehow. Both of those goals were accomplished, so your intro's great.

The plot itself was, as I mentioned, a retake on a familiar story. Sort of reminds me of how people keep coming up with new twists on fairy tales, only this is the Pokemon version of that trope, I guess. Anyways I enjoyed it. The Sewaddle was an original, funny character and I love that the Pansear was some kind of stoner dude archetype. Even the trainer was unique, instead of being some bland cut-out character, he was given a personality. Great job!

Grammar:
Your grammar was nearly perfect, with a couple exceptions.

Quote:
Iím a Sewaddle, and I get no respect.
No comma here.

Quote:
(It always struck me that apples are a terrible system for measurement, but hey, you stick with what youíre taught.)
You don't need punctuation at the end of parentheses unless it's a question mark or something like that.

Details:
You have great detail for an Easiest story. The Pokemon were described, as was the trainer. The moves in battle were also explained, which made everything easy to understand for the reader. My favorite part was probably your explanation of how String Shot functions. I never really thought about it having anything to do with their digestion tract, but that added to the humor and atmosphere of your story. Overall, an excellent job for an Easiest story.

Length: Your story was short and to the point, which kept it from dragging on and it's the correct length to catch a Sewaddle.

Outcome: Sewaddle... captured.

All of the sections were perfect for an Easiest capture. You went above and beyond and I hope to see more from you. Have fun with your Pokemon!

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