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Old 06-10-2012, 05:46 PM
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Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
Join Date: Nov 2007
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Default Re: Fear of the Dark {Short Story/One-Shot}

(Just to let you know, you don't have to code each bit of speech. xD I just highlight my entire post and use one lot of colour/font, so don't worry about doing it for each paragraph you speak.)

Originally Posted by sealboyno1 View Post
Hehehe, time to do some editing :D

I thought it'd make it look neat and organised - plus it gives people the chance to read my 'lil note thing at the bottom. I like making things neat and pretty :3

I wanted to break the sentence up to create emphasis - to make it as if you were reading/feeling the beat. Looking back at it now, I see that it looks... wrong xP What if I were to have this?

Ah - icky icky poo poo - I think I missed that Dx I'll fix that ASAP
Yep. XD

Spoiler tags are not making it neat and organised. Dx I find stories submitted in spoilers and quotes annoying. Dx I don't want to have to click on the spoiler button to make what I came here to read to appear, you know? O: And having it in quotes just reduces the borders and makes it more squished and bleh. PLUS, quoting doesn't get quoted when I try to quote the story, so it means I have to copy and paste the parts I wanna mention. >:c And it makes me think people care more about presentation than the story itself. Dx I dunno. It's a weird thing I have. It's the same with centering stories too. +__+ I have a weird anti-centering thing. XD Titles and chapter names are fine, but not the story itself.

Haha, after leaving the quote, I realised that you must have meant to do that. xD It actually seems appropriate to use commas, and I'm not sure if hyphens would work any better. I would opt for an ellipsis, but no, that wouldn't be right either. DDx I dunno, maybe hyphens DO work. xD /unsure

Alrighty. It's fine; I'm here to catch things you didn't realise before. xD

Originally Posted by sealboyno1 View Post
You see, semi-colons have always stumped me - I can use them successfully in some cases, but in others I just cannot get that lightbulb above my head saying "Here! Put one here!" ._. Thanks for giving me those pointers P:

Seeing as I wanted it to be the genre of Fantasy, I thought that'd I'd give a name for the place the narrator would be taken to. Completely done on purpose P:

I wanted the reader to recognise It as, not only being a creature, but a being whose very presence is feared enough that it has to be named. Also, it made it seem more mysterious rather than naming it "Bob" or "Clive" or something - "It" seemed sinister and vague.
Ahaha, that's how it is for many people. Yeah, I mean, I like to explain it as that the two "halves" (a.k.a. both sides of the comma) are not meant to be able to stand on their own, and if they do, then they should be semi-coloned. I mean, in a few cases this doesn't always work, such as when you have the joining word as "and" since sentences can stand with that word. I suppose that's why you're sorta (not always, obviously) meant to avoid commas before "and"s. Well, I assume. xD And no worries! I hope it helps you. Especially watch out for sentences and then questions with nothing but a comma between. There was one in this that I didn't highlight. Ah! Here it is:
I couldn't believe that I had slowed down, how could I have even dared it?
Two completely separate sentences, one of them being a question. Dx

Yeah, I thought so! In that case it's fine, but I wanted to clarify. xD

Yep, I thought that as well. ^^ I liked it. AND LAWL, BOB. XDDD

Originally Posted by sealboyno1 View Post
I wanted to give across the idea that, within this story, it was extremely dangerous to go outside - hence the appearance of It. Being apart from the one you love, when you need to apologise to them and you feel like you need to be their protector, urges the narrator to take the risk - when would an opportunity ever arise to safely travel outside? Emotions affect judgement and thoughts - hence his recklessness in trying to get to his love.

You see, love ruins everything xD

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now I must slaughter all errors within my work, edit them and make the piece itself near perfection :P

Thank you so much for the feedback! :D
I totally got that all, so well done! And yeah, I do know the reason he went out there, but I'd like to ask him myself, type of thing, and be like, "DUDE, ARE YOU STUPID?" XDDD

Hahaha, that it does, which is why I'm perfectly content to stay away from it. XP

Yeah, me too! That would be lovely. c:

No worries! I hope I helped!

Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.

Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 06-10-2012 at 05:54 PM.
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