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Old 02-04-2011, 05:25 AM
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Graceful_Suicune Offline
Race the North Wind
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Ashley's pants
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Default Re: [COMIC] Jentoh Adventures [G]-Looking for guest stars!

Hey there. ^^ I like your comic so far. :D I think it's set out cool--in that he's already a champion and he already has powerful pokemon. I hope he gets Blast back! :D I'm a bit sad there isn't a main female character (apart from that Clair-like one who's probably a villain), so I'll probably guest star a female. :3 Well, I would regardless. xDD So yeah, it's pretty entertaining, but I have a few pointers.

It's strange all of Anthony's family would pile into his room like that. xDDD And, haha, a taco for breakfast... I think that in page two, the "camera" should follow Anthony as he walks, rather than being in the same spot the whole time. Then in the next page, he comes across the house, yet there isn't any smoke coming from the house. xDD I know it would be hard to draw, but you could figure something out. x) Then when he enters, I find it kinda funny that Pine's house looks like Anthony's. xD Also, 'taillow' has two Ls, and I think the taillow gets the people too fast. I mean, it's only a few panels before Mr. Hypno appears, and I think that's a bit silly, since it seems like he only lives next door. xD Same for the two people he sends the taillow to get--they arrive too quickly too. I also think everyone should react better to the amnesia news. Like, say "Woah, really?" and be more interested or something, rather than just being like "That sucks" and then acting all normal. Usually if someone had amnesia, I'm sure people would treat it like a much more sever thing than "oh well", type of thing. Do you see where I'm coming from?

I also think that, if someone had amnesia, they would be in pain--I mean, you have to hit your head or something to get amnesia, right? Then as well as that, he would be totally drenched, probably really hungry and thirsty, and he'd be completely drained of strength. o:

Apart from those select flaws, I think this could be interesting. Also, I noticed he said "what's an uxie", but uxie is said YOOK-see, so you would say "what's a uxie" instead of 'an'. It doesn't matter if the first letter is a vowel--it's whether or not the sound is a vowel sound. x) I also noticed you didn't use many commas--right before you address someone, you're supposed to have a comma, and also if you repeat a phrase, so:

"Come on come on" should be "Come on, come on"

You see? And so for the addressing of characters, you must change:

"Come out Hypno" to "Come out, Hypno". So, put the expression together with the character addressing, and you see you should change:

"No no my boy" to "No, no, my boy", because "my boy" is him addressing a character, even though it's not the character's name.

I also find it strange that you use a capital letter for pokemon species names, but not for the word 'pokemon' itself. If you capitalise one, you capitalise the other. If you don't capitalise one, then you shouldn't capitalise the other. See? ^^ I don't capitalise either for my own reasons, but having them mixed it probably not a good habit to get into.

So! I'd like to guest star. ^^ But not right now. I'll edit my post and come back later! Keep working on this; I'd like to know where it goes. ^^

Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.

Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 02-04-2011 at 05:27 AM.