Thread: [Pokemon] The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)
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Old 10-02-2011, 02:25 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Default Re: The Path of Destiny (PG/PG-13)

Originally Posted by Charmander009 View Post
Still, I always like character developement sequences! ^^ 'specially since your charries are so realistic :D But which character, I wonder?

*still wants to know more about Damien, but also really wants to know what would happen if the gang ever found out about how Wildflame was supposed to be a spy*
Well, a couple of them. But it won't be anything major like this chapter, just something that needs to happen before the plottiness starts.

That stuff will come up eventually!

Originally Posted by Guard13007 View Post
Here goes my attempt to help with the editing stuff...and I started writing this before some of the other comments, so if you've gone back and changed something I don't know maybe some of my helpful attempting may fail usual.

Two buts in one sentence, this looks like one of my school essays. xD (I break all the rules when I turn in essays...surprisingly, I keep getting A's on them... o0) Maybe change the second but to "although" I think that would work...

EDIT: I see Xanthe suggested splitting this into two sentences, but there'd still be two buts, but you could edit one of them out differently, but I'm sure you can figure this out. :D
Ack! Sorry for replying to this so late! Some stuff happened and then I forgot about replying to my thread and BLAH. Anyway, no, your review WAS helpful! I actually haven't had time to edit the chapter yet, so I'll keep your corrections in mind when I do!

*not quoting all the corrections because there isn't really much to reply to each individual one XD*

Longer is better. xD You write good, so longer really is better.
I'm glad you think so. XD Hopefully the next chapter will be all right even though nothing major happens yet (it's a build up to the plotty one).

It's great as it is! I think I see what you meant with it not sounding right to you, but you did a great job anyhow. And now I'm starting to sound repetative with "great" everywhere. Because this is great! My commenting skills are not great.
Well, glad it turned out okay anyway! That's as good as it's going to get right now. XD Hopefully over time I will improve and be able to write these sorts of things much better eventually.

I know what you mean, and I think it was good (not gonna say great, not gonna say great) to have this the way it is.
Yeah, I like the way this plays out and I want to keep it in the story, I just don't want it to have an "everything is depressing!" vibe.

Yay! Yeah, you were a little bit (a lot) harsh on poor Stormblade, but he's doing better now! ... kinda ... u.u
Well, yeah, better than before. XD If I were writing the old chapters of the story now, Stormblade wouldn't have been so unfortunate, but he WOULD still have the Shadowflare wounds (as that's a very important part of the story), but at least now his other wounds are pretty much healed, or close to it, so Shadowflare's the only problem right now.

You are good at this though! Insert what everyone else said here.
I'm glad you think so! I certainly try my best, and I guess I have to keep practicing until I get better.

I'm sorry, but when Xanthe brought it up, I just had to go re-read that, this line struck me most (cause I'd forgotten it). And second most...
For a second I had no idea what you were talking about and then I realized, 'Oh....Pathway to the Destiny.' xD Haha, I forgot that part! I need to read that again!

XDDD Okay, back on topic.

I want to punch Justin again. He's too stubborn for his own good.

It didn't go anywhere plotty-ness-ways, but this is an important bit to tie together everything between what's happened before and what is coming next...I don't think I made any sense with how I worded that, but I hope you somehow understand what I'm blabbing about.

The thing with the humans killing the heracross for destroying the trees, I like how you put that in. It makes sense, but yeah, they could've gotten rid of the problem in a much better way than killing them all off. It makes me think of how in reality, we do this all the time, but in the pokemon world, it's so much worse cause it's killing intelligent beings.

And...I feel like my commenting should be longer than this and that I have failed at it entirely... >.<
Justin may be stubborn, but at least he's helping out! (And is okay around the other pokemon (minus Scytheclaw).)

I know what you mean! And no, it wasn't a plot-driven chapter. But it does have some important stuff. And yeah, I'd assume most places in the Pokemon world would be very against that sort of killing, but it's legal in this region.

Nah, don't worry. It was just fine! (And helpful!)

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