[AmericanTreeFrog]

Now the final thing I have to harp on. You always have to describe Pokemon. Doesn’t matter how much, but this is a must with no exceptions. you can vary the amount based on how much the Pokemon is seen, but you have to have it. Let’s give an example of where some was needed and what you need to do:

The madwoman-of-a-Lucario appeared with a flash of light, noticing the trouble now jumping out of his master's car, giggling.

Originally Posted by me

The madwoman-of-a-Lucario appeared with a flash of light, noticing the trouble now jumping out of his master's car, giggling. But the giggling was short lived when she realized the danger her master was in. The fox-like Pokemon bared her fangs and brought her dark paws un in a fighting stance. The black striped Sandile stared at the newcomer and rushed her. The blue warrior whirled out of the way and brought the spike on her right hand right across the snout of one of the wild Pokemon.

I worked a few details of the Sandile and Lucario into that sentence based on how much I felt appropriate and how much I could get away with, without it appearing like an info dump. Obviously the manner and the extent in which you add detail is up to you, but you do need something.

Now, I have to example below of what I liked about what detail you did use in the story. Both are good in their own right and would work well if you paid the same amount of attention to the spots I mentioned.

Looking briefly in the mirror, Leonard caught the sights of himself, a seventeen-year old, worn from the three years of hell he had to endure when he was younger, with his beret, his infamous beret, a cyclone with non-symmetric indigo and silver, on top of the large spikes that was part of the Togekiss Bunches that he's had since twelve. The greasy hair was probably the toughest grease in the world, able to take on a 24 hour shower-a-thon in the world's most powerful waterfall, and still be there. The eyes of hazel were powerful, and Leonard had to admire how much his moustache had grown, even if there wasn't a middle. He also liked his goatee.

Everywhere, random objects were framed, put on shelves as knickknacks, or other stuff. A flag of unknown origin, torn in three, was framed over a couch; several spears with a indigo coloring and an eerie feel to them were stacked up nearby the kitchen; a sword designed and decorated with bronze, metallic, six-pronged gears in mind was put on top of a massive steel crate, glass-covered, between two recliners; anything and everything was placed here. Blaise noticed that half of the stuff here was weapon-based, yet other stuff didn't seem to correlate with it at all.

- I like this paragraph. Tells what the room looks like, but adding a bunch of stuff that gives insight into the life of a character, in this case, Leonard. I do find it funny that he seems to be somewhat of a hoarder or a messy person. You did the same thing for the rest of the house without going into too much detail that could bore the reader.

Length: Scraped by the bottom.


Overall: This story is good enough to pass, but I’m going to say Not Captured. The reason is simple, Zorua wasn’t in the story enough to warrant a capture. If you had picked a hard or below mon I would have given the pup to you, but since this is of the complex rank the Pokemon has to be more involved. So either include more parts with the puppy or add a battle during the training part involving Zorua. And, despite not needed to get the Pokemon, I would like to see some work on parts I mentioned, like detail and grammar. Keep in mind what I said for future stuff and message me for a re-grade.