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Old 04-26-2011, 05:05 AM
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k_pop Offline
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Default Re: Team StormRiders [PG-13] [Gold; Best Pokemon Author; MotY'10]

Another wooow from me.
Poor Rye, still stuck in that dreamworld, but he's not being plagued by terrors right now, gaining something from it.
And Zanna seems to have walked into trouble...again. ^^; Hopefully, she finds a way out of it too. And where's Jarre and the others? That Torchic's not gonna be happy when he finds out what's been happening. *shakes head*
And the other heartbreaker of this chapter, Tali and Rakai. What a horribly twisted situation they have gotten into. I wonder what she'll think when she sees what's happened with Zanna and Rye. Will probably seem familiar.
*sighs* Well, you may have rushed it, but it's still part of your awesome storytelling. Will be waiting for the next one.

And I caught a couple of your typos from rushing. All from the first post though. ^^'

Quote:
Through Kryal, Rye got to know his sister, Eon, who was an exceptionally well soldier, if somewhat stubborn and brutal.
Well what? oO Hehe, you didn't finish the adjective there.

Quote:
That is was mine to shape.
Think that should be it.

Quote:
The rough bark of the trunk thinned until it was opaque, and the scenery behind it could be seen.
Quote:
She paused slightly as she began to drift off into the sky, opaqueness consuming her once more.
Can't see through opaque. Think you're looking for transparent and translucence there? ^^'
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