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Old 11-05-2011, 05:56 AM
Kai-Mei Offline
Ultra RPG Official
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 43
Default Re: who says abilitys aren't helpful (rewrite)

Bahahaha, silly Kai is silly. I really ought to take a look at PE2K more often, don't I?

I'm glad to see that you've addressed the problems that I pointed out in my grade. The additional detail was really great-- now we can see mostly what's going on, which is a definite improvement compared to last time. In addition, you polished up your grammar and added some interesting nuances in there with the Feraligatr-stole-my-father sort of thing. I'm kind of curious to see if you'll end up continuing that sub-plot, because it could use some explanation (and it could be played for drama or for the "ohnoesmydadgotstolenbyacrocodile" sort of comedic thing... maybe...), but for now, I think you've made a good dent in the improvements that I asked. Your last verdict was super-borderline anyways, if I recall correctly, and I think I can safely say:

Poliwag: captured.

Good job! You've got a great start here, and I'm glad that you got around to rewriting this. ^.^
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