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Old 05-31-2012, 08:03 AM
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Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
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Default Re: Through the Eyes of a Flareon ~ [PG] - Book Two

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO You got another chapter up!

Nice nickname. XD

That definitely makes sense, considering she's a fire type. XD I bet the aquatic pokemon feel the same way about their live in the water; living on land would probably seem really weird to them.

I really loved how you described that!

French Bob... XDDDDDDDD
YAAAAAAAAY! *spearow on an elephant*

XDD It's a Dusty nickname.

That's good. xDD Yeah, that's a good point. You know, I don't think I've ever read a story where the pokemon were all aquatic. I always thought it would be interesting, although I don't know if I would do it considering there would be many restrictions about places to go. BUT. I think it would be cool sometime. xD



Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Stains, toothpicks, original, slightly, disappointing, and mature. Great use of dark vocabulary! :D

I don't want to know what Dusty Clone would be like. XD

Random 'it'!

You used land twice, and it was kinda redundant.

While not a lot happened here plot-wise, I thought it was really interesting! And of course, not every chapter has to be a plot filled one. This one definitely made me interested to see what happened next, and really interested in Tarla's character (as well as her flock and sister, too).
XDDDDDDDDDDD THANK YOU. Those words were especially chosen. Also, there was also "annoying," which referred to Snap. And "red" relating to blood. And then further down,
she wondered if his sole purpose was to serve as a sort of symbol for everything annoying that had ever come into existence.
Little Rudy's reason for Snap's existence? xD

XDDDD No, I wouldn't either. I still find the thought of Thunder Clone to be really amusing. xD

O:! Both those things! I'll fix them. xD Thanks.

Yeah, there wasn't much action either. xD O: I'm glad you did! Yeah, true. xD There has to be those ones that don't really have much to them--the filler ones. Really? O: Yeah! (Yep. You'll find out about that eventually!)

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I loved how the houndoom, or "Idiot" as Dusty called him, completely didn't care that he knocked both her and himself over. The fact that he just didn't care is so amusing. XD And I really like how Dusty is starting to realize how bad keeping that secret from everyone was. I can understand that if she wasn't thinking straight about it, it would seem like it was her problem - or that her side of the problem and how it was difficult for her would be all that she could see at the time - and that now that she's thinking about it more, she's starting to see that it wasn't her burden at all. And I like how she realized that what she had tried to before and what she thought didn't make a lot of sense.

I also really love the name "Torqueal Forest". And you included one of your fakemon in here! *remembers the krinar picture from DA* I liked that you did that!
Oh really? xD Hahaha, yeah, he's pretty laid back about that kind of thing. Yeah, after she spilled it she began to see it in a new light. Definitely. And that's exactly right. She realised that it was selfish of her even to think that it was her burden, that it all came back to her. Because that just wasn't true. But yay, Dusty redemption! xD

O: You do? Thanks! Fun fact: Torqueal is the name of my ampharos in Soul Silver. XDDD Yeah! Ever since I made them up I've had the plan to include one in TtEoaF, but I realised that it would take ages to get to the colony part, and then once I did (his name was mentioned earlier in the story, but it never specified who he was) he wasn't actually there. XD And his name wasn't mentioned in this chapter simply because nobody said it. XD But yeah! I can't wait to see what fakemon you include in your story. c:

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Tarla's past/memories were really interesting. I'm really curious about that flock and why they had changed the way they did. The way you described her being forced over the cliff was very intense, and I liked the details you included, such as how the altarias' wings seemed harmless at a glance, but were actually really dangerous to her. I thought the music was very fitting for this scene as well.

I thought it was sad that she considered herself as having betrayed them, when it definitely seems to me like the flock is far more the traitor. I like how you described her last look at her sister; it was very sad and well written.

I liked how you described her mixed feelings about the mountains and about returning to them. I'm curious as to what will happen there. And it was interesting that she feared what would happen if she DID see her sister again, and what the circumstances would be, and I understand why she would.
O: Thanks! I wanted them to seem sorta mysterious and stuff, and also a really big shame... Really? That's good; I was going for that too! It was kind of the thing where she had no idea how to react or defend herself; it was very one-sided to exemplify her helplessness and also the shame the elders were displaying for the rest of the flock to see. 8D I'm happy you think I did it well! And that's good. O: It actually came on when I was listening to TSFH music and I thought it fit too. xD

Yeah. D: I mean, she would have had that belief driven into her too. Dx But she definitely thought they had betrayed her too, although I suppose she wouldn't be entirely sure, since she has a few influences telling her different things.

Thanks. c: Definitely. There's probably a lot of her that wants to meet with her sister again, but yeah...she probably assumes she's changed, especially if she went ahead with the flock's plan.

Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I also liked the second flashback where she was flying alone, and how she thought about her sister and wished she could have come with her. I really wonder where her sister is now. The music fit really well with this scene too; it set the perfect mood.

I wonder what happened with that strange cave in the pokemon. Obviously she didn't die (XDDD) but I'm wondering how she got out of that, and what that was all about in the first place!

Anyway, I think this was a great chapter and it was interesting to read. I'm very curious to see where this goes from here!
Oh yeah? o: Yeah...she knows that it was probably a LOT worse to leave her with the flock instead of convince her to come (despite the fact that she did everything she thought she could do to get her to come with her Dx) or...I dunno, force her to come or something. Dx And I bet the sister got a lot of crap from the other flock members because Tarla was banished. O: I'm really glad it did! :D

(XDDDD) Haha, you get to find out pretty quick. O:

Thank you! I'm BIGLY glad that you think so. Yeah! Well I really wanna get another chapter up soon. It's already got over 3,000 words so that's a start. XD I hope morning freewriting can help me get it done quickly! And thank you for the awesome review, as always! *000*

Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.