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Old 06-23-2012, 09:59 AM
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Scytherwolf Offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Hiding from metal coats...
Posts: 6,989
Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Ahh, right! XDDDD Nope, he doesn't. xP He's silly like that. Yep, she certainly had to realise that at some point. Woe is her that it had to be through guilt. xD

YES! xDDDDDD I can't wait to see what kinds of fakemon they are. .0.

I'm glad! *GAPS* Yus! I don't know when you'll find out, but yeah. xD Maybe if she discusses it with someone or something. xD Yay! =D Me too. xD

Yep, definitely. :c
Yep. XD And yeah, I wish she could have done it sooner, but it's definitely good that she realized it now.

It will definitely be excitement! .0.

Well, whenever it happens, it'll certainly be interesting to read. o:



Hahah, you know something? xD I actually DID notice that when I went though it, but I forgot to change it, apparently. XDDDD

XDDDD Rudy's arm...

Really? XD


XDDDDDDDDDDD AHAHHA, I didn't even realise! Hahha, I forgot about that. xD


XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Stick wounds! NO THAT WAS TARLA. xD Well Toof Penny isn't very tough. xD She pretends to be so she can beat up Snap, but she gets a collapsed lung if she goes to the bathroom alone, so she's clearly NOT very tough. XDD
XDDDDDDDDDDDD Really? Those were the first things I thought of.


OH I FORGOT WHERE I QUOTED THAT FROM. D: And no, she isn't. I wonder how she beats up Snap anyway. Probably because Rudy will stop him (because he has to CONTROL them) if he tries to fight back. What a toof.

OOO: That's good! xD Awesome! =D Yeah, I haven't read about many generation 5 pokemon yet. xD Really? xD That's awesome! And yeah. Her flock didn't really mix with other flocks, so she never really knew 'cause of that. Yeah, definitely. And yep. Yeah, that's exactly right--her flock was very sheltering, so she never saw much of the world while she was there.

I'm glad I could surprise you! Yeah. o: Ahaha, yep, she's like that. xD Silly houndoom. >:c
Yeah, me neither. Understandably, since I haven't read as many stories as I used to and they're new. XD And that makes sense. o: Yep, that too.

It was definitely surprising! He's being bigly toofy. >:c

It was? =D I'm glad! xD Haha, yeah, definitely. Really? O: XDDDDDD Yeah, you're right. It's great to know that you found it interesting though. I definitely enjoy writing character interaction stuff, especially between these two. xD It's a scream.

Ahh yeah. Ahaha, wait, did I make that clear? XD I meant so that, like, the contact heard Dusty's story about how she was betrayed by Izante, so they would have passed it onto him. But yeah. It was pretty vague. xD XD Yes! *GAPS* I love reading about your curiosity. xDD
Yep! .0. And character interaction is fun to write!

I thought it was clear. o: And yes, that's what I assumed and it didn't confuse me or anything.

Oh, really? xDD Ahaha, yep. I mean, I think Shard and Dusty could have ended up being friends, as he started to warm to her, but then, yeah...the confession and his distrust (and rightfully so). And yeah! o: It was kind of like an escape from what just happened. She was rebelling against being near that houndoom and she just wanted to forget it, so she wanted to go back and do something pointless...until, like you said, she realised how pointless it would be, and how she was wasting time, soo...decided to be realistic. xD Yeah! o: That's good that you liked it! xD was...very serious... xD Yeah, she certainly does think she's justified, but at the same time, it was also a "blind rage" thing, so she kinda wanted to neglect thinking so she could just...attack without ethical consequence.
Yeah, I think so too. Then that kinda ruined things (and like you said, understandably). And yeah, that's good that she decided that. And yeah, that's what I got from it too. Understandable, but she wasn't really thinking.

Really? :c Yeah. Dx Cool! xD Yeah. (XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Kiki and Penny! Well I'm glad I'm not a Space CaFEHt toof!) Ahh yeah. o: Yep. Dx I'm glad it came across as sensible! xD Yep. Yeah, that's true. I wanted her to stay too. XD

Oh good! o: Yus. >:3 Yeah, definitely! I'm glad. xDDD Hahhaa, nooo, this skarmory definitely had a reason for attacking. *will be revealed later*
Yep. :c (XDDDDDDDDDDDDD Yes! I'm very glad you're not either! This and Schemes of Red would be....a lot less interesting to read if you were. XD) Yeah, it did! And yeah...D: I wonder if she'll ever show up again. It might not be likely, but ah well.

Yeah, I know he had a reason! I'm interested to see what it was.

Ahh yeah. And yep, she spiralled down and never saw it again. Ahahah, yeah! OO: You will definitely find out. xD

I'm glad! =D Yeah! XD That's awesome. *GAPS* I'm excitement to write more and have it make eventual sense. xDDD

And thank you for reading. 0v0 I will have the next one up soon! 8DDD
Yeah, that makes sense. o: Awesome!

I'm definitely excitement to read it!

You're welcome! These are awesome to read! And I hope you do!

Okay, review for the current chapter!

“That’s right,” I said as I passed him, “beg for my approval.”

To my surprise, the dark and fire type snaked from my left and rolled out in front of me, curling his paws in and poking out his bottom lip while eying me with a sadness that was difficult to take seriously.
Like Rudy Clone’s! XD

I inhaled deeply, quelling any remaining laughter, and turned to him. “You think I should have a bit of fun, do you?”
The houndoom gave a shrug-like dip of the head in agreement “I think you need to loosen up a bit, yeah. You’re tense. You look like you couldn’t enjoy yourself even if you were confined to an empty theme park with fully operational rides.”
Paragraphs aren’t separate. O: Also, hopefully that theme park would not have a ride on top of a giant watermelon.

“When I had to save you from those enraged sandslash?” he questioned, his overbearing annoyingness returning.
I pinched his eyes with a glare. “Yeah, I’d forgotten how much fun that was,” I responded with evident sarcasm, adopting a lowered condescending tone conveying striking obviousness. “Like... Well, I...”
Not separated again. O:

and created a thick expanse impossible of squeezing between.
Impossible to squeeze between?

I frowned, seeing nothing but the curved wall that came back around me on both sides, curling again to meet some distance behind me. It was as if somebody had captured a humungous kadabra and asked them to use their spoon to dig out a dip in the earth. I shuddered to think how huge that psychic type would have to have been, but dismissed it as soon as I realised I was forming ridiculous stories in my mind.

their statures extremely different to each other as they both avoiding uprooted themselves on fallen logs
Both avoided

The other, quite content with running on two legs as the flapped about in a useless accompaniment,
As the flapped?

[i]‘Who cares who I was “fighting” anyway? I don’t get why this is something he needs to get his precious little tail in a knot over.’[i]
Messed up italics. o:

Well, first of all, I really like how you described the rock passage on the way to the mountains. It looked really bizarre and awesome in my head, and did seem like a dangerous place you wouldn't want to travel to. I really liked the image you described of it. And when they went into the tunnels, I was thinking, "YES! Cave exploration!" I'm really excited to see what happens while they're down there. .0.

I really liked reading the Azure flashback too. It was interesting to see a scene from her point of view and read her thoughts about it. It's neat to see another perspective of a previous scene. And it's also interesting to see her thoughts about Dusty change, and how she realized she was in her debt. I really wonder how she and Dusty will get along in the future. o: The brief explanation of part of her past was interesting too. Casting her out because the diamonds on her back were strange was pretty toofy. I wonder if she had any differences before she evolved, or if it happened afterward and everyone was pretty shocked about it and started assuming it was some sort of evil mark or something. I really wonder how that all came about.

In the time that she had known he was with Dusty, she knew that he was doing so in the absence of hostility. Although she probably showed it to him, he had no such intentions, which posed the question: what exactly did he want? He knew he wasn’t welcome within the colony, and Azure in particular condemned him for her own reasons.
Now I really want to know how Azure knows the houndoom, and what she condemns him for.

As for the houndoom, or Zaion, he was really making me angry in that chapter, going on and on about their fight and the Izante thing. He was being bigly toofy. Dusty hated being reminded of that and he just kept going and....feh. I was really annoyed with him. And how he wouldn't just stop no matter how much she told him. When he was all, "Just get over it" I was even more aggravated with him. I completely understand how Dusty reacted like that, and I hope he acts less toofy in the future.

I was surprised when he tried to run away as soon as the others appeared, but glad when Dusty caught him. c:< It was interesting to learn his name too. And I like how it sounds. o: I really wondered what his comment about loyalties had meant. I'm pretty sure that whatever it was, it wasn't Azure belonging to another colony like Dusty assumed.

I also like how Splash was acting the whole time. It was amusing. xD

I'm interested to see where these tunnels go and what'll happen while they're wandering in them (I know I already said this, so....department of redundancy department, but..I really love cave/underground scenes, as you know). I bet it'll be more interesting with the four of them together instead of just the two.

I think you did a great job on this and I'm looking forward to the next one!

Thanks to Lunar Latias for the banner and Kirimori for the picture!

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