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Old 05-28-2011, 06:02 AM
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Graceful_Suicune Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Gold; Best Pokemon Author; MotY'10]

Lol. Double post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
His mother drew forward and cupped a hand under his chin, lifting his face to meet hers.
Elekid don't have chins...their head and bodies are connected. o.o

Second post:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumori Gem View Post
Tali closed her eyes with sorrow, not wishing for the Weavile to see the tears that slipped down her fur as he walked off with her thrown over his shoulder. Rakai, what have you become?
Was that last part supposed to be in italics (thoughts)?

There were many other errors I could have pointed out, but I decided not to since I didn't think you'd be interested. x3

There are a few things that concern me... Was Ameli a figment of Rye's imagination? She seemed too real to be. She answered his questions and provided him with comfort; I doubt he could have created that from his own mind, so I'm thinking these dream characters are partly real, somehow.

Second, how did Zanna guess it was Virok so easily? I can't remember if Rye told her about the dark pokemon that were there when he was a child, or if that part was when he had just arrived in the dream world place. I wouldn't think Zanna could be so suspicious of him based on almost nothing, especially if she had no idea about how he's training dark pokemon. I might have forgotten some key thing here. xD

When Rakai slung Tali over his shoulder, why didn't she struggle or do anything? She seemed to just sit there (and also let herself be taken). Yet she wasn't too injured or something (and thus was unable to resist), so I'm kind of confused as to how he managed to take her away without a struggle.

But yeah... I really wonder where Jarre and co. are. o: And we haven't seen Scythe or Raze or any of them in ages! I wonder what they're up to these days? xD And same with Jirachi and Sierra. Sierra? I think that was it. xD And that alakazam with a cane...that he used to whack Jirachi on the head. xD LOL.

Butcha. :P I hope Lani doesn't get injured by those weird red-eyed pokemon. D: She's kind of...unconscious...and unable to protect herself. xD Let's hope Codan and the others arrive to protect her! And I wonder what Rakai was hoping to achieve by shoving Tali into a cage. xD I'm kind of annoyed at Tali for leaving Lani alone... She's a bit irresponsible. And I know that nothing good can come of Virok and his caging Zanna.

~GS.
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Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 05-28-2011 at 06:07 AM.
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