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Old 06-17-2012, 02:21 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Quote:
YAAAAAAAAY! *spearow on an elephant*

XDD It's a Dusty nickname.

That's good. xDD Yeah, that's a good point. You know, I don't think I've ever read a story where the pokemon were all aquatic. I always thought it would be interesting, although I don't know if I would do it considering there would be many restrictions about places to go. BUT. I think it would be cool sometime. xD

Thanks!

XDDDDD
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Oh yes.

Yeah, I thought that would be interesting too. o: It wouldn't be that area restricted if it were in the ocean, but things like rivers would definitely be restrictive area-wise.


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XDDDDDDDDDDD THANK YOU. Those words were especially chosen. Also, there was also "annoying," which referred to Snap. And "red" relating to blood. And then further down,
Little Rudy's reason for Snap's existence? xD

XDDDD No, I wouldn't either. I still find the thought of Thunder Clone to be really amusing. xD

O:! Both those things! I'll fix them. xD Thanks.

Yeah, there wasn't much action either. xD O: I'm glad you did! Yeah, true. xD There has to be those ones that don't really have much to them--the filler ones. Really? O: Yeah! (Yep. You'll find out about that eventually!)
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Yes!

And wow, I seriously thought I quoted that! O: I definitely remember reading it. XD I love things like that!

Yes, it definitely would be!

Well, action isn't required for something to be interesting! Yeah, well those are often needed to get to the more intense ones! (*GAPS*)



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Oh really? xD Hahaha, yeah, he's pretty laid back about that kind of thing. Yeah, after she spilled it she began to see it in a new light. Definitely. And that's exactly right. She realised that it was selfish of her even to think that it was her burden, that it all came back to her. Because that just wasn't true. But yay, Dusty redemption! xD

O: You do? Thanks! Fun fact: Torqueal is the name of my ampharos in Soul Silver. XDDD Yeah! Ever since I made them up I've had the plan to include one in TtEoaF, but I realised that it would take ages to get to the colony part, and then once I did (his name was mentioned earlier in the story, but it never specified who he was) he wasn't actually there. XD And his name wasn't mentioned in this chapter simply because nobody said it. XD But yeah! I can't wait to see what fakemon you include in your story. c:
Yeah. XD It's just funny that he doesn't even care that HE fell down. XD And yeah, and I'm so glad that she did! And that she realized it wasn't just her who would be affected by all this! Yes, hooray!

Really? That's awesome! XDDDDDDDDDDDD That's funny! And yeah, hopefully I can include some soon-ish!



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O: Thanks! I wanted them to seem sorta mysterious and stuff, and also a really big shame... Really? That's good; I was going for that too! It was kind of the thing where she had no idea how to react or defend herself; it was very one-sided to exemplify her helplessness and also the shame the elders were displaying for the rest of the flock to see. 8D I'm happy you think I did it well! And that's good. O: It actually came on when I was listening to TSFH music and I thought it fit too. xD

Yeah. D: I mean, she would have had that belief driven into her too. Dx But she definitely thought they had betrayed her too, although I suppose she wouldn't be entirely sure, since she has a few influences telling her different things.

Thanks. c: Definitely. There's probably a lot of her that wants to meet with her sister again, but yeah...she probably assumes she's changed, especially if she went ahead with the flock's plan.
Yeah, it was definitely very mysterious! And very peculiar. It definitely makes me want to see what that was all about! And yes, I definitely got that impression so it came across well! You did! And I love when that happens!

Yeah, definitely. D: I understand that too, like she knows what she thinks, but doubts it at the same time because of those other things.

Yeah, that's what I assumed too. D:


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Oh yeah? o: Yeah...she knows that it was probably a LOT worse to leave her with the flock instead of convince her to come (despite the fact that she did everything she thought she could do to get her to come with her Dx) or...I dunno, force her to come or something. Dx And I bet the sister got a lot of crap from the other flock members because Tarla was banished. O: I'm really glad it did! :D

(XDDDD) Haha, you get to find out pretty quick. O:

Thank you! I'm BIGLY glad that you think so. Yeah! Well I really wanna get another chapter up soon. It's already got over 3,000 words so that's a start. XD I hope morning freewriting can help me get it done quickly! And thank you for the awesome review, as always! *000*

~GS.
Yeah, definitely. D: So I can definitely see how much she regrets not doing anything, or not being able to do anything at the time. And yeah, probably. DX

I did! .0.

I'm BIGLY glad that you're bigly glad! Haha, you definitely did. XD




Anyway, now for my review of the new chapter!


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“I’m a swablu,” she stated flatly. “I’m, like, a foot tall.” In comparison, the opposing creature was more than twice her height.
XDDDDDDDDD VERY threatening!

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I...I know, but after you fired that dragonbreath down the narrow passage, I freaked out and erupted from my nest with an aim to drive you out. If you were an axew or something, then you wouldn’t be able to get up here, but if by some chance you did, knocking you off would give you a very hard time trying to get back up again.”
This is missing the first quotations. o:

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I couldn’t register half of what the houndoom was doing as we had walked for a time after I noticed that it was becoming near impossible for me to carry on. It was disappointing
*thinks of Rudy's arm*

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“WHY are you so damn cocky?” I snapped, vaguely startled as I found I had to work to maintain my balance and consciously use the strength of my legs to support my weight. He was paused, so I took advantage of the delay and caught up to him.

“Why are you so damn angry?” was his response, and to it I interlocked my jaws, narrowing my eyes.
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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I crashed into him and we tumbled again onto the forest floor, pricked with sticks and pointed stones once more.
xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Stick wounds! And “It’s stones here!”

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My rage was certainly at its most prevalent, and with hostile eyes, I charger forward,
Charged. o:

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She recalled a few times that she had spotted one, felt excitement brew in her mind, and had taken off to met with them.
Meet.

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she bound her eyes, encountering surprise each time one of the sticks scratched her flesh.
MORE STICK WOUNDS! I'm surprised Dusty hasn't died yet. O: She must be even tougher than PENNY!

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None dealt recognisable damage, thankfully, and as she was freed from the tangled limbs, she felt several agitations about her body, but nothing that caused her to bleed or scar.
And Dusty was not mature....


Anyway, I really liked that Kori ended up being nice, and I really like swoobat, so it was awesome to see one in a story! And I really liked her personality, too! It was interesting that Tarla was surprised to learn that there were other flocks so close. It makes sense that there would be, and it also makes sense that she probably wouldn't have seen any herself due to spending all her time in her own flock. It makes it clear that she's really not used to being away (obviously), and doesn't know much about the outside world, even in places that were somewhat close to the place she used to live in.

The houndoom mentioning Izante's name, and guessing that's why Dusty was upset, was BIGLY surprising. o: I really wasn't expecting that! And it instantly made me curious. It really irritated me when he refused to tell, and so I'm glad Dusty managed to force the truth out of him one way or another!

The battle was interesting, and I like that it showed a time when the houndoom wasn't so casual about everything, and sounded even genuinely worried at times when Dusty was attacking him. And I like how she took notice when he called her by her real name instead of that nickname he always calls her by. Even though it wasn't a huge battle or anything, it did seem serious because of the characters' reactions toward each other and the reason they were fighting. See? Things don't always have to be dangerous for them to be interesting!

His confession was very interesting too. When he first said it, I also assumed that he meant inside Team Rocket, but when he said it was the colony, that was pretty strange. I wish he'd told her more than that, but I guess she'll find out more about it sooner or later. That's bigly weird, and I'm interested to know who this pokemon is, what they're doing, and why. It's definitely something I'm looking forward to reading more about!

I also liked how she was thinking about Shard and how he might have been the one to slice her tail, and that she realized it didn't make sense to blame him, but she sort of still did anyway. xD It was also interesting that she was so distracted by the tail incident, up until the moment when she snapped out of it and realized there were much more important things to think about. It would be weird to realize you were so distracted about something random during a time when you were trying to do something important. I also liked her thoughts on the fight between her and the houndoom, and how although she liked battling, she knew that that fight could have easily gotten out of hand, and it probably wasn't wise to start such a fight when they were doing something important, especially if there ended up being serious injuries. At the same time, though, she thinks she was justified, and I can definitely understand that too. I can definitely see why that comment would have caused her to react that way when he said it.

I was really sad at the part where Tarla decided to leave. I liked that you included how much of a friend she considered Kori to be, even though she only knew her for a short time (and this actually makes SENSE, unlike Kiki and Penny! XD). I like how it went into her thoughts about how she couldn't bear to live with another flock, but she still wanted the company of friends and family. I understand why she left. Her old home was too close to there, and I wouldn't want to stay that close to such a place either, plus the possibility of Kori being in danger from her living there as well. I was sad that she had to leave though. It shows that even short friendships can be strong.

The skarmory appearing was a surprise too. I really wonder what it was trying to punish her for. I really like that it was actually a dangerous THREAT, and not the typical villainbot scenario, not that I think you'd write something like that, of course. XD

The present Tarla's thoughts toward the event were interesting, too. It's weird how she never found out the reason for the attack, but understandable, since the skarmory wasn't likely to tell her or anything. And it also makes sense that she would have stopped wondering about it. What makes me really curious about it, though, is that she's glad that it happened. I'm really interested to find out why!

I really enjoyed the chapter, and it definitely gave me a lot of things to think about! I'm very excited to see how all those things connect in the story!
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