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Old 05-08-2011, 10:05 AM
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Gem N Ems Offline
Kage no Hikari.
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Default Re: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Gold; Best Pokemon Author; MotY'10]

It seems weird that you would have the emphasised word not in italics. I would suggest bolding it instead of un-italicising. :3
Nope. In actual books you will often find an emphasised word in an italicised sentence remains as normal text. I don't think I've seen a single bolded word in a novel where italics were used. xD But thanks for the suggestion.
All these three sentences should have replacements for where the commas sit. The first one could pass as okay if "You're late" is a question as well as "or did you forget again", but if it was a statement then it needs to be a period instead of a comma. The second sentence needs to have a semicolon instead of a comma. The third one needs to be a question mark, since "Who cared anyway" is a question.

I think the second might work better with a dash. As for the others, I'll think about it.


There needs to be a space between the period and the opening quotation mark.
Oh, looks like I backspaced too far. XD

Because there's no joining word to connect these two fragments of this sentence, a comma cannot be used. It should be a period or a semicolon.

*shrugs* I have a comma fetish? xD I'll change it to a period.


There's a space between 'Houndoom' and the apostrophe and s. xD
Oh. Oops. =x

That's a question without a question mark!
Indeed it is.

Interesting... I liked looking into Zanna's past, and I'm curious about Hawk. I was happy to see Cody again, as I wondered if he'd ever again show, and I definitely think the kidnappings are linked to the pokemon world. I reckon it could have something to do with Xatu/Jirachi selecting humans to become light pokemon or saviours or whatever, although they fail and aren't adequate, so they're sent back. I think it's a shame they lose their memories, but then again, it's expected, I suppose. But yeah. I'll keep reading. :3 For some reason I don't have much else to say. xD Apart from that I'm curious about Tali's bands and what Altair is going to do. o: If I manage to finish the next chapter before you post, I'll just edit this post. :3


You would think that Zanna would know all gallade are males, and therefore this gallade is a he and not an it.
Uh, yeah. I don't think of these things when I write. xD

Since Zanna used to be human, I guess it would make sense for her to compare a leafeon and a glaceon with dogs, but I suggest being careful about which character compared what pokemon with which animal--that is, if you don't have animals in your pokemon worlds. I would suggest 'dog-like pokemon', since stating outright that they are dogs is incorrect, after all.
Eeeehhh...I think it's okay to say that they are dogs. After all, they are, as you said, dog-like Pokemon. In essence, I'm just leaving dog-like off the end. xD And Zanna is a rat. Well, mouse. I think it's fine to say that. Your opinion might vary, though.

Again with the gender thing--sorry to be picky. But Zanna still perceives the ralts as an it after the marowak stated she was female, and I would also imagine that Zanna would be able to distinguish between male and female pokemon, even it it was just by their voices.
Again, I don't think when I write. xD Me needs to sharpen my editing skills, methinks.

There should be a period or semicolon after 'child'.
Yup, there should.

Here and here need to have commas before the names too.

Not all instances where a word and name is used is there need for a comma. And I am pretty picky.

Unless it was a very melodic attack, it is supposed to be 'singeing'.


I find it odd that leer is portrayed as hearing-affecting, when it's supposed to be a glare. o.o
...IT IS NOT A ROAR, NO. Good point. xD


You forgot to separate these paragraphs.
...I hate Word.

I feel kinda sorry for the feraligatr. D: Although the whole Dark pokemon thing reminds me of something in my story, and I hope I didn't unconsciously copy anything from you. xD I doubt I did, however, considering I don't think I knew about Dark pokemon when I created the thing I'm talking about. Plus, they're different anyway. I kinda like Virok. I don't know why; I think I find him interesting, and I like how he's portrayed. I also wonder what happened to Ameli. I also like that name. xD I'm also wondering how Jarre, Dash and Codan are going. I kinda forgot why they had to go another way, but I assume they'll arrive soon. :3

It's funny, because the situation with the marowak and the ralts reminded me of a scene in TtEoaF. xD The whole deal of the ralts being the victim, the main character (who has a type disadvantage) who stands up for her and the ground type perpetrator(s). xD But yeah. :P Halfway point, hey? Makes me wonder what's going to happen between now and the end. And it makes me wonder how much longer TtEoaF will go for. :P

Anyway, I'll get to more reading. :P

Oh, uh, it doesn't really worry me none if you have something like that in your story. xD I'm sure many stories have things relating to Dark Pokemon. Oooohh, you like Virok? That's funny because I hate him. XD So focused on killing Deoxys he's willing to sacrifice the city and the Pokemon in it just to do so. It was a take off 'Amelia' and I like that name. xD Spur of the moment name. I'm finding it harder to think of good names and I wonder how I ever came up with the main ones. XD They split up in case Deoxys came to attack. You know, if one group was captured another would still be alright. That and they thought it would be faster to travel as two groups rather than a big one.

Hopefully the rest of the story will be fairly interesting so I can keep you occupied. xD Though I've taken a little break (yet again) to catch up with Uni stuff. Once June rolls around I should be back into writing mode again. I have the words in mind, but not the patience, ehe. ^^;

Team StormRiders is BACK. Read it here!
.......................--> art duo with: Xanthe | bff: k_pop |
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