View Single Post
  #4  
Old 08-14-2011, 05:13 AM
Saraibre Ryu's Avatar
Saraibre Ryu Offline
Drasconis Deviantus
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Voids of my mind
Posts: 6,530
Default Re: ASB Contest Trial Hall

Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxamivalth View Post
As my name was stated by the contest host, I stepped up the stage confidently, with a silver metal Pokemon on my right shoulder. There was a round basin on the middle of the stage with a diameter of 6 meters and filled with soil. This stage was different from any other stages I have ever seen. This stage was placed outdoor.

I stopped in the middle of the field, then looked at Aron. Aron looked back at me. We nodded together. I held Aron in my hand, then I whispered, "You know what you must do". Then I lowered my hands and Aron prepared his actions.

I started to swing my hand up fast and Aron was thrown straight upward, facing up high, and I yelled, "Iron Defense!"

Aron used Iron Defense as he was high enough on the air. The sun's ray highlighted Aron's Iron Armor and his body shined brightly. When Aron was at his high limit, and was going to fall, I shouted another move, "Water Pulse!"

All audiences and judges were shocked of what I said just now.
Aron used Water Pulse?
What was this guy trying to do?
I smirked when I saw those people were questioning that move.

Aron opened his mouth, blew out water pulse, but they were weak and not fast the same as we have practiced. "As we have trained, Aron. You're good."

Aron started to spin his body clockwise and started to drill down the water pulse, making the water looked like a barrier that covering Aron downward. Aron kept spinning down to the ground. I could see amazement on everyone's face. I was proud of that.

I stepped back, stayed away from the soil. When Aron was near to the ground, I commanded another action, "Prepare for Earth Power, Aron!"

Aron was falling nearer the ground and suddenly the soil shook and exploded around the area Aron was falling. The ‎​​shock was harder and more explosive as Aron was falling nearer, and, "Head Smash!"

Aron landed on the soil with a Head Smash and crushed the soil. A huge explosion was created and the soil was lifted by the ‎​​shock and quake from both Head Smash and Earth Power. And the water created from Water Pulse was splattered around, creating an amazing ‎​explosion of water spread vertically and the soil was spread horizontally.

Aron stood on the middle of the ground, shining without a single scratch. He was panting from the moves, but he was really proud of what he has practiced for a long time. People were amazed and spaced out. Claps and applauses were given as Aron and I walked down the stage.

I actually liked this appeal. I liked how you executed it and seemed to understand it all. Here's my eval:

Creativity: 18/20
I thought this was very clever, and it went into a different aspect of Aron's earthy origins and the Water Pulse touch was certainly a surprise of how you decided to use it. Over all, I think it was very creative, a bit much with the amount of moves, but creative.
Originality: 19/20
I thought this was quite original, again with the Water Pulse addition, it was pretty neat. Using Iron Defense to keep your Aron clean I thought was rather clever.
Realism: 15/20
Yeah you threw a big iron Pokemon into the air...this is where you lost points though if you were a raging female anime girl this would make more sense because those are more powerful than any villain in the history of animeness...yeah, but other than that, everything was good. Mentioning that the Aron was tired after that got you some points though.
Writing: 16/20
Some of the sentences were a bit confusing to understand word construction wise, but for the most part, I was able to imagine everything in my head quite clearly and in my head it looked good.

Total: 68/80

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paperfairy View Post
Am I allowed to comment?

Aron is 132.3 pounds. You threw it into the air.
Yes you are allowed to comment. pX

Quote:
Originally Posted by Velocity View Post
As the second Coordinator exited the stage, I entered. The eyes of the crowd - and the judges - locked onto me as soon as I set foot on the stage's smooth wood floor, and I was suddenly very glad that I had practiced the crap out of my routine, because my thoughts were going haywire. Trying to push aside my nervousness, I pulled out a Pokeball. It was pretty much brand-new, with a Safari Zone logo stamped onto it. With a sudden burst of energy, I tossed it into the air.

"Let's go, Chessmaster!" I called, invoking the name of my new Bisharp. I had timed my reply to the Pokeball's opening; it snapped open a split second after I called. Chessmaster fell to the ground in a halo of red sparks, his polished blades gleaming in the light. He landed with ease, crouching down as the Pokeball's light faded and the dim lighting of the stage was all that remained. I smiled. The audience wasn't watching me any more, but Chessmaster.

"All right, Chessmaster!" I shouted. "Just like we practiced: use Iron Defense, and follow it up with a Stone Edge into the air!"

Chessmaster crossed his blades over his chest, closing his eyes in focus. His body flashed once, then began to glow a faint silver-blue color. His whole body seemed to acquire a shiny, silvery beneath the glow. Once his appearance was taken care of, he swung out his arms. He held up his palms, and in a few seconds, blue dots appeared over his palms. They grew as Chessmaster focused, forming into large, hard-edged lumps of stone, outlined in glowing blue. Once the rocks were about as big as baseballs, Chessmaster tossed them into the air. They flew up toward the ceiling; when they were almost hitting the lights, Chessmaster dropped his arms and the blue faded. The rocks began to fall.

"Okay! Now for a Metal Burst!"

Chessmaster lifted his hands, spreading them wide. A small white sphere winked into existence between his palms. The sphere expanded rapidly as the stones fell toward Chessmaster. Arcs of fire crackled into existence around the sphere, circling and sparking. The stones all fell into the sphere rather than hitting Chessmaster, which made the shimmering, fiery ball expand further. Chessmaster dropped his hands, holding the Metal Burst in front of the audience. There was a long pause as Chessmaster fought to keep the attack's raw power under control. I didn't even have to call out my order. Chessmaster, with little warning, smashed his palms together. The Metal Burst exploded into a hail of tiny glowing sparks, which gleamed and glinted against Chessmaster's reflective, steely hide like thousands of Illumise flying over calm water. There was another pause as the sparks faded, this one shorter, and then the audience cheered. Chessmaster bowed, and then I recalled him to his Pokeball before walking slowly offstage.

*Note: I would rather be playing Assassin's Creed right now, but I can't. :I
I liked this one, it showed off Pawniard in a different kinda way. Here's my eval.

Creativity: 17/20
The idea of showing off Chessmater's power by using a strong attack and doubling it with a counter attack I thought was a neat idea. Using Iron Defense to make him more...shiny I thought made it a bit flashy.
Originality: 17/20
Mostly again what I already said the creativity portion. It was simple and not too much in one appeal. I wold of been impressed if it was an attack Chessmaster was weak against rather than something he could resist.
Realism: 17/20
Everything seemed quite doable, though the Stone Edge not hitting the ceiling and making the Metal Burst seem as powerful as it was is something I'm wondering ust a bit...maybe I'm just nit picking.
Writing: 17/20
I had to read it a couple times to get the appeal in my mind but once I did it looked really nice. I was a bit confused when Stone Edge came into the Metal Burst but I understand it now.

Total: 68/80
__________________
Code:
VPP STATS Paired with: Sandstorm Lavastone <3 Neon the Jolteon Level100: 6576